Post by Matt Shannon on Feb 27, 2008 18:30:54 GMT -6
Shot opens inside TGI Friday's in North Richland Hills, TX. A couple that's out on a date approach the front as the hostess greets them and is about to seat them at a table. The couple seems to have arrived just in time as all of the tables, save for a small table that just seats two people, have been taken up. As the hostess goes to grab the menus, "The Excellent Gordie" Gordon Heath, George Dunpork, and Craig "Senior" Mueller bust through the door and bump the couple, not even looking to see that they're standing right there as they make their way to the last table. George and Craig sit down, and Gordie grabs a chair out from under an elderly lady who's having dinner with her husband, causing her to fall out of her chair and scream in pain. Gordie acts as if nothing has happened as he pulls the chair up to the table and sits down. Meanwhile, several nearby people rush over to help the elderly lady, who luckily isn't seriously hurt. The hostess, along with the couple, approach the Sports Nutz and Gordie.
HOSTESS
Excuse us, gentlemen...
MAN
That's the BS statement of the year.
GORDON HEATH
Excuse us, but what's taking so long for our waiter or waitress to get over here?
HOSTESS
Sir, you and your friends here must wait to be seated. This couple was ahead of you and this is their table.
Gordie, George and Craig all roll their eyes and get up. Gordie retorts, saying "Fine, whatever." They go back to the front. Luckily for them, no one else has approached the front to put down their names for a table. The hostess comes back to the front.
HOSTESS
So I take it that it's going to be three.
GORDON HEATH
No, it's going to be 20 of us! Of course it's going to be three you dumb broad! Did you not see how many of us sat at that table?!
HOSTESS
I'm sorry, sir. It's just standard procedure to ask how many there will be in a party.
GEORGE DUNPORK
Just get us a damn table already!
The hostess turns and sees a party of three people leaving their booth as they have finished their dining experience. A bus boy walks over to the table, bus tub in hand, to clean up the table.
HOSTESS
Well luckily for you, one party has already left their table and the bus boy is working on cleaning it up. I'll go ahead and take you over there.
The hostess leads Gordie, George and Craig over to their booth as the bus boy has finished cleaning it up.
CRAIG MUELLER
Man, Tito Santana has really fallen on hard times!
Gordie, George and Craig howl in laughter at Craig's offensive remark. The bus boy walks off, saying "Pinche jotos" under his breath. Gordie, George and Craig sit down as the hostess hands them their menus and silverware. The hostess leaves and the trio look over the menu.
CRAIG MUELLER
Hey, George, they still have the 3-Course Meal Deal here.
GEORGE DUNPORK
Oh sweet! I'm getting the sirloin.
A tall waiter with short dark hair comes over and gets their drink orders. A margarita on the rocks for Gordie; a bottle of Bud Ice for George; and a peach ice tea for Craig.
GORDON HEATH
Well are you guys ready for your match against the "Evil" Brothers on the PPV pre show?
GEORGE DUNPORK
Of course we're ready. I mean, what training do we have to do for slasher film rejects? The only reason they're in the wrestling business is because they're over seven feet tall and dress like they just got off the set of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I can guarantee you that there's not one single athletic bone in their bodies.
CRAIG MUELLER
And you know, they're brother Mark can run his gums all day long about "They don't care about being athletic, they just hurt people." I'm sorry, but that can only take you so far. Brock Lesnar was just focused on maiming Frank Mir. And while Lesnar may have been bigger than Mir, all it took was for Lesnar to make ONE mistake, and Mir made him his bitch. So the so called "Evil" Brothers can dress up like Mushroomhead rejects all the day long, but it won't matter because we're the better athletes and once they make that one mistake, it'll be all over.
The waiter comes back to the table with their drinks and sets them down. He takes their order, then leaves to go turn the order in.
GORDON HEATH
So who are you guys hoping becomes President in 2008?
GEORGE DUNPORK
Whoever legalizes gay marriage will have my vote.
CRAIG MUELLER
I really don't know who to vote for. Maybe George and I should become write in candidates for president and vice president.
GORDON HEATH
Oooh, I call dibs on being president!
GEORGE DUNPORK
Did you not just listen to Craig, Gordie? Craig mentioned his and my name for the president and vice president spots. You're name wasn't mentioned.
GORDON HEATH
Ahem... Who signs your checks?
CRAIG MUELLER
Well Leonard Fox does.
Gordie rolls his eyes.
GORDON HEATH
I meant your checks outside of nCw, you fruitcake.
CRAIG MUELLER
Oh.
GEORGE DUNPORK
Fine, you can be president, Gordie.
The trio continue their conversation until their waiter comes back with their food and sets it on the table. They proceed to eat their meal and continue to socialize. As they finish their meal, Gordie, his plate completely empty, calls another waiter over and asks that he go get their waiter. Their waiter comes over.
WAITER
Is there something I can do for you, guys?
GORDON HEATH
Well, my salmon wasn't completely cooked, and the vegetables tasted old. I want my meal comped off my ticket.
WAITER
Well, I'd like to, but the only problem is that it seems you've eaten all of your meal.
GORDON HEATH
Excuse me, but this meal was awful! I am a television star and it is my right to receive preferential treatment! Now are you comping my meal or not?!
WAITER
Well sir...
GORDON HEATH
It's a yes or no question, you little punk!
WAITER
No.
GORDON HEATH
That's it! We're never eating here again!
Gordie, George and Craig storm out of their booth and try to get out without paying their check. The waiter chases out after them. Gordie, George and Craig turn around and grab the waiter, but several other waiters storm in and tackle Gordie, George and Craig. One of the waiters grabs Gordie's wallet out of his pocket, takes out enough money to cover the check, and throws the wallet back down to him. Gordie, George and Craig slowly get up and try to catch their bearings as the scene fades out.
HOSTESS
Excuse us, gentlemen...
MAN
That's the BS statement of the year.
GORDON HEATH
Excuse us, but what's taking so long for our waiter or waitress to get over here?
HOSTESS
Sir, you and your friends here must wait to be seated. This couple was ahead of you and this is their table.
Gordie, George and Craig all roll their eyes and get up. Gordie retorts, saying "Fine, whatever." They go back to the front. Luckily for them, no one else has approached the front to put down their names for a table. The hostess comes back to the front.
HOSTESS
So I take it that it's going to be three.
GORDON HEATH
No, it's going to be 20 of us! Of course it's going to be three you dumb broad! Did you not see how many of us sat at that table?!
HOSTESS
I'm sorry, sir. It's just standard procedure to ask how many there will be in a party.
GEORGE DUNPORK
Just get us a damn table already!
The hostess turns and sees a party of three people leaving their booth as they have finished their dining experience. A bus boy walks over to the table, bus tub in hand, to clean up the table.
HOSTESS
Well luckily for you, one party has already left their table and the bus boy is working on cleaning it up. I'll go ahead and take you over there.
The hostess leads Gordie, George and Craig over to their booth as the bus boy has finished cleaning it up.
CRAIG MUELLER
Man, Tito Santana has really fallen on hard times!
Gordie, George and Craig howl in laughter at Craig's offensive remark. The bus boy walks off, saying "Pinche jotos" under his breath. Gordie, George and Craig sit down as the hostess hands them their menus and silverware. The hostess leaves and the trio look over the menu.
CRAIG MUELLER
Hey, George, they still have the 3-Course Meal Deal here.
GEORGE DUNPORK
Oh sweet! I'm getting the sirloin.
A tall waiter with short dark hair comes over and gets their drink orders. A margarita on the rocks for Gordie; a bottle of Bud Ice for George; and a peach ice tea for Craig.
GORDON HEATH
Well are you guys ready for your match against the "Evil" Brothers on the PPV pre show?
GEORGE DUNPORK
Of course we're ready. I mean, what training do we have to do for slasher film rejects? The only reason they're in the wrestling business is because they're over seven feet tall and dress like they just got off the set of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I can guarantee you that there's not one single athletic bone in their bodies.
CRAIG MUELLER
And you know, they're brother Mark can run his gums all day long about "They don't care about being athletic, they just hurt people." I'm sorry, but that can only take you so far. Brock Lesnar was just focused on maiming Frank Mir. And while Lesnar may have been bigger than Mir, all it took was for Lesnar to make ONE mistake, and Mir made him his bitch. So the so called "Evil" Brothers can dress up like Mushroomhead rejects all the day long, but it won't matter because we're the better athletes and once they make that one mistake, it'll be all over.
The waiter comes back to the table with their drinks and sets them down. He takes their order, then leaves to go turn the order in.
GORDON HEATH
So who are you guys hoping becomes President in 2008?
GEORGE DUNPORK
Whoever legalizes gay marriage will have my vote.
CRAIG MUELLER
I really don't know who to vote for. Maybe George and I should become write in candidates for president and vice president.
GORDON HEATH
Oooh, I call dibs on being president!
GEORGE DUNPORK
Did you not just listen to Craig, Gordie? Craig mentioned his and my name for the president and vice president spots. You're name wasn't mentioned.
GORDON HEATH
Ahem... Who signs your checks?
CRAIG MUELLER
Well Leonard Fox does.
Gordie rolls his eyes.
GORDON HEATH
I meant your checks outside of nCw, you fruitcake.
CRAIG MUELLER
Oh.
GEORGE DUNPORK
Fine, you can be president, Gordie.
The trio continue their conversation until their waiter comes back with their food and sets it on the table. They proceed to eat their meal and continue to socialize. As they finish their meal, Gordie, his plate completely empty, calls another waiter over and asks that he go get their waiter. Their waiter comes over.
WAITER
Is there something I can do for you, guys?
GORDON HEATH
Well, my salmon wasn't completely cooked, and the vegetables tasted old. I want my meal comped off my ticket.
WAITER
Well, I'd like to, but the only problem is that it seems you've eaten all of your meal.
GORDON HEATH
Excuse me, but this meal was awful! I am a television star and it is my right to receive preferential treatment! Now are you comping my meal or not?!
WAITER
Well sir...
GORDON HEATH
It's a yes or no question, you little punk!
WAITER
No.
GORDON HEATH
That's it! We're never eating here again!
Gordie, George and Craig storm out of their booth and try to get out without paying their check. The waiter chases out after them. Gordie, George and Craig turn around and grab the waiter, but several other waiters storm in and tackle Gordie, George and Craig. One of the waiters grabs Gordie's wallet out of his pocket, takes out enough money to cover the check, and throws the wallet back down to him. Gordie, George and Craig slowly get up and try to catch their bearings as the scene fades out.
