Post by Steve Awesome on Mar 23, 2013 23:01:47 GMT -6
“CLEANNNNNNN!!!!!!”
We open to a shot of Trent Helms standing fully clothed in the shower with the water spraying down on him.
“Can’t get CLEANNNNNNNNNN!!!!!”
On the outside of the tub, looking flyer then a leer jet, stood the ever famous multi-media superstar known to the world as Steve Awesome! Next to him, stood Jayson Matthews. Both guys just stand there watching as Trent Helms tries desperately to wash some sort of filth off his body.
“Dude….calm down. It’s not that bad.”
Trent suddenly stops bathing himself and slowly turns his head toward his tag team partner. His eye twitches.
“Not so bad? NOT SO BAD!? I currently have a loss on my record to…..”
Trent shudders to think about it.
“…Stephen Kingsley!”
Jayson steps up and tries to console one of his idols.
“Trent, dude, relax. There are way worse things in the world then losing to Stephen Kingsley.”
Trent buries his head in his palms.
“Like what?”
Jayson thinks about it for a second.
“You could miss out on lunch and be really hungry right, so you’ll have to use the vending machine. But all the good vending machines are out of order that day. So you have to go down to the end of the hall and use the really shady looking one where all the food is the off-brand of the off-brand and it’s all covered in dust. You buy a candy bar but unbeknownst to you, you inadvertently buy the one affected with a deadly human virus and you get infected and you spread it across the whole universe and everyone gets sick and dies and you cause the freaking apocalypse!”
Jayson just stands there like he just blew everyone’s mind, but really both members of Close Encounters just stare at him and blink.
“Who let him talk? Seriously?
Trent glares a whole into Steve.
“It was you! You’re the reason we lost last week.”
Awesome lowers his head.
“I’m sorry. I got a little too wasted for Saint Patty’s Day. I promise it won’t happen again…..so long as Collision doesn’t fall on anymore national drinking holidays.”
Trent doesn’t even respond to Steve’s faulty promise.
“Look bro, we may have lost to Kingsley. But were so cool and awesome that we still remain in whole other class then those religious zealots. Let the Aussie have his day. He doesn’t get very many you know.”
Trent considers this very interesting point.
“Yeah, you’re right dude. MAN that guy sucks! Did you see his hat? It’s so stupid.”
They all start laughing and Jayson chimes in.
“Ha Ha HA…YEAH! Even worse then me! Ha Ha Ha!”
Steve and Trent just stop laughing and shake their heads in disgust as they walk away. Jayson shakes his head and runs after him.
Kanyon….old buddy……old pal…….
Steve smiles warmly toward a man he’s wrestled up and down the roads in two different companies for upwards to eight or nine years at least.
“Still the same old Curt…..you know in this business you really have to evolve with the times to stay relevant. Change yourself to stay hip with the new generation. Somewhere during the changing and the reinvention people tend to lose themselves and become a completely different person. But Kanyon, you haven’t done that. Your still the same guy I knew way back in the Xtreme Federation of Hardcore.”
He exhales a breath of joy.
“Still short……
Still chubby…….
Still stupid…….
“Your still wearing that ridiculous singlet.
“And you still have that permanent ugly mug that looks like you stepped on a lego made of glass.”
Steve smiles again.
“Nope, not much has changed at all since the last time I stepped inside of a wrestling ring to slap some culture into that manic, schizophrenic blob of lard and cheeto residue. Oh except one thing……that whole thing you do where you pledge your life and existence to the God of Thunder. And I’m not even talking about the badass Kiss song, I’m talking the actual God of Thunder. Thor!”
Steve;s smile fades into a look of confusion as he scratches the top of his head.
“You know Curty, I’ve seen you do a lot of things. A lot of weird, crazy, border line delusional things. But this right here….it takes the cake. You worship Thor. The Viking god of Thunder and whats even crazier is that you have a bunch if people that follow you, that believe in this stuff, right along side you. You
definitely got everyone drinking the kool-aid. And that’s cool man, I won’t judge you….I’ve picked a few really bad fads to get into.”
----------------
Cut to Steve walking down the street in a pair of JNCO Jeans. Complete with 8-ball and snake designs and a chain wallet.
“It’s okay, I’m gonna bring them back.”
-----------------
“We all make bad decisions some time’s is all I’m trying to say. But if believing in a character played by Liam Hemsworth in a badass movie to be you’re savior is your thing then cool, I don’t get it…but its your thing. More power too you…may God make some thunder and hit some crap with a hammer….in Thor’s name Amen. It doesn’t matter because no matter what God you prey too Kanyon…no matter who will claim your soul when it’s all said and done……they won’t be able to save you from the personal ass kicking you will receive from everyone’s favorite.
Last week I let everybody down. I let the fans who have followed my career since the beginning down. I didn’t perform to the best of my abilities and worst of all I let Trent down. Well not anymore, this week I’m coming back with a vengeance. This week I’m coming back to whip your tubby, cat-piss smelling ass back to church with the creepy child molester dude Professor Captain How’d ya do? And Gary Busey in an Indianna jones costume. I’m coming back like only the Face of the Franchise can. I’m coming back to show nCw for these last months, exactly why this company flourished for years.”
He smiles as the scene fades.
Open up to Steve Awesome, Jayson Matthews, Trent Helms, and Rob Diamond all dressed in black burglar outfits and sliding black skimasks onto their faces. Adding to the confusion and curiosity that would naturally consume someone when they see four men dressing like there going to rob a bank.
“What are you guys doing?”
Jayson get’s nervous.
“Uhh…definitely not going to NCW headquarters to erase Steve and Trent’s loss to the Church of Thor last week…..If that’s what your thinking.”
All the guys groan and glare at Jayson for spilling the beans. Mandi sets down her romantic novel and stands up.
“Why? Why would you want to do something like that? None of this strikes you as a bad idea? You can get in trouble. Lose your jobs….
Rob leans into Trent and Steve.
“Her voice…..it just drones on and on…..”
Trent nods.
“Yeah it’s like a dentist drill.”
Steve nods his head.
“Try living with it.”
“Hey, that’s my sister you guys….”
Jayson glares at the three men.
“…I’ve dealt with it my whole life.”
Steve wraps his arm around Jayson’s shoulder.
“You poor soul….come on guys….let’s do a little breaking and entering….”
All four guys turn and walk out the door.
“HEY Where are you guys going!? I’m not done telling you how stupid this idea is…..”
The door slams shut in her face. Mandi just sighs.
“Why do I even bother?”
Phillip Burns…….
….show of hands….does anybody really care? I mean honestly….show of hands who really cares if Burns is back? I mean, I get it. He’s a good athlete. He gets the job done in the ring but seriously what has he ever really brought to the table? What is he really known for? What has Phillip Burns ever really done?
Again, I’m not taking anything away from the talent that Burns possesses. He’s been a world champion before…..but so have I, twice…..I’m just saying….Phillip Burns really doesn’t have that real defining moment in his nCw career. He’s never really done anything to make himself stand out. Sure he had potential to be a talk show host but even that fizzled out…much like his whole career. Phillip Burns career is nothing but foot notes on other guy’s legends. Just a bunch of asterisks.
Your just….boring man. I don’t know….I watched your little career retrospective and I was honestly surprised you even had that much to talk about. I figured it would have been over in like two minutes. Your just vanilla Burns, white bread. It’s not your fault man you just have no charisma. You’re a good athlete. You’re a good mid card guy. And this week I’m going to look real good when I whip your ass all over collision.
Don’t feel bad though….
It’s what guys like you are paid to do.”
The sun shines on the outside of nCw headquarters as Steve, Rob, Trent, and Jayson manuevre there way through the brush that surrounds it. They jump out near the side of the building and walk up to a small air vent with the front cover loose.
“We could probably get in through there.”
Steve looks at Jayson.
“Squeeze in there and try to find a way in.”
Jayson shakes his head.
“No way, why do I have to go in there?”
“Because you really want to impress us.”
Jayson begins to day dream.
“More then anything….”
Rob starts shoving Jayson into the vent.
“Now shove your dumb ass in there and impress the hell out of us.”
Jayson shouts out of the vent already half way inside.
“I won’t let you down.”
He struggles his way all the way into the duct. Steve comes walking back up into the picture.
“Oh look guys…I found a door over here.”
Trent stops.
“You know guys I’ve been thinking…..maybe we shouldn’t erase the record. Maybe we should just leave it as is and be done with it.”
Rob walks up.
“I don’t know….sounds pretty anti-climatic to me.”
Steve shrugs.
“Meh….we don’t have to have a snappy ending every time. Were not TV. Let’s just go home and watch TV.”
Trent and Rob agree and they all walk off.
“Guys? I’m still in the vent….guys!?”
“Gib…..
“I’m going to be serious for a second. I respect the hell out of you man. You did this thing way before I ever did and honestly your part of the reason I still do this now. You paved the way. So when I found out that it was you behind that mask I still kind of felt honored.
Even though you tormented me. Put me through hell. I still felt honored to know that I worked with a legend. And I always remember what you taut me. I have a family of my own now and I will always be in there lives no matter what. And them in mine. And they will see Trent and I win the tag team titles before we close.
Win, lose or draw Gib…..The Close Encounters are coming for the tag team titles.
See ya soon.
Deuces.
end
We open to a shot of Trent Helms standing fully clothed in the shower with the water spraying down on him.
“Can’t get CLEANNNNNNNNNN!!!!!”
On the outside of the tub, looking flyer then a leer jet, stood the ever famous multi-media superstar known to the world as Steve Awesome! Next to him, stood Jayson Matthews. Both guys just stand there watching as Trent Helms tries desperately to wash some sort of filth off his body.
“Dude….calm down. It’s not that bad.”
Trent suddenly stops bathing himself and slowly turns his head toward his tag team partner. His eye twitches.
“Not so bad? NOT SO BAD!? I currently have a loss on my record to…..”
Trent shudders to think about it.
“…Stephen Kingsley!”
Jayson steps up and tries to console one of his idols.
“Trent, dude, relax. There are way worse things in the world then losing to Stephen Kingsley.”
Trent buries his head in his palms.
“Like what?”
Jayson thinks about it for a second.
“You could miss out on lunch and be really hungry right, so you’ll have to use the vending machine. But all the good vending machines are out of order that day. So you have to go down to the end of the hall and use the really shady looking one where all the food is the off-brand of the off-brand and it’s all covered in dust. You buy a candy bar but unbeknownst to you, you inadvertently buy the one affected with a deadly human virus and you get infected and you spread it across the whole universe and everyone gets sick and dies and you cause the freaking apocalypse!”
Jayson just stands there like he just blew everyone’s mind, but really both members of Close Encounters just stare at him and blink.
“Who let him talk? Seriously?
Trent glares a whole into Steve.
“It was you! You’re the reason we lost last week.”
Awesome lowers his head.
“I’m sorry. I got a little too wasted for Saint Patty’s Day. I promise it won’t happen again…..so long as Collision doesn’t fall on anymore national drinking holidays.”
Trent doesn’t even respond to Steve’s faulty promise.
“Look bro, we may have lost to Kingsley. But were so cool and awesome that we still remain in whole other class then those religious zealots. Let the Aussie have his day. He doesn’t get very many you know.”
Trent considers this very interesting point.
“Yeah, you’re right dude. MAN that guy sucks! Did you see his hat? It’s so stupid.”
They all start laughing and Jayson chimes in.
“Ha Ha HA…YEAH! Even worse then me! Ha Ha Ha!”
Steve and Trent just stop laughing and shake their heads in disgust as they walk away. Jayson shakes his head and runs after him.
Kanyon….old buddy……old pal…….
Steve smiles warmly toward a man he’s wrestled up and down the roads in two different companies for upwards to eight or nine years at least.
“Still the same old Curt…..you know in this business you really have to evolve with the times to stay relevant. Change yourself to stay hip with the new generation. Somewhere during the changing and the reinvention people tend to lose themselves and become a completely different person. But Kanyon, you haven’t done that. Your still the same guy I knew way back in the Xtreme Federation of Hardcore.”
He exhales a breath of joy.
“Still short……
Still chubby…….
Still stupid…….
“Your still wearing that ridiculous singlet.
“And you still have that permanent ugly mug that looks like you stepped on a lego made of glass.”
Steve smiles again.
“Nope, not much has changed at all since the last time I stepped inside of a wrestling ring to slap some culture into that manic, schizophrenic blob of lard and cheeto residue. Oh except one thing……that whole thing you do where you pledge your life and existence to the God of Thunder. And I’m not even talking about the badass Kiss song, I’m talking the actual God of Thunder. Thor!”
Steve;s smile fades into a look of confusion as he scratches the top of his head.
“You know Curty, I’ve seen you do a lot of things. A lot of weird, crazy, border line delusional things. But this right here….it takes the cake. You worship Thor. The Viking god of Thunder and whats even crazier is that you have a bunch if people that follow you, that believe in this stuff, right along side you. You
definitely got everyone drinking the kool-aid. And that’s cool man, I won’t judge you….I’ve picked a few really bad fads to get into.”
----------------
Cut to Steve walking down the street in a pair of JNCO Jeans. Complete with 8-ball and snake designs and a chain wallet.
“It’s okay, I’m gonna bring them back.”
-----------------
“We all make bad decisions some time’s is all I’m trying to say. But if believing in a character played by Liam Hemsworth in a badass movie to be you’re savior is your thing then cool, I don’t get it…but its your thing. More power too you…may God make some thunder and hit some crap with a hammer….in Thor’s name Amen. It doesn’t matter because no matter what God you prey too Kanyon…no matter who will claim your soul when it’s all said and done……they won’t be able to save you from the personal ass kicking you will receive from everyone’s favorite.
Last week I let everybody down. I let the fans who have followed my career since the beginning down. I didn’t perform to the best of my abilities and worst of all I let Trent down. Well not anymore, this week I’m coming back with a vengeance. This week I’m coming back to whip your tubby, cat-piss smelling ass back to church with the creepy child molester dude Professor Captain How’d ya do? And Gary Busey in an Indianna jones costume. I’m coming back like only the Face of the Franchise can. I’m coming back to show nCw for these last months, exactly why this company flourished for years.”
He smiles as the scene fades.
Open up to Steve Awesome, Jayson Matthews, Trent Helms, and Rob Diamond all dressed in black burglar outfits and sliding black skimasks onto their faces. Adding to the confusion and curiosity that would naturally consume someone when they see four men dressing like there going to rob a bank.
“What are you guys doing?”
Jayson get’s nervous.
“Uhh…definitely not going to NCW headquarters to erase Steve and Trent’s loss to the Church of Thor last week…..If that’s what your thinking.”
All the guys groan and glare at Jayson for spilling the beans. Mandi sets down her romantic novel and stands up.
“Why? Why would you want to do something like that? None of this strikes you as a bad idea? You can get in trouble. Lose your jobs….
Rob leans into Trent and Steve.
“Her voice…..it just drones on and on…..”
Trent nods.
“Yeah it’s like a dentist drill.”
Steve nods his head.
“Try living with it.”
“Hey, that’s my sister you guys….”
Jayson glares at the three men.
“…I’ve dealt with it my whole life.”
Steve wraps his arm around Jayson’s shoulder.
“You poor soul….come on guys….let’s do a little breaking and entering….”
All four guys turn and walk out the door.
“HEY Where are you guys going!? I’m not done telling you how stupid this idea is…..”
The door slams shut in her face. Mandi just sighs.
“Why do I even bother?”
Phillip Burns…….
….show of hands….does anybody really care? I mean honestly….show of hands who really cares if Burns is back? I mean, I get it. He’s a good athlete. He gets the job done in the ring but seriously what has he ever really brought to the table? What is he really known for? What has Phillip Burns ever really done?
Again, I’m not taking anything away from the talent that Burns possesses. He’s been a world champion before…..but so have I, twice…..I’m just saying….Phillip Burns really doesn’t have that real defining moment in his nCw career. He’s never really done anything to make himself stand out. Sure he had potential to be a talk show host but even that fizzled out…much like his whole career. Phillip Burns career is nothing but foot notes on other guy’s legends. Just a bunch of asterisks.
Your just….boring man. I don’t know….I watched your little career retrospective and I was honestly surprised you even had that much to talk about. I figured it would have been over in like two minutes. Your just vanilla Burns, white bread. It’s not your fault man you just have no charisma. You’re a good athlete. You’re a good mid card guy. And this week I’m going to look real good when I whip your ass all over collision.
Don’t feel bad though….
It’s what guys like you are paid to do.”
The sun shines on the outside of nCw headquarters as Steve, Rob, Trent, and Jayson manuevre there way through the brush that surrounds it. They jump out near the side of the building and walk up to a small air vent with the front cover loose.
“We could probably get in through there.”
Steve looks at Jayson.
“Squeeze in there and try to find a way in.”
Jayson shakes his head.
“No way, why do I have to go in there?”
“Because you really want to impress us.”
Jayson begins to day dream.
“More then anything….”
Rob starts shoving Jayson into the vent.
“Now shove your dumb ass in there and impress the hell out of us.”
Jayson shouts out of the vent already half way inside.
“I won’t let you down.”
He struggles his way all the way into the duct. Steve comes walking back up into the picture.
“Oh look guys…I found a door over here.”
Trent stops.
“You know guys I’ve been thinking…..maybe we shouldn’t erase the record. Maybe we should just leave it as is and be done with it.”
Rob walks up.
“I don’t know….sounds pretty anti-climatic to me.”
Steve shrugs.
“Meh….we don’t have to have a snappy ending every time. Were not TV. Let’s just go home and watch TV.”
Trent and Rob agree and they all walk off.
“Guys? I’m still in the vent….guys!?”
“Gib…..
“I’m going to be serious for a second. I respect the hell out of you man. You did this thing way before I ever did and honestly your part of the reason I still do this now. You paved the way. So when I found out that it was you behind that mask I still kind of felt honored.
Even though you tormented me. Put me through hell. I still felt honored to know that I worked with a legend. And I always remember what you taut me. I have a family of my own now and I will always be in there lives no matter what. And them in mine. And they will see Trent and I win the tag team titles before we close.
Win, lose or draw Gib…..The Close Encounters are coming for the tag team titles.
See ya soon.
Deuces.
end