Post by Rob Diamond on Apr 11, 2013 7:32:44 GMT -6
PROLOGUE
It's been years since nCw has felt the cold clutch of death's hand. Years since the masked god of injustice has cast his ungodly judgement upon this federation, Years since the One True Dark Lord of nCw has roamed these hallowed halls and made grown men scream.
It's been far too long but now after such a long wait the main master of villainous villainy has returned with a VENGEANCE!
His slumber was ruined by a fat oaf looking in all the wrong places to make his name. Perhaps it was a mistake or perhaps he truly is as stupid as he appears. Regardless, he has chosen the wrong man to hit with the hammer of that puss blonde haired douche bag of a god named Thor.
CURTIS KANYON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lord Dominicus is coming for you.
You foolishly placed your hands upon my one mortal ally in this realm. You took that hammer, that prissy looking fools weapon and brought it down upon the mighty noggin of the greatest world champion nCw has EVER SCENE! You stuck Rob Diamond down like he were named Ace! Like a common piece of house hold crap...
YOUR CRIMES WILL NOT GO UNPUNISHED!
For we villains, we diabolical and wretched wretches of evil stick together. And you will pay. Oh yes Curtis, you will pay. For you have made the gravest of mistakes. Rob Diamond is not backed by some Iron Man butt buddy. He's back by an entity so powerful that not even the combined might of the Avengers and the Justice were enough to stop me.
I need not the power of Thor's hammer for I wield all the colors of the emotional spectrum. I have defeated every member of the every single lantern corp. I felled Captain America in hand to hand combat. Defeated the greatest Green Lantern in the galaxy. I have even faced off against the not so mighty Thor and he fell by my hand.
So bring your god.
Bring your hammer.
It will not be enough, Curtis and come this Sunday you will know the pain of a thousand deaths as Lord Dominicus rips your soul to shreds!
MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
Chapter the First.
Rob Diamond is seen walking with a purpose down a hall way, his bloated attorney Mr. Happy is chasing behind him. Rob doesn't look particularly happy he does however look handsome as always in his pre worn boot cut jeans and black tee. Mr. Happy looks like ****.
Happy: ROB! ROB! WAIT ROB!
Rob: Dammit Happy, I'm in a hurry, what the hell is it you want.
Happy: I want to ask you question pertaining to your match so that you can use them as a clever lead in to your promo.
Rob: Oh... Well then continue.
Happy: Thanks.
From his back pocket Happy pulls out a whole chicken breast and takes a bite.
Happy: Need my strength for all this promoing.
Then tosses it to the side.
Happy: Ah, much better. So Rob, this weekend like your taking on the God of Thunder?
Rob: Yup.
Happy: And the guy who bangs people really really hard and generally against their will?
Rob: Yup.
Happy: But... Uhhhh... Isn't that a little one sided?
Rob: How do you mean?
FYI, they are still hustling down a hall way as we speak. Rob cuts a corner and stops at an elevator and presses the button.
Happy: Well like he's got a god in his corner and you've got...
Rob: Lord Dominicus.
Happy: Yeah but... Aren't you guys like...
Happy cups the lens of the camera but not the mic.
Happy: The same person?
He un cups the lens and looks all proud of himself.
Rob: WHAT!? What in the hell makes you say that?
Happy: Well... Cuz no one has ever seen the two of you in the same room together?
Rob: Yeah, so? No one has ever seen Santa or the Easter Bunny in the same room together but that doesn't mean that Santa moonlights as the Easter Bunny in his off season.
Happy thinks about it for a second.
Happy: Good point. But still, Thor is a god.
Rob: Oh come on Happy, you and I both know Gods aren't real.
They both look around for a second, expecting a lighting bolt.
Rob: And even if they were I'm sure Thor would have something better to do than stand in the corner of Curtis Kanyon while I bury my foot up his bloated ass.
Happy: Probably...
Rob: Now come on, we've got things to do.
The elevator doors open and both of them head inside...
INTERMISSION
Curtis mother ****ing Kanyon...
How goes it my fat ass brother from a very slutty person who is not my mother? Did they find the pig she banged- I mean your dad yet?
Look Curt, this is pretty simple. You hit me with a hammer because you thought I was the Ace. That in turn pisses me the hell off and I want to kick your fat ass. While I can appreciate the fact you wanted to take the Ace's head off, or at least permanently injure him, you ****ed up. And while we are all allowed **** ups in life, your **** up comes with some major consequences.
ME.
I'm gonna be honest Curt, I like you. I like what you bring to the table. You're a dirty son of a bitch and that is really something I can respect. Unfortunately I don't respect hammers to the head. So while I may be an avid admirer of your work, you're going to have to be an unfortunate victim of mine.
Sorry Curt. But look at it like this, at least you'll be able to tell your children how you died in the service of your god. Right? Right???
And I will be able to tell mine about the time I had to beat some retard to death because he got the wrong guy. It'll be a good story all around. One to tell over and over again in Valhalla...
Or the Hall of Fame.
But it breaks down like this Curtis, all jokes aside. I'm pissed. REAL pissed. And when Rob Diamond is pissed, mother truckers get trucking hurt. BAD. And I know, I know, you're dirty and all that and you cheat and whatever and that's great. GREAT. But to be honest Curtis, I don't need to be dirty to beat your ass into the ground. I don't need to cheat to win this match. I don't even need to kick you in the balls like I do everyone else, but I will to keep up appearances.
All I need is for you to be you, me to be me and everything will right itself with the world because honestly Curtis. Thor or no Thor, life in and of itself ****ing hates and will never ever let you succeed for anything longer than a fraction of a second. And if the records are correct that fraction of a second ended in 2010.
Congrats on your seemingly endless fall from the top of the mountain. Sucks that I've gotta bury you a little further down but hey, when it's all over with and I'm down bashing your skull in with that sweet ass hammer, I'll buy you a round.
Now bow down and suck it.
Bitch.
Chapter the Second.
The elevator doors slide open and out step Rob and Mr. Happy on the top floor of whatever building it is that they are in.
Rob: And here we are.
Happy: Where's here?
Rob: Here.
Happy: Ahh... I don't get it.
Rob just shakes his head as he crosses the hall way and grabs for the door knob. He hesitates and looks back at his bulbous friend.
Rob: Look Happy, this is a personal matter. I'll catch you later. Here.
Rob hands him twenty bucks.
Rob: Go chase down an ice cream truck or-
He doesn't even get the rest of the sentence out as there is now a Happy sized hole in the window just down the hall.
Rob:.... Something... Thank god he's fat other wise that fall would hurt...
Rob opens the door and heads inside.
Chapter the Third.
A figure stands shrouded in darkness. He breathes heavy through his mask. Before him stands a case, a case full of some of the most powerful weapons in the 52 Earths. He reaches forward and caresses one weapon.
LD: This Sunday I will team up with a main I respect, a man I hold in the highest regard. A man who COMMANDS respect, much like myself.
He pulls the item from the case and holds it in his hands.
LD: Together we will form a mighty bond and take on the greatest threat we have ever known. A god and his archangel. This god is strong, his archangel is mighty. We will need our most powerful weapon to defeat them.
Slowly Lord Dominicus turns around, still holding the object in his hands.
LD: With this weapon we will lay waste to Curtis Kanyon and Thor. We will make them scream for mercy and we will show them none. For there is no power in the known 52 earths that can match up against...
Lord Dominicus raises his now gloved right hand, a golden glove with five gems placed on each of the knuckles.
LD: THE INFINITY GAUNTLET!!!
The masked master of evil faces us for the first time, caressing his chin with the infinity gauntlet, grinning.
LD: Did I say gauntlet? Because I meant...
Without warning Lord Dominicus whips out his left hand, ALSO GLOVED WITH A ****ING INFINITY GAUNTLET!!!!!
LD: DUEL GAUNTLET BITCHES!!!!
He points both gauntleted hands at the camera and then in the blink of an eye we all cease to exist...
Chapter the Fourth.
Rob: What do you mean there's nothing you can do?
We cut back to Rob Diamond who is pacing around the office of his well off brother, who has somehow landed himself in the executive position of a very lucrative pornographic film studio. Chris just watches his brother pace back and forth.
Chris: There's nothing I can do.
Rob: Bull****. Your rich. There's plenty you can do.
Chris: Then let me rephrase that, Rob, I'm not going to help you.
Rob stops dead in his tracks and glares daggers at his brother.
Rob: Why?! Do you not understand this is my daughter we're talking about.
Chris: Yeah I do and honestly Rob I think she's better off.
Rob: What?
Chris: Lets be honest with each other Rob, you have never nor will you ever care about anyone other than yourself. So no, I'm not going to help you rip this little girl out of her mother's life just because you feel like ****ing her over.
Rob: That isn't why-
Chris: Rob, relax, you don't have to pretend like you actually care. Everyone knows you don't.
For a moment Rob is actually speechless, his brother meant every word of that.
Rob: Dude, straight up, **** yourself.
Chris: Rob, listen.
Rob: Nah, I'm done listening. Sorry I bothered you.
Chris shakes his head and sighs as Rob storms out of his brothers office. Chris just stares at the closed door for a few moments before sighing and shaking his head.
Chris: Heh... He almost had me believing he cares about that kid. Oh well...
Fade.
Epilogue
Sunday is a day of reckoning.
Because we ain't afraid of no gods.
You think the Dominicus World Order was something be feared?
Better believe it was.
Well whatcha gonna do brother when the DIAMOND WORLD ORDER RUNS WILD ON YOU!?
Because today is a new dawn in professional wrestling.
The most infamous asshole to ever step foot inside that ring is officially teaming up with the greatest super villain to ever live.
And we are going to raise some hell.
So bring the hammer.
Bang me if you dare.
But before it's all said and done The Church of Thor will know fear.
True fear.
Because the Diamond World Order is bringing the House of Odin down once and for all. So go right ahead and suck on that Curtis.
YOU WILL KNEEL BEFORE YOUR DARK LORD!!!!!!
And you will SUCK IT!!!!!!!!!