Post by Rob Diamond on Apr 15, 2013 13:21:52 GMT -6
HOLY FREAKING CRAP BATMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'M FACING THE GREATEST WORLD CHAMPION IN THE HISTORY OF THE MULTIVERSE THIS WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LIKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OH!!!!!!!!!
EMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
Let me just get down on my knees right now and slob that moderately sized, or so I'm told, rock hard Italian sausage because you are just so freaking special.
I mean, who else but you, Bert, who else but you could beat a man like Mike Laszlo?
Oh wait... I beat him in the opener of Collision a few weeks ago after an undisclosed amount of time away from the ring...
BUT WAIT!!!!!!!!!! Berto beat him like THREE WHOLE PAY PER VIEWS IN A ROW!!!!!!!!!
And then nCw coincidentally announced that they were closing their doors due to a massive, yet unrelated decline in pay per views buys....
Totally unrelated...
I mean, after all, EVERYONE KNOWS ROBERTO VERONA IS THE GREATEST HUMAN BEING ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET WITH LIKE A THIRTY TWO INCH PENIS!!!!
However I find it funny that after oh so many days at the top the only one who ever tells me how good this guy is, is himself. I mean, when I was champion it was everyone else who was riding my dick, that's how I knew how ***damn awesome I was. But that isn't to say you can't back up your claims or anything Bert. I mean you've been champion WAY longer than anyone else and have beaten such legends as Mike Laszlo, like I said and the consummate failure in Will Washington...
Truly a Hall of Fame worthy title reign.
I mean, it's not like you were facing legends like Steve Awesome or Xander Famularo or Adam Knite or Falcon or Spike Kane or any of the other names on the list of people who I beat while I was here. I mean my list of people is like small and ridiculous like the Ace's penis compared to your massive list of people...
No seriously, who is Mike Laszlo?
Oh I'm sorry am I supposed to be impressed by what you've done here Bert? Well I'm sorry if I don't find your crowning achievement in nCw, you know, tanking the freaking ratings all that impressive. I mean yeah, I love to wrestle and all that jazz ever since I was a wee little lad doing elbow drops off my top bunk but I'VE GOT BILLS TO PAY ASSHOLE!!!!!!!
So thanks.
Thanks for taking this great company and nose diving it straight into the ground and then bragging about how ***damn historic it is that you've managed to take this company and completely ruin everything we all fought so hard for. Yeah, once upon a time this was a company full of legends, gods among men, now it's full all the guys we used to beat the **** out of nightly and one guy who managed to win the belt and defend it against absolutely no one of any worth what so ever.
Con-Gratu-Freaking-Lations.
You're the World Champion of a dying company with absolutely no ability to draw anything other than a chant I'm sure you're very familiar with...
"CHANGE THE CHANNEL!!!"
I mean, if I wanted to pay good money to watch some guy deliberate how good he things he is, I'd watch White Collar on USA. It's an entire hour of some condescending jerk telling his audience how ***damn good he is.
HOWEVER I've got better things to do than contemplate popping both my ear drums with an ice pick. Like giving ELECTRIFYING PROMOS IN FRONT OF HALF THE CROWD IS USED TO HAVE BECAUSE ROBERTO VERONA MANAGED TO KILL NCW!
Then again, what do I know, right? I'm just one of the leeches. Just some forgotten face from a former era returned to suck the last little bit of crusty old milk from the tit of nCw. Right? That's all I am to Bert. Just another face in the crowd among Shane Hunt, Jackhammer and so on and so forth. Cept, the only difference is I didn't walk away from nCw with my head between my legs because I suck. I also didn't go bury myself in a bottle of Jack until I heard the news and decided to make one last check.
I walked away from nCw for stupid selfish reasons. I walked away because of who was taking the reigns around here and honestly I wasn't happy with how I left things. So yeah, while I was out there in the world wrestling for one of the other 72 most prestigious world titles in the world, I heard the news, I decided I didn't want my story here to end the way it did. I gave Adam a call, I gave him a number that was HALF of what I used to make and I came back. I told him I don't want anything flashy. I don't want any big return announcements. I told him to give me an opponent and that's it and I'd take care of the rest.
So yeah, I'm a leech. I'm just here to make a check. And while I'm making that check I'm going to take the "Greatest Wrestler Who Ever Lived" and shut his big ass mouth because I'm pretty ***damn bored with hearing his opinion of himself.
No but really, it's a honor to be facing you.
{ We open mid way through a conversation between Rob Diamond and Zelda Knite as they sit outside on a nice day enjoying a couple drinks on the patio of a nice cafe. Zelda actually looks pretty happy compared to the last time we saw her and so does Rob which is a nice change of pace. }
Rob: So then I punched him right in his face!
Zelda: Oh my god! Seriously?
Rob: Hell yeah, the son of a bitch deserved it.
Zelda: Sure sounds like it.
{ The two of them laugh as they both takes sips out of their drinks. Rob's smile slowly fades away as he looks at Zelda for a moment or two. }
Rob: What's up, Zee?
Zelda: What do you mean?
Rob: Come on, I know you pretty damn well and I can tell when somethings bothering you.
Zelda: It's nothing.
Rob: Mmm hmmm.
{ She looks away for a second, unsure if she should talk about it. Rob gently places his hand on her shoulder and gives it a little squeeze. }
Rob: You ok?
Zelda: Yeah... No... I don't know... Simon and I had a fight... I think we may of broken up or something.
Rob: What happened?
Zelda: He... Well... I don't know... One minute I was kicking Cross' ass and the next minute Simon was accusing me of being a whore.
{ Rob's goes from being concerned for Zelda to being pretty pissed. }
Rob: WHAT!?
Zelda: I don't know, maybe I'm making more out of this than there really is.
Rob: No, no, no, no get back to the part where he called you a whore.
{ Zelda looks back at him and giggles a little, probably because she's surprised this would fire Rob up so much. }
Zelda: He just, I don't know, he got jealous or whatever that I said I'd have a drink with you and for whatever he was mad Cross was in my room, like I'd ever sleep with him and then Adam told him about...
{ Zee looks around before whispering the last bit in Rob's ear. He actually laughs at that. }
Rob: Seriously? He actually thought Kyle was your first time?
Zelda: I guess so.
Rob: Bwahahahaha. That's hilarious.
Zelda: It's not funny.
Rob: It's pretty funny.
Zelda: Maybe a little.
Rob: I mean I'm not a rocket scientist or anything but even I knew that story was horse ****.
{ The two of them start laughing again, the somber mood of Zelda's little dram is gone for the moment and it's just two friends having a good time, until Rob gets an idea. }
Rob: Hold up, I've got an idea.
Zelda: What?
Rob: Let's do something crazy.
Zelda: Crazy how?
{ Rob just grins at her as the scene slowly fades out. }
I know you're not terribly used to this. Generally you're the asshole that points out everyone else's inadequacies and then flaunts them but that's what happens when you face a bigger piece of **** than yourself.
Now I don't like to toot my own horn but I made a career out of being a pile of garbage. Even won a world title as well as the heart of the most desired piece of tail this side of Hollywood. I'm sure that doesn't impress you and I could give a **** if it does, all I'm trying to say is this, you've made a career out of being the villain here...
I'm a mother trucking SUPER VILLAIN.
I'm InFamous.
And not because I give a damn if I wrestle the match of my life and walk away the victor. As long as I win, the in between is pretty much meaningless to me. I don't care if I have to skin your pet cat as a distraction in the middle of the match so I can roll you up and get a fist full of tights, I still won.
That's how I play this game. I see that you pride yourself on playing your part in this company pretty well and that's great. I'm happy that your happy that the people hate your guts and want to see crucified, truly that's awesome for you. But I'd rather not spend the next forty five minutes hearing about it so if you could do me a favor and skip past the part where you suck yourself off for absolutely no ones enjoyment, that'd make me happy.
See Bert, the thing that has always made me different than everyone else is I don't care who I gotta hurt to get what I want.
I don't care about anyone else but me.
Maybe you like to give people a helping hand while you're on top, maybe you like to give to the needy and donate to charity and lift people up on your shoulders and maybe that's why nCw is burning through cash like a brush fire. I don't know. I'm not a business person. What I do know is how to get what I want and how to get it the most painful way possible.
What I know is that Sunday night, I'm stepping inside the ring with the nCw world champion. A man I may not respect or give two ****s about but I have to acknowledge as being the best this company has to offer and I will NOT stop until one of the two of us can't get the hell back up.
I'm not saying your historic reign is going to end on the injured reserved list...
That'd just be a bonus for me.
SUCK IT.
KNEEL BEFORE DOMINICUS!!!!!!!!
{ We open back up inside a Dave and Busters where Rob Diamond and Zelda Knite AKA Lord and Lady and Dominici are in the midst of an epic game of air hockey. Lady Dominicus is currently up 6 - 5. }
Lady Dominicus: YOU WILL BOW BEFORE ME!
Lord Dominicus: NEVER! YOU WILL KNOW PAIN!!!!
{ Zelda sends the puck off the right wall and Rob blocks and sends it back her way, she moves and misses and now it's a tied game. 6 - 6. }
Zelda: CURSES!!!!!
Rob: Your time at the top draws to a close, my lady.
{ Everyone in the Dave and Busters is just staring at these two clowns in full super villain gear like wtf? }
Zelda: Victory will soon be mine!
Rob: Not if I can help it!
{ Zelda drops the puck and fires, Rob blocks and sends it back, the exchange goes back and forth for a few more seconds but Rob zigs when he should zag and Zelda scores the final goal. }
Zelda: YES! YES! YES! IN YOUR FACE!!!!
{ Zelda jumps on top of the table and runs across to where Rob is and gets right in his face with a huge, I'm talking mind blowingly huge crotch chop to the face! }
Zelda: SUCK IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
{ Rob's Lord Dominicus mask is almost blown off by this crotch chop it was just so epic. }
Rob: Jesus... Get down from there, you're going to get us kicked out before I win the razor scooter.
{ Zelda giggles as she goes to hop down but she trips on the edge of the table and falls down right on top of Rob, knocking him over as well. Zelda lays on top of Rob for a second, the two of them dressed like idiots in costumes just staring into each others eyes. For a second it seems like something is there... }
Zelda: I should...
Rob: Yeah... I mean...
{ And the awkwardness sets in. The two of them stand up and kind of do that weird toe thing people do when they don't know what to say and then Zelda sees something. She punches Rob right in the ball of the shoulder. }
Rob: What the hell?
Zelda: You. Me. Deal or no deal. Now.
{ With that Zelda takes off, her cape flowing in the wind, toward the Deal or no Deal machine. Rob shakes his masked head and laughs as he chases after her, making sure to knock over some defenseless little kids on the way and steal their drinks. Fade out. }
I'M FACING THE GREATEST WORLD CHAMPION IN THE HISTORY OF THE MULTIVERSE THIS WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LIKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OH!!!!!!!!!
EMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
Let me just get down on my knees right now and slob that moderately sized, or so I'm told, rock hard Italian sausage because you are just so freaking special.
I mean, who else but you, Bert, who else but you could beat a man like Mike Laszlo?
Oh wait... I beat him in the opener of Collision a few weeks ago after an undisclosed amount of time away from the ring...
BUT WAIT!!!!!!!!!! Berto beat him like THREE WHOLE PAY PER VIEWS IN A ROW!!!!!!!!!
And then nCw coincidentally announced that they were closing their doors due to a massive, yet unrelated decline in pay per views buys....
Totally unrelated...
I mean, after all, EVERYONE KNOWS ROBERTO VERONA IS THE GREATEST HUMAN BEING ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET WITH LIKE A THIRTY TWO INCH PENIS!!!!
However I find it funny that after oh so many days at the top the only one who ever tells me how good this guy is, is himself. I mean, when I was champion it was everyone else who was riding my dick, that's how I knew how ***damn awesome I was. But that isn't to say you can't back up your claims or anything Bert. I mean you've been champion WAY longer than anyone else and have beaten such legends as Mike Laszlo, like I said and the consummate failure in Will Washington...
Truly a Hall of Fame worthy title reign.
I mean, it's not like you were facing legends like Steve Awesome or Xander Famularo or Adam Knite or Falcon or Spike Kane or any of the other names on the list of people who I beat while I was here. I mean my list of people is like small and ridiculous like the Ace's penis compared to your massive list of people...
No seriously, who is Mike Laszlo?
Oh I'm sorry am I supposed to be impressed by what you've done here Bert? Well I'm sorry if I don't find your crowning achievement in nCw, you know, tanking the freaking ratings all that impressive. I mean yeah, I love to wrestle and all that jazz ever since I was a wee little lad doing elbow drops off my top bunk but I'VE GOT BILLS TO PAY ASSHOLE!!!!!!!
So thanks.
Thanks for taking this great company and nose diving it straight into the ground and then bragging about how ***damn historic it is that you've managed to take this company and completely ruin everything we all fought so hard for. Yeah, once upon a time this was a company full of legends, gods among men, now it's full all the guys we used to beat the **** out of nightly and one guy who managed to win the belt and defend it against absolutely no one of any worth what so ever.
Con-Gratu-Freaking-Lations.
You're the World Champion of a dying company with absolutely no ability to draw anything other than a chant I'm sure you're very familiar with...
"CHANGE THE CHANNEL!!!"
I mean, if I wanted to pay good money to watch some guy deliberate how good he things he is, I'd watch White Collar on USA. It's an entire hour of some condescending jerk telling his audience how ***damn good he is.
HOWEVER I've got better things to do than contemplate popping both my ear drums with an ice pick. Like giving ELECTRIFYING PROMOS IN FRONT OF HALF THE CROWD IS USED TO HAVE BECAUSE ROBERTO VERONA MANAGED TO KILL NCW!
Then again, what do I know, right? I'm just one of the leeches. Just some forgotten face from a former era returned to suck the last little bit of crusty old milk from the tit of nCw. Right? That's all I am to Bert. Just another face in the crowd among Shane Hunt, Jackhammer and so on and so forth. Cept, the only difference is I didn't walk away from nCw with my head between my legs because I suck. I also didn't go bury myself in a bottle of Jack until I heard the news and decided to make one last check.
I walked away from nCw for stupid selfish reasons. I walked away because of who was taking the reigns around here and honestly I wasn't happy with how I left things. So yeah, while I was out there in the world wrestling for one of the other 72 most prestigious world titles in the world, I heard the news, I decided I didn't want my story here to end the way it did. I gave Adam a call, I gave him a number that was HALF of what I used to make and I came back. I told him I don't want anything flashy. I don't want any big return announcements. I told him to give me an opponent and that's it and I'd take care of the rest.
So yeah, I'm a leech. I'm just here to make a check. And while I'm making that check I'm going to take the "Greatest Wrestler Who Ever Lived" and shut his big ass mouth because I'm pretty ***damn bored with hearing his opinion of himself.
No but really, it's a honor to be facing you.
{ We open mid way through a conversation between Rob Diamond and Zelda Knite as they sit outside on a nice day enjoying a couple drinks on the patio of a nice cafe. Zelda actually looks pretty happy compared to the last time we saw her and so does Rob which is a nice change of pace. }
Rob: So then I punched him right in his face!
Zelda: Oh my god! Seriously?
Rob: Hell yeah, the son of a bitch deserved it.
Zelda: Sure sounds like it.
{ The two of them laugh as they both takes sips out of their drinks. Rob's smile slowly fades away as he looks at Zelda for a moment or two. }
Rob: What's up, Zee?
Zelda: What do you mean?
Rob: Come on, I know you pretty damn well and I can tell when somethings bothering you.
Zelda: It's nothing.
Rob: Mmm hmmm.
{ She looks away for a second, unsure if she should talk about it. Rob gently places his hand on her shoulder and gives it a little squeeze. }
Rob: You ok?
Zelda: Yeah... No... I don't know... Simon and I had a fight... I think we may of broken up or something.
Rob: What happened?
Zelda: He... Well... I don't know... One minute I was kicking Cross' ass and the next minute Simon was accusing me of being a whore.
{ Rob's goes from being concerned for Zelda to being pretty pissed. }
Rob: WHAT!?
Zelda: I don't know, maybe I'm making more out of this than there really is.
Rob: No, no, no, no get back to the part where he called you a whore.
{ Zelda looks back at him and giggles a little, probably because she's surprised this would fire Rob up so much. }
Zelda: He just, I don't know, he got jealous or whatever that I said I'd have a drink with you and for whatever he was mad Cross was in my room, like I'd ever sleep with him and then Adam told him about...
{ Zee looks around before whispering the last bit in Rob's ear. He actually laughs at that. }
Rob: Seriously? He actually thought Kyle was your first time?
Zelda: I guess so.
Rob: Bwahahahaha. That's hilarious.
Zelda: It's not funny.
Rob: It's pretty funny.
Zelda: Maybe a little.
Rob: I mean I'm not a rocket scientist or anything but even I knew that story was horse ****.
{ The two of them start laughing again, the somber mood of Zelda's little dram is gone for the moment and it's just two friends having a good time, until Rob gets an idea. }
Rob: Hold up, I've got an idea.
Zelda: What?
Rob: Let's do something crazy.
Zelda: Crazy how?
{ Rob just grins at her as the scene slowly fades out. }
I know you're not terribly used to this. Generally you're the asshole that points out everyone else's inadequacies and then flaunts them but that's what happens when you face a bigger piece of **** than yourself.
Now I don't like to toot my own horn but I made a career out of being a pile of garbage. Even won a world title as well as the heart of the most desired piece of tail this side of Hollywood. I'm sure that doesn't impress you and I could give a **** if it does, all I'm trying to say is this, you've made a career out of being the villain here...
I'm a mother trucking SUPER VILLAIN.
I'm InFamous.
And not because I give a damn if I wrestle the match of my life and walk away the victor. As long as I win, the in between is pretty much meaningless to me. I don't care if I have to skin your pet cat as a distraction in the middle of the match so I can roll you up and get a fist full of tights, I still won.
That's how I play this game. I see that you pride yourself on playing your part in this company pretty well and that's great. I'm happy that your happy that the people hate your guts and want to see crucified, truly that's awesome for you. But I'd rather not spend the next forty five minutes hearing about it so if you could do me a favor and skip past the part where you suck yourself off for absolutely no ones enjoyment, that'd make me happy.
See Bert, the thing that has always made me different than everyone else is I don't care who I gotta hurt to get what I want.
I don't care about anyone else but me.
Maybe you like to give people a helping hand while you're on top, maybe you like to give to the needy and donate to charity and lift people up on your shoulders and maybe that's why nCw is burning through cash like a brush fire. I don't know. I'm not a business person. What I do know is how to get what I want and how to get it the most painful way possible.
What I know is that Sunday night, I'm stepping inside the ring with the nCw world champion. A man I may not respect or give two ****s about but I have to acknowledge as being the best this company has to offer and I will NOT stop until one of the two of us can't get the hell back up.
I'm not saying your historic reign is going to end on the injured reserved list...
That'd just be a bonus for me.
SUCK IT.
KNEEL BEFORE DOMINICUS!!!!!!!!
{ We open back up inside a Dave and Busters where Rob Diamond and Zelda Knite AKA Lord and Lady and Dominici are in the midst of an epic game of air hockey. Lady Dominicus is currently up 6 - 5. }
Lady Dominicus: YOU WILL BOW BEFORE ME!
Lord Dominicus: NEVER! YOU WILL KNOW PAIN!!!!
{ Zelda sends the puck off the right wall and Rob blocks and sends it back her way, she moves and misses and now it's a tied game. 6 - 6. }
Zelda: CURSES!!!!!
Rob: Your time at the top draws to a close, my lady.
{ Everyone in the Dave and Busters is just staring at these two clowns in full super villain gear like wtf? }
Zelda: Victory will soon be mine!
Rob: Not if I can help it!
{ Zelda drops the puck and fires, Rob blocks and sends it back, the exchange goes back and forth for a few more seconds but Rob zigs when he should zag and Zelda scores the final goal. }
Zelda: YES! YES! YES! IN YOUR FACE!!!!
{ Zelda jumps on top of the table and runs across to where Rob is and gets right in his face with a huge, I'm talking mind blowingly huge crotch chop to the face! }
Zelda: SUCK IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
{ Rob's Lord Dominicus mask is almost blown off by this crotch chop it was just so epic. }
Rob: Jesus... Get down from there, you're going to get us kicked out before I win the razor scooter.
{ Zelda giggles as she goes to hop down but she trips on the edge of the table and falls down right on top of Rob, knocking him over as well. Zelda lays on top of Rob for a second, the two of them dressed like idiots in costumes just staring into each others eyes. For a second it seems like something is there... }
Zelda: I should...
Rob: Yeah... I mean...
{ And the awkwardness sets in. The two of them stand up and kind of do that weird toe thing people do when they don't know what to say and then Zelda sees something. She punches Rob right in the ball of the shoulder. }
Rob: What the hell?
Zelda: You. Me. Deal or no deal. Now.
{ With that Zelda takes off, her cape flowing in the wind, toward the Deal or no Deal machine. Rob shakes his masked head and laughs as he chases after her, making sure to knock over some defenseless little kids on the way and steal their drinks. Fade out. }