Post by Trent Helms on Mar 30, 2013 21:12:43 GMT -6
I really don't think you know, what exactly you have gotten yourself into Bob.
I mean seriously, I spent about two seconds thinking about it, and to put it bluntly.
You're going to get F'd In The B.
Kelly new favorite toy, our "World Champion", Against The Close Encounters Of The Awesomest ****ing Kind.
Did I really need to say that, well the short answer is yes, I'm Trent Helms, the man who has made it, his favorite pass-time to take primates, such as yourself, thoses who feel, they are above the rest of the banana chewing mammels, that live in America, the greatest joke of a country to ever exist in any span of the cosmos.
You know the country that gave us She-Hulk, Squirrel Girl and the rest of the Great Lakes Champions.
Steve totally banged Big Bertha once.
I was there, it saved on a flash drive somewhere in my luxary apartment, I remember that day, That Steve made that oversized women happy to have a vagina, like the one time, he banged Andrea Jacobsen, That night was epic, it was the time, I hooked up with squirrel girl, the little way, her oversized claws grabed my mighty Power Cosmic, I miss days like that, but let's not dwell on that.
Bobby Bob, You are screwed, no matter how you slice this one, I mean, You have Steve Awesome, my all-time best friend, the man who made it a habit of destroying beings such as yourself, not to mention, He was the original Roberto Verona, well without the whole Viva La French Toast thingy, The original man, to have the front office, backing him, one hundred percent.
Yeah, you have that guy....
There is that other guy, I can't remember his name, He likes to die his hair, sometimes purple, sometimes Aqua and Orange, sometimes like the colors of the German Flag, while he sodimizes JAPS....
Jewish American Princesses....
Don't know what you were thinking there....
Yeah, that guy too, I can't remember his name, maybe it isn't important, maybe he hasn't done enough in his career to have his name mentioned....I think it's Tyrant...Trunks....T-Rent-Saurus.....I seriously can't remember, more then likely, because he isn't important enough, to be standing in the presence of our humble king, Our noble warrior of the masses, Our World Champion of the Planet Earth.
I mean, what has that guy done recently?
I mean outside of beating the Three Time National Champion....His words....not mine, I wouldn't praise myself as the very same thing, Joe Everyman of all people did first, I mean, I'm sure it's a great goal, To be a three-time silver medalist, I mean, I'm sure that's what Nancy Karigan, wanted all her life, to be a Silver Medalist, Well she got that dream, if that was indeed her dream, in the past month, Beating the centerpiece of the X-Division, Beating a Triple Crown winner, and totally Shuryuken a former 2 time World Champion into orbit.
Yeah I haven't done much recently, I mean, compared to our recent conquest of Will Washington, That is nothing.
Okay, enough, Underselling....
I'm Trent *** damn Helms, I'm not going to sing my praises from the rooftops right now, if I did that, This blog, would go into about two-hundred thousands words, and I'm not going to Johnny Holiday this bitch, Not today.
You're in there, with two men, Who can tear open your anal cavity, and use it as a toilet, if we deemed it worthy, You're in there with Steve Awesome, my brother, and me, The man who, in our only encounter, defeated you in the middle of the ring. I'm sure your powers have grown since then, I'm sure you're more then capable of defending yourself now against me, I mean, after all, You're the World Champion right?
I mean, You've defeated Mike Laszlo and Will Washington, many times.
I know Laszlo, is some type of big deal, but are you really ready to face, two men, your revolution has personally slapped in the face? Mikey L, is a great man, I'm sure, but is he Trent Helms, was he really worthy, of three straight World Title shots? I could go on and on, how I pushed Ricky Johnson to his *** damn threshold, his breaking point, and yet, as soon as I was defeated, NCW suddenly allowed people to get mutiple title shots in a row?
I do everything in this promotion, I dazzle people with my antics, I make people talk, I do the things you do, without the whole Revolutionary Agenda, and I get nothing, I sale the merchadise, I push the ratings, I carry the company, on my tiny little spine, and I get nothing for it.
For that I envy you.
You get everything, You get the company shaped to our liking, You get to play the role of king, You get to carry the big giant belt, and I'm reduce to the role of the fluffer.
I'm always the fluffer, always the one, who completes the picture, make things all nice and spiffy, but I never get the Happy Ending, I never get to take the money shot to the face, despite the fact, My hard work, fills Kelly pockets the most, I keep NCW afloat alone, I'm it's Cash Cow, the face that is just here to sell the tickets, while others are given the golden egg.
But, that is going to change this Sunday Verona, not because, either myself or Steve, will humble you in the ring, not because, you will find a way into my skin, but because, You're going to allow it, merely to survive.
NCW is dying, Even my Star Power, and your Crusade, are not going to save it, and truth be told, We're both frontrunners to take over and control the legacy of the promotion, With your Ambition, and my nearly limitless pockets, One of us, is going to seize control of the assets, But we're not thinking about that, You're simply thinking....How do I survive, as NCW Final Champion?
It's not going to be easy Verona, You're good, but not that good, It's going to take you, guiding yourself down a path, with perfection and grace, and if that's going to happen, Some things will need to change.
I'm willing to help guide you there, for a price.
Like this match for example. You're not going to divide myself and Steve, with the match standing, As is.
There is nothing on the line, for us to turn against the other, We've both been in this position before, back at Picture Perfect of 08, The NCW Title was on the line, and that fact divided us, tore us apart, took us away from, just destroying the legacy of Lance Ryan, and forced us, to fight each other.
This match is different...
We both can pin you, We both can torture you, and easily allow the other to weap the awards. Sure you’re the World Champion, and most would clamor at the chance to gain a Pinfall over you, To me….What’s the point, It’s not like if I soundly defeated you in the middle of the ring, I would be given my Title shot, that should automatically be given to me, because of the Buyrates, The Entertainment Sales, and the Product Endorsements….So what will be the point Billy?
This is where, I make things interesting, This is where, I give you the chance, to strike a deal with me, or maybe Steve….Maybe both, Who knows, We’ve been known to double bag it from time to time.
What if I gave you the chance to survive this, unscathe, untouched, and let you leave the ring, in Mint condition, so that your eventually World Title main with Will Washington at Sovereign, goes off with a hitch.
Here is what I want, I know you’re the ears to Kelly Knite, So I keep it simple….I make a demand, You nod your head, say, Yes High and Mighty Ruler of the Cosmos, and I go on my way, It’s a win-win for us both….If I call off Steve, and myself, Tomorrow, will you promise us, a Guaranteed title shot of our choosing, in exchange for allowing you to survive this “Triple Threat”
Quite Frankly Ferb, I don’t think you can deny us of that, So get on the phone Vato, Make it happy, and tomorrow, Me and Steve, won’t rip open a new oriface on your body….
Player…
Or you can grow a conscience in the next five minutes, See where that takes you….
More then likely, me humbling the mighty World Champion in the middle of the ring…
Either way, You find out, what some of the most feared beings in the cosmos know.
Trent Helms isn’t to be ****ed With.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So what are we doing here, I told you, I don’t do that stupid Dragonball bull****.
The scene opens, as Steve, Rob and Trent are seen standing in the middle of a field, Rob and Trent, are dressed in their normal gear, while Steve is well, dressed in his normal gear….of not wearing a damn thing at all, noted by the big giant blurred spot going from his knees to about his waist.
But the Budokai Tenkaichi is fast approaching….
What the **** did you just say?
He said something Japanese I think.
Don’t you know, I’m fluid in six different languages.
Right you are…considering, You butcher your first language.
Stil don’t explain, what we are doing here?
I still don’t know why, he doesn’t have pants on….
I never wear pants…
Do you sense that….I feel something powerful heading this way….It’s here already….It’s huge….It’s hitting me on the leg….
Trent looks down, as Steve is seen swinging side to side due to boredom, as the giant blur is seen hitting Trent’s leg….
*** damn it….Steve, put that thing away, This isn’t going to be a huge lightsaber battle.
Clearly….Mine is a lot bigger, so it wouldn’t be much of a battle.
Clearly, Steve, you have nothing on this.
Rob suddenly pulls down his pants, as another blur takes over, where his pants, just were….
So SUCK IT!!!!
Why do I feel, this Promo is clearly going to get flamed harder then both the Brown Eye and Joe Everyman hamster Promo….
What are you talking about…..It’s just three grown men, walking around with no pants on, in the middle of a field….
Did you trim your pubes Rob? They look nice…
Trent kneels down and takes a closer look…
Is that Professor Chaos trimmed into your pubes?
That it is….
So, do you even have a point, to why you called us to stand out in the middle of the field, naked?
This is really starting to feel Gay….Even for me….
Yes….I called both you Gentleman out here….For the worst idea for Character Development, ever seen, Gentleman, Today we are going to engage, in the first ever…..PENIS OLPYMPICS!!!!
What?
Yeah, I’ve planned some serious events for this….We will find out, which one of us, clearly carries the biggest stick around here.
Steve smiles…
Me….It’s clearly me….
Well, Steve-O, We will find out right now….I’ve planned six events…complete with a Montage and a huge slow motion jump, where we get struck in mid-air, as we fade away to Don’t You Forget about me.
Awesome…..
{Damn I wanna be a Gansgster begins to play, as the montage takes over….We see a scene of Rob Diamond, standing on a pitchers mound, as he winds up and throws, a flurry thing comes out of his hand, in slow motion, showing a Hamster moving towards Steve, who swings his hips, as the hamster disappears in the giant blur, before it flies outwards, flying like a baseball over the fence, as Steve stands there smiling…..We shift to the next part of the montage, where the three men, are seen standing next to each other, standing over a giant cup, as the three men, seemingly engage in the most epic pissing contest ever……Which shows Trent, filling his cup first…..We cut back to where Rob Diamond is running thru a obstacle course, as you see a Cardboard cutout of Vertigo Dirtmurder pop up, before it is slammed down, by Rob thrusting his hips, as Trent looks at a stop watch, and looks down in disappointment}
We cut back to a announce table, where Eric Hardy is seen announcing….
This is it…The Main Event, the most important moment in the history of our business, Who will take home the gold?
{The scene quickly cuts to a track, where in slow motion, the three men, are seen, bouncing on Pogo Sticks…except…of course, they are not Pogo Sticks, but their dongs obviously….As the three men, race toward the finish line, of pogo sticking with their blurred out dongs, all three men, quickly round the last corner, As Billy Idol’s Don’t you forget about me, begins to play, as all three men, take one final leap towards the tape of the finish line, before they freeze in mid-air, as the scene fades}
TO BE CONTINUED!!!!
I mean seriously, I spent about two seconds thinking about it, and to put it bluntly.
You're going to get F'd In The B.
Kelly new favorite toy, our "World Champion", Against The Close Encounters Of The Awesomest ****ing Kind.
Did I really need to say that, well the short answer is yes, I'm Trent Helms, the man who has made it, his favorite pass-time to take primates, such as yourself, thoses who feel, they are above the rest of the banana chewing mammels, that live in America, the greatest joke of a country to ever exist in any span of the cosmos.
You know the country that gave us She-Hulk, Squirrel Girl and the rest of the Great Lakes Champions.
Steve totally banged Big Bertha once.
I was there, it saved on a flash drive somewhere in my luxary apartment, I remember that day, That Steve made that oversized women happy to have a vagina, like the one time, he banged Andrea Jacobsen, That night was epic, it was the time, I hooked up with squirrel girl, the little way, her oversized claws grabed my mighty Power Cosmic, I miss days like that, but let's not dwell on that.
Bobby Bob, You are screwed, no matter how you slice this one, I mean, You have Steve Awesome, my all-time best friend, the man who made it a habit of destroying beings such as yourself, not to mention, He was the original Roberto Verona, well without the whole Viva La French Toast thingy, The original man, to have the front office, backing him, one hundred percent.
Yeah, you have that guy....
There is that other guy, I can't remember his name, He likes to die his hair, sometimes purple, sometimes Aqua and Orange, sometimes like the colors of the German Flag, while he sodimizes JAPS....
Jewish American Princesses....
Don't know what you were thinking there....
Yeah, that guy too, I can't remember his name, maybe it isn't important, maybe he hasn't done enough in his career to have his name mentioned....I think it's Tyrant...Trunks....T-Rent-Saurus.....I seriously can't remember, more then likely, because he isn't important enough, to be standing in the presence of our humble king, Our noble warrior of the masses, Our World Champion of the Planet Earth.
I mean, what has that guy done recently?
I mean outside of beating the Three Time National Champion....His words....not mine, I wouldn't praise myself as the very same thing, Joe Everyman of all people did first, I mean, I'm sure it's a great goal, To be a three-time silver medalist, I mean, I'm sure that's what Nancy Karigan, wanted all her life, to be a Silver Medalist, Well she got that dream, if that was indeed her dream, in the past month, Beating the centerpiece of the X-Division, Beating a Triple Crown winner, and totally Shuryuken a former 2 time World Champion into orbit.
Yeah I haven't done much recently, I mean, compared to our recent conquest of Will Washington, That is nothing.
Okay, enough, Underselling....
I'm Trent *** damn Helms, I'm not going to sing my praises from the rooftops right now, if I did that, This blog, would go into about two-hundred thousands words, and I'm not going to Johnny Holiday this bitch, Not today.
You're in there, with two men, Who can tear open your anal cavity, and use it as a toilet, if we deemed it worthy, You're in there with Steve Awesome, my brother, and me, The man who, in our only encounter, defeated you in the middle of the ring. I'm sure your powers have grown since then, I'm sure you're more then capable of defending yourself now against me, I mean, after all, You're the World Champion right?
I mean, You've defeated Mike Laszlo and Will Washington, many times.
I know Laszlo, is some type of big deal, but are you really ready to face, two men, your revolution has personally slapped in the face? Mikey L, is a great man, I'm sure, but is he Trent Helms, was he really worthy, of three straight World Title shots? I could go on and on, how I pushed Ricky Johnson to his *** damn threshold, his breaking point, and yet, as soon as I was defeated, NCW suddenly allowed people to get mutiple title shots in a row?
I do everything in this promotion, I dazzle people with my antics, I make people talk, I do the things you do, without the whole Revolutionary Agenda, and I get nothing, I sale the merchadise, I push the ratings, I carry the company, on my tiny little spine, and I get nothing for it.
For that I envy you.
You get everything, You get the company shaped to our liking, You get to play the role of king, You get to carry the big giant belt, and I'm reduce to the role of the fluffer.
I'm always the fluffer, always the one, who completes the picture, make things all nice and spiffy, but I never get the Happy Ending, I never get to take the money shot to the face, despite the fact, My hard work, fills Kelly pockets the most, I keep NCW afloat alone, I'm it's Cash Cow, the face that is just here to sell the tickets, while others are given the golden egg.
But, that is going to change this Sunday Verona, not because, either myself or Steve, will humble you in the ring, not because, you will find a way into my skin, but because, You're going to allow it, merely to survive.
NCW is dying, Even my Star Power, and your Crusade, are not going to save it, and truth be told, We're both frontrunners to take over and control the legacy of the promotion, With your Ambition, and my nearly limitless pockets, One of us, is going to seize control of the assets, But we're not thinking about that, You're simply thinking....How do I survive, as NCW Final Champion?
It's not going to be easy Verona, You're good, but not that good, It's going to take you, guiding yourself down a path, with perfection and grace, and if that's going to happen, Some things will need to change.
I'm willing to help guide you there, for a price.
Like this match for example. You're not going to divide myself and Steve, with the match standing, As is.
There is nothing on the line, for us to turn against the other, We've both been in this position before, back at Picture Perfect of 08, The NCW Title was on the line, and that fact divided us, tore us apart, took us away from, just destroying the legacy of Lance Ryan, and forced us, to fight each other.
This match is different...
We both can pin you, We both can torture you, and easily allow the other to weap the awards. Sure you’re the World Champion, and most would clamor at the chance to gain a Pinfall over you, To me….What’s the point, It’s not like if I soundly defeated you in the middle of the ring, I would be given my Title shot, that should automatically be given to me, because of the Buyrates, The Entertainment Sales, and the Product Endorsements….So what will be the point Billy?
This is where, I make things interesting, This is where, I give you the chance, to strike a deal with me, or maybe Steve….Maybe both, Who knows, We’ve been known to double bag it from time to time.
What if I gave you the chance to survive this, unscathe, untouched, and let you leave the ring, in Mint condition, so that your eventually World Title main with Will Washington at Sovereign, goes off with a hitch.
Here is what I want, I know you’re the ears to Kelly Knite, So I keep it simple….I make a demand, You nod your head, say, Yes High and Mighty Ruler of the Cosmos, and I go on my way, It’s a win-win for us both….If I call off Steve, and myself, Tomorrow, will you promise us, a Guaranteed title shot of our choosing, in exchange for allowing you to survive this “Triple Threat”
Quite Frankly Ferb, I don’t think you can deny us of that, So get on the phone Vato, Make it happy, and tomorrow, Me and Steve, won’t rip open a new oriface on your body….
Player…
Or you can grow a conscience in the next five minutes, See where that takes you….
More then likely, me humbling the mighty World Champion in the middle of the ring…
Either way, You find out, what some of the most feared beings in the cosmos know.
Trent Helms isn’t to be ****ed With.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So what are we doing here, I told you, I don’t do that stupid Dragonball bull****.
The scene opens, as Steve, Rob and Trent are seen standing in the middle of a field, Rob and Trent, are dressed in their normal gear, while Steve is well, dressed in his normal gear….of not wearing a damn thing at all, noted by the big giant blurred spot going from his knees to about his waist.
But the Budokai Tenkaichi is fast approaching….
What the **** did you just say?
He said something Japanese I think.
Don’t you know, I’m fluid in six different languages.
Right you are…considering, You butcher your first language.
Stil don’t explain, what we are doing here?
I still don’t know why, he doesn’t have pants on….
I never wear pants…
Do you sense that….I feel something powerful heading this way….It’s here already….It’s huge….It’s hitting me on the leg….
Trent looks down, as Steve is seen swinging side to side due to boredom, as the giant blur is seen hitting Trent’s leg….
*** damn it….Steve, put that thing away, This isn’t going to be a huge lightsaber battle.
Clearly….Mine is a lot bigger, so it wouldn’t be much of a battle.
Clearly, Steve, you have nothing on this.
Rob suddenly pulls down his pants, as another blur takes over, where his pants, just were….
So SUCK IT!!!!
Why do I feel, this Promo is clearly going to get flamed harder then both the Brown Eye and Joe Everyman hamster Promo….
What are you talking about…..It’s just three grown men, walking around with no pants on, in the middle of a field….
Did you trim your pubes Rob? They look nice…
Trent kneels down and takes a closer look…
Is that Professor Chaos trimmed into your pubes?
That it is….
So, do you even have a point, to why you called us to stand out in the middle of the field, naked?
This is really starting to feel Gay….Even for me….
Yes….I called both you Gentleman out here….For the worst idea for Character Development, ever seen, Gentleman, Today we are going to engage, in the first ever…..PENIS OLPYMPICS!!!!
What?
Yeah, I’ve planned some serious events for this….We will find out, which one of us, clearly carries the biggest stick around here.
Steve smiles…
Me….It’s clearly me….
Well, Steve-O, We will find out right now….I’ve planned six events…complete with a Montage and a huge slow motion jump, where we get struck in mid-air, as we fade away to Don’t You Forget about me.
Awesome…..
{Damn I wanna be a Gansgster begins to play, as the montage takes over….We see a scene of Rob Diamond, standing on a pitchers mound, as he winds up and throws, a flurry thing comes out of his hand, in slow motion, showing a Hamster moving towards Steve, who swings his hips, as the hamster disappears in the giant blur, before it flies outwards, flying like a baseball over the fence, as Steve stands there smiling…..We shift to the next part of the montage, where the three men, are seen standing next to each other, standing over a giant cup, as the three men, seemingly engage in the most epic pissing contest ever……Which shows Trent, filling his cup first…..We cut back to where Rob Diamond is running thru a obstacle course, as you see a Cardboard cutout of Vertigo Dirtmurder pop up, before it is slammed down, by Rob thrusting his hips, as Trent looks at a stop watch, and looks down in disappointment}
We cut back to a announce table, where Eric Hardy is seen announcing….
This is it…The Main Event, the most important moment in the history of our business, Who will take home the gold?
{The scene quickly cuts to a track, where in slow motion, the three men, are seen, bouncing on Pogo Sticks…except…of course, they are not Pogo Sticks, but their dongs obviously….As the three men, race toward the finish line, of pogo sticking with their blurred out dongs, all three men, quickly round the last corner, As Billy Idol’s Don’t you forget about me, begins to play, as all three men, take one final leap towards the tape of the finish line, before they freeze in mid-air, as the scene fades}
TO BE CONTINUED!!!!