Post by Jack Ryan on May 10, 2008 7:41:04 GMT -6
-Once more we come back from commercial to the Social Enemies Home Shopping network. This time, Talon is standing front and center waiting for his part of the spiel.-
Angel: Welcome back once to the Social Enemies Home Shopping Network. Now in this segment we have some really rare collectors items in store for you. Stuff that you can't find anywhere else.. except maybe your local comic book shop.
Talon: That is correct mon ami. First up we have this little number.
(He holds up a copy of the latest 2008 edition of "Guide to the Marvel Universe".)
Talon: In this very book right here, you'll see the good, the not so good and the horrendous that the creative team at Marvel has to offer. From the ultra power characters like Galactus, The Sentry and Blackbolt.. down to the meager like.. The Vulture, Moleman, and Luke Cage. Yes, everything about everyone you could want to know about is right here in this book. Here is just a sample of what you'll find inside.
(Talon flips seemingly randomly through the book. Stopping on a page. He displays it for the camera. The picture is of a man in a blue costume, adorning gold helmet with a red star like object on top of it.)
Talon: Here we are. Take this character for example. Just a simple everyday kid. Then he was chosen for something absolutely extraordinary. He was chosen to join the illustrious Nova Corps. Thus, a long island kid named Richard Rider became the powerful Nova. The beacon in the dark if you will. If you needed help, no matter what planet or galaxy.. Nova was there. It reminds me of someone.. man the name is on the tip of my tongue.
(Everyman clears his throat)
Talon: Oh now I remember.. Joe Everyman. A simple everyday average guy.. until something needs to be done and then Boom.. the power comes out and he becomes unstoppable. Everyone said the galaxy was doomed by Lord Anhillius, Nova put an end to that. Everyone said Joe would drop the title at a Night to Remember.. and he proved them all wrong. Fascinating how art imitates life doesn't it?
(More random pages turn. Coming to the next character, a man who's entire body is engulfed in flames.)
Talon: Ahhh.. Johnny Storm.. aka the Human Torch. Some look at him and call him lame, others overlook him as useless and weak. But when it all comes down to it, you want him in your corner because he delivers.. like Falcon for example.. always there when you need him to be.
Falcon: Am I the corney movie Johnny Storm.. or the super destructive Ultimate Alliance Johnny Storm?
Talon: Ultimate Alliance all the way..
Falcon: Nice..
(More pages flipped.. now it becomes obvious he's looking for something... The next page shows a man in wicked red body armor.. well ok it's frickin Magneto.)
Talon: Ahh Magneto.. one of THE best, no argument neccessary. Love him or hate him, you have to respect him. No matter what the circumstances, or the odds, he can always find a way to win and accomplish his objective. Exactly like Angel. It's just a fact of something you can't actually deny.
Angel: For once Rob got something right?
Talon: Unfortunately...
Angel: Damn..
(Last time with the pages I promise. The picture is a man with touselled brown hair in a brown trenchcoat with a steel bo staff in his hand.)
Talon: ...Gambit. Call him lame, call him annoying.. but you don't want to run into him in a dark alley. You can make all the excuses you want about comic fans hating him, he exists, because people read what he wants to do. It's similar to Howard Stern, the people who hated him listened to him for almost an hour more a day than his fans. Because they wanted to know what he had to say. Gambit is the same, sometimes the hero, sometimes the villain, always a factor in everything. Exactly like myself. You may think me a knock off of Falcon, Rob. But I'd rather be a knock off of greatness than a weakling puppet always finding someone's skirt to hide under. You can't be Wolverine until you're a man first. Remember that.
(He finally just sets the book down. No more pages, just like I promised.)
Talon: Then you have some others.. like Spike Kane.. who is.. Norman Osbourne or the Green Goblin.. one day long ago.. he was the ****. Now he's just a weak old man controlling mindless puppet side characters that nobody gives a **** about. Tyler Jacobs is like the President of A.I.M. or Hydra. Sure, he has a fancy title and some authority. But what does it actually count for? Nothing. Of course Xavier Williams is Jaime Madrox.. who is the Multiple Man.. because there is a thousand people exactly like him. Him and all the other idiots who thought CM Punk was just so cool they wanted to be exactly like him. There's thousands.. literally.. He should sue for gimmick infringement, then he'd never have to work again.
Angel: Why do you keep telling him he's sometimes right?
Talon: Because sometimes he just is.. even if he doesn't realize it's not for the reason his pea brain thinks it is.
Angel: Fair Enough..
Talon: That brings me to you Rob. "Wolverine". I find that hard to believe.. since Wolverine is a bona fide loner, and all you do is follow people around like a lost puppy. Which makes you pretty much Wonder Man.. always following the Avengers around like he means something to them. But tell me comic boy.. name one thing he's ever done that was important? Oh that's right, there isn't anything. So go "berserker" all you want lad.. it's going to have about as much effect as a mosquito trying to bite through a steel plate. Angel.. The Ace.. already proved you're not super strong, or invincible, but I guess you've been following Spike Kane long enough that he beat the sense out of you already.
Falcon: Hate to break up your reverie.. but could you sell the product so we can move on?
Talon: Oh alright.. You can buy this especially from us at the low price of 799.99$! How could anyone resist that?
(Falcon checks the back of the book.)
Falcon: Eight hundred dollars for something that's cover price is 19.95$?
Talon: It's my copy.. I kinda want to keep it.
Everyman: You dick..
Talon: Maybe..
Angel: Anyway.. that wraps it up for the Social Enemies Home Shopping Network. Join us next time for more of our glorious self serving merchandise.
Falcon: And as always.. watch us every Sunday as we continue our ever so noble quest to dominate the competition and show whiney little brats like the Empire and Social Distortion where real power lies.
Angel: Whine, cry, beg, plead.. the outcome is always the same.
Everyman: Outclassed, outmanned, outgunned in every way.
-Fade-
Angel: Welcome back once to the Social Enemies Home Shopping Network. Now in this segment we have some really rare collectors items in store for you. Stuff that you can't find anywhere else.. except maybe your local comic book shop.
Talon: That is correct mon ami. First up we have this little number.
(He holds up a copy of the latest 2008 edition of "Guide to the Marvel Universe".)
Talon: In this very book right here, you'll see the good, the not so good and the horrendous that the creative team at Marvel has to offer. From the ultra power characters like Galactus, The Sentry and Blackbolt.. down to the meager like.. The Vulture, Moleman, and Luke Cage. Yes, everything about everyone you could want to know about is right here in this book. Here is just a sample of what you'll find inside.
(Talon flips seemingly randomly through the book. Stopping on a page. He displays it for the camera. The picture is of a man in a blue costume, adorning gold helmet with a red star like object on top of it.)
Talon: Here we are. Take this character for example. Just a simple everyday kid. Then he was chosen for something absolutely extraordinary. He was chosen to join the illustrious Nova Corps. Thus, a long island kid named Richard Rider became the powerful Nova. The beacon in the dark if you will. If you needed help, no matter what planet or galaxy.. Nova was there. It reminds me of someone.. man the name is on the tip of my tongue.
(Everyman clears his throat)
Talon: Oh now I remember.. Joe Everyman. A simple everyday average guy.. until something needs to be done and then Boom.. the power comes out and he becomes unstoppable. Everyone said the galaxy was doomed by Lord Anhillius, Nova put an end to that. Everyone said Joe would drop the title at a Night to Remember.. and he proved them all wrong. Fascinating how art imitates life doesn't it?
(More random pages turn. Coming to the next character, a man who's entire body is engulfed in flames.)
Talon: Ahhh.. Johnny Storm.. aka the Human Torch. Some look at him and call him lame, others overlook him as useless and weak. But when it all comes down to it, you want him in your corner because he delivers.. like Falcon for example.. always there when you need him to be.
Falcon: Am I the corney movie Johnny Storm.. or the super destructive Ultimate Alliance Johnny Storm?
Talon: Ultimate Alliance all the way..
Falcon: Nice..
(More pages flipped.. now it becomes obvious he's looking for something... The next page shows a man in wicked red body armor.. well ok it's frickin Magneto.)
Talon: Ahh Magneto.. one of THE best, no argument neccessary. Love him or hate him, you have to respect him. No matter what the circumstances, or the odds, he can always find a way to win and accomplish his objective. Exactly like Angel. It's just a fact of something you can't actually deny.
Angel: For once Rob got something right?
Talon: Unfortunately...
Angel: Damn..
(Last time with the pages I promise. The picture is a man with touselled brown hair in a brown trenchcoat with a steel bo staff in his hand.)
Talon: ...Gambit. Call him lame, call him annoying.. but you don't want to run into him in a dark alley. You can make all the excuses you want about comic fans hating him, he exists, because people read what he wants to do. It's similar to Howard Stern, the people who hated him listened to him for almost an hour more a day than his fans. Because they wanted to know what he had to say. Gambit is the same, sometimes the hero, sometimes the villain, always a factor in everything. Exactly like myself. You may think me a knock off of Falcon, Rob. But I'd rather be a knock off of greatness than a weakling puppet always finding someone's skirt to hide under. You can't be Wolverine until you're a man first. Remember that.
(He finally just sets the book down. No more pages, just like I promised.)
Talon: Then you have some others.. like Spike Kane.. who is.. Norman Osbourne or the Green Goblin.. one day long ago.. he was the ****. Now he's just a weak old man controlling mindless puppet side characters that nobody gives a **** about. Tyler Jacobs is like the President of A.I.M. or Hydra. Sure, he has a fancy title and some authority. But what does it actually count for? Nothing. Of course Xavier Williams is Jaime Madrox.. who is the Multiple Man.. because there is a thousand people exactly like him. Him and all the other idiots who thought CM Punk was just so cool they wanted to be exactly like him. There's thousands.. literally.. He should sue for gimmick infringement, then he'd never have to work again.
Angel: Why do you keep telling him he's sometimes right?
Talon: Because sometimes he just is.. even if he doesn't realize it's not for the reason his pea brain thinks it is.
Angel: Fair Enough..
Talon: That brings me to you Rob. "Wolverine". I find that hard to believe.. since Wolverine is a bona fide loner, and all you do is follow people around like a lost puppy. Which makes you pretty much Wonder Man.. always following the Avengers around like he means something to them. But tell me comic boy.. name one thing he's ever done that was important? Oh that's right, there isn't anything. So go "berserker" all you want lad.. it's going to have about as much effect as a mosquito trying to bite through a steel plate. Angel.. The Ace.. already proved you're not super strong, or invincible, but I guess you've been following Spike Kane long enough that he beat the sense out of you already.
Falcon: Hate to break up your reverie.. but could you sell the product so we can move on?
Talon: Oh alright.. You can buy this especially from us at the low price of 799.99$! How could anyone resist that?
(Falcon checks the back of the book.)
Falcon: Eight hundred dollars for something that's cover price is 19.95$?
Talon: It's my copy.. I kinda want to keep it.
Everyman: You dick..
Talon: Maybe..
Angel: Anyway.. that wraps it up for the Social Enemies Home Shopping Network. Join us next time for more of our glorious self serving merchandise.
Falcon: And as always.. watch us every Sunday as we continue our ever so noble quest to dominate the competition and show whiney little brats like the Empire and Social Distortion where real power lies.
Angel: Whine, cry, beg, plead.. the outcome is always the same.
Everyman: Outclassed, outmanned, outgunned in every way.
-Fade-