Post by Trent Helms on Feb 16, 2013 16:12:27 GMT -6
Jacob, I would say it would be a honor to face you, I mean after all this time, This is the first time two former World Champions and Triple Crown winners such as ourselves, have been booked to face each other one on one, After Six years in existence, We're set to do battle, not in a showcase match, not some inner-changeable mixed tag match, and no high profile Tag Match with belts on the line, No, It's you Jake, the man who hasn't manage to turn back the sands of time, and despite your age, still motors forward, still look ahead to each week, against me....
The man who took this once Indy based promotion and took it mainstream, The man who's catch-phrases from 2008, are still being mimicked by Indy Wrestlers all over the globe, You can look around the globe, and my influence is everywhere, T-Shirts, Billboards, DVD's, Children cartoons, Sex Toys, if you can name it, more then likely it has a product out there based on my likeness.
That is true power, I may not have a spot booking Starlet's Matches, My last name isn't Fox or Knite, and I may not hold a championship, but do I really need too? When my name is echoed around the world and everywhere you look, my name is attached to things?
I'm not some has-been who is just coming back, to make another quick buck, have you checked lately, but my NCW Contract that is still valid till July, dwarfs whatever hefty size payday you receive, to even throw me into the same boat as the Legendary Spike Kane, who I love as a brother off-screen, isn't considered nowhere near my equal nowadays, I could sit here and tell you, how Spike career hasn't been meaningful for several years now, how he went from a World Champion here, to taking his talents to far lesser known promotions, I'm not, because Michael, while a asshole, underneath all the swearing, angry twitter rants, is a good man, but to compare me to him, as this stage in his career, is well...
Stupid.
Yeah, people joke how I failed at this and I failed at that, and try to discredit me, It's all fun, I really don't care, I never been content with having a legendary run with a title belt, as all they are just simply playthings, that might be flashy and seem cool to have, but ultimately un-needed by me, Do you really think I need a title belt to know that I mean something in this business, No....I don't, I have proven time and time again, that I have the staying power in this business, Yes I may not be Xander Famularo or have his pedigree or his father's genes, But Xander Famularo is no Trent Helms, very few people will ever achieve what I've done, There are no Xander Famularo children birthday sets, no Roberto Verona themed MP3 Players. That is the true nature of this business Conway, making money for this company, tuning the people in, who are watching to see what Crazy and deluded thing I will do next, I draw the viewers in, and in turn people find out about the other talents of this company, If there was no Trent Helms, there would be no National Television Exposure for this company, there would be no ammount of time for you to waste viewers time, with you giving the Starlets pet names, Without Trent Helms, only a handfull of dorks would even know you were a Three time National Champion, then again, even with a US Television Deal, most people don't know, or even care.
That's the difference between yourself and I, Nobody cares, Over a majority of the roster has long since forgotten, you're a former Road To The Gold Winner, The viewers don't remember your reign as NCW Champion, or even how you won the title,
So don't take the Moral High Road on me Conway, I know exactly what kind of man you are, I've seen, as well as felt the disgusting things, you are willing to do to other men, You aren't even worthy to bring my Fiance's name into this, besides the point, I'm there Six days a week for her, making sure he has all the care she needs, I have my own privite doctor leaving in the Guest room of my Luxury Condo, and unlike the rest of you scabs, who rent cares, and ride to across country with each other, to save money, I have my own private Jet, that takes me from Toronto at 3 in the afternoon, takes me to where I need to be, I arrive at the arena, do my dance, and leave immediately, and I'm usually back arriving in Toronto, by the time Collision goes off the air, because my pockets are full, incase you forgot about that big money contract I signed back in July of last year, that once again made me the highest paid member of this company, not to mention, I run my own production company, not to mention, a good portion of the Blu-Rays that sit next to your daughter Saphire television, contain my voice on them.
Not to mention, She hasn't even hit 3 months yet, Nothing is showing, Ashlie is still hitting the gym, The Pregnancy, hasn't slow down the world's most famous Sport Agent, We're freaking rich, between her fifteen-percent cut of the action, and that my hands are nearly tied in everything that deals with the Entertainment business, so who are you to question me Conway, I'm not the one giving the Starlet's pet's name, I mean I do that too, like I call Jennifer Williams Hershey Kiss, and Kelly, A-Cups, sweet but bitter A-Cups, but I'm committed to Ashlie, but unlike how you seem to be more concerned with....You know what Conway, whatever tickles your pickle, I do not care, You've always flown under my radar, even when you broke my wrist, and played a part in my World Championship reign ending, I never set my sights upon you, never had a reason too, Sure you helped Steve destroy my wrist, but it wasn't like you were the puppet-master, or that even if you tried, You would be able to do it again, now I'm now discrediting your skills and what you've done Conway, but seriously, you must be a diluted old man....Go sell some t-shirts, do something entertaining, and maybe we will talk....until then, You can Patty Cake on your own ass, or whatever it is, you weird British people say.
But let me ask you This Conway, when it comes to the happenings of NCW, as a former Hired Gun himself, Because you should know this better then most, When some new faction, or crazed person tries to change the values of the company, like Xander and Adam did with the Hierarchy, or Roberto Verona quest to change the landscape, who is always behind the strings of it, Who is always revealed as the mastermind, who sits out of sight and plays the victim, until all the woodwork has been lied and the company is turned on it's head.....There is always either a Fox or a Knite behind it....Think about it Ace, You know this to be true, The moment I opened my mouth, our security crack force, should of came to the ring in force, and shut-ted me up, but did that happen?
But let's not spoil that shall we, This Sunday, I have no intention of beating you, of crushing you, there is no secret plot to move myself within striking distance of the National Championship, or any championship for that matter, I'm Trent Titty ****ing Helms, the man who just the honor of facing is worth more then any championship in this company or another, You're just another face in the crowd Jacob, I have nothing to gain from beating you, all Sunday is.....is about me drawing Steve's attention which I should of gotten last week, now it's sitting back, and waiting for his answer....I hope for your sake, he shows up.....I hate to expose you, as the middle of the road competitor that you are, You might be good Conway, but don't think this is going to be another match against a credible performer like Jacobsen and Cross....I'm Trent Helms, there are very few if any, now and in the future, who can go move for move, dive for dive with me.....
Sunday if Steve doesn't show up....Then you're going to have to worry about the greatest in-ring entertainer, this company has ever produced.
You get to see the Durability that is considered legendary in this business first hand, bring your best Conway, unleash everything you have you limey cockroach, Because at the end of the day, You're still going to be The Ace....and like always, I've be Trent Helms, which means, I'm One OF A ****ING KIND!
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The following is taped in front of a television audience, inside of my head.
Did you really need to spend close to a quarter million on a single toilet?
Have you felt this thing, It's a toilet made completely of Silicone, so it doesn't matter if your a tit or a ass man, You're getting both in the ultimate in pooping pleasure....I mean how many men can say in private, let alone on television, I have titties rubbing against my ass, as I drop a log, that is mightier then Thor.
But did you really need a toilet made of Breast Implants?
You wouldn't understand Jeremy, I know you've never felt the warmness, or in this case, the coldness of a women breast against your bare buttocks.
Besides that, what are you doing Mr. Helms.....
How many times have I told you Jeremy, You do not refer to me as Mr. Helms.
Jeremy sighs.
I'm sorry Mighty Odin.
Good.....Now I'm always told, Hey, NCW loves it's wrestlers to drop character development in their promos, They like seeing a human side to every performer on the roster, Well I don't know the meaning of the word.....Character Development, so I compromise....They said to drop some Character Development.....so I'm dropping some...
Your such a riveting character Hel....I mean Odin....
You're damn right I am, I'm paid to be a largest then life athlete, and sadly I can't be Antonio-Rogers Cromartie or Shawn Kemp, and have nineteen different children, Gibby has claimed that off-screen gimmick well...Well played Gibford-Son, and well....Who wants to see my everyday family life...
Actually quite a few people do....
What is this TMZ....The world wants me to show a softer side, they want to see me taking care of Ashlie, well it's not happening, I'm not going to have some fool waving a camera at Ashlie, while she doesn't want to be seen, We've all seen enough NBC Dramas to know, you can't make child-birth anymore interesting....Oh I remember the day, the cameras started showing up for a update on how me and Ashlie were doing, and like always I was prepared for it.
{We flashback to a time, not too long ago in the distance, as Chad Lights is seen scurrying thru the bushes of Trent and Ashlie's luxury condo in Toronto, Chad tries to sneak by, without making any noise, when suddenly he steps on a twig, He quickly stops, and waves to the cameraman, at a window, where Trent and Ashlie can be seen, holding and embracing each other, the Cameraman begins to focus in on it, when a giant hand, slaps the camera, causing it to fall to the ground, as the camera begins to turn off, are you see, is the hand, waving his finger in a no fashion followed by the words...
Not in Mutumbo's house!
You hired Dikembe Mutumbo....
We hear Jeremy's words as we cut back to the current moment, as Helms is groaning, He grips the walls of his personal bathroom inside of his luxury jet, and suddenly, after nearly ten seconds of groaning....You hear a loud plop...as Helms shows a huge sigh of relief...
There you go NCW....I just dropped a huge compressed pile of Character Development...
Helms stands up, pulling his pants up, and looks at his "Character Development" before pulling out his phone, he takes a picture of it.
OMG LOOK, AT THIS, IT MADE ME THINK OF YOU.
Trent sends the picture and text, before it read's.....Sent to Kelly Fox.
Trent walks away, and begins to wash his hands, as Jeremy just coughs.
Aren't you going to flush that?
Why?
Because that's what people do...
Oh No....Ashlie didn't tell you, one of your new roles, is too scoop out my "Character Development" and sell it on Ebay....
Who the hell would want that[font color="19e6de"[/font]
You would be surprised...
The scene then cuts to a man, sitting on a computer, he looks to be in his forties, with long black hair.
Hey, my name is Pete, you may remember me from other wrestling promotions, now I am the foremost expert and collector of Celebrity feces in the World....
The man proudly points to about a hundred jars that contain feces....
I've been collecting them since around 2008 when my career died, I remember my first one, from this Pro Wrestler name Randy......I can't remember his last name, but some women name Amy, sold this to me, along with a purse that contained it....and of course, my collection has grown over the years, From Lindsey Lohan and Amanda Bynes, and my personal favorite, the cream of the coup....A Fish tank filled with Neil Patrick Harris poop.....The ladies are going to love me, after I get this Trent Helms fece that I got on Ebay....His poop is always amazing, it's like a witch hunt, as Helms isn't a avid chewer of his food, and seems to swallow alot of things whole, like one time, I found a entire bag of Sour Skittles, laced in Surge Soda in his feces....
The scene cuts back to Helms and Jeremy.
Yeah...I'm sure there is someone out there....
But you can't just take a poop, and call it Character Development, I mean, I'm not a Pro Wrestler.
But it shows a new side of me...
And that is?
I suffer from extreme constipation....
Yeah, I'm sure the audience was wanting to know that...
(Piped Laughter)
What do you suggest Jeremy....I make a sitcom about my life, Yeah that would really work....
(Dream Sequence)
Trent TV Theme song begins to play, which sounds like a ripoff of Knight Rider.
Starring....
Trent Helms
(The Scene shows Trent Helms walking down the street, and into a house_
Ashlie Stevens
(It shows Ashlie on the telephone, cooking dinner)
Charity Bell-Helms
(It switches to Charity walking down down the stairs, carrying books)
Samuel L. Jackson as Todd Williams
(The scene switches to Todd, or Samuel L. Jackson eating a buckle of chicken)
Lindsey Lohan as Kelly Fox-Knite
(Just a photo of Lindsey Lohan passed out drunk in a alley)
And Introducing Chevy Chase as Jake Conway...
(We see Chevy Chase dropping his car keys, before opening the door to his car, hitting himself in the head with it}
The entire group hugs...before the dream sequence ends....as we come back to Jeremy and Trent.
Yeah....That will never work.
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The man who took this once Indy based promotion and took it mainstream, The man who's catch-phrases from 2008, are still being mimicked by Indy Wrestlers all over the globe, You can look around the globe, and my influence is everywhere, T-Shirts, Billboards, DVD's, Children cartoons, Sex Toys, if you can name it, more then likely it has a product out there based on my likeness.
That is true power, I may not have a spot booking Starlet's Matches, My last name isn't Fox or Knite, and I may not hold a championship, but do I really need too? When my name is echoed around the world and everywhere you look, my name is attached to things?
I'm not some has-been who is just coming back, to make another quick buck, have you checked lately, but my NCW Contract that is still valid till July, dwarfs whatever hefty size payday you receive, to even throw me into the same boat as the Legendary Spike Kane, who I love as a brother off-screen, isn't considered nowhere near my equal nowadays, I could sit here and tell you, how Spike career hasn't been meaningful for several years now, how he went from a World Champion here, to taking his talents to far lesser known promotions, I'm not, because Michael, while a asshole, underneath all the swearing, angry twitter rants, is a good man, but to compare me to him, as this stage in his career, is well...
Stupid.
Yeah, people joke how I failed at this and I failed at that, and try to discredit me, It's all fun, I really don't care, I never been content with having a legendary run with a title belt, as all they are just simply playthings, that might be flashy and seem cool to have, but ultimately un-needed by me, Do you really think I need a title belt to know that I mean something in this business, No....I don't, I have proven time and time again, that I have the staying power in this business, Yes I may not be Xander Famularo or have his pedigree or his father's genes, But Xander Famularo is no Trent Helms, very few people will ever achieve what I've done, There are no Xander Famularo children birthday sets, no Roberto Verona themed MP3 Players. That is the true nature of this business Conway, making money for this company, tuning the people in, who are watching to see what Crazy and deluded thing I will do next, I draw the viewers in, and in turn people find out about the other talents of this company, If there was no Trent Helms, there would be no National Television Exposure for this company, there would be no ammount of time for you to waste viewers time, with you giving the Starlets pet names, Without Trent Helms, only a handfull of dorks would even know you were a Three time National Champion, then again, even with a US Television Deal, most people don't know, or even care.
That's the difference between yourself and I, Nobody cares, Over a majority of the roster has long since forgotten, you're a former Road To The Gold Winner, The viewers don't remember your reign as NCW Champion, or even how you won the title,
So don't take the Moral High Road on me Conway, I know exactly what kind of man you are, I've seen, as well as felt the disgusting things, you are willing to do to other men, You aren't even worthy to bring my Fiance's name into this, besides the point, I'm there Six days a week for her, making sure he has all the care she needs, I have my own privite doctor leaving in the Guest room of my Luxury Condo, and unlike the rest of you scabs, who rent cares, and ride to across country with each other, to save money, I have my own private Jet, that takes me from Toronto at 3 in the afternoon, takes me to where I need to be, I arrive at the arena, do my dance, and leave immediately, and I'm usually back arriving in Toronto, by the time Collision goes off the air, because my pockets are full, incase you forgot about that big money contract I signed back in July of last year, that once again made me the highest paid member of this company, not to mention, I run my own production company, not to mention, a good portion of the Blu-Rays that sit next to your daughter Saphire television, contain my voice on them.
Not to mention, She hasn't even hit 3 months yet, Nothing is showing, Ashlie is still hitting the gym, The Pregnancy, hasn't slow down the world's most famous Sport Agent, We're freaking rich, between her fifteen-percent cut of the action, and that my hands are nearly tied in everything that deals with the Entertainment business, so who are you to question me Conway, I'm not the one giving the Starlet's pet's name, I mean I do that too, like I call Jennifer Williams Hershey Kiss, and Kelly, A-Cups, sweet but bitter A-Cups, but I'm committed to Ashlie, but unlike how you seem to be more concerned with....You know what Conway, whatever tickles your pickle, I do not care, You've always flown under my radar, even when you broke my wrist, and played a part in my World Championship reign ending, I never set my sights upon you, never had a reason too, Sure you helped Steve destroy my wrist, but it wasn't like you were the puppet-master, or that even if you tried, You would be able to do it again, now I'm now discrediting your skills and what you've done Conway, but seriously, you must be a diluted old man....Go sell some t-shirts, do something entertaining, and maybe we will talk....until then, You can Patty Cake on your own ass, or whatever it is, you weird British people say.
But let me ask you This Conway, when it comes to the happenings of NCW, as a former Hired Gun himself, Because you should know this better then most, When some new faction, or crazed person tries to change the values of the company, like Xander and Adam did with the Hierarchy, or Roberto Verona quest to change the landscape, who is always behind the strings of it, Who is always revealed as the mastermind, who sits out of sight and plays the victim, until all the woodwork has been lied and the company is turned on it's head.....There is always either a Fox or a Knite behind it....Think about it Ace, You know this to be true, The moment I opened my mouth, our security crack force, should of came to the ring in force, and shut-ted me up, but did that happen?
But let's not spoil that shall we, This Sunday, I have no intention of beating you, of crushing you, there is no secret plot to move myself within striking distance of the National Championship, or any championship for that matter, I'm Trent Titty ****ing Helms, the man who just the honor of facing is worth more then any championship in this company or another, You're just another face in the crowd Jacob, I have nothing to gain from beating you, all Sunday is.....is about me drawing Steve's attention which I should of gotten last week, now it's sitting back, and waiting for his answer....I hope for your sake, he shows up.....I hate to expose you, as the middle of the road competitor that you are, You might be good Conway, but don't think this is going to be another match against a credible performer like Jacobsen and Cross....I'm Trent Helms, there are very few if any, now and in the future, who can go move for move, dive for dive with me.....
Sunday if Steve doesn't show up....Then you're going to have to worry about the greatest in-ring entertainer, this company has ever produced.
You get to see the Durability that is considered legendary in this business first hand, bring your best Conway, unleash everything you have you limey cockroach, Because at the end of the day, You're still going to be The Ace....and like always, I've be Trent Helms, which means, I'm One OF A ****ING KIND!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The following is taped in front of a television audience, inside of my head.
Did you really need to spend close to a quarter million on a single toilet?
Have you felt this thing, It's a toilet made completely of Silicone, so it doesn't matter if your a tit or a ass man, You're getting both in the ultimate in pooping pleasure....I mean how many men can say in private, let alone on television, I have titties rubbing against my ass, as I drop a log, that is mightier then Thor.
But did you really need a toilet made of Breast Implants?
You wouldn't understand Jeremy, I know you've never felt the warmness, or in this case, the coldness of a women breast against your bare buttocks.
Besides that, what are you doing Mr. Helms.....
How many times have I told you Jeremy, You do not refer to me as Mr. Helms.
Jeremy sighs.
I'm sorry Mighty Odin.
Good.....Now I'm always told, Hey, NCW loves it's wrestlers to drop character development in their promos, They like seeing a human side to every performer on the roster, Well I don't know the meaning of the word.....Character Development, so I compromise....They said to drop some Character Development.....so I'm dropping some...
Your such a riveting character Hel....I mean Odin....
You're damn right I am, I'm paid to be a largest then life athlete, and sadly I can't be Antonio-Rogers Cromartie or Shawn Kemp, and have nineteen different children, Gibby has claimed that off-screen gimmick well...Well played Gibford-Son, and well....Who wants to see my everyday family life...
Actually quite a few people do....
What is this TMZ....The world wants me to show a softer side, they want to see me taking care of Ashlie, well it's not happening, I'm not going to have some fool waving a camera at Ashlie, while she doesn't want to be seen, We've all seen enough NBC Dramas to know, you can't make child-birth anymore interesting....Oh I remember the day, the cameras started showing up for a update on how me and Ashlie were doing, and like always I was prepared for it.
{We flashback to a time, not too long ago in the distance, as Chad Lights is seen scurrying thru the bushes of Trent and Ashlie's luxury condo in Toronto, Chad tries to sneak by, without making any noise, when suddenly he steps on a twig, He quickly stops, and waves to the cameraman, at a window, where Trent and Ashlie can be seen, holding and embracing each other, the Cameraman begins to focus in on it, when a giant hand, slaps the camera, causing it to fall to the ground, as the camera begins to turn off, are you see, is the hand, waving his finger in a no fashion followed by the words...
Not in Mutumbo's house!
You hired Dikembe Mutumbo....
We hear Jeremy's words as we cut back to the current moment, as Helms is groaning, He grips the walls of his personal bathroom inside of his luxury jet, and suddenly, after nearly ten seconds of groaning....You hear a loud plop...as Helms shows a huge sigh of relief...
There you go NCW....I just dropped a huge compressed pile of Character Development...
Helms stands up, pulling his pants up, and looks at his "Character Development" before pulling out his phone, he takes a picture of it.
OMG LOOK, AT THIS, IT MADE ME THINK OF YOU.
Trent sends the picture and text, before it read's.....Sent to Kelly Fox.
Trent walks away, and begins to wash his hands, as Jeremy just coughs.
Aren't you going to flush that?
Why?
Because that's what people do...
Oh No....Ashlie didn't tell you, one of your new roles, is too scoop out my "Character Development" and sell it on Ebay....
Who the hell would want that[font color="19e6de"[/font]
You would be surprised...
The scene then cuts to a man, sitting on a computer, he looks to be in his forties, with long black hair.
Hey, my name is Pete, you may remember me from other wrestling promotions, now I am the foremost expert and collector of Celebrity feces in the World....
The man proudly points to about a hundred jars that contain feces....
I've been collecting them since around 2008 when my career died, I remember my first one, from this Pro Wrestler name Randy......I can't remember his last name, but some women name Amy, sold this to me, along with a purse that contained it....and of course, my collection has grown over the years, From Lindsey Lohan and Amanda Bynes, and my personal favorite, the cream of the coup....A Fish tank filled with Neil Patrick Harris poop.....The ladies are going to love me, after I get this Trent Helms fece that I got on Ebay....His poop is always amazing, it's like a witch hunt, as Helms isn't a avid chewer of his food, and seems to swallow alot of things whole, like one time, I found a entire bag of Sour Skittles, laced in Surge Soda in his feces....
The scene cuts back to Helms and Jeremy.
Yeah...I'm sure there is someone out there....
But you can't just take a poop, and call it Character Development, I mean, I'm not a Pro Wrestler.
But it shows a new side of me...
And that is?
I suffer from extreme constipation....
Yeah, I'm sure the audience was wanting to know that...
(Piped Laughter)
What do you suggest Jeremy....I make a sitcom about my life, Yeah that would really work....
(Dream Sequence)
Trent TV Theme song begins to play, which sounds like a ripoff of Knight Rider.
Starring....
Trent Helms
(The Scene shows Trent Helms walking down the street, and into a house_
Ashlie Stevens
(It shows Ashlie on the telephone, cooking dinner)
Charity Bell-Helms
(It switches to Charity walking down down the stairs, carrying books)
Samuel L. Jackson as Todd Williams
(The scene switches to Todd, or Samuel L. Jackson eating a buckle of chicken)
Lindsey Lohan as Kelly Fox-Knite
(Just a photo of Lindsey Lohan passed out drunk in a alley)
And Introducing Chevy Chase as Jake Conway...
(We see Chevy Chase dropping his car keys, before opening the door to his car, hitting himself in the head with it}
The entire group hugs...before the dream sequence ends....as we come back to Jeremy and Trent.
Yeah....That will never work.
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