Post by Curtis D. Kanyon on Apr 13, 2013 2:33:20 GMT -6
*The scene opens with Curtis D. Kanyon sitting upon his throne in his locker room.*
I try to beat up The Ace, I kick a lot of ass, I found a freaking church...and I get a match with Rob Diamond while my number one disciple gets the title shot that I've been clamoring for! This is utter BS. How could the almighty one be so cruel? But, it is yet another hurdle for me to jump over on my path to the top of the mountain. So I wish my brother in arms Stephan well, for if he is to emerge the victor, then perhaps I can convince him to put on a show for Thor, and give him the most epic of battles.
*Curtis lowers his head and shakes it.*
Curtis: Speaking of... I cannot believe Rob Diamond and his lackey challenged me and my god to a match, and the powers that be deemed that to be a good idea. That's just fantastically awful. Seriously. Who comes up with this? We all know Thor is too powerful and too busy to head here to Midgard and fight two idiots. So I must find a vessel, a man who can carry the message of Thor and the will to win.
*We cut to Curtis on his phone in the car. It rings and rings.*
Curtis: Aw Hel. Come on Howdy, pick up! Where are you?
Phone: The number you have dialed is no longer in service...
Curtis: Damn! Phone, hang up. Phone, dial Cyrus Daniels.
*The phone rings a few times, and then Cyrus picks up.*
Cyrus: What'cha want bloody git?
Curtis: Hey buddy, just wondering if you wanted to represent Thor this weekend with me.
Cyrus: I think I'd rather be lazy, you blimey bastard.
Curtis: Are you drunk?
Cyrus: Damn right!
Curtis: That's my boy!
*Dial tone.*
Curtis: Sigh...time for plan C.
*We cut back to Curtis, now at his round table, eating a big turkey leg.*
Curtis: I know what you're doing Rob. You are trying to demean me and the almighty slayer of giants. Make a joke out of Thor. The old gods are all a joke to people like you, aren't they? He's just a comic book super hero to all the children now. Well I'm bringing him back! I'm making Thor a household name again, because it is my wish to make atonement for the word that he has brought to me. I will be his messenger. I will not let you make a mockery of him. So go ahead, get your giggles out now, because when our match is over, you won't be happy.
*Curtis grabs his nearby stein and takes a swig. He wipes away the froth from his upper lip.*
Curtis: Aahhhhh. Rob, I attacked you by accident. I'll be the first to admit it. And I'm sure you want me to say sorry, but this ain't some bitch sport like Badminton. This is wrestling, you're going to get some ouchies now and then, and you just keep going. Don't be a pansy. Don't get your panties in a twist. Don't pull out some joke in a mask just because I gave you a little love tap with Mjolnir. And really, what am I to be afraid of? Rob, I know you real well. You and I were on the same team in a Battleground cage match, we've had a few battles, and we hung out a few times. I don't dislike you, I don't wish you any ill will. But I have a point to prove and a message to deliver. I respect your work, but lets face, it, your still the stupid "suck it" guy. I'm not the same crazy guy you used to hang out with, I've evolved and grown and got dirtier. But I will still BANG! you. And what you made me do, well, I'm going to have to hurt you just a little more.
*We cut to Curtis D. Kanyon standing with GQ Money in a bathroom.*
Curtis: This will do the trick.
GQ: Let's wait and see the results.
*The camera pulls back and we see Obsidian sitting in a chair, his hair has been dyed blond.*
Obsidian: Why am I doing this?
Curtis: You will represent and be the embodiment of Thor.
Obsidian: Well....that's col. But why couldn't I just wear a blond wig?
Curtis: Because wigs are lame. Duh.
Obsidian: But you--
GQ: Just let it slide dude.
Obsidian: So...I'm going to be Thor?
Curtis: Basically, yeah. You will be representing him and all he tells us to believe in. You need to be strong, you need to be on your A game. You need to be beyond a warrior. Can you do that for me Obsidian? Can you make Thor proud?
Obsidian: Sure...I guess.
Curtis: CAN YOU MAKE HIM PROUD!
Obsidian: Yes sir!
Curtis: That's what I'm talking about! Fight the battle!
Obsidian: Fight the battle!
Curtis: Feel the power!
Obsidian: Feel the power!
Curtis: Snap into a Slim Jim!
Obsidian: OH YEEEEAH-YUH!
*Obsidian gets up and lets out a primal scream and then runs out the door. Curtis and GQ look at him running off and just shrug.*
*Cut back to Curtis in his locker room.*
Curtis: I wonder where Obsidian went?
*We cut to Obsidian walking down the street. A man next to a box starts yelling.*
Man: Excuse me Arian brotha!
Obsidian: Excuse me?
Man: I see those golden locks, and I know you must be the man to lead the whites back to full power!
Obsidian: I...I'm just getting ready to be Thor. What's...what's in the box?
Man: That's just a box of kitlers. I have to many, so I'm giving some away today.
Obsidian: Kitlers?
Man: Kittens that look like mine Furher, Hitler.
Obsidian: That's just wrong, why would you...oh my gosh, all those kittens are adorable! And free you said?
*The scene cuts from that back to Curtis standing in his locker room.*
Curtis: Rob Diamond I respect. Lord Dominicus is a lousy piece of trash. I have no problem beating the hel out of both. Odin demands a battle. I like it, I want to give him that battle and make him happy. I am his Breaker of Worlds. I will break the world of Lord Dominicus and shatter all he holds dear. For...
*Before he can finish, blond Obsidian kicks the door in, wearing a Thor halloweem costume, holding a kitler while three others are perched on his shoulders.*
Obsidian: Your Thor is here! For the kitties! For the children. For the safety of the world! We will stop Lord Dominicus! Art thou with me mortal!
Curtis: Hel yeah! Let's do it!
Thorsidian: I have been granted the power through that which I have seen today! Diamond and Dominicus don't stand a chance...because I'm the jug-fur-naught bitch!
*Thorsidian pets the kitten in his arms, even though he has a tiny black mustache.*
Curtis: Eh...I'll take it. We will stand victorious, for we are the worthy!
*They stand together, looking as menacingly as men with kittens can. Evil kittens. Curtis sneezes. The scene fades.*
I try to beat up The Ace, I kick a lot of ass, I found a freaking church...and I get a match with Rob Diamond while my number one disciple gets the title shot that I've been clamoring for! This is utter BS. How could the almighty one be so cruel? But, it is yet another hurdle for me to jump over on my path to the top of the mountain. So I wish my brother in arms Stephan well, for if he is to emerge the victor, then perhaps I can convince him to put on a show for Thor, and give him the most epic of battles.
*Curtis lowers his head and shakes it.*
Curtis: Speaking of... I cannot believe Rob Diamond and his lackey challenged me and my god to a match, and the powers that be deemed that to be a good idea. That's just fantastically awful. Seriously. Who comes up with this? We all know Thor is too powerful and too busy to head here to Midgard and fight two idiots. So I must find a vessel, a man who can carry the message of Thor and the will to win.
*We cut to Curtis on his phone in the car. It rings and rings.*
Curtis: Aw Hel. Come on Howdy, pick up! Where are you?
Phone: The number you have dialed is no longer in service...
Curtis: Damn! Phone, hang up. Phone, dial Cyrus Daniels.
*The phone rings a few times, and then Cyrus picks up.*
Cyrus: What'cha want bloody git?
Curtis: Hey buddy, just wondering if you wanted to represent Thor this weekend with me.
Cyrus: I think I'd rather be lazy, you blimey bastard.
Curtis: Are you drunk?
Cyrus: Damn right!
Curtis: That's my boy!
*Dial tone.*
Curtis: Sigh...time for plan C.
*We cut back to Curtis, now at his round table, eating a big turkey leg.*
Curtis: I know what you're doing Rob. You are trying to demean me and the almighty slayer of giants. Make a joke out of Thor. The old gods are all a joke to people like you, aren't they? He's just a comic book super hero to all the children now. Well I'm bringing him back! I'm making Thor a household name again, because it is my wish to make atonement for the word that he has brought to me. I will be his messenger. I will not let you make a mockery of him. So go ahead, get your giggles out now, because when our match is over, you won't be happy.
*Curtis grabs his nearby stein and takes a swig. He wipes away the froth from his upper lip.*
Curtis: Aahhhhh. Rob, I attacked you by accident. I'll be the first to admit it. And I'm sure you want me to say sorry, but this ain't some bitch sport like Badminton. This is wrestling, you're going to get some ouchies now and then, and you just keep going. Don't be a pansy. Don't get your panties in a twist. Don't pull out some joke in a mask just because I gave you a little love tap with Mjolnir. And really, what am I to be afraid of? Rob, I know you real well. You and I were on the same team in a Battleground cage match, we've had a few battles, and we hung out a few times. I don't dislike you, I don't wish you any ill will. But I have a point to prove and a message to deliver. I respect your work, but lets face, it, your still the stupid "suck it" guy. I'm not the same crazy guy you used to hang out with, I've evolved and grown and got dirtier. But I will still BANG! you. And what you made me do, well, I'm going to have to hurt you just a little more.
*We cut to Curtis D. Kanyon standing with GQ Money in a bathroom.*
Curtis: This will do the trick.
GQ: Let's wait and see the results.
*The camera pulls back and we see Obsidian sitting in a chair, his hair has been dyed blond.*
Obsidian: Why am I doing this?
Curtis: You will represent and be the embodiment of Thor.
Obsidian: Well....that's col. But why couldn't I just wear a blond wig?
Curtis: Because wigs are lame. Duh.
Obsidian: But you--
GQ: Just let it slide dude.
Obsidian: So...I'm going to be Thor?
Curtis: Basically, yeah. You will be representing him and all he tells us to believe in. You need to be strong, you need to be on your A game. You need to be beyond a warrior. Can you do that for me Obsidian? Can you make Thor proud?
Obsidian: Sure...I guess.
Curtis: CAN YOU MAKE HIM PROUD!
Obsidian: Yes sir!
Curtis: That's what I'm talking about! Fight the battle!
Obsidian: Fight the battle!
Curtis: Feel the power!
Obsidian: Feel the power!
Curtis: Snap into a Slim Jim!
Obsidian: OH YEEEEAH-YUH!
*Obsidian gets up and lets out a primal scream and then runs out the door. Curtis and GQ look at him running off and just shrug.*
*Cut back to Curtis in his locker room.*
Curtis: I wonder where Obsidian went?
*We cut to Obsidian walking down the street. A man next to a box starts yelling.*
Man: Excuse me Arian brotha!
Obsidian: Excuse me?
Man: I see those golden locks, and I know you must be the man to lead the whites back to full power!
Obsidian: I...I'm just getting ready to be Thor. What's...what's in the box?
Man: That's just a box of kitlers. I have to many, so I'm giving some away today.
Obsidian: Kitlers?
Man: Kittens that look like mine Furher, Hitler.
Obsidian: That's just wrong, why would you...oh my gosh, all those kittens are adorable! And free you said?
*The scene cuts from that back to Curtis standing in his locker room.*
Curtis: Rob Diamond I respect. Lord Dominicus is a lousy piece of trash. I have no problem beating the hel out of both. Odin demands a battle. I like it, I want to give him that battle and make him happy. I am his Breaker of Worlds. I will break the world of Lord Dominicus and shatter all he holds dear. For...
*Before he can finish, blond Obsidian kicks the door in, wearing a Thor halloweem costume, holding a kitler while three others are perched on his shoulders.*
Obsidian: Your Thor is here! For the kitties! For the children. For the safety of the world! We will stop Lord Dominicus! Art thou with me mortal!
Curtis: Hel yeah! Let's do it!
Thorsidian: I have been granted the power through that which I have seen today! Diamond and Dominicus don't stand a chance...because I'm the jug-fur-naught bitch!
*Thorsidian pets the kitten in his arms, even though he has a tiny black mustache.*
Curtis: Eh...I'll take it. We will stand victorious, for we are the worthy!
*They stand together, looking as menacingly as men with kittens can. Evil kittens. Curtis sneezes. The scene fades.*