Post by Jasmine Barrera on Apr 13, 2013 10:44:32 GMT -6
I guess my life inside the ring and outside the ring have both reached an impasse. They have become a similar situation for me. No more options for what lies ahead. The only way to get through it, is to do what I know must be done. I thought about this for a long time, and I'm slowly coming to the truth of the problem. It's the only way.
Winning.
Winning at all costs. Because if I don't, someone else will, and I can't have that. I cannot allow that to happen in either choice. I will admit that my choice inside the ring has a lot less severe repercussions than outside of it, but the fact remains I could get hurt badly in both instances. But I can't think about that now. I can't allow losing to enter my mind. I can't think of losing this match, or this war. Losing is no longer an option for me. The only thing I can do for myself, is to win. And it means I have to do whatever it takes.
I face 5 other women inside the Coliseum, and I'm not afraid of any of them. I am not scared of the structure, I don't fear getting hurt, I don't fear pain. I don't fear these things because I already know they are going to be in that cage with me. I will feel that pain, I will get hurt. I know this, so I'm doing the only thing I can. I'm embracing them. It's just like when I was growing up. Nothing really changes when you've done what I've done.
My home is place where people can die at any time. It seems murder and death are like family. They grow on you, you become accustomed to their presence. I've watched people die in the streets I've seen them shot, stabbed, robbed, mugged, jumped, beaten, anything you can think of. It's just the way things are. They become a part of your life, so much so that I almost grew unfazed by a dead body on my way to school with Jenny. I've seen it. Some friends, some enemies, some complete strangers. All dumped in some random alley or behind a fence. It didn't really matter. It was the means to an end. It's how problems that, big or small, get solved where I come from. It's a way of life.
It's why I am fully aware of the pain that awaits me. It's why I'm prepared for what lies ahead. Because I've seen people suffer all my life. Not many of the girls in this match have dealt with or have seen what I have. It gives me a small edge. I've seen the pain on people's faces. I've seen them pour out the liquor for dead friends and family. It's not pretty, it's the way things are. We can't change that kind of thing. This match is similar in comparison, but not on the scale of what I've already been through, and what I am about to go through.
Charity and Emma can't understand. Kathy sure as hell can't. Zelda is always happy-go-lucky. Jenny is more or less the only one who can even relate to this, but She's chosen to try to hide it. She wanted to get past off of the things we saw as kids growing up. I know Jen, it still bothers me too, but I'm not running form my past. I'm using it. I'm going to use it to win. That's the difference. I'm not trying to be someone else, I can't change who I am. Unlike you, I don't need to be fake and try to hide who I am. It's both sad, and brilliant the way you've painted yourself to be better than what people like me know you to be. We are different from the rest of the women in this match. You think Charity has gone through this? She has a goofball for a boyfriend and has done next to nothing to be here. I figure she was just thrown into this match because people like Mercedes Vargas and Rose Acantha aren't around to fill in that spot. I'm not worried about Charity. I know you aren't either. Same thing for Emma. Sure, she's big, and rough and tough. But she's still trying to get over the reality check she's been handed time and time again: The fact that she isn't good enough. She never has been. There may have been a day where she was slightly good enough to get by, but that ship has sailed. I really don't think Zelda even cares about this match, much less wants to win, she's accomplished everything she needs to. And she's one of the driving forces behind your focus Jen. You want to be better than her. You want to be her equal. But the simple fact is Jen, you can't. You know it. I know it. But I can something that you could never do, beat her. I am confident I would have last week, but the rest of the girls wanted to stake their claim. They wanted to make an impact. That's fine and all. Because I plan on making the biggest impact of all.
That just leaves you and Kathy. Kathy already said her piece, but I didn't watch. I don't need to know what she said. She wants to win like all of us do. It's not a big secret or surprise. It's just funny coming from her, the woman who is in charge of this division all of a sudden wants the top prize. I suppose it'll be how she plans to justify how she got that position and why she's in it. Outside of being a tag champion, she never was in contention for your title Jenny. She never wanted this as much as the others. She seemingly never gained a title match. She was a wife and mother first. I can respect that. But to now come in and expect the world to be handed to you on a silver platter and to come in to this type of match and simply just win is a crazy idea. That's the part I can't really respect out of her. So controlling of this division, so over the top arrogant about it. It makes me sick. I have half a mind to force her to be a wife and mother permanently in this match. You may not care as the champion, since she's pretty much taken care of you, But I do. It's not right, and I'm going to right that wrong Sunday.
That leaves you Jenny. It leaves you, the person who I trusted most, the person who I relied on. The person who helped me more than even Todd did. And then, as if to make yourself look better than you truly are, you changed. You went on to get with a white man, and hang around with white girls, and more than that, you looked me dead in the eye and called me friend, like you meant it. When you know damn well you didn't. You have turned your back on me, and the rest of the people who helped you out. It's why it's going to be such a thrill to take that title from you. I had one chance, but you cheated to get by. You took the shortcut. Anything to keep that title around your waist. Anything to keep the act looking good. Anything to distance yourself from reality. Jenny, you should know you can't hide who you are behind this mask from people like me. People who know you better than anyone else. I called you "sister" I tried so hard to look out for you, be there for you. And then, you do this. You make this a personal thing. I'm done with it Jenny. I'm going to take out all my disappointment and frustrations on you Jenny. I am no longer going to simply beat you for the title, I'm going to beat you and hopefully smack some sense into you. It's a weird feeling I have. On one hand, I want to kick your ass for being this way. But on the other, I pity you Jenny. I almost feel sorry for you.You know deep down that you aren't the way you act. It's almost tragic watching you try to live up to the standards you set for yourself. I will offer a dose a reality come Sunday.
That's what this boils down to girls, reality. I know who I am going into this, I know what I can expect, I know full well what might happen. I expect injuries. I expect pain. I expect resistance. I expect 5 hungry women all going after the same prize I am. I am looking forward to this match and I intend on winning it. I intend to etch my name in NCW history by becoming the first female Gladiator in NCW history. That is one goal, but the ultimate is the NCW Starlet's championship. And the only thing I don't really know, is how far the rest of you are willing to go. Because I'm willing to do anything to win. Just like elsewhere in the world.
I'll see you all Sunday.
| Jazz's new apartment, Los Angeles, CA.|
Jazz has returned from the summit she and Rodney went to with Ace. Ice is there waiting for her.
Ice leaves as Jazz sighs and stares out her window, looking for anything before she settles in for the night. After a few mintues of seeing nothing standing out, she begins to disrobe and run her bath. After some cleaver camera shots, she sits down in the tub, the relaxing bubble bath to cool off for the night. As she relaxes, there's the door opening. Jazz looks around suspiciously.
She spots Ice. She beathes a sigh of relief.
Ice then departs again as Jazz watches him leave. She goes back to bathing after a few seconds when the door opens again.
Jazz stops and her eyes open wide with fear.
Standing with a pistol aimed at her, is Pete.
Winning.
Winning at all costs. Because if I don't, someone else will, and I can't have that. I cannot allow that to happen in either choice. I will admit that my choice inside the ring has a lot less severe repercussions than outside of it, but the fact remains I could get hurt badly in both instances. But I can't think about that now. I can't allow losing to enter my mind. I can't think of losing this match, or this war. Losing is no longer an option for me. The only thing I can do for myself, is to win. And it means I have to do whatever it takes.
I face 5 other women inside the Coliseum, and I'm not afraid of any of them. I am not scared of the structure, I don't fear getting hurt, I don't fear pain. I don't fear these things because I already know they are going to be in that cage with me. I will feel that pain, I will get hurt. I know this, so I'm doing the only thing I can. I'm embracing them. It's just like when I was growing up. Nothing really changes when you've done what I've done.
My home is place where people can die at any time. It seems murder and death are like family. They grow on you, you become accustomed to their presence. I've watched people die in the streets I've seen them shot, stabbed, robbed, mugged, jumped, beaten, anything you can think of. It's just the way things are. They become a part of your life, so much so that I almost grew unfazed by a dead body on my way to school with Jenny. I've seen it. Some friends, some enemies, some complete strangers. All dumped in some random alley or behind a fence. It didn't really matter. It was the means to an end. It's how problems that, big or small, get solved where I come from. It's a way of life.
It's why I am fully aware of the pain that awaits me. It's why I'm prepared for what lies ahead. Because I've seen people suffer all my life. Not many of the girls in this match have dealt with or have seen what I have. It gives me a small edge. I've seen the pain on people's faces. I've seen them pour out the liquor for dead friends and family. It's not pretty, it's the way things are. We can't change that kind of thing. This match is similar in comparison, but not on the scale of what I've already been through, and what I am about to go through.
Charity and Emma can't understand. Kathy sure as hell can't. Zelda is always happy-go-lucky. Jenny is more or less the only one who can even relate to this, but She's chosen to try to hide it. She wanted to get past off of the things we saw as kids growing up. I know Jen, it still bothers me too, but I'm not running form my past. I'm using it. I'm going to use it to win. That's the difference. I'm not trying to be someone else, I can't change who I am. Unlike you, I don't need to be fake and try to hide who I am. It's both sad, and brilliant the way you've painted yourself to be better than what people like me know you to be. We are different from the rest of the women in this match. You think Charity has gone through this? She has a goofball for a boyfriend and has done next to nothing to be here. I figure she was just thrown into this match because people like Mercedes Vargas and Rose Acantha aren't around to fill in that spot. I'm not worried about Charity. I know you aren't either. Same thing for Emma. Sure, she's big, and rough and tough. But she's still trying to get over the reality check she's been handed time and time again: The fact that she isn't good enough. She never has been. There may have been a day where she was slightly good enough to get by, but that ship has sailed. I really don't think Zelda even cares about this match, much less wants to win, she's accomplished everything she needs to. And she's one of the driving forces behind your focus Jen. You want to be better than her. You want to be her equal. But the simple fact is Jen, you can't. You know it. I know it. But I can something that you could never do, beat her. I am confident I would have last week, but the rest of the girls wanted to stake their claim. They wanted to make an impact. That's fine and all. Because I plan on making the biggest impact of all.
That just leaves you and Kathy. Kathy already said her piece, but I didn't watch. I don't need to know what she said. She wants to win like all of us do. It's not a big secret or surprise. It's just funny coming from her, the woman who is in charge of this division all of a sudden wants the top prize. I suppose it'll be how she plans to justify how she got that position and why she's in it. Outside of being a tag champion, she never was in contention for your title Jenny. She never wanted this as much as the others. She seemingly never gained a title match. She was a wife and mother first. I can respect that. But to now come in and expect the world to be handed to you on a silver platter and to come in to this type of match and simply just win is a crazy idea. That's the part I can't really respect out of her. So controlling of this division, so over the top arrogant about it. It makes me sick. I have half a mind to force her to be a wife and mother permanently in this match. You may not care as the champion, since she's pretty much taken care of you, But I do. It's not right, and I'm going to right that wrong Sunday.
That leaves you Jenny. It leaves you, the person who I trusted most, the person who I relied on. The person who helped me more than even Todd did. And then, as if to make yourself look better than you truly are, you changed. You went on to get with a white man, and hang around with white girls, and more than that, you looked me dead in the eye and called me friend, like you meant it. When you know damn well you didn't. You have turned your back on me, and the rest of the people who helped you out. It's why it's going to be such a thrill to take that title from you. I had one chance, but you cheated to get by. You took the shortcut. Anything to keep that title around your waist. Anything to keep the act looking good. Anything to distance yourself from reality. Jenny, you should know you can't hide who you are behind this mask from people like me. People who know you better than anyone else. I called you "sister" I tried so hard to look out for you, be there for you. And then, you do this. You make this a personal thing. I'm done with it Jenny. I'm going to take out all my disappointment and frustrations on you Jenny. I am no longer going to simply beat you for the title, I'm going to beat you and hopefully smack some sense into you. It's a weird feeling I have. On one hand, I want to kick your ass for being this way. But on the other, I pity you Jenny. I almost feel sorry for you.You know deep down that you aren't the way you act. It's almost tragic watching you try to live up to the standards you set for yourself. I will offer a dose a reality come Sunday.
That's what this boils down to girls, reality. I know who I am going into this, I know what I can expect, I know full well what might happen. I expect injuries. I expect pain. I expect resistance. I expect 5 hungry women all going after the same prize I am. I am looking forward to this match and I intend on winning it. I intend to etch my name in NCW history by becoming the first female Gladiator in NCW history. That is one goal, but the ultimate is the NCW Starlet's championship. And the only thing I don't really know, is how far the rest of you are willing to go. Because I'm willing to do anything to win. Just like elsewhere in the world.
I'll see you all Sunday.
| Jazz's new apartment, Los Angeles, CA.|
Jazz has returned from the summit she and Rodney went to with Ace. Ice is there waiting for her.
Jazz:
What are you still doing here?
Ice:
My bad, I just thought I'd wait, give the rest of the crew the word.
Jazz:
I see.
Ice:
So...
Jazz:
It was a lost cause, like I thought it would be.
Ice:
Damn.
Jazz:
There is no change. You know what to do when you see them, any of them.
Ice:
Yeah.
Jazz:
You sound disappointed.
Ice:
I ain't never killed nobody before.
Jazz:
Things may change, Ice.
Ice:
Why is thing happening like this though?
Jazz:
It's what happens when you make enemies.
Ice:
We about to go to war? For what?
Jazz:
Because it's the only option left for us. I tried Ice. I really did.
Ice:
I believe you. But this is crazy.
Jazz:
I know Ice. And...I'm sorry.
Ice:
Sorry? for what?
Jazz:
For what could happen. Who knows when this will start. And who knows when it will end.
Ice:
I think you know when it'll end.
Jazz:
I don't think even then will end it.
Ice:
What will?
Jazz:
The end comes when one thing doesn't exist anymore.
Ice:
Damn.
Jazz:
And to do that...
Ice:
Well....I want you to know, I'm down for whatever.
Jazz:
Thanks Ice.
Ice:
Yeah.
Jazz:
You can tell everyone there is no change.
Ice:
I will. I'm out.
Jazz:
Goodnight.
Ice:
You sure you don't need anything? I'm just a call away. I got you.
Jazz:
No. I'm tired, I'll be asleep soon. It's alright.
Ice:
You sure?
Jazz:
Yes. Goodnight Ice.
Ice:
...Goodnight.
What are you still doing here?
Ice:
My bad, I just thought I'd wait, give the rest of the crew the word.
Jazz:
I see.
Ice:
So...
Jazz:
It was a lost cause, like I thought it would be.
Ice:
Damn.
Jazz:
There is no change. You know what to do when you see them, any of them.
Ice:
Yeah.
Jazz:
You sound disappointed.
Ice:
I ain't never killed nobody before.
Jazz:
Things may change, Ice.
Ice:
Why is thing happening like this though?
Jazz:
It's what happens when you make enemies.
Ice:
We about to go to war? For what?
Jazz:
Because it's the only option left for us. I tried Ice. I really did.
Ice:
I believe you. But this is crazy.
Jazz:
I know Ice. And...I'm sorry.
Ice:
Sorry? for what?
Jazz:
For what could happen. Who knows when this will start. And who knows when it will end.
Ice:
I think you know when it'll end.
Jazz:
I don't think even then will end it.
Ice:
What will?
Jazz:
The end comes when one thing doesn't exist anymore.
Ice:
Damn.
Jazz:
And to do that...
Ice:
Well....I want you to know, I'm down for whatever.
Jazz:
Thanks Ice.
Ice:
Yeah.
Jazz:
You can tell everyone there is no change.
Ice:
I will. I'm out.
Jazz:
Goodnight.
Ice:
You sure you don't need anything? I'm just a call away. I got you.
Jazz:
No. I'm tired, I'll be asleep soon. It's alright.
Ice:
You sure?
Jazz:
Yes. Goodnight Ice.
Ice:
...Goodnight.
Ice leaves as Jazz sighs and stares out her window, looking for anything before she settles in for the night. After a few mintues of seeing nothing standing out, she begins to disrobe and run her bath. After some cleaver camera shots, she sits down in the tub, the relaxing bubble bath to cool off for the night. As she relaxes, there's the door opening. Jazz looks around suspiciously.
Jazz:
Who's there?
Ice:
Sorry. It's just me.
Who's there?
Ice:
Sorry. It's just me.
She spots Ice. She beathes a sigh of relief.
Jazz:
Don't do that. You could have given me a heart attack.
Ice:
Sorry. I just left my piece here.
Jazz:
Is something going on?
Ice:
No. But I'm going to need it when it does. Sorry, I'm out.
Don't do that. You could have given me a heart attack.
Ice:
Sorry. I just left my piece here.
Jazz:
Is something going on?
Ice:
No. But I'm going to need it when it does. Sorry, I'm out.
Ice then departs again as Jazz watches him leave. She goes back to bathing after a few seconds when the door opens again.
Jazz:
Ice...I swear, if this is just to see me naked, I will...
Ice...I swear, if this is just to see me naked, I will...
Jazz stops and her eyes open wide with fear.
Jazz:
No...
No...
Standing with a pistol aimed at her, is Pete.
Jazz:
Pete...
Pete:
Hello, Baby-girl. I'm sorry about all this. I am. But you know it's business. Not personal.
Pete...
Pete:
Hello, Baby-girl. I'm sorry about all this. I am. But you know it's business. Not personal.