Post by johnnycraven on Aug 9, 2007 18:54:47 GMT -6
Cameras Fade In:
Scene opens up during the middle of the day, in Johnny Craven's country home. The cameras pan into the living area where Craven's manager, Matt Parker, is seen slouched on a couch, watching the outdoor channel on the satellite t.v. At the present time, a hunter is shown on the t.v., sitting in a stand and looking through his scope at a whole herd of deer.
Matt Parker: Dude...take the damn shot man! You keep running your damn mouth, and they're going to be gone, you stupid bastards.
Johnny Craven then comes walking in and begins to question what Parker just said. He just shakes his head and walks into the kitchen and grabs a couple of beers from the fridge and walks back into the living room.
Matt Parker: Hey, how's it going? Can you believe this little prick? Ain't even got the balls to take a shot at a perfectly good 12 point buck.
Johnny Craven: His problem. You found anything on Taft yet? No you haven't because you've been sitting on your fat ass all day long and not doing a damn thing. So, get your ass up. We're going to the library!
Matt Parker: What the hell do you expect to find at the library?
Johnny Craven: What anyone else would find at the library, you stupid f***...books!
The scene fades out and fades back in, two hours later at the library. Matt Parker is seen towards the back of the library, reading.
MP: (Whispering) Hey Craven. Psst, Craven. Come here man.
Johnny Craven: What is it?
MP: Take a look at the chick in this picture man. Is this nudey magazine or what?
Johnny Craven: Man, it's a National Geographic! You sick f***!!!! I didn't come up here for that. I came here to gather information on just who the hell Taft is, using the net. Now quit screwing around and get your ass over here and let's go to work.
After a few minutes, both Craven and Parker have come up with nothing on Taft.
Johnny Craven: Hold on. It says here that he once thought he was a detective. He was looking for someone and even questioned himself...what the hell?
MP: We've got to do it man.
Johnny Craven: What?
MP: We've got to follow in his footsteps. Be detectives. Think about it man! I mean, it would be awesome! Dude, like Mulder and Scully. And I know where we could get some black suits and long trench coats. We could do it man. And hats. We need hats too.
Johnny Craven: You sure you didn't take any LSD or pain pills before we came over here today man?
MP: No man, not LSD...Excedrin. LSD is for losers. You hear that everyone, losers. They all heard me. That stuff's dangerous man.
Johnny Craven: So is Excedrin when you take too many of them, you moron! Now come on, we've got work to do.
MP: You mean we're going to be detectives?
Johnny Craven: NO! We ain't going to Mulder and Scully. We ain't going to be Starsky and Hutch. And we sure as hell ain't going to be Sherlock and Watson.
MP: What about Joe Friday and Dragnet?
Johnny Craven: Alright. You want to be a detective? Be my guest. But we're not looking for aliens, so don't even get any ideas, you crazy drugged up bastard. We're looking for information on Taft. So let's go.
They both leave the city library and begin walking the streets, looking for people who look like they may know who this Taft is. The continue walking until coming upon an older woman sitting at a bus stop. Of course, Matt parker is quick on the scene.
MP: Excuse me ma'am. (He shows her his wallet real fast, as if it were a badge) We're from a top secret detective agency, and we're looking for information on a dangerous man named Tift.
Johnny Craven: That's Taft you moron! I'm sorry if he's bothering you ma'am. He was electrocuted many times as a child, by his friends.
Old Woman: My word!
Johnny Craven: Oh no, it was his idea. He wanted to look like Don King and well, you know the rest.
Old Woman: Why so many times though?
Johnny Craven: Well, the first one was to get his hair to stick up. And then every time after that was to see if his hair would turn Grey. Anyways, have you ever heard of a guy named Taft? Kind of a big fellow?
Old Woman: William H. Taft? Yeah, he was one of our former presidents. Oh he was a good one too. Why, I remember when he wa----
MP: Thank you ma'am. That will be all.
Craven and Parker continue walking until they come upon a man unloading a truck full of frozen fish. Parker immediately begins to question him.
MP: Excuse me sir. (Flashes his wallet once again) Can we ask you some questions? (He begins looking inside the truck to see what's what. He then begins scratching his chin before speaking) Do you have a permit for this truck?
Johnny Craven: You've got to be kidding me. I'm sorry sir. You see, he used to ice skate without a helmet and, well you know.
Man: A helmet?
Johnny Craven: Well, yeah. He used to play pee-wee hockey, and...yeah. We're just looking for information on a man named Taft. You know who he is?
Man: Horace Dutton Taft? The founder of the Taft School? Who hasn't heard of him?
MP: Thank you for your time sir. (He holds up a pen and places it in front of the man's face) When I press this button, it will erase any memory you may have of this conversation.
Johnny Craven: Dude, come on man!
Craven grabs Parker by the arm and drags him off, as they continue on their way. The keep walking along until come up on a construction worker who is directing traffic around a roped/coned off man hole in the middle of the street. Of course, Matt goes to asking questions.
MP: Excuse me sir? I'm from the SGI. I'd...we'd like to ask you a few questions.
Johnny Craven: That's FBI, you dumbass!
MP: Right. Do you mind if I try those flag things man? I've always wanted to do these things.
Unfortunately, the construction worker handed the flags to Parker. Upon receiving them, Parker went ape s*** with them.
Johnny Craven: You'll have to excuse my friend. He used to go to the bowling alleys a lot.
Construction Worker: Oh, he's a bowler?
Johnny Craven: No. He just put his head in the machine that the bowling balls come through, and well, what can I say. Anywho, We...well I, am looking for information on a wrestler named Taft. You ever heard of him?
Construction Worker: Can't say that I have. I've heard of Bob Taft, the Governor of Ohio. I've been up there once or twice. Maybe he's the wre---
Parker is playing with those flags and two cars driving in opposite directions see him and the drivers get confused and almost crash head on into each other.
Johnny Craven: Parker you asshole! See, dammit. That's why you never should have given him those flags. Come on you idiot. I swear you're just like a mental patient.
Parker quickly hands the flags to the worker and he and Craven quickly take off down the street, and out of the scene, as the worker looks on at the two cars that almost crashed, as the cameras fade out.
To Be Continued!
Cameras Fade Out.
Scene opens up during the middle of the day, in Johnny Craven's country home. The cameras pan into the living area where Craven's manager, Matt Parker, is seen slouched on a couch, watching the outdoor channel on the satellite t.v. At the present time, a hunter is shown on the t.v., sitting in a stand and looking through his scope at a whole herd of deer.
Matt Parker: Dude...take the damn shot man! You keep running your damn mouth, and they're going to be gone, you stupid bastards.
Johnny Craven then comes walking in and begins to question what Parker just said. He just shakes his head and walks into the kitchen and grabs a couple of beers from the fridge and walks back into the living room.
Matt Parker: Hey, how's it going? Can you believe this little prick? Ain't even got the balls to take a shot at a perfectly good 12 point buck.
Johnny Craven: His problem. You found anything on Taft yet? No you haven't because you've been sitting on your fat ass all day long and not doing a damn thing. So, get your ass up. We're going to the library!
Matt Parker: What the hell do you expect to find at the library?
Johnny Craven: What anyone else would find at the library, you stupid f***...books!
The scene fades out and fades back in, two hours later at the library. Matt Parker is seen towards the back of the library, reading.
MP: (Whispering) Hey Craven. Psst, Craven. Come here man.
Johnny Craven: What is it?
MP: Take a look at the chick in this picture man. Is this nudey magazine or what?
Johnny Craven: Man, it's a National Geographic! You sick f***!!!! I didn't come up here for that. I came here to gather information on just who the hell Taft is, using the net. Now quit screwing around and get your ass over here and let's go to work.
After a few minutes, both Craven and Parker have come up with nothing on Taft.
Johnny Craven: Hold on. It says here that he once thought he was a detective. He was looking for someone and even questioned himself...what the hell?
MP: We've got to do it man.
Johnny Craven: What?
MP: We've got to follow in his footsteps. Be detectives. Think about it man! I mean, it would be awesome! Dude, like Mulder and Scully. And I know where we could get some black suits and long trench coats. We could do it man. And hats. We need hats too.
Johnny Craven: You sure you didn't take any LSD or pain pills before we came over here today man?
MP: No man, not LSD...Excedrin. LSD is for losers. You hear that everyone, losers. They all heard me. That stuff's dangerous man.
Johnny Craven: So is Excedrin when you take too many of them, you moron! Now come on, we've got work to do.
MP: You mean we're going to be detectives?
Johnny Craven: NO! We ain't going to Mulder and Scully. We ain't going to be Starsky and Hutch. And we sure as hell ain't going to be Sherlock and Watson.
MP: What about Joe Friday and Dragnet?
Johnny Craven: Alright. You want to be a detective? Be my guest. But we're not looking for aliens, so don't even get any ideas, you crazy drugged up bastard. We're looking for information on Taft. So let's go.
They both leave the city library and begin walking the streets, looking for people who look like they may know who this Taft is. The continue walking until coming upon an older woman sitting at a bus stop. Of course, Matt parker is quick on the scene.
MP: Excuse me ma'am. (He shows her his wallet real fast, as if it were a badge) We're from a top secret detective agency, and we're looking for information on a dangerous man named Tift.
Johnny Craven: That's Taft you moron! I'm sorry if he's bothering you ma'am. He was electrocuted many times as a child, by his friends.
Old Woman: My word!
Johnny Craven: Oh no, it was his idea. He wanted to look like Don King and well, you know the rest.
Old Woman: Why so many times though?
Johnny Craven: Well, the first one was to get his hair to stick up. And then every time after that was to see if his hair would turn Grey. Anyways, have you ever heard of a guy named Taft? Kind of a big fellow?
Old Woman: William H. Taft? Yeah, he was one of our former presidents. Oh he was a good one too. Why, I remember when he wa----
MP: Thank you ma'am. That will be all.
Craven and Parker continue walking until they come upon a man unloading a truck full of frozen fish. Parker immediately begins to question him.
MP: Excuse me sir. (Flashes his wallet once again) Can we ask you some questions? (He begins looking inside the truck to see what's what. He then begins scratching his chin before speaking) Do you have a permit for this truck?
Johnny Craven: You've got to be kidding me. I'm sorry sir. You see, he used to ice skate without a helmet and, well you know.
Man: A helmet?
Johnny Craven: Well, yeah. He used to play pee-wee hockey, and...yeah. We're just looking for information on a man named Taft. You know who he is?
Man: Horace Dutton Taft? The founder of the Taft School? Who hasn't heard of him?
MP: Thank you for your time sir. (He holds up a pen and places it in front of the man's face) When I press this button, it will erase any memory you may have of this conversation.
Johnny Craven: Dude, come on man!
Craven grabs Parker by the arm and drags him off, as they continue on their way. The keep walking along until come up on a construction worker who is directing traffic around a roped/coned off man hole in the middle of the street. Of course, Matt goes to asking questions.
MP: Excuse me sir? I'm from the SGI. I'd...we'd like to ask you a few questions.
Johnny Craven: That's FBI, you dumbass!
MP: Right. Do you mind if I try those flag things man? I've always wanted to do these things.
Unfortunately, the construction worker handed the flags to Parker. Upon receiving them, Parker went ape s*** with them.
Johnny Craven: You'll have to excuse my friend. He used to go to the bowling alleys a lot.
Construction Worker: Oh, he's a bowler?
Johnny Craven: No. He just put his head in the machine that the bowling balls come through, and well, what can I say. Anywho, We...well I, am looking for information on a wrestler named Taft. You ever heard of him?
Construction Worker: Can't say that I have. I've heard of Bob Taft, the Governor of Ohio. I've been up there once or twice. Maybe he's the wre---
Parker is playing with those flags and two cars driving in opposite directions see him and the drivers get confused and almost crash head on into each other.
Johnny Craven: Parker you asshole! See, dammit. That's why you never should have given him those flags. Come on you idiot. I swear you're just like a mental patient.
Parker quickly hands the flags to the worker and he and Craven quickly take off down the street, and out of the scene, as the worker looks on at the two cars that almost crashed, as the cameras fade out.
To Be Continued!
Cameras Fade Out.