Rp Improvement Essay Series

[Lord Dominicus]

I really think there should be a special request thread so we can keep this post clean

[adm]

I agree with Nelly...I'll have to put up a separate requests for rp reviews to keep this cleaner. If Spike or someone could do that, it'd be great.

[disdonn]

First time putting it up on the non-Bates account...oh well, Figures.

Roleplay Evaluation Essay #4 – Falcon’s RP “Death”


One of the rps Falcon did to win his title from Adam. Good job Mark, time to ream you a new one…if I can.

Originality: 10/10
First off, I know someone’s gonna come along and say something like “hasn’t everyone and their mother done an rp like this at some point?” Yes, it’s cliché. Yes, it’s something that most people have done. Some nightmare funeral thingy rp, though that was only part of it, it was done in a different way than many would normally do it.

Entertainment: 9/10
I’m going out on a limb to say this, and going to catch flak, but…honestly, it was a bit laggy near the end. Yeah, that’s the whole “Wake up and realize it was a dream” thing, but…it just didn’t seem to come off so much as “OH my god am I alive?” I don’t know, just the “almost panicking” isn’t fully panicking, also he shoulda screamed. Just saying.

Grammar: 10/10
*Puts on his grammar-Nazi Uniform* You’re good. *Damnit*

Char Devo/Fits char or Style: 10/10
Kyle Braddock/Falcon rps are always Falcon rps…Mark doesn’t know how to NOT make them fit the char…gah. You might be running up on Spike for awesome on this.

Descriptions: 10/10
Consider this me giving you a grace “point” regarding the contention on the entertainment section cuz I was being a douche there. Remember, there is no such thing as a PERFECT roleplay…just be happy you’re tying the Legendary one. This is me being nice…

Total: 49/50

Final words: Still not perfect, but ****ing close. Yes, I’m being a douche by nitpicking in spots, but you know what…I nitpicked Spike’s RP of the year and Steve’s rp and I’m gonna nit-pick every rp I rate. So if you want to get yours torn apart cuz I’m spending the extra twenty minutes to do so before I do these. But anyway…You tie Spike’s rp, good job Bird Boy, it proves why you won the World Title (and that you didn’t need Bates’ help either, damnit).

ON TO THE NEXT ONE!

[disdonn]

Roleplay Evaluation Essay #5 – Ed’s Two-For-The-Price of One Mandatory Ego Stroking


Yep, I’m doing TWO! For the price of ONE RATING (Yeah, I said it. Since it’s Ed, I’m going to aggregate the score into out of 100, then divide it in half. How about THEM APPLES?)



RP #1 – Rob Diamond from RIOT; “Merry F*cking X-mas”


Arguably the man who was supposed to win the damn RIOT, let’s see how he fares on my scale…no expense will be spared to keep him from being God, mind you.

Originality: 9/10
Unfortunately I’d LOVE to give you full points on this, bud, but you realize, there is a bit of a pattern to the Rob Rps, and they follow the same kind of pattern as some other people who have a bit of verbal defecation of the funny or sad type. But honestly, I can’t dock too much simply because you adhere to a pattern that works.

Entertainment: 10/10
I hate to say it, but Angel sucks compared to Rob. He’s so long…drawn out…kinda boring and stale. This is…****ing hilarious. Nuff said.

Grammar: 9.5/10
Yes, I’m going to be a hard-ass on this. There is literally…two mistakes that aren’t names and not “fragments” which I never count as well…sometimes they are necessary for this stuff. So…yeah…imperfection.

Char Devo/Fits char or Style: 10/10
Much like Mark does with Falcon. It’s hard to stray from the cocky asshole angst of Rob Diamond. Unfortunately, I have a feeling Angel’s not as consistently “himself”.

Descriptions: 10/10
Gives enough descriptions for this. Should be docking you for being you, but I can’t be biased.

Total: 48.5/50

Final Words: I apologize, but I cannot bump you up to the coveted “Tie point”. But don’t worry, maybe Angel will keep your total enough to where you can tie on aggregate.



Rp # 2 – Angel RP from RIOT; “Redeemer”

Yeah, the guy who DID win the RIOT and shouldn’t have. Angel, the current World Champion. Let’s see what I give this “God of wrestling”.

Originality: 10/10
Unfortunately for you, someone else has been copying this “Centered text, red font” lately, but you broke the mold of the stale Angel style with this.

Entertainment: 10/10
Consider the length your savior X on this rp. Had you gone on much longer with your speech, I may have gotten bored with it and turned the channel, so to speak. Short rp saved you on this, as did the song. Because just as I start to yawn, you give me the song lyrics to think about.

Grammar: 9/10
…need I remind you the difference between it’s and its? Seriously…one of the golden rules of grammar, broken…must…refrain…HEIL SPELLCHECK! Damn…

Char Devo/Fits char or Style: 10/10
It fits Angel…some of the rps you’ve done in the past have not fit, but this fits the current incarnation pretty well. The only thing it doesn’t fit is the length of Angel…you’re going at about ½ the length you’d normally pull, but that is actually a benefit, not a detriment on this.

Descriptions: NA/10
Here’s a question…how do you rate something that’s not really there? It’s hard to judge…so you know what I’m going to do, I’m going to change this section for this rp…and you’re going to cringe. I will rate the descriptions, based upon the way you used the song lyrics! YES!

Song Lyrics: 10/10
Lamb Of God, for the win! Yes, the lyrics fit the roleplay. Yes, the lyrics fit the overall feel of RIOT. Yes the lyrics fit who Angel is. So I am going to give you this because you’ve confounded me and forced me to change the rules…prick.

Total: 49/50

Final words: So I was wrong…so Angel did win, deservingly, the RIOT. Why? Because he broke the damn rules! That’s why. I smell a rematch one day. Angel vs Rob round 2, singles competition, and you know what…Rob will win, cuz he’s just that much better.


Final Tally/Final Final Word:

48.75/50 Final Total

Final Final Word: yeah…you know what, by the grace of God and all that is unholy, you tied the rest with the Angel rp, but managed to fall JUST SHY as a total from tying the First Place rpers. You know what that means? Come back in a month or two with a specific rp you think can meet or beat them, then I’ll see if you can be the new record, Ed. Till then, you’ll just have to deal with Mark saying he’s better than you.

[disdonn]

Mind you, I'm going to be doing Joe Everyman's "Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come" vs Lance rp as his... and for now, the rp scores are as follows:

Spike Kane/Falcon: 49 out of 50 (Angel if you go by individual rps)
Ed as Angel/Rob from his RIOT rps: 48.75
(If you count him alone, Rob Diamond at 48.5)
Steve Awesome: 47.8
KLB: 45.8

So far all the best rpers in this joint scoring in the range of 91-99% brackets

[Mike Machado]

In the name of self-improvement.. and improvement of those of us that aren't the best of the best.. I offer up any of the 3 rp's I did for Crossroads.

[Malcolm Reed]

Bates one of the main things I remember about my first time here was that you were one of the only people who would reply to my feedback threads. And it is great to have come back and read these posts. They have gotten me pumped on working with this character I just assumed would never be used again.

[adm]

Zombie Bump.

no, seriously, I might re-start some of this stuff so just giving you a chance to possibly pin this thread in case we don't (already) have enough rp help threads. I mean...I'm willing to whip the new kids on the block into shape (if they need any whipping) and reminding the vets about the things that make us all awesome...especially Adam and Ed and Mark and Steve and Trent and all the other boys.

Man I gotta re-read this ****...

[Spike Kane]

I think restarting this is a great idea

[adm]

Reboot Essay #1: Poetic Description


Ok, so I'm basically doing this one on the fly, but I also have thought a little bit about this. My last description essay was rather straightforward, and bland. It was about simply, describing things, however, as the resident writer/poet/avid reader I have a lot of ideas from novels to input and thoughts to possibly aid some people who are simply tired of using the same "looked" or "Glared" or other descriptive phrases.

There are certain things you can learn from real fiction, and one of those is flowery descriptive words that do a lot more with a lot less. I should also indicate when (to my chagrin/distaste) some of these are overdone. But first for some good ones.

Example: Hair description - Steve Awesome flipped his hair, letting it flow in the wind.

Ok, above was a basic description. Now...let's see what my OLD essay would have said.

Steve Awesome flipped his long flowing hair, allowing the wind to carry it around him with ease.

Good, but...is there a way to do this better?

Steve Awesome flips his hair, and it waves like wheat in the air.

Now notice, the differences between the last two, both can give a visual image, but the new one uses an example, which gives a more vivid picture with less words. In the first extension, it reads much like any generic novel, but in the second one, it is trimmed for words, yet has the same if not greater impact.

Now, you can find examples of this kind of writing in a lot of short stories, a lot of fiction (Dean Koontz, Stephen King, John Grisham, anything Neil Gaiman does), but it can also be overdone, like I said before. It is more to be left for certain descriptive parts you want to give greater impact, without overdoing your word count for the roleplay.


Here are a quick list of some "bad" examples from novels I've read recently:

Slimy Foam - Jurrassic Park is not very descriptive or inventive with the dino saliva

Sodium Vapor Lights - I like this one, but it's not because it's GOOD, it's because it's like a meme inside any Dean Koontz novel, you have to spot the uses in every novel and smile about it later to yourself like a true nerd. Other than that, it really doesn't do **** to tell you what a Street Light really looks like.

A deep shade of purple with a hint of yellow - A description of a bruise, the problem is it is kind of wordy, though accurate. It can be used, but there are better ways to do this. Simply saying "Bruised like a peach" or "grape-like in looks" gives a bit more to the look/color in less words.


Typically, what I mean by poetic, is described simply with analogy/comparison by using the word Like. This is also why I have recommended using it only when the other longer mode has become kind of dull/boring. As using like in every rp every couple of sentences, you'd sound unintentionally like a dumb valley girl in the movie Clueless.


Hopefully this is a short essay to tide over till I can think of something else, or give a full-on rp review. I've kinda been busy and too distracted to do much.