Post by Markus E. Reeves on Mar 22, 2009 3:21:48 GMT -6
*Enter Mark Evil standing outside his personal jet. He is wearing sunglasses and long black board shorts and a black tank top*
Mark Evil: Ah...Surf...Sun...and some hot bitches in bikinis. Can this day get any better.
Driver: No sir. Where would you like to go first?
Mark Evil: The beach my good driver.
*The driver dumps Mark's bags into the back of the limo. Mark gets into the back of the limo. The limo then drives to the beach. Mark gets out and brings a towel and a surf board*
Mark Evil: Remember driver. Never leave home without a towel. You just never know when you may need one.
*Mark then walks down to the beach and lays the towel down on the perfectly white sand. Mark Evil then takes off his shirt and the chicks then swarm to him.*
Mark Evil: Hello ladies. You don't have to push and shove. There is enough Mark Evil to go around.
*Mark then spots one blond chick*
Mark Evil: Whats your name baby?
Blond Chick: Julie.
Mark Evil: If I told you that you had a nice body. Would you hold it against me?
Julie: You pig
*Julie slaps Mark Evil, throws sand in his eyes and kicks him in the nuts. Mark Evil falls over*
Mark Evil: Thats ok baby. You're a skank anyways. Who wants to be Mark Evil arm candy?
*A bunch of chicks raise there hands and start pushing each other away to get to Mark Evil. One knocks all the other chicks away*
Mark Evil: What is your name?
Girl 2: Kendra.
Mark Evil: Way to beat everyone's ass. I guess you can be my arm candy.
*Kendra gets excited. Just then a guy comes over and kicks sand onto Mark towel*
Mark Evil: What was that for assclown?
Guy: I guess you don't know who the hell I am. I am Jim Williams but everyone just calls me Kahuna.
Mark Evil: Why is that? Does it have something to do with the fact that you are just a fat ass Hawaiian.
Kahuna: No, its because I own this section of the beach. Who do you think you are just coming in here thinking that you own the place?
Mark Evil: I guess that you have no idea who I am then.
Kahuna: Some tattooed freak.
Mark Evil: I am Mark Evil. I am a professional wrestler. I am a future nCw Xtreme Champion.
Kahuna: Xtreme what. Xtremely gay. Do you touch dicks when you are wrestling?
*Mark stands up and takes off his sunglasses and tosses them onto his towel*
Mark Evil: Did you just call me gay fat ass?
Kahuna: And what if I did?
Mark Evil: Well I don't like it when people call me gay. In fact it makes me rather angry and it typically makes me want to do things that you wont like to happen to you.
Kahuna: What are you going to do. Stick your little dick in me?
*Mark then looks down at the sand and smiles. He quickly look up and lands a huge right haymaker to Kahuna's left temple. Kahuna goes down in a heap.*
Mark Evil: Don't **** with me beach bum. Atleast I got a job. I bet I make more in one week then you have made in your entire lifetime.
*Kahuna gets up and stairs Mark Evil down*
Mark Evil: What assclown? You want another whooping?
Kahuna: No but I will give you a whooping you will never forget but it will not be a traditional fight. It will be a competition. Best 2 out of 3. Winner is king of the beach.
Mark Evil: Ok. What kind of contests will there be?
Kahuna: The first one will be Pineapple eating.
Mark Evil: Pineapple is gross. I conceide that match to you already.
Kahuna: Fine. I am already leading this competition 1-0.
Mark Evil: What is the 2nd contest?
Kahuna: The second contest is also one that I am good at. Wrestling. Not the dance that you put on but Sumo Wrestling. We will set up a stone circle. First one to toss the other one out of the circle wins.
Mark Evil: What is the 3rd test?
Kahuna: Surfing.
Mark Evil: ****.
Kahuna: Whats wrong Mark? Haven't surfed in a while?
Mark Evil: Right. It has been awhile but I'm still confident that I will kick your ass at surfing.
Kahuna: I wouldn't worry about the surfing part because you wont beat me at Wrestling anyways.
Mark Evil: We will see about that.
*Mark walks over to Kendra*
Kendra: Did you accept his challenge?
Mark Evil: Yeah I did. I'm already down 1-0.
Kendra: Why is that?
Mark Evil: I refuse to eat pineapple.
Kendra: Good choice. The last guy he challenged to the pineapple eating contest died.
Mark Evil: Did Kahuna sit on the guy?
Kendra: No. Kahuna hates to loose at eating contests so he made sure that whoever was getting the pineapple would poison the pineapple for the opponent.
Mark Evil: Good thing I hate pineapple anyways.
Kendra: Yeah. What is the first contest?
Mark Evil: Sumo Wrestling.
Kendra: Be careful. He is quicker and stronger then he appears to be.
Mark Evil: I'm not surprised. They always seem to be like that.
*Mark and Kendra walk over to the circle.*
Announcer: Now entering the circle accompanied to the ring by Kendra. From Glendale, Arizona. Mark Evil.
*The crowd around boos for Mark who enters the circle. Mark then taunts the crowd who boos even louder*
Announcer: Now entering the circle from Sunnyvale, California. He is The Big Kahuna.
*The crowd cheers for Kahuna and Mark leans over to Kendra.*
Mark Evil: He may have a big body but he probably has a small weiner.
*Kendra giggles*
Referee: Ok the rules are simple. First one to knock the other one out of the circle is the winner. Now go to your sides and come out when I saw so...ready...GO!
*Kahuna runs at full speed towards Mark Evil who slowly advances towards the center of the circle. Kahuna collides with Mark who moves back about a quarter of an inch but however knocks down Kahuna*
Kahuna: How did you do that?
Mark Evil: I guess I'm just stronger then you.
Kahuna: Bull****. I've got you this time.
*Kahuna goes back to where started and runs at Mark Evil again. This time Mark Evil sidesteps Kahuna who almost runs himself outside of the circle. Kahuna stands on his tip toes and tries to regain his balance. Mark then runs up behind him and hits a dropkick to Kahuna's back. Mark Evil knocks Kahuna out of the circle. Kendra jumps into Mark Evil's arms*
Kendra: Great Job Mark! You are the first person to ever beat Kahuna at Sumo Wrestling!
Mark Evil: Good for me. I got bigger things to worry about.
Kendra: Like what?
Mark Evil: Like how I am going to remember how to surf.
Kendra: Have you ever gone snowboarding?
Mark Evil: Yeah. I'm pretty good at that.
Kendra: Surfing is just like that but on water. The terrain just changes constantly in surfing.
Mark Evil: Rock and Roll.
*Mark then grabs his surf board and heads west down the beach to where the crowd has now gathered.*
Kahuna: The rules are simple. We both paddle out and catch the same wave. If you fall you lose. If we both fall we go again. If we both don't fall we go again. Care to make a little wager?
Mark Evil: What kinda wager?
Kahuna: I see that you have been hanging around my sister.
Mark Evil: Who? Her?
*Mark points at Kendra*
Kahuna: Yeah. I hate when hot shot guys just come down here and start hitting on her. If I win. You leave Sunnyvale forever. If you win then you can take Kendra if SHE wants to. She can leave with you.
Mark Evil: Before I agree. Kendra, when I get done beating your brothers ass at surfing. Are you going to go with me?
Kendra: Yeah. I want to get out of Sunnyvale. I want to get out and see the world.
Mark Evil: Ok fat ass. We got a deal.
Kahuna: Ok. You got 5 minutes to get ready.
*Mark Evil uses the time to strap a small sledgehammer onto his surfboard*
Mark Evil: Ok, Kahuna. You ready to fail bitch?
Kahuna: Why did you strap a sledgehammer onto your surfboard?
Mark Evil: It's gonna help me balance out there.
Kahuna: Whatever. Lets go.
*Mark and Kahuna paddle out. The find the wave. The wave has to be atleast 70 feet high. Both enter the wave. The camera switches to a camera on Mark's surfboard. Kahuna tries to knock Mark off of his board but Mark Evil's balance keeps him on. Mark then leans over and picks up the sledgehammer and drills Kahuna in the back with it. Kahuna falls off of his board and Mark continues on his board through the pipe. Mark makes it through without falling off. He then glides back to land. Mark celebrates with Kendra as Kahuna glides in on his stomach. He has a crab latched onto his ass. He quickly removes the crab*
Kahuna: That wasn't fair. You hit me with the sledgehammer.
Mark Evil: Tough ****. You tried to push me off of my board.
Kahuna: THIS IS MY BEACH! I AM ALOUD TO CHEAT!
Mark Evil: Shut up!
*Mark then hits Kahuna with his surfboard. Mark then picks up Kendra and walks off to the limo. Mark and Kendra head off to the airport to head to NYC for the PPV match with Kristoff Liam Bates.*
*The scene then opens up with Mark Evil and Kendra on his plane.*
Mark Evil: So did you like California very much?
Kendra: No. I'm originally from Hawaii.
Mark Evil: Ok. I don't see why Bates would want to live in California anyways. California is the least manly of all the states.
Kendra: True that.
*The scene fades out*
Mark Evil: Ah...Surf...Sun...and some hot bitches in bikinis. Can this day get any better.
Driver: No sir. Where would you like to go first?
Mark Evil: The beach my good driver.
*The driver dumps Mark's bags into the back of the limo. Mark gets into the back of the limo. The limo then drives to the beach. Mark gets out and brings a towel and a surf board*
Mark Evil: Remember driver. Never leave home without a towel. You just never know when you may need one.
*Mark then walks down to the beach and lays the towel down on the perfectly white sand. Mark Evil then takes off his shirt and the chicks then swarm to him.*
Mark Evil: Hello ladies. You don't have to push and shove. There is enough Mark Evil to go around.
*Mark then spots one blond chick*
Mark Evil: Whats your name baby?
Blond Chick: Julie.
Mark Evil: If I told you that you had a nice body. Would you hold it against me?
Julie: You pig
*Julie slaps Mark Evil, throws sand in his eyes and kicks him in the nuts. Mark Evil falls over*
Mark Evil: Thats ok baby. You're a skank anyways. Who wants to be Mark Evil arm candy?
*A bunch of chicks raise there hands and start pushing each other away to get to Mark Evil. One knocks all the other chicks away*
Mark Evil: What is your name?
Girl 2: Kendra.
Mark Evil: Way to beat everyone's ass. I guess you can be my arm candy.
*Kendra gets excited. Just then a guy comes over and kicks sand onto Mark towel*
Mark Evil: What was that for assclown?
Guy: I guess you don't know who the hell I am. I am Jim Williams but everyone just calls me Kahuna.
Mark Evil: Why is that? Does it have something to do with the fact that you are just a fat ass Hawaiian.
Kahuna: No, its because I own this section of the beach. Who do you think you are just coming in here thinking that you own the place?
Mark Evil: I guess that you have no idea who I am then.
Kahuna: Some tattooed freak.
Mark Evil: I am Mark Evil. I am a professional wrestler. I am a future nCw Xtreme Champion.
Kahuna: Xtreme what. Xtremely gay. Do you touch dicks when you are wrestling?
*Mark stands up and takes off his sunglasses and tosses them onto his towel*
Mark Evil: Did you just call me gay fat ass?
Kahuna: And what if I did?
Mark Evil: Well I don't like it when people call me gay. In fact it makes me rather angry and it typically makes me want to do things that you wont like to happen to you.
Kahuna: What are you going to do. Stick your little dick in me?
*Mark then looks down at the sand and smiles. He quickly look up and lands a huge right haymaker to Kahuna's left temple. Kahuna goes down in a heap.*
Mark Evil: Don't **** with me beach bum. Atleast I got a job. I bet I make more in one week then you have made in your entire lifetime.
*Kahuna gets up and stairs Mark Evil down*
Mark Evil: What assclown? You want another whooping?
Kahuna: No but I will give you a whooping you will never forget but it will not be a traditional fight. It will be a competition. Best 2 out of 3. Winner is king of the beach.
Mark Evil: Ok. What kind of contests will there be?
Kahuna: The first one will be Pineapple eating.
Mark Evil: Pineapple is gross. I conceide that match to you already.
Kahuna: Fine. I am already leading this competition 1-0.
Mark Evil: What is the 2nd contest?
Kahuna: The second contest is also one that I am good at. Wrestling. Not the dance that you put on but Sumo Wrestling. We will set up a stone circle. First one to toss the other one out of the circle wins.
Mark Evil: What is the 3rd test?
Kahuna: Surfing.
Mark Evil: ****.
Kahuna: Whats wrong Mark? Haven't surfed in a while?
Mark Evil: Right. It has been awhile but I'm still confident that I will kick your ass at surfing.
Kahuna: I wouldn't worry about the surfing part because you wont beat me at Wrestling anyways.
Mark Evil: We will see about that.
*Mark walks over to Kendra*
Kendra: Did you accept his challenge?
Mark Evil: Yeah I did. I'm already down 1-0.
Kendra: Why is that?
Mark Evil: I refuse to eat pineapple.
Kendra: Good choice. The last guy he challenged to the pineapple eating contest died.
Mark Evil: Did Kahuna sit on the guy?
Kendra: No. Kahuna hates to loose at eating contests so he made sure that whoever was getting the pineapple would poison the pineapple for the opponent.
Mark Evil: Good thing I hate pineapple anyways.
Kendra: Yeah. What is the first contest?
Mark Evil: Sumo Wrestling.
Kendra: Be careful. He is quicker and stronger then he appears to be.
Mark Evil: I'm not surprised. They always seem to be like that.
*Mark and Kendra walk over to the circle.*
Announcer: Now entering the circle accompanied to the ring by Kendra. From Glendale, Arizona. Mark Evil.
*The crowd around boos for Mark who enters the circle. Mark then taunts the crowd who boos even louder*
Announcer: Now entering the circle from Sunnyvale, California. He is The Big Kahuna.
*The crowd cheers for Kahuna and Mark leans over to Kendra.*
Mark Evil: He may have a big body but he probably has a small weiner.
*Kendra giggles*
Referee: Ok the rules are simple. First one to knock the other one out of the circle is the winner. Now go to your sides and come out when I saw so...ready...GO!
*Kahuna runs at full speed towards Mark Evil who slowly advances towards the center of the circle. Kahuna collides with Mark who moves back about a quarter of an inch but however knocks down Kahuna*
Kahuna: How did you do that?
Mark Evil: I guess I'm just stronger then you.
Kahuna: Bull****. I've got you this time.
*Kahuna goes back to where started and runs at Mark Evil again. This time Mark Evil sidesteps Kahuna who almost runs himself outside of the circle. Kahuna stands on his tip toes and tries to regain his balance. Mark then runs up behind him and hits a dropkick to Kahuna's back. Mark Evil knocks Kahuna out of the circle. Kendra jumps into Mark Evil's arms*
Kendra: Great Job Mark! You are the first person to ever beat Kahuna at Sumo Wrestling!
Mark Evil: Good for me. I got bigger things to worry about.
Kendra: Like what?
Mark Evil: Like how I am going to remember how to surf.
Kendra: Have you ever gone snowboarding?
Mark Evil: Yeah. I'm pretty good at that.
Kendra: Surfing is just like that but on water. The terrain just changes constantly in surfing.
Mark Evil: Rock and Roll.
*Mark then grabs his surf board and heads west down the beach to where the crowd has now gathered.*
Kahuna: The rules are simple. We both paddle out and catch the same wave. If you fall you lose. If we both fall we go again. If we both don't fall we go again. Care to make a little wager?
Mark Evil: What kinda wager?
Kahuna: I see that you have been hanging around my sister.
Mark Evil: Who? Her?
*Mark points at Kendra*
Kahuna: Yeah. I hate when hot shot guys just come down here and start hitting on her. If I win. You leave Sunnyvale forever. If you win then you can take Kendra if SHE wants to. She can leave with you.
Mark Evil: Before I agree. Kendra, when I get done beating your brothers ass at surfing. Are you going to go with me?
Kendra: Yeah. I want to get out of Sunnyvale. I want to get out and see the world.
Mark Evil: Ok fat ass. We got a deal.
Kahuna: Ok. You got 5 minutes to get ready.
*Mark Evil uses the time to strap a small sledgehammer onto his surfboard*
Mark Evil: Ok, Kahuna. You ready to fail bitch?
Kahuna: Why did you strap a sledgehammer onto your surfboard?
Mark Evil: It's gonna help me balance out there.
Kahuna: Whatever. Lets go.
*Mark and Kahuna paddle out. The find the wave. The wave has to be atleast 70 feet high. Both enter the wave. The camera switches to a camera on Mark's surfboard. Kahuna tries to knock Mark off of his board but Mark Evil's balance keeps him on. Mark then leans over and picks up the sledgehammer and drills Kahuna in the back with it. Kahuna falls off of his board and Mark continues on his board through the pipe. Mark makes it through without falling off. He then glides back to land. Mark celebrates with Kendra as Kahuna glides in on his stomach. He has a crab latched onto his ass. He quickly removes the crab*
Kahuna: That wasn't fair. You hit me with the sledgehammer.
Mark Evil: Tough ****. You tried to push me off of my board.
Kahuna: THIS IS MY BEACH! I AM ALOUD TO CHEAT!
Mark Evil: Shut up!
*Mark then hits Kahuna with his surfboard. Mark then picks up Kendra and walks off to the limo. Mark and Kendra head off to the airport to head to NYC for the PPV match with Kristoff Liam Bates.*
*The scene then opens up with Mark Evil and Kendra on his plane.*
Mark Evil: So did you like California very much?
Kendra: No. I'm originally from Hawaii.
Mark Evil: Ok. I don't see why Bates would want to live in California anyways. California is the least manly of all the states.
Kendra: True that.
*The scene fades out*