Post by Philip Burns on Mar 30, 2013 17:37:24 GMT -6
{scene opens on Philip Burns in mid conversation on the phone He is wearing a fine silk bath robe. There
are many leather bound books lining the shelves.}
“Yeah I cant believe it either. I use the guys yoga programs to heal my mind and body so I could come back for one last run and he gives me a good BANGin' and makes me lose my first match back. I’ve watched every single DVD in the set and nowhere in there does he say he is going to do that. He is way more friendly in the workout DVD.
He did what!? Where does he get off using my middle name? That’s sacred ground! That’s reserved only for my mom and Jesus. And one or both of them are fictional and/or dead.
Maybe he is just mad about what I did to Ron Gibson's car back in the day. I still say its not my fault. You line your car with shag carpet and there's bound to be an orgy of some type in it eventually.
Thank you! Glad somebody agrees. My logic is perfectly sound. Anywho, I need to get going. Later stache master.”
{Burns hangs up the phone and turns around, noticing the camera.}
“Good afternoon! I wasn’t expecting a female camera operator. I’m about to get in my aqua-jet 9000 and enjoy my usual meal of steak, waffles, french fries, and of course scotch. You caught me on the phone with an old friend. I would tell him you said Hi, but you can tell him to his face soon enough.
Would you like to join me in the tub?”
{The camera woman shakes her head no, moving the camera side to side.}
“Ah come on. Join me. How often does a camera lady get to have a soak with a former world champion? Come on, I insist.”
{The camera follows Burns through his home until they reach the spa room, with hot tub in the middle. Phil takes off his robe, his bare ass just out of frame. And steps into the tub.}
“Please come on in, have some champagne.”
{The camera shakes back and forth, indicating no.}
“Come on. Its all professional, good fun. I just wanted to tell you a deeply person story full of heartache and intense sexual actions. Some of which are prohibited in this country.”
{the camera backs away.}
“Where are you going? We're all friends here!”
{Burns grabs his robe and pops up out of the tub, advancing toward the camera. Burns positions himself between her and the front door. She goes left, he blocks. She goes right, he blocks.}
“Come on, you haven’t even tasted the champagne.”
{He hands her a glass which she promptly tosses in his face. She escapes in his moment of blindness. Signal cuts off but moments later there is inexplicably another video feed. Burns finishes wiping his face with a towel and picks up his phone.}
“Yeah its me. It didn’t work. Yes I offered her champagne and invited her to the hot tub. I tried to relate a personal story but she wasn’t having it. I will just have to try something else. Ok later.”
{feed cuts out}
Curtis Kanyon, you are a tasteless, classless douchebag. That being said I have no idea why we aren’t best friends. Maybe we are just the victims of circumstance. I was champion when you wanted to be. Then you were champion and I wasn’t so I was all upset about that. But that was ages ago. I’m not even going to begin to pretend like I know whats going on with your and
this “church”. Maybe if I watched the product in my spare time I wouldn’t be as confused. But man, I am so terrified of one of Gib's old wrinkly balls falling out of his briefs every time he is on camera that I just stopped watching. You think I am scared of THE sack or THE blonde wig? No there's only one sack and set of matted up hair that send chills down my spine and they both belong to Gib.
But That’s on me. My bad. Wish I knew what was going on with you.
But you are right about one thing. I do catch a lot of **** despite my accomplishments. Does it bother me? No. People who have nothing original to say (or aces as I call them) don’t bother me one bit. Why? Because this is a wrestling company, not The View. We arent paid to gossip about each other we are paid to go out there and fight for a win and make this company money.
Maybe the fact that I have accomplished so much despite my large periodic absences grinds the gears of people who have been here consistently and accomplished just as much as I have. I don’t care.
I came back for the company, not to be a verbal punching bag, but to end my career and nCw on a high note. I welcome you, Curtis, to be a part of that in the ring this week.