Post by Xavier Cross on Jul 8, 2008 20:50:29 GMT -6
So I had a little spare change rolling around in my pocket, and I’ve been bored. I ran out to Blockbuster, and rented four horror movies, and NBA Live 08 for my 360. I rented the following; ‘Zombie Nation’, ‘Dead and Deader’, ‘Hood of the Living Dead.’ and ‘F-E-A-S-T’.
Starting from Worst to Best, I’m gonna give a brief description of each movie, what I thought of it, and a rating anywhere from ***** meaning it was good, go buy the movie, ****/*** meaning, go rent it, when its rainy outside, or **/*/0 meaning Don’t waste your time, if your bored to tears and you can borrow it for free, maybe even lose it on purpose.
‘Zombie Nation’
Its about a bad cop, who pulls over women, arrests them, throws ‘em in the back of his car, takes em to some random ass garage place. Checks their mouth for something, and then gives em a shot. From there buries their body in the woods. Apparently these girls come back as zombies to get revenge or some ****.
First of all, this movie is CRAP. No doubt about it, I got maybe 26 minutes into the movie, and I went into crap shock, I was in crap coma. I turned the movie off, and I reflected on how much time I just wasted watching this movie. There was nothing even ZOMBIE related in the first like thirty minutes of the movie, except a short, maybe 1.2 second clip of a chick with blood on her face, smiling and ****. This movie blows, though it had an interesting bad guy, not even that could save this movie from being a completely and total waste of time. If you have sat through this whole movie, you should probably go and stab yourself in the eye, that would probably be more entertaining than this movie.
Zombie Nation gets a 0, without a doubt.
‘Hood of the Living Dead.’
Basically there is an African American scientist in the hood with his younger brother who is a ‘gangsta’. The brother calls the cops on this dude selling meth to his neighbor’s 12 year old daughter. So the dude gets in his young brother’s face, young brother’s friends pull a gun, the guys say ‘I’ll catch ya later holmes’. Apparently Brother is working on a formula to heal sick pets, a formula that regenerates SICK cells. Little brother gets shot in a drive by, scientist brother calls Cuban scientist partner, they try to revive brother with formula, doesn’t work. Call 9-1-1 brother gets taken away in the dead people van. But comes back in the middle of a trip as a zombie, attacks, and starts infecting.
Decent Indy film. Though it was so easy to tell that the camera was being hand held at points, with some of the worst editing. I’m sure if a group of people get together with like five hundred bucks and a camera they could make the equivalent to this movie. Despite that, I watched the whole thing and it wasn’t unbearable, but it lacked many gore scenes, and really wasn’t that gory of a movie at all. I found myself laughing at the one most gory scene where a Mexican gangster is eating a cat. Maybe its my deep hatred of cats that made me laugh. This movie has a lot of dark humor (I was gonna say black, but since its in the Hood, racial stuff might get attached).
Hood of the Living Dead gets a ***
Next, despite being the movie here with the highest budget, I’m gonna go with
‘Feast’
This movie is basically a non vampire knock off of ‘From Dusk till Dawn’. It did have one of the most entertaining beginnings I’ve ever seen, for each character that is featured, the camera stops and gives their ‘nickname’ ‘occupation’ ‘fun fact’ and ‘life expectancy’. I found myself pausing it each time to make sure I didn’t miss anything. Feast is a movie I’m not gonna describe because I feel that just giving up a little bit of the plot might give the whole movie away. Basically a bunch of strangers get locked in a bar, creatures are terrorizing them. It was directed/produced/created by Wes Craven, Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, and some other guy. This movie is riddle with humor, whether its obvious, or you gotta make attention to dialogue to catch it. Not for the younger audience though. Its safe to say a little bit of Kevin Smith rubbed off on ol’ Jersey Girl himself, Ben Affleck.
‘F-E-A-S-T’ gets at ****
Now my favorite movie, out of the four is defiantly…
‘Dead and Deader’
This movie was produced by Starz, you know the 3rd best movie channel behind HBO and Cinemax. The budget on this probably wasn’t much, but I was impressed with the acting of the main character….DEAN CAIN. The movie is basically about a guy and his squad going to Cambodia, they find this small research lab with these weird as scorpions, then zombies attack, a scientist who doesn’t want to turn blows the place up. Later we are show Dead Cain laying on an autopsy table about to be cut open, he wakes up. His vitals are dead but he still walks, and talks, and apparently has super strength. Then something starts moving inside his arm, he cuts it open and a scorpion pops out, which he smashes with a random book that was just lying around. From there he and the two scientists go to find his squad mate who was supposed to be cremated, apparently the dude didn’t get burnt up. Zombie Soldier ends up in the kitchen with a our second main character Token Black dude. This ensues the first real big fight scene where we find out that Dean Cain has healing abilities, and super strength, as well that if the scorpions aren’t removed you go crazy zombie. Now Dean Cain and Black guy must kill the other two ‘dead’ soldiers that were in Cain’s unit, before they can infect the world.
This movie, I thought was a good mix of action, gore, and comedy. There is actually a superman joke about halfway through the movie which I thought was hilarious. There were a lot of ‘pop culture’ references that some might find funny, while others might just give a quick Har-Har and say **** you Dean Cain. I personally like Dean Cain cuz he gets a lot of low budget ****ty roles, but does a good job with the role. I recommend this movie to anyone who likes zombie fighting/zombie movies in general who don’t mind a bit of funny in their flesh eating experience.
Dead and Deader gets a *****
Starting from Worst to Best, I’m gonna give a brief description of each movie, what I thought of it, and a rating anywhere from ***** meaning it was good, go buy the movie, ****/*** meaning, go rent it, when its rainy outside, or **/*/0 meaning Don’t waste your time, if your bored to tears and you can borrow it for free, maybe even lose it on purpose.
‘Zombie Nation’
Its about a bad cop, who pulls over women, arrests them, throws ‘em in the back of his car, takes em to some random ass garage place. Checks their mouth for something, and then gives em a shot. From there buries their body in the woods. Apparently these girls come back as zombies to get revenge or some ****.
First of all, this movie is CRAP. No doubt about it, I got maybe 26 minutes into the movie, and I went into crap shock, I was in crap coma. I turned the movie off, and I reflected on how much time I just wasted watching this movie. There was nothing even ZOMBIE related in the first like thirty minutes of the movie, except a short, maybe 1.2 second clip of a chick with blood on her face, smiling and ****. This movie blows, though it had an interesting bad guy, not even that could save this movie from being a completely and total waste of time. If you have sat through this whole movie, you should probably go and stab yourself in the eye, that would probably be more entertaining than this movie.
Zombie Nation gets a 0, without a doubt.
‘Hood of the Living Dead.’
Basically there is an African American scientist in the hood with his younger brother who is a ‘gangsta’. The brother calls the cops on this dude selling meth to his neighbor’s 12 year old daughter. So the dude gets in his young brother’s face, young brother’s friends pull a gun, the guys say ‘I’ll catch ya later holmes’. Apparently Brother is working on a formula to heal sick pets, a formula that regenerates SICK cells. Little brother gets shot in a drive by, scientist brother calls Cuban scientist partner, they try to revive brother with formula, doesn’t work. Call 9-1-1 brother gets taken away in the dead people van. But comes back in the middle of a trip as a zombie, attacks, and starts infecting.
Decent Indy film. Though it was so easy to tell that the camera was being hand held at points, with some of the worst editing. I’m sure if a group of people get together with like five hundred bucks and a camera they could make the equivalent to this movie. Despite that, I watched the whole thing and it wasn’t unbearable, but it lacked many gore scenes, and really wasn’t that gory of a movie at all. I found myself laughing at the one most gory scene where a Mexican gangster is eating a cat. Maybe its my deep hatred of cats that made me laugh. This movie has a lot of dark humor (I was gonna say black, but since its in the Hood, racial stuff might get attached).
Hood of the Living Dead gets a ***
Next, despite being the movie here with the highest budget, I’m gonna go with
‘Feast’
This movie is basically a non vampire knock off of ‘From Dusk till Dawn’. It did have one of the most entertaining beginnings I’ve ever seen, for each character that is featured, the camera stops and gives their ‘nickname’ ‘occupation’ ‘fun fact’ and ‘life expectancy’. I found myself pausing it each time to make sure I didn’t miss anything. Feast is a movie I’m not gonna describe because I feel that just giving up a little bit of the plot might give the whole movie away. Basically a bunch of strangers get locked in a bar, creatures are terrorizing them. It was directed/produced/created by Wes Craven, Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, and some other guy. This movie is riddle with humor, whether its obvious, or you gotta make attention to dialogue to catch it. Not for the younger audience though. Its safe to say a little bit of Kevin Smith rubbed off on ol’ Jersey Girl himself, Ben Affleck.
‘F-E-A-S-T’ gets at ****
Now my favorite movie, out of the four is defiantly…
‘Dead and Deader’
This movie was produced by Starz, you know the 3rd best movie channel behind HBO and Cinemax. The budget on this probably wasn’t much, but I was impressed with the acting of the main character….DEAN CAIN. The movie is basically about a guy and his squad going to Cambodia, they find this small research lab with these weird as scorpions, then zombies attack, a scientist who doesn’t want to turn blows the place up. Later we are show Dead Cain laying on an autopsy table about to be cut open, he wakes up. His vitals are dead but he still walks, and talks, and apparently has super strength. Then something starts moving inside his arm, he cuts it open and a scorpion pops out, which he smashes with a random book that was just lying around. From there he and the two scientists go to find his squad mate who was supposed to be cremated, apparently the dude didn’t get burnt up. Zombie Soldier ends up in the kitchen with a our second main character Token Black dude. This ensues the first real big fight scene where we find out that Dean Cain has healing abilities, and super strength, as well that if the scorpions aren’t removed you go crazy zombie. Now Dean Cain and Black guy must kill the other two ‘dead’ soldiers that were in Cain’s unit, before they can infect the world.
This movie, I thought was a good mix of action, gore, and comedy. There is actually a superman joke about halfway through the movie which I thought was hilarious. There were a lot of ‘pop culture’ references that some might find funny, while others might just give a quick Har-Har and say **** you Dean Cain. I personally like Dean Cain cuz he gets a lot of low budget ****ty roles, but does a good job with the role. I recommend this movie to anyone who likes zombie fighting/zombie movies in general who don’t mind a bit of funny in their flesh eating experience.
Dead and Deader gets a *****