Post by Angel on Apr 21, 2009 16:43:05 GMT -6
AJ's words circle around my head like water slowly going down the drain. Over and over again I hear him tell me I'm not good enough for Shelly, for Hayleigh, that I'm gutless and Adam's precious little puppet. I'm a thick skinned man, but AJ's words have stung me deeply and I know why. He's right, about everything. That's why I haven't been able to sleep, that's why I haven't been able to eat, that's why I couldn't go out and celebrate with Phil after we defeated Dirty Deal, again.
Collision ended and I've been bar hopping ever since. I get tired, I go to the hotel and I sit there and watch TV until it turns to static. Even now I'm enjoying a cold, lifeless glass of beer, it doesn't even matter what kind, in some hole in the wall bar in the middle of east bumble ****. My clothes smell because I haven't changed, my face is unkempt and dirty, my hair is starting to come undone, because I honestly don't care.
I want my family back.
I want Shelly, I want Hayleigh, and now that Shelly is awake, Hayleigh has been taken from me. I tried to go see her, Phil and I almost got to her room, but we couldn't make it, I couldn't see her, and I doubt she even knows.
And now the worst has happened, like I knew it would. AJ fell in love, and who can blame him? Shelly is such a kind hearted person, she cares about everyone else more than herself, which was something I took advantage of, and in AJ she's found someone that wants to give back to her, something I don't think I've ever done. And here I am in this bar drinking beer after beer, trying to forget it all....
But I can't, the memories don't fade, my imagination plays with me, and I know deep down inside that I'm going to lose her forever. My heart aches, the tears well up, I want so badly to just go home, to hold her, to kiss her, to do anything, to be a part of that life...
The patrons stare at me, I'm visibly upset, sobbing ever so quietly into my right sleeve. The bar tender cuts me off and asks me to leave, I agree, what else can I do? Outside I find it's raining, not heavy, but enough to make you shiver.
I always liked the rain, Hayleigh and I used to go out in it and slash each other in the puddles, but now the rain only amplifies the cold I feel in my soul. I remember when this all started I thought we were going to help nCw, Shelly pushed me to join Adam and Lance, thinking the three of us could really change things. None of us expected the ego, none of us expected to be played, none of us expected this. Sunday they expect me to get in a ring with the rest of the Revolution and fight for nCw, to take back control of it...
"It was never about the power, the gold, or the glory. The Revolution was supposed to bring change, for the better, an end to the Age of Egos and a beginning to the Age of Competition. Things have gotten so far off track that now we are being forced to have one final show down where it's all or nothing, winner take all, but you know what boys? You wanna hear the real joke? Even if the Revolution is defeated Sunday, even if one by one we're eliminated and the Resistance defeats us for the last time, Adam still has his world title shot, and if he wins, well then, it will have all been for nothing."
I respect Leonard Fox, he gave me a job when no one else would, he ignored the fact that my name was black listed from most major promotions. He took me in and let me spread my wings. In my mind this war had nothing to do with him and the moment he got involved I was sorry to be standing across from him. As I walk, the rain starts to lighten up a little bit and in the distance I see the building that will be my home for the night.
"I can't say one way or the other who's going to win Sunday, Adam Knite or The Ace. I've faced both men, one of them defeated me, the other has never defeated me, but both of them are the master's of what they do. What I can tell you is the war we've been figthing, for Adam, is long over. We've served our purpose, that's why he and Kelly are so willing to watch us walk to our funerals. In a few short days Adam Knite will have what he's always wanted, what he's been fighting for since Sovereign, Adam Knite will have his shot at the crown, and Revolution or not he just may become the new King of nCw, Revolution or not he will try to usher in his new era of tyranny, and it will be unlike anything you've ever seen before."
I've reached the hotel, my hair is soaked, tangled, my clothes are dripping wet from my walk through the rain. Slowly I make my way to the elevator, garnering the usual looks from all the ever so "normal" people around me. No matter where I go I always get that same look. I wonder if perhaps it's time I cut my hair? Passing thoughts, distractions, anything to keep my mind off whats really bothering me.
"AJ, you and I have been through allot together and I'm starting to feel like the two of us have become brothers, though for the longest time we've done nothing but try and rip each others heads off, but even brothers don't always get along. Perhaps I crossed the line when I said you've spent most of your nCw career trying to drive me out, but you do have to admit, there was a time you wanted me gone due to my ego and over all assholeness. I just want to be honest with you AJ, I'm upset, to the point where I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs until my voice gives out, do you know what it feels like to feel nothing by hatred? But my hatred has been unduly aimed at you AJ, for you are the unfortunate victim in all of this. I believe you when you say you wanted to help Shelly, I believe you when you say you love her and I believe you only do have the best of intentions..."
The elevator doors open to let me out on my floor.
"No one else believes you, but I do AJ... I also believe Shelly loves you and Hayleigh too, which is why I couldn't destroy you when I had the chance. Trust me I wanted to, even now, if we were alone in a room and no one was around, killing you would definitely cross my mind... But I can't AJ... I've taken so much from Shelly and Hayleigh already, I can't take you from them too no matter how much I may want to. The pain I've brought to their lives, the sleepless nights I've caused, it's hard enough to live with what I've done, your blood on my hands is not what I need."
My hands are shaking, I can't seem to make them stop.
"I need my family back, not this false one Adam has given me. I have no brothers, no friends in the Revolution anymore, save for Phil, because Phil alone was not around when everything went to hell. I don't know who Falcon is, he's lost himself, and I think in losing himself he's lost what once made him so special, he lost what once made me afraid to face him for fear of everyone finding out he's better than me. As for Harold, my heart goes out to him, it does, but we have never had anything in common except our blind obedience to Adam."
Just down the hall way is my room, then I can finally crawl into bed and wait for the dawn, wait for the sun, because I can already tell their will be no sleep for me... no rest for the wicked in this stark white hotel of filth and whores and drugs.
"I need my family back to survive, and I will fight for them AJ, and that's what I want you to know. I love Shelly too, more now than ever, and I will do what must be done to get her back. I know I haven't been there, I know I've been selfish, I know I've gone about everything the wrong way, but I'm willing to change, I'm willing to become the man she wants me to be, I'm willing to do anything for her and for Hayleigh. Your a good person AJ, I'm not, and I know this, but Shelly and I, we share a bond that no one understands, and it's that bond that will bring us together again. I will fight you Sunday, and I will do so for her, not for the Revolution, not for revenge, not for egos, not for Adam. You and I will do battle like two brother's fighting over the affection of a single women. May the best man win."
I shot a small smile in the direction of the camera as I pass by and reach for the key card in my pocket. As I reach up to swipe I notice something taped to my door. A manila envelope. On the front of the envelope it says "Angel" written in red and very sloppily. I remove it from the door and look down either side of the hall way, but no one is there. Inside I find an unlabeled DVD. My curiosity has peaked as I open the door to my room and prepare to watch whatever is on the disc.
Death until the dust, and we're waiting
Ruined in the rust, of our craving
It feels like, it feels like
Don't you know the cost, of your betrayal?
You're the one that's lost, you're gonna fail
It feels like, it feels like you're gasping with all your might
You can't take away my strength
Fix these broken veins
There's nothing left to fight (Live free or let me die)
You can't take away my pride, I won't be denied
There's nothing left to fight (Live free or let me die)
Collision ended and I've been bar hopping ever since. I get tired, I go to the hotel and I sit there and watch TV until it turns to static. Even now I'm enjoying a cold, lifeless glass of beer, it doesn't even matter what kind, in some hole in the wall bar in the middle of east bumble ****. My clothes smell because I haven't changed, my face is unkempt and dirty, my hair is starting to come undone, because I honestly don't care.
I want my family back.
I want Shelly, I want Hayleigh, and now that Shelly is awake, Hayleigh has been taken from me. I tried to go see her, Phil and I almost got to her room, but we couldn't make it, I couldn't see her, and I doubt she even knows.
And now the worst has happened, like I knew it would. AJ fell in love, and who can blame him? Shelly is such a kind hearted person, she cares about everyone else more than herself, which was something I took advantage of, and in AJ she's found someone that wants to give back to her, something I don't think I've ever done. And here I am in this bar drinking beer after beer, trying to forget it all....
But I can't, the memories don't fade, my imagination plays with me, and I know deep down inside that I'm going to lose her forever. My heart aches, the tears well up, I want so badly to just go home, to hold her, to kiss her, to do anything, to be a part of that life...
The patrons stare at me, I'm visibly upset, sobbing ever so quietly into my right sleeve. The bar tender cuts me off and asks me to leave, I agree, what else can I do? Outside I find it's raining, not heavy, but enough to make you shiver.
I always liked the rain, Hayleigh and I used to go out in it and slash each other in the puddles, but now the rain only amplifies the cold I feel in my soul. I remember when this all started I thought we were going to help nCw, Shelly pushed me to join Adam and Lance, thinking the three of us could really change things. None of us expected the ego, none of us expected to be played, none of us expected this. Sunday they expect me to get in a ring with the rest of the Revolution and fight for nCw, to take back control of it...
"It was never about the power, the gold, or the glory. The Revolution was supposed to bring change, for the better, an end to the Age of Egos and a beginning to the Age of Competition. Things have gotten so far off track that now we are being forced to have one final show down where it's all or nothing, winner take all, but you know what boys? You wanna hear the real joke? Even if the Revolution is defeated Sunday, even if one by one we're eliminated and the Resistance defeats us for the last time, Adam still has his world title shot, and if he wins, well then, it will have all been for nothing."
I respect Leonard Fox, he gave me a job when no one else would, he ignored the fact that my name was black listed from most major promotions. He took me in and let me spread my wings. In my mind this war had nothing to do with him and the moment he got involved I was sorry to be standing across from him. As I walk, the rain starts to lighten up a little bit and in the distance I see the building that will be my home for the night.
"I can't say one way or the other who's going to win Sunday, Adam Knite or The Ace. I've faced both men, one of them defeated me, the other has never defeated me, but both of them are the master's of what they do. What I can tell you is the war we've been figthing, for Adam, is long over. We've served our purpose, that's why he and Kelly are so willing to watch us walk to our funerals. In a few short days Adam Knite will have what he's always wanted, what he's been fighting for since Sovereign, Adam Knite will have his shot at the crown, and Revolution or not he just may become the new King of nCw, Revolution or not he will try to usher in his new era of tyranny, and it will be unlike anything you've ever seen before."
I've reached the hotel, my hair is soaked, tangled, my clothes are dripping wet from my walk through the rain. Slowly I make my way to the elevator, garnering the usual looks from all the ever so "normal" people around me. No matter where I go I always get that same look. I wonder if perhaps it's time I cut my hair? Passing thoughts, distractions, anything to keep my mind off whats really bothering me.
"AJ, you and I have been through allot together and I'm starting to feel like the two of us have become brothers, though for the longest time we've done nothing but try and rip each others heads off, but even brothers don't always get along. Perhaps I crossed the line when I said you've spent most of your nCw career trying to drive me out, but you do have to admit, there was a time you wanted me gone due to my ego and over all assholeness. I just want to be honest with you AJ, I'm upset, to the point where I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs until my voice gives out, do you know what it feels like to feel nothing by hatred? But my hatred has been unduly aimed at you AJ, for you are the unfortunate victim in all of this. I believe you when you say you wanted to help Shelly, I believe you when you say you love her and I believe you only do have the best of intentions..."
The elevator doors open to let me out on my floor.
"No one else believes you, but I do AJ... I also believe Shelly loves you and Hayleigh too, which is why I couldn't destroy you when I had the chance. Trust me I wanted to, even now, if we were alone in a room and no one was around, killing you would definitely cross my mind... But I can't AJ... I've taken so much from Shelly and Hayleigh already, I can't take you from them too no matter how much I may want to. The pain I've brought to their lives, the sleepless nights I've caused, it's hard enough to live with what I've done, your blood on my hands is not what I need."
My hands are shaking, I can't seem to make them stop.
"I need my family back, not this false one Adam has given me. I have no brothers, no friends in the Revolution anymore, save for Phil, because Phil alone was not around when everything went to hell. I don't know who Falcon is, he's lost himself, and I think in losing himself he's lost what once made him so special, he lost what once made me afraid to face him for fear of everyone finding out he's better than me. As for Harold, my heart goes out to him, it does, but we have never had anything in common except our blind obedience to Adam."
Just down the hall way is my room, then I can finally crawl into bed and wait for the dawn, wait for the sun, because I can already tell their will be no sleep for me... no rest for the wicked in this stark white hotel of filth and whores and drugs.
"I need my family back to survive, and I will fight for them AJ, and that's what I want you to know. I love Shelly too, more now than ever, and I will do what must be done to get her back. I know I haven't been there, I know I've been selfish, I know I've gone about everything the wrong way, but I'm willing to change, I'm willing to become the man she wants me to be, I'm willing to do anything for her and for Hayleigh. Your a good person AJ, I'm not, and I know this, but Shelly and I, we share a bond that no one understands, and it's that bond that will bring us together again. I will fight you Sunday, and I will do so for her, not for the Revolution, not for revenge, not for egos, not for Adam. You and I will do battle like two brother's fighting over the affection of a single women. May the best man win."
I shot a small smile in the direction of the camera as I pass by and reach for the key card in my pocket. As I reach up to swipe I notice something taped to my door. A manila envelope. On the front of the envelope it says "Angel" written in red and very sloppily. I remove it from the door and look down either side of the hall way, but no one is there. Inside I find an unlabeled DVD. My curiosity has peaked as I open the door to my room and prepare to watch whatever is on the disc.
Death until the dust, and we're waiting
Ruined in the rust, of our craving
It feels like, it feels like
Don't you know the cost, of your betrayal?
You're the one that's lost, you're gonna fail
It feels like, it feels like you're gasping with all your might
You can't take away my strength
Fix these broken veins
There's nothing left to fight (Live free or let me die)
You can't take away my pride, I won't be denied
There's nothing left to fight (Live free or let me die)