Post by Keybo Shabaz on Feb 24, 2009 23:39:01 GMT -6
(Everybody wants you by Damone plays in the background, signaling the start of nCws favorite TV show, the Pulse! A highlight clip of nCws finest is shown for an opening montage. Fade in a soundstage, with a large desk and a neon "The Pulse" sign behind it. A man sits at the desk, black suit, grey tie, he shuffles the papers in front of him as the music fades and the camera shifts into position.)
Keybo: Welcome to the hottest show in New Championship Wrestling! That's right, forget O-TV, forget the Fox Line, forget Over the Top, this is where it is at my friends.
The Pulse!
Welcome to week two of the Pulse! And yes, despite all the hate mail I get from the other producers of nCw's other TV shows, I continue to have a job. This week you got two for the price of one as New Championship Wrestling presented Trauma and Collision from the HSBC arena in Buffalo, New York. Fallout was the name of the game this week as repercussions from Crossroads were many and bloody. So, without further delay.. The Rundown!
(Keybo spins in the chair, stopping when he's facing the left side of the desk, looking into camera #2.)
Keybo: Trauma is usually the unspoken 'substandard' show. But this week, two current champions and four former champions fought it out in a gauntlet, a special preview of Soverign. Take that collision.
Shaddix vs Hexx
Keybo: Show of hands.. who had doubts about this match? Not me. Way to go kid, you beat someone who's taking more punishment than Paris Hiltons... kitty..
Shaddix 1-0
Ryan Williams vs Kenneth Williams vs Bob Grenier
Keybo: Due to nobody being able to find Ryan Williams, Ken Williams or Bob Grenier this week, that match did not occur. So, who I thought would win is more or less unimportant.
Falcon vs Xavier Williams vs Kristoff Liam Bates vs Jimmy Zane vs Sexy Jason vs Jack Manson
Coliseum Preview - Gauntlet
Keybo: Well, I was half right. Xavier did start first and it looked real promising when he defeated the longest running National Champion to date. But then it became a stamina game, X beat Falcon, then got beat by Bates, who got beat by Zane, who got beat by Jason, then Jason pulled the win out by beating Manson as well. Congratulations, Sexy Jason, now go get Amber.
Xavier Williams 1-1
Keybo: That was it for Trauma. THE best way to spend a Saturday night at home. Period. But, it's really just a teaser for sunday.. and Collision!
Hallelujah, the Awesome one returns! In a surprising twist, Falcon showed that he really didn't want Awesome gone after all. I can't say I understand why you'd work so hard to get rid of someone and then let him back in, but eh.. not my fault he's an idiot. But, that wasn't the only surprise of the night. Davey Ortegas long time associate, Mr. Preston, showed he wasn't going to take it anymore and now, they have a date for Soverign.
JFK vs Davey Ortega
Keybo: This was a great match, each showing that their allegiance to the cause of the Resistance would not be a factor in this match. But in the end, the mere presence of Adam Knite was enough to distract JFK and Davey pulled out the win with a counter bridge. JFK seemed unconcerned, chasing off after Adam Knite like kid after an ice cream truck. Though we didn't see it, I hope he caught Knite.. and bad things happened.
JFK 1-2
Mark Evil vs Johnny Rotten
Keybo: This match was almost anti-climactic. First, you had Mark Evil in a non-hardcore match. What use is the ability to get barbed wire from nowhere if you can't use it? Anyway, after a great opening match and a suspenseful segment Rotten just cheats before the bell, and this match was over before it began. I'm just disapointed I called it.
Johnny Rotten 2-2
Rob Diamond and Mike Honcho vs Two Below Zero
Keybo: Well, the two super nerds put their differences aside to kick the crap out of Frosty and Avalanche. The normally spunky and talkative Frosty was silent all week, leading to speculation that he was working on his tag team tricks. Unfortunately, a Diamond Cutter didn't agree.
Rob Diamond and Mike Honcho 3-2
Overdrive vs Dirty Deal
Keybo: Well, I had it right. Overdrive was poised and ready to take this match home. But, the ever deceitful and conniving.. I mean... uhh my nice and wonderful boss gave Dirty Deal some help and they capitalized. Sorry boys, you're in a rotten occupation.
Overdrive 3-3
Homeless Harold vs Jack Hammond
Keybo: The kid may be World Champ, but there's only so far that a thing like that will get you. He put up a valiant effort, I'll give him that, but Harold is called a monster for a reason. Watch the concussion Jack, nCw needs you.
Jack Hammond 3-4
Nelly Angel vs The Ace
Keybo: Never thought I'd see the day. Just.. never.. Nelly Angel cheated to win this match. Even when Nelly joined the Revolution, I never thought I would see this. Sorry Ace, I may have predicted against you, but I had no idea it would go like this..
Nelly Angel 4-4
Angel vs Joe Everyman
Keybo: Nelly cheats, and Angel plays fair!? We just left bizarro world.. that's Canada if you don't realize. Anyway, I love Joe Everyman, but even I knew he didn't stand a chance against a man who had him placed squarely in the crosshairs.
Angel 5-4
Keybo: And so the first round of predictions ends with me on top, albeit not by much, but it's better than some of those college basketball guys who get fifteen obvious games every other day that end in giant blowouts. But, I hope you DVRd Collision if you missed it, because I guarantee you half the show will end up on some DVD someday. I want you to be able to say "I saw that happen!" Wait? What's that you say? Awww yes I know the Rundown is over, but you know what that means! That's right, it's time to take a look.. Into the Future!
(Keybo spins the chair again, stopping facing the other way. He reaches down and puts on weird turban, looking like the thing Johnny Carson used to do. The camera switching to #3.)
Keybo: That's right, all the way to February 28th when once again it's Trauma Time!
Steve Awesome vs Frostbyte
Keybo: Main eventing on Collision or Curtain jerking on Trauma, Steve Awesome is still Steve Awesome. I'm sorry Frosty, but your comeback doesn't start this week.
Steve Awesome
Rob Diamond vs Ron Gibson vs Shaddix vs Christopher Owens vs Scotty Calloway vs Mark Evil
Six Man Over the Top Rope Battle Royal
Keybo: Another Trauma comes and goes and my good buddy Chris.. ok he's not my good buddy.. ok he's not even my buddy, but he made another cluster match. This one doesn't have the gold edge of the last one, but it promises excitement and since Evil is involved, barbed wire!
Ron Gibson
Philip Burns vs Joe Everyman
Keybo: Everyman picks himself up, dusts himself off and then runs face first into the other half of the Tag Champions. He must really want those titles baaaddd.. but, not bad enough.
Philip Burns
Jack Hammond vs The Ace
Keybo: The Ace goes from one nutzo high flyer directly to another. Only this one is carrying a more impressive strap. Just hope Hammond is medically cleared to wrestle after the beating Harold gave him. Who wants it more?
The Ace
Keybo: And that will do it for Trauma. However, my psychic powers are not all used up yet.. Let's take a look at Collision. All the way to March 1st!
Mike Honcho vs Mr. Preston
Keybo: This one is a tough one to call. On one hand, you have the unreliable Honcho. On the other, is the untested Mr. Preston. Does the man even know how to wrestle? And no, watching Ortega doesn't count, nor does it help.
Mike Honcho
Motor City Mafia vs Overdrive
Keybo: Overdrive got screwed last week, plain and simple. Rotten put the screws to someone else last week, plain and simple. Can we expect more of the same? Probably. Will it work? No.
Overdrive
Sexy Jason vs Curtis Kanyon
Keybo: Jason wants Amber, Curtis has Amber. Someone is getting beat the hell down. But that means someone is doing the beating, and that is..
Sexy Jason
Kristoff Liam Bates vs Angel
Pick Your Poison match
Keybo: Ortega backs the seemingly unbeatable Bates against Prestons prized Stallion in Angel. I remember a time when Angel was the invincible one until he met an alien named Trent and his ride ended. And I have a feeling this is where Bates ride ends.
Angel
Jimmy Zane vs Homeless Harold
Special Guest Referee: Adam Knite
Keybo: Zane verbally attacked management last week, saying he was being held down. Well, now he'll be held down and beaten.. severely. As if facing Harold wasn't enough, the cards are definately stacked against him.
Homeless Harold
Adam Knite vs JFK vs Xavier Williams
Keybo: JFK will be looking to get a piece of Adam Knite after what happened last week. Knite will be looking to dish out a little more payback for Crossroads. And Xavier will be there looking to just beat the hell out of someone. It'll be enough.
Xavier Williams
(He spins around again, back to the center, and camera #1, losing the turban in the process.)
And now I'm joined in studio by New Championship Wrestlings only frozen treat, Two Below Zero!
(Scream by Avenged Sevenfold plays as Frostbyte comes out. He stops, turns and motions angrily. Avalanche follows him, not looking happy. They take places next to the desk on the sofa.)
Keybo: Wow... that.. is a big dude.
Frostbyte: Yeah, bet you'll never guess where I found him.
Keybo: I want to say Prison, but that will get me taken off the air and sued. So I'm going to say Princeton University.
Frostbyte: Uhhhh.. yeah. We'll go with that.
Keybo: So, is he your bodyguard?
Frostbyte: When I need it. Mostly we just get together to kick some douche out of some douchebags.
Keybo: Awesome. You guys have been real iffy lately. Inconsistant. It's like sometimes it's too much to ask to just show up. What's going on?
Frostbyte: We're having.. communication problems. But we're working on it. We'll be after those Tag belts soon enough. I just hope the Revolution keeps them nice and warm.
Keybo: So, you're predicting that you'll not only beat the Revolution, but you'll beat them soon?
Frostbyte: Of course.
Keybo: Does he talk?
Frostbyte: Not unless he has something to say.
Keybo: Does he?
(Both men look at the big man. But he doesn't move.)
Keybo: Guess not. Ready for some viewer questions?
Frostbyte: Alright, let's see what these tard fans have to say.
Keybo: F. Geller from Austin, Texas asks How cold is too cold?
Frostbyte: Think of how cold your girlfriends vag...
Keybo: Don't say that word.
Frostbyte: Ok.. ummm.. "kitten" is.. and multiply it by the number of women you've never slept with.. that is too cold.
Keybo: That's also a huge number.
Frostbyte: Precisely.
Keybo: J. Aries from Lafayette, Louisiana asks Where is your summer home?
Frostbyte: Up your mothers... Uranus.
Keybo: o...k.. K. Eldritch from Portland, Maine asks When is it too hot?
Frostbyte: When all the chicks in your family are pole dancing in my living room.
Keybo: M. Baitlyn from New York City, New York asks Is it hot in here?
Frostbyte: No, but it is hott in herre.
Keybo: Ok.. Nelly.. and lastly, J. Wilkes of Nashville, Tennessee asks Do you drink your water frozen?
Frostbyte: Absolutely.
Keybo: No witty reparte?
Frostbyte: That was finally a serious question.
(Suddenly from out of frame the boom mic drops down and hits Avalanche in the face. The big man roars in annoyance, getting up and moving off camera to presumably harm the unlucky staffer.)
Keybo: I didn't know arms could bend that way. Mind reigning him in?
Frostbyte: In a minute.
Keybo: Well, that's all the time we have this week. For all of us here at New Championship Wrestling, this is Keybo Shabaz, host extraordinaire of the best show on Television, The Pulse! Now, remember..
Steel Chairs are fun...
Barbed Wire is a good time..
And always tip your waitress!
Good night.
(Everybody wants you by Damone plays again as the transmission fades out.)
"Hey, tune in next week when my guest will be none other than that perfectly normal extremist Kristoff Liam Bates! Questions? Comments? Want to leave his wife a support groups phone number? Send them in to:
TheShabaz@ncwentertainment.com
Or Call the studio lines at 1-866-555-3737
And I'll see you here next week!
(Reply with a question, or PM me if it's private. Just like the Fox Line you can ask ridiculous questions, just edit them for TV. All of this weeks submissions were provided by Angel. Come on, you guys want to help.)