Post by Kathleen Conway on Feb 18, 2013 18:44:47 GMT -6
It had been a while since I had been here. In this office. I was nervous, as I pawed at the golden Spade that hung loosely around my neck, its light weight draped just above the valley of my breasts, shielding and seeming to almost prevent the heart that raced behind it from escaping out of my chest. I kept reminding myself why I was here, why I had decided to take this step in my life. Why it felt so necessary. It was as much for myself as it was for my family at this point. It was for Solitaire, it was for Domino and it was for Jake. They shouldn't have to put up my instability, Jake and I both knew we couldn't sheld our babies from my episodes forever, and why should that be my only option? I refuse to accept that it was. Where there was a will, there was a way and I would find mine...
A smartly dressed silver-haired gentleman entered the office, and Kathy stood up to greet him, he shook her hand firmly.
Kathy: Dr Fisher...thanks for seeing me.
Dr Fisher: Not at all, Mrs Conway, anything I can do to help a former patient.
Dr Gregory Fisher made his way to his seat behind his desk and sat down. He then leant forward, with his hands clasped infront of him and regarded Kathy with warm sincerity in his eyes as he looked at her over the top of his thick rimmed glasses that hung over the bridge of his nose.
Dr Fisher: Why don't we start with why you're here today?
Kathy: I'm here to take back control of my life. My family have been nothing but supportive of me in my moments of...eccentricity, but I feel they shouldn't have to deal with my episodes forever...there must be something I can do...I refuse to accept that this five year old injury will determine how I spend the rest of my life...
Dr Fisher: I see. Your ambition is admirable Mrs Conway, but I feel it is only fair to remind you that there may in fact be no cure for your condition. The nature of your psychosis is rather unique and as such widely undocumented. I'm not sure how helpful I can be in helping you achieve your ultimate goal, but I can certainly try.
Kathy: That's all I can ask...
Dr Fisher smiles as he settles back.
Dr Fisher: As I recall you were against the use of any drugs in your treatment last time...
Kathy: My husband, Jake was, yes...
Dr Fisher: And you Mrs Conway, how do you feel about it?
Kathy: I would rather not have my health dictated by pills, but if you think they might genuinely help, I am not entirely against their use.
Dr Fisher: Good. It is always best to have an open mind about any and all treatments Mrs Conway. With your permission I would like to order a number of non-invasive tests to see the current state of your injury, and prescribe Ativan, I believe it may help relieve some of the anxiety which I believe is at the root of many of your episodes.
Kathy: Whatever you think might help, Doctor. I trust your judgment.
Dr Fisher then removes his glasses as he looks Kathy eye to eye.
Dr Fisher: Good. Since this is our first session, I would like to get a general sense of your mental state. I'd like to start with some simple word association. For example, if I say day, you might respond with -
Kathy: Night.
Dr Fisher: Precisely. Are you ready?
Kathy simply nods as she takes a deep breath and takes the first step to reclaiming herself.
Dr Fisher: Sky
Kathy smiles before she answers.
Kathy: Fall.
Dr Fisher: Husband
Kathy: Loyalty
Dr Fisher: Love
Kathy: Family
Dr Fisher: Cat
Kathy: Pet
Dr Fisher: Threat
Kathy: Security
Dr Fisher: Beast
Kathy: Unleashed
Dr Fisher: Friend
Kathy: Betrayal
Dr Fisher: Competition
Kathy: Starlet
Dr Fisher: Champion
Kathy: Belt
Dr Fisher: Queen
Kathy: Enforcer
Dr Fisher: Diamond
Kathy: Engagement
Dr Fisher: Ring
Kathy: Eternal
Dr Fisher: Episode
Kathy: Fear
Dr Fisher: Murder
Kathy: Witness
Dr Fisher: Blood
Kathy: Death
Dr Fisher: Match
Kathy: Predetermined
Doubtless to many of you here in NCW, this is just another week, this is just another match. For me, this week means so much more. This Friday marks my husband's ten year anniversary in this business, a milestone, a remarkable achievement, and yet nobody will ever give him the props he deserves for it. They never have, so why should they start now? It seems that as much as his peers claim to hate him, they all have an opinion on my husband.
If you ask Trent Helms, nobody cares about him, he's under everybody's radar, and a victory over him ultimately does nothing for him. Well gee, isn't it funny that for something that allegedly meant nothing to Trent Helms, he sure went out of his way to ensure that he'd walk out with the victory last Sunday. A low blow wasn't enough, he had to hook the tights to get the tainted win and have the distinction of pinning a three time National Champion in his return match. He lied to all of you when he said that it would do nothing for him, he knew exactly what it would do for him. It would fool all of you into believing your hero was better than he really is, that he's still got it.
You all lapped it up, you all cheered his dirty underhanded tactics, hailed them as some kind of justice done, yet when my husband pulls something similar, you all boo, you all hiss, you all jeer and throw your little paper cups into the ring. Well newsflash, NCW fans, neither my husband nor I are here for the same reasons each of your fly-by-night heroes are. We aren't here to shift movies, MP3 Players or T-Shirts.
We're here to wrestle, we don't use this company as a last resort revenue stream to return to when we're running out of the money we made the last time we were here. We're here doing our jobs, keeping this company going when all of its so called legends abandon ship only to sporadically return when they need that nice little ego boost again. We're the work horses of this company and we always have been, and we're vilified for our intentions? Yeah, because that makes so much sense. We're the bad guys because we do our jobs and do them well.
We all have made our sacrifices. My husband almost killed himself to put on a show stealing Dragon's Den match for all you ingrates just a few weeks ago and all you and this company can do is gloss over him, your National Champion, as if it all means nothing. You should be showing your appreciation for a decade of my husband's sacrifices, you should all be scratching your heads and wondering why this company goes to great lengths to promote the worthless ramblings of Mike Laszlo ahead of time, yet for my husband's career milestone, nothing.
You might all be content to let this injustice stand because he isn't one of your heroes, but I will not because Jake Conway is my hero. He deserves only the best from me and that's why this week and this match I will wrestle in honor of all he has given me, not because he wants Emma and I to get on the same page, as far as I'm concerned my association with Danielson is secondary to all of this. I will watch her back if it means I can represent the good name of my husband the way it should be represented, with a victory worthy of the milestone he has achieved.
I can think of no better way to mark the monumental occassion than by beating, and beating rather decisively, the two most dominant Starlets this company has ever and probably will ever see. I'm sure for many of you, this match is a foregone conclusion, Zelda will win, its what she does and what she has always done, and Crystal, well she'll enjoy the perks by association. If there's one thing the Williams family have always done well besides whining, its picking the right friends. Making the right associations. The right connections.
I do not fear Zelda. I do not fear Crystal. Even though you all think I really should. I mean they have both beaten me one on one, hell Crystal even made me tap. I haven't forgotten. It's about time I took my opportunity to give her a receipt for that, and this week, in this match, I have every intention of doing just that. Go ahead Crystal, whine some more about being overlooked, whine about how Emma is not the same person you can manipulate with a bottle anymore. Despite her temper, I know Emma is extremely grateful for the opportunity we have given her.
We have given her a new lease of life, plucked her from obscurity and now she is thrust once again in the public eye, hell there are even murmurs of a brewing chemistry between her and my husband, and it does not upset me as much as you might expect, because I know that whilst I might not be able to completely trust Emma, the fact is, I don't need to trust her. I only need to trust Jake. And I do completely. Emma may betray me in a heartbeat. Jake is the one that makes my heart skip that beat. And that makes all the difference in the world.
Go ahead Zelda, whine some more about how you're Zelda Knite again, and how we no longer have the right to address you by your real name, go play Mario Kart, go Co-Op with Seth Evans in Halo 4, go bounce an X-Box controller off Crystal's forehead. Do whatever it is that you do, its obviously worked wonders for you, tell me how I'll never beat you, make fun of my partner as some roided up transexual manbeast, do whatever it is that you do to keep that 18 to 35 male demographic wishing they were Simon Daye and that once, just once, you'd agree to handle their joystick. Enjoy some wacky hijinx with daddy Famularo, do whatever it is that you do to blindly entertain the prepubescent masses.
Everybody expects the Pixelated Princess Fiona to pound me into the ground like some kind of big green She-Hulk monster Starlet, and if that's the case I suppose its just as well that this little Puss In Boots is married to a Dragon, and has a big mean nasty Ogre in her corner this Sunday, and with Crystal being the annoying ass she is, between us we've got the whole gang covered.
If you're scratching your head about what the hell I'm talking about, and I know you are Crystal, what I am talking about is the fact that I am everything you only wish you could be. I am a hard working wife and mother first and a wrestler second and I've spent the last weekend with my baby daughters watching all four of the Shrek movies back to back. I have to laugh at the irony of being the ultimate fantasy of one half of Every Man's Fantasy...but Crystal, its about time you learned, just as Emma has, that no matter how hard you try...
You'll never be me.
Kathy: To be honest Doctor, every since Laura's tragic passing, its one of those things I've kind of avoided, seeing as you know, it is a trigger to one of my episodes. One of the most common in fact. Jake, bless his heart, is so understanding, supportive and accomodating that sometimes I really don't think I deserve him but I thank my stars every day that I have him in my life.
Dr Fisher: I see. Well, whilst I can completely understand your desire to avoid a negative trigger such as anger or fear, it really is not healthy to surpress any kind of emotional outlet, good or bad, but seeing as this particular trigger seems to be one of the few positive ones in your psyche, I'd actively encourage more of its expression. If you can learn to handle it without being overwhelmed, it might be just the start you're looking for. I would suggest that as much as it might hurt Jake to watch you struggle in the aftershock of the trigger, he let you work through it by yourself.
Kathy smiles.
Kathy: Well, I'm sure my husband will be thrilled to learn that a medically certified professional is actively encouraging more sex and for me to no longer fake my climax...
Dr Fisher: I'm only encouraging what is healthy and ultimately beneficial for you Mrs Conway...
Kathy: I know...and I appreciate it, Doctor, I really do.
Dr Fisher: Good.
Dr Fisher looks at his watch.
Dr Fisher: I think that will conclude our session for this week. I'll see you at the same time next week, Mrs Conway.
Kathy gets up and leans forward to shake Dr Fisher's hand.
Kathy: Thank you, Doctor.
A smartly dressed silver-haired gentleman entered the office, and Kathy stood up to greet him, he shook her hand firmly.
Kathy: Dr Fisher...thanks for seeing me.
Dr Fisher: Not at all, Mrs Conway, anything I can do to help a former patient.
Dr Gregory Fisher made his way to his seat behind his desk and sat down. He then leant forward, with his hands clasped infront of him and regarded Kathy with warm sincerity in his eyes as he looked at her over the top of his thick rimmed glasses that hung over the bridge of his nose.
Dr Fisher: Why don't we start with why you're here today?
Kathy: I'm here to take back control of my life. My family have been nothing but supportive of me in my moments of...eccentricity, but I feel they shouldn't have to deal with my episodes forever...there must be something I can do...I refuse to accept that this five year old injury will determine how I spend the rest of my life...
Dr Fisher: I see. Your ambition is admirable Mrs Conway, but I feel it is only fair to remind you that there may in fact be no cure for your condition. The nature of your psychosis is rather unique and as such widely undocumented. I'm not sure how helpful I can be in helping you achieve your ultimate goal, but I can certainly try.
Kathy: That's all I can ask...
Dr Fisher smiles as he settles back.
Dr Fisher: As I recall you were against the use of any drugs in your treatment last time...
Kathy: My husband, Jake was, yes...
Dr Fisher: And you Mrs Conway, how do you feel about it?
Kathy: I would rather not have my health dictated by pills, but if you think they might genuinely help, I am not entirely against their use.
Dr Fisher: Good. It is always best to have an open mind about any and all treatments Mrs Conway. With your permission I would like to order a number of non-invasive tests to see the current state of your injury, and prescribe Ativan, I believe it may help relieve some of the anxiety which I believe is at the root of many of your episodes.
Kathy: Whatever you think might help, Doctor. I trust your judgment.
Dr Fisher then removes his glasses as he looks Kathy eye to eye.
Dr Fisher: Good. Since this is our first session, I would like to get a general sense of your mental state. I'd like to start with some simple word association. For example, if I say day, you might respond with -
Kathy: Night.
Dr Fisher: Precisely. Are you ready?
Kathy simply nods as she takes a deep breath and takes the first step to reclaiming herself.
Dr Fisher: Sky
Kathy smiles before she answers.
Kathy: Fall.
Dr Fisher: Husband
Kathy: Loyalty
Dr Fisher: Love
Kathy: Family
Dr Fisher: Cat
Kathy: Pet
Dr Fisher: Threat
Kathy: Security
Dr Fisher: Beast
Kathy: Unleashed
Dr Fisher: Friend
Kathy: Betrayal
Dr Fisher: Competition
Kathy: Starlet
Dr Fisher: Champion
Kathy: Belt
Dr Fisher: Queen
Kathy: Enforcer
Dr Fisher: Diamond
Kathy: Engagement
Dr Fisher: Ring
Kathy: Eternal
Dr Fisher: Episode
Kathy: Fear
Dr Fisher: Murder
Kathy: Witness
Dr Fisher: Blood
Kathy: Death
Dr Fisher: Match
Kathy: Predetermined
Doubtless to many of you here in NCW, this is just another week, this is just another match. For me, this week means so much more. This Friday marks my husband's ten year anniversary in this business, a milestone, a remarkable achievement, and yet nobody will ever give him the props he deserves for it. They never have, so why should they start now? It seems that as much as his peers claim to hate him, they all have an opinion on my husband.
If you ask Trent Helms, nobody cares about him, he's under everybody's radar, and a victory over him ultimately does nothing for him. Well gee, isn't it funny that for something that allegedly meant nothing to Trent Helms, he sure went out of his way to ensure that he'd walk out with the victory last Sunday. A low blow wasn't enough, he had to hook the tights to get the tainted win and have the distinction of pinning a three time National Champion in his return match. He lied to all of you when he said that it would do nothing for him, he knew exactly what it would do for him. It would fool all of you into believing your hero was better than he really is, that he's still got it.
You all lapped it up, you all cheered his dirty underhanded tactics, hailed them as some kind of justice done, yet when my husband pulls something similar, you all boo, you all hiss, you all jeer and throw your little paper cups into the ring. Well newsflash, NCW fans, neither my husband nor I are here for the same reasons each of your fly-by-night heroes are. We aren't here to shift movies, MP3 Players or T-Shirts.
We're here to wrestle, we don't use this company as a last resort revenue stream to return to when we're running out of the money we made the last time we were here. We're here doing our jobs, keeping this company going when all of its so called legends abandon ship only to sporadically return when they need that nice little ego boost again. We're the work horses of this company and we always have been, and we're vilified for our intentions? Yeah, because that makes so much sense. We're the bad guys because we do our jobs and do them well.
We all have made our sacrifices. My husband almost killed himself to put on a show stealing Dragon's Den match for all you ingrates just a few weeks ago and all you and this company can do is gloss over him, your National Champion, as if it all means nothing. You should be showing your appreciation for a decade of my husband's sacrifices, you should all be scratching your heads and wondering why this company goes to great lengths to promote the worthless ramblings of Mike Laszlo ahead of time, yet for my husband's career milestone, nothing.
You might all be content to let this injustice stand because he isn't one of your heroes, but I will not because Jake Conway is my hero. He deserves only the best from me and that's why this week and this match I will wrestle in honor of all he has given me, not because he wants Emma and I to get on the same page, as far as I'm concerned my association with Danielson is secondary to all of this. I will watch her back if it means I can represent the good name of my husband the way it should be represented, with a victory worthy of the milestone he has achieved.
I can think of no better way to mark the monumental occassion than by beating, and beating rather decisively, the two most dominant Starlets this company has ever and probably will ever see. I'm sure for many of you, this match is a foregone conclusion, Zelda will win, its what she does and what she has always done, and Crystal, well she'll enjoy the perks by association. If there's one thing the Williams family have always done well besides whining, its picking the right friends. Making the right associations. The right connections.
I do not fear Zelda. I do not fear Crystal. Even though you all think I really should. I mean they have both beaten me one on one, hell Crystal even made me tap. I haven't forgotten. It's about time I took my opportunity to give her a receipt for that, and this week, in this match, I have every intention of doing just that. Go ahead Crystal, whine some more about being overlooked, whine about how Emma is not the same person you can manipulate with a bottle anymore. Despite her temper, I know Emma is extremely grateful for the opportunity we have given her.
We have given her a new lease of life, plucked her from obscurity and now she is thrust once again in the public eye, hell there are even murmurs of a brewing chemistry between her and my husband, and it does not upset me as much as you might expect, because I know that whilst I might not be able to completely trust Emma, the fact is, I don't need to trust her. I only need to trust Jake. And I do completely. Emma may betray me in a heartbeat. Jake is the one that makes my heart skip that beat. And that makes all the difference in the world.
Go ahead Zelda, whine some more about how you're Zelda Knite again, and how we no longer have the right to address you by your real name, go play Mario Kart, go Co-Op with Seth Evans in Halo 4, go bounce an X-Box controller off Crystal's forehead. Do whatever it is that you do, its obviously worked wonders for you, tell me how I'll never beat you, make fun of my partner as some roided up transexual manbeast, do whatever it is that you do to keep that 18 to 35 male demographic wishing they were Simon Daye and that once, just once, you'd agree to handle their joystick. Enjoy some wacky hijinx with daddy Famularo, do whatever it is that you do to blindly entertain the prepubescent masses.
Everybody expects the Pixelated Princess Fiona to pound me into the ground like some kind of big green She-Hulk monster Starlet, and if that's the case I suppose its just as well that this little Puss In Boots is married to a Dragon, and has a big mean nasty Ogre in her corner this Sunday, and with Crystal being the annoying ass she is, between us we've got the whole gang covered.
If you're scratching your head about what the hell I'm talking about, and I know you are Crystal, what I am talking about is the fact that I am everything you only wish you could be. I am a hard working wife and mother first and a wrestler second and I've spent the last weekend with my baby daughters watching all four of the Shrek movies back to back. I have to laugh at the irony of being the ultimate fantasy of one half of Every Man's Fantasy...but Crystal, its about time you learned, just as Emma has, that no matter how hard you try...
You'll never be me.
Kathy: To be honest Doctor, every since Laura's tragic passing, its one of those things I've kind of avoided, seeing as you know, it is a trigger to one of my episodes. One of the most common in fact. Jake, bless his heart, is so understanding, supportive and accomodating that sometimes I really don't think I deserve him but I thank my stars every day that I have him in my life.
Dr Fisher: I see. Well, whilst I can completely understand your desire to avoid a negative trigger such as anger or fear, it really is not healthy to surpress any kind of emotional outlet, good or bad, but seeing as this particular trigger seems to be one of the few positive ones in your psyche, I'd actively encourage more of its expression. If you can learn to handle it without being overwhelmed, it might be just the start you're looking for. I would suggest that as much as it might hurt Jake to watch you struggle in the aftershock of the trigger, he let you work through it by yourself.
Kathy smiles.
Kathy: Well, I'm sure my husband will be thrilled to learn that a medically certified professional is actively encouraging more sex and for me to no longer fake my climax...
Dr Fisher: I'm only encouraging what is healthy and ultimately beneficial for you Mrs Conway...
Kathy: I know...and I appreciate it, Doctor, I really do.
Dr Fisher: Good.
Dr Fisher looks at his watch.
Dr Fisher: I think that will conclude our session for this week. I'll see you at the same time next week, Mrs Conway.
Kathy gets up and leans forward to shake Dr Fisher's hand.
Kathy: Thank you, Doctor.