Post by Angel on Jan 6, 2009 22:44:47 GMT -6
I woke up at 5 AM. Took a shower and decided to get a few hours in at the hotel gym. I knew it wasn't really going to help, but it wasn't going to hurt either.
After wards I grabbed my things, my title and I went to my car. The radio was playing Trivium "Shogun." Good album, gets me pumped.
I was about to leave when I started thinking about this match, about everything we're going to put ourselves through tonight.
In allot of ways Jimmy Zane is unlike any opponent I've ever faced before and most assuredly I'm unlike anyone he has ever faced before. In the past, when facing off against an opponent I could always find something I liked about them. A redeeming quality to their nature. Like Kole for example was unrelenting, Xavier was unforgiving, and AJ has a never say die attitude. But what does Jimmy Zane have? Nothing, he has nothing, and that's what makes him dangerous, I think.
Zane is walking into this match with nothing to lose, even if I destroy him he still has the chance to gain something by at least putting up a good fight. And it's that thought that bothers me. This man who has done nothing except complain since day one finally has his chance to do something important, a chance to make his mark, and I can't for the life of me shake the thought that he's going to F it up.
The thought was passing and I continued to the arena.
Upon arriving at around 8 AM, I grabbed my bag and my title from the back and headed inside the building. The faces of the dead began passing me by, saying things like "hello" and "whats up?" as if today were a day to exchange pleasantries. Don't they realize whats at stake? Don't they understand that tonight could be the first day of the rest of their life's? Don't they see whats going on all around them?
Of course they don't, their sheep being lead to their eventual, and most likely slow death. All they see are their worthless life's unraveling before their eyes. They have no say in how it goes, and most of them would rather just sit back and let it happen.
They'd rather leave it up to God than be an active participant in their own life's. Life isn't a spectators sport. But I don't have time to worry about the sheep, not this wolf. So I move on.
There's a sign on the wall telling us how our locker rooms are to be arranged, apparently Age of the Revolution has their own tonight, thank god. Last week we shared a locker room with a certain redneck tag team, that wasn't fun.
More of the dead pass by and that's when I see him down the hall...
My opponent.
Ours eyes meet for maybe a second, but it's in that second that I learn all I need to know.
In that second I learn that Jimmy Zane is nothing more than a coward who hides behind the lies he weaves. In that second I learn there are worse things than Spike Kane. Even in his final hours Spike Kane could still be respected for what he did, what he was trying to do, no matter how selfish it was. But Jimmy Zane, there is nothing to respect, nothing, what he does he does for the simplest of reasons. Money, fame, women, titles, more money. He has no real passion, no real love, if nCw closed it's doors, Zane would simply move on to the next promotion waving a pay check his way.
People like him are why we will change nCw.
But it's time to move on, the second came, it passed, I head to our locker room. Falcon has already arrived, he gets to the arenas most days before the ring crew even arrives. He likes to get to know the arena, says he can feel it's beating heart. Sometimes, I think I can too. He hands me a coffee and a fake smile, he's upset with me, I understand why.
I wanna tell him I'm sorry, that this is the only way, the Social Enemies, while standing for something great, were not enough to save nCw. I wanted to tell him I was happy he was here with me, that I didn't think I could fight this war alone. I wanted to tell him that while staring into the abyss that will eventually consume me, I could think of no one better to have at my side.
Why tell him? He already knows.
Time passes, Adam comes, Adam goes, Falcon leaves too. I'm alone now, 1 PM? I'm looking into a mirror, it's something I do before my matches. Superstition? Maybe.
I like to look into my own eyes and see whats changed since the last time I was here. Allot has changed. I'm ready to fulfill my destiny now. I'm ready to walk head on into battle and be defeated. I'm ready to either be the martyr... Or create one... Either way, someone will pay so that nCw may be saved. My eyes, their cold, black, lifeless. Somewhere inside there is a soul, but it's grown dark and unforgiving. Somewhere inside the man once known as Angel still lives on, but he has gone silent, knowing that the company he loves and once found beautiful has become some horrible and ugly reflection of it's former self. He gave himself over a long time ago, conceding that this was the only way.
I start seeing flashes of the future, of the match to come. I see Jimmy Zane and I ripping each other to pieces. I see blood flowing, I hear bones breaking, I feel pain unlike any I've ever felt before. I know this battle is going to be hard, I never had any false delusion of it being easy. I stopped taking my opponents lightly the first time I lost the X-Division title. I know at any time, anyone can suddenly crap greatness and win a match. I know Jimmy Zane can be good, great even. I know behind that whining, crying, spoiled exterior, inside lays dormant an unstoppable, undebatable wrestling legend. I see, when I look at Jimmy Zane, I see the potential of ten wrestler's rolled into one. I see a man who if he could only tap that potential, could become the biggest superstar in the entire world.
But that potential is buried, long forgotten, and Jimmy Zane is what he has become. He's contented with that. He's contented with being mediocre, average, nothing exceptional about him.
In the mirror I catch the faint glimmer of the X-Division title. I pick it up and I look at the face plate. I think about all the matches I've been in where this title was on the line. The four times I battled Xavier Williams over it, the match with Davey Ortega, and lastly, my personal favorite, my match with AJ. I start thinking about what this title means to me, why to me, it's more important than the World title.
Allot of people think the World title is the epitome of wrestling, the one belt everyone wants to go after, and in some respects their right, of course I'd like to be World Champion at some point, if for no other reason than to say I did it... But the X-Division Championship, this title was made for me, that's why no matter what happens, I'll always come back to her. I love this title, I love this division, I love what it stands for. The X-Division Championship to me isn't just a title to brandish in the face of your enemies, it's so much more than that. This title represents a certain way of life, a certain style of wrestling. You don't have to be a technical power house or an xtreme icon, all you have to do is be your own personal very best.
The pain, the anguish, the personal torment this title has brought to my life has been worth it. I would do it all over again if given the chance.
That's when I remember the sheep, wandering aimlessly through their own life's and I start to think about my own.
I took my life and I lead it to where I wanted it to go. I don't let things happen to me, I make them happen to me. That's why I know whats going to happen tonight. Thats why I already know the out come of the match, because it's what I made for myself. I won't spoil it for you, I won't try any less, I'm just not going to be surprised.
Two futures await, one out come is assured, I will either be defeated and lose my title, or Jimmy Zane will be defeated, either way we move closer to the same outcome, the eventual salvation of this company which is what I'm fighting for. Title or no title. No one but those I call my friends understand, the others, they don't want to understand. This company is rotting from the inside out and all anyone wants to do is feed on the outer flesh, claiming "it's still good."
No, it's not.
The Resistance is dead.
Your heroes have fallen.
There is no one to lead the charge against us anymore.
Singles matches may slow us down, but they will not stop us.
I've told you time and again, the only way to stop me is to kill me and if you don't have the heart to do it then you better be prepared to die.
I will find my hero, my savior, and when I do he will not hesitate to strike me down and save nCw from me, but that day is not today, that savior is not Jimmy Zane. Zane is a sheep being led to slaughter.
( Angel places the belt back down on the table in front of the mirror and turns to look at the camera. )
Angel: Whats wrong little Zane? Did I piss you off? Did I make you mad? Oh no, Jimmy Zane called me a douche bag then he called me a child... Wow... I better run for the hills... Look... I'm running.
( He just stands there. )
Angel: Do you think your clever, original, unique? Jimmy, sorry to break this to you, I've heard the same tired jokes for ten years now. I'm a hypocrite, why? Because you expect people to lay down for you, where as we wanted you to prove your loyalty to us? Are you retarded, or did Philip Burns beating you in a Xtreme match... WEAPONLESS really just push you that far over the edge?
( Waiting...)
Angel: Jimmy, buddy, listen, obviously you missed something. We never wanted you to join the Revolution, you are not a commodity and as far as your talent goes... You lost an Xtreme match to guy who didn't use any weapons. You lost to Trent Helms in a match where he didn't fly around like Superman the whole time... Let me point out, Xtreme match, Trent Helms... You lost those matches... You had the odds on advantage over both men... And you lost... Where is the talent? Am I missing it? Did I over look it? Or are you just making things up as you see fit? Oh, the last one? I thought so. Let me make something painfully clear to you. What we did last week was an elaborate and I have to admit a little obvious set up. We got you in the ring, by yourself, and we kicked your ass. And yeah, WE kicked your ass, not because I need help, not because I want help, because in the end it was just more fun that way. Now your all hyped up, now your out for my blood, now your going to come for me with everything you have and when you fall on your face it's going to make it that much sweeter.
( Angel licks his lips. )
Angel: Foolish boy trying so hard to be his Daddy. Jimmy, you talk... allot, and yet you never listen to what anyone else says. I don't need to reverse everything you say to me, like you do to me, but I do need to address something. You will be sacrificed Sunday.
( OH NO! )
Angel: But I never said I was going to end your career, end your life or any of the other foolish things someone like Mark Evil would say. You miss the point Jimmy. Your blood, your pain, your screaming soul will cleanse nCw, people will see what I do to you and they will unite against me, they will ban together, they will save themselves from your fate. But I have no intention of taking your life Jimmy, I'm a wrestler, not a murderer, I think your just a little confused by my use of metaphors, but you'll get over it.
( Angel looks to his X-Division title and thinks for a moment before he continues. )
Angel: The salvation of this company rests on the shoulders of men who will stand up and fight for what they believe in. You've made it more than clear that you don't believe in nCw, that you don't care about her salvation, all you care about is winning and this title.
( Angel holds the belt up. )
Angel: You want it, take it.
( He tosses it to wards the camera and it falls out of shot. )
Angel: I love that title Jimmy but if giving it up will make you stand up for nCw and help save this company, I am willing to make that sacrifice. Could you do that for something you love? No, because you think wrestling is all about guts and glory, titles and money, bitches and cars... You think wrestling is all about your own personal legacy, your career, how people remember you. Your arrogance and your ego have blinded you. New Championship Wrestling is not about you. This War is not about you. This match is not about you. If you wrestle only for your own personal glorification then I truly feel sorry for you. Sorry that you don't understand that what we do in the here and now is only one small part of what this company is, was and will be. We are but two threads in the tapestry that is nCw, intersecting at this particular moment over this particular title. You like to believe your more important than you are, where as I can admit that then years from now people probably won't care about me or anything I do here. But I will walk away from this company knowing I gave her everything I had to give. You'll walk away cold, empty, with nothing.
( Just a pause as he gathers his final thoughts. )
Angel: Jimmy Zane has lost some of the most spectacular matches I have ever had the privilege to see and you lost them Jimmy because you walked in so *** damn sure you were gonna win. You underestimated your opponents, you over hyped your own abilities, you looked past what they brought to the ring and only focused on what you would gain from a win. Jimmy, either pull your head out of your ass and realize your about to face Angel or go the hell home now because I'm tired of listening to you cry.
( Fade out. )
I don't mind being the smartest man in the world, I just wish it wasn't this one.
After wards I grabbed my things, my title and I went to my car. The radio was playing Trivium "Shogun." Good album, gets me pumped.
I was about to leave when I started thinking about this match, about everything we're going to put ourselves through tonight.
In allot of ways Jimmy Zane is unlike any opponent I've ever faced before and most assuredly I'm unlike anyone he has ever faced before. In the past, when facing off against an opponent I could always find something I liked about them. A redeeming quality to their nature. Like Kole for example was unrelenting, Xavier was unforgiving, and AJ has a never say die attitude. But what does Jimmy Zane have? Nothing, he has nothing, and that's what makes him dangerous, I think.
Zane is walking into this match with nothing to lose, even if I destroy him he still has the chance to gain something by at least putting up a good fight. And it's that thought that bothers me. This man who has done nothing except complain since day one finally has his chance to do something important, a chance to make his mark, and I can't for the life of me shake the thought that he's going to F it up.
The thought was passing and I continued to the arena.
Upon arriving at around 8 AM, I grabbed my bag and my title from the back and headed inside the building. The faces of the dead began passing me by, saying things like "hello" and "whats up?" as if today were a day to exchange pleasantries. Don't they realize whats at stake? Don't they understand that tonight could be the first day of the rest of their life's? Don't they see whats going on all around them?
Of course they don't, their sheep being lead to their eventual, and most likely slow death. All they see are their worthless life's unraveling before their eyes. They have no say in how it goes, and most of them would rather just sit back and let it happen.
They'd rather leave it up to God than be an active participant in their own life's. Life isn't a spectators sport. But I don't have time to worry about the sheep, not this wolf. So I move on.
There's a sign on the wall telling us how our locker rooms are to be arranged, apparently Age of the Revolution has their own tonight, thank god. Last week we shared a locker room with a certain redneck tag team, that wasn't fun.
More of the dead pass by and that's when I see him down the hall...
My opponent.
Ours eyes meet for maybe a second, but it's in that second that I learn all I need to know.
In that second I learn that Jimmy Zane is nothing more than a coward who hides behind the lies he weaves. In that second I learn there are worse things than Spike Kane. Even in his final hours Spike Kane could still be respected for what he did, what he was trying to do, no matter how selfish it was. But Jimmy Zane, there is nothing to respect, nothing, what he does he does for the simplest of reasons. Money, fame, women, titles, more money. He has no real passion, no real love, if nCw closed it's doors, Zane would simply move on to the next promotion waving a pay check his way.
People like him are why we will change nCw.
But it's time to move on, the second came, it passed, I head to our locker room. Falcon has already arrived, he gets to the arenas most days before the ring crew even arrives. He likes to get to know the arena, says he can feel it's beating heart. Sometimes, I think I can too. He hands me a coffee and a fake smile, he's upset with me, I understand why.
I wanna tell him I'm sorry, that this is the only way, the Social Enemies, while standing for something great, were not enough to save nCw. I wanted to tell him I was happy he was here with me, that I didn't think I could fight this war alone. I wanted to tell him that while staring into the abyss that will eventually consume me, I could think of no one better to have at my side.
Why tell him? He already knows.
Time passes, Adam comes, Adam goes, Falcon leaves too. I'm alone now, 1 PM? I'm looking into a mirror, it's something I do before my matches. Superstition? Maybe.
I like to look into my own eyes and see whats changed since the last time I was here. Allot has changed. I'm ready to fulfill my destiny now. I'm ready to walk head on into battle and be defeated. I'm ready to either be the martyr... Or create one... Either way, someone will pay so that nCw may be saved. My eyes, their cold, black, lifeless. Somewhere inside there is a soul, but it's grown dark and unforgiving. Somewhere inside the man once known as Angel still lives on, but he has gone silent, knowing that the company he loves and once found beautiful has become some horrible and ugly reflection of it's former self. He gave himself over a long time ago, conceding that this was the only way.
I start seeing flashes of the future, of the match to come. I see Jimmy Zane and I ripping each other to pieces. I see blood flowing, I hear bones breaking, I feel pain unlike any I've ever felt before. I know this battle is going to be hard, I never had any false delusion of it being easy. I stopped taking my opponents lightly the first time I lost the X-Division title. I know at any time, anyone can suddenly crap greatness and win a match. I know Jimmy Zane can be good, great even. I know behind that whining, crying, spoiled exterior, inside lays dormant an unstoppable, undebatable wrestling legend. I see, when I look at Jimmy Zane, I see the potential of ten wrestler's rolled into one. I see a man who if he could only tap that potential, could become the biggest superstar in the entire world.
But that potential is buried, long forgotten, and Jimmy Zane is what he has become. He's contented with that. He's contented with being mediocre, average, nothing exceptional about him.
In the mirror I catch the faint glimmer of the X-Division title. I pick it up and I look at the face plate. I think about all the matches I've been in where this title was on the line. The four times I battled Xavier Williams over it, the match with Davey Ortega, and lastly, my personal favorite, my match with AJ. I start thinking about what this title means to me, why to me, it's more important than the World title.
Allot of people think the World title is the epitome of wrestling, the one belt everyone wants to go after, and in some respects their right, of course I'd like to be World Champion at some point, if for no other reason than to say I did it... But the X-Division Championship, this title was made for me, that's why no matter what happens, I'll always come back to her. I love this title, I love this division, I love what it stands for. The X-Division Championship to me isn't just a title to brandish in the face of your enemies, it's so much more than that. This title represents a certain way of life, a certain style of wrestling. You don't have to be a technical power house or an xtreme icon, all you have to do is be your own personal very best.
The pain, the anguish, the personal torment this title has brought to my life has been worth it. I would do it all over again if given the chance.
That's when I remember the sheep, wandering aimlessly through their own life's and I start to think about my own.
I took my life and I lead it to where I wanted it to go. I don't let things happen to me, I make them happen to me. That's why I know whats going to happen tonight. Thats why I already know the out come of the match, because it's what I made for myself. I won't spoil it for you, I won't try any less, I'm just not going to be surprised.
Two futures await, one out come is assured, I will either be defeated and lose my title, or Jimmy Zane will be defeated, either way we move closer to the same outcome, the eventual salvation of this company which is what I'm fighting for. Title or no title. No one but those I call my friends understand, the others, they don't want to understand. This company is rotting from the inside out and all anyone wants to do is feed on the outer flesh, claiming "it's still good."
No, it's not.
The Resistance is dead.
Your heroes have fallen.
There is no one to lead the charge against us anymore.
Singles matches may slow us down, but they will not stop us.
I've told you time and again, the only way to stop me is to kill me and if you don't have the heart to do it then you better be prepared to die.
I will find my hero, my savior, and when I do he will not hesitate to strike me down and save nCw from me, but that day is not today, that savior is not Jimmy Zane. Zane is a sheep being led to slaughter.
( Angel places the belt back down on the table in front of the mirror and turns to look at the camera. )
Angel: Whats wrong little Zane? Did I piss you off? Did I make you mad? Oh no, Jimmy Zane called me a douche bag then he called me a child... Wow... I better run for the hills... Look... I'm running.
( He just stands there. )
Angel: Do you think your clever, original, unique? Jimmy, sorry to break this to you, I've heard the same tired jokes for ten years now. I'm a hypocrite, why? Because you expect people to lay down for you, where as we wanted you to prove your loyalty to us? Are you retarded, or did Philip Burns beating you in a Xtreme match... WEAPONLESS really just push you that far over the edge?
( Waiting...)
Angel: Jimmy, buddy, listen, obviously you missed something. We never wanted you to join the Revolution, you are not a commodity and as far as your talent goes... You lost an Xtreme match to guy who didn't use any weapons. You lost to Trent Helms in a match where he didn't fly around like Superman the whole time... Let me point out, Xtreme match, Trent Helms... You lost those matches... You had the odds on advantage over both men... And you lost... Where is the talent? Am I missing it? Did I over look it? Or are you just making things up as you see fit? Oh, the last one? I thought so. Let me make something painfully clear to you. What we did last week was an elaborate and I have to admit a little obvious set up. We got you in the ring, by yourself, and we kicked your ass. And yeah, WE kicked your ass, not because I need help, not because I want help, because in the end it was just more fun that way. Now your all hyped up, now your out for my blood, now your going to come for me with everything you have and when you fall on your face it's going to make it that much sweeter.
( Angel licks his lips. )
Angel: Foolish boy trying so hard to be his Daddy. Jimmy, you talk... allot, and yet you never listen to what anyone else says. I don't need to reverse everything you say to me, like you do to me, but I do need to address something. You will be sacrificed Sunday.
( OH NO! )
Angel: But I never said I was going to end your career, end your life or any of the other foolish things someone like Mark Evil would say. You miss the point Jimmy. Your blood, your pain, your screaming soul will cleanse nCw, people will see what I do to you and they will unite against me, they will ban together, they will save themselves from your fate. But I have no intention of taking your life Jimmy, I'm a wrestler, not a murderer, I think your just a little confused by my use of metaphors, but you'll get over it.
( Angel looks to his X-Division title and thinks for a moment before he continues. )
Angel: The salvation of this company rests on the shoulders of men who will stand up and fight for what they believe in. You've made it more than clear that you don't believe in nCw, that you don't care about her salvation, all you care about is winning and this title.
( Angel holds the belt up. )
Angel: You want it, take it.
( He tosses it to wards the camera and it falls out of shot. )
Angel: I love that title Jimmy but if giving it up will make you stand up for nCw and help save this company, I am willing to make that sacrifice. Could you do that for something you love? No, because you think wrestling is all about guts and glory, titles and money, bitches and cars... You think wrestling is all about your own personal legacy, your career, how people remember you. Your arrogance and your ego have blinded you. New Championship Wrestling is not about you. This War is not about you. This match is not about you. If you wrestle only for your own personal glorification then I truly feel sorry for you. Sorry that you don't understand that what we do in the here and now is only one small part of what this company is, was and will be. We are but two threads in the tapestry that is nCw, intersecting at this particular moment over this particular title. You like to believe your more important than you are, where as I can admit that then years from now people probably won't care about me or anything I do here. But I will walk away from this company knowing I gave her everything I had to give. You'll walk away cold, empty, with nothing.
( Just a pause as he gathers his final thoughts. )
Angel: Jimmy Zane has lost some of the most spectacular matches I have ever had the privilege to see and you lost them Jimmy because you walked in so *** damn sure you were gonna win. You underestimated your opponents, you over hyped your own abilities, you looked past what they brought to the ring and only focused on what you would gain from a win. Jimmy, either pull your head out of your ass and realize your about to face Angel or go the hell home now because I'm tired of listening to you cry.
( Fade out. )
I don't mind being the smartest man in the world, I just wish it wasn't this one.
