Post by Keybo Shabaz on May 6, 2009 19:08:25 GMT -6
(Everybody wants you by Damone plays in the background, signaling the start of nCws favorite TV show, the Pulse! A highlight clip of nCws finest is shown for an opening montage. Fade in a sound stage, with a large desk and a neon "The Pulse" sign behind it. A man sits at the desk, black suit, gray tie, he shuffles the papers in front of him as the music fades and the camera shifts into position.)
Keybo: Normally, I would just start my show, giving you the prime information that you watch this show for. But, it appears that two of my, and I use this term loosely, colleagues, feel the need to resolve their self esteem issues by insulting me and the work that I do here for you. So, being that this is a wrestling show and we are in the wrestling business, allow me to reply in kind.
(Keybo takes reading glasses from his jacket pocket, places them on his face and looks into the camera.)
Keybo: First, to Damien the proven lord of douchebaggery, let me clarify a few things for you. One, you do not do journalism. You write a column. Your column is filled with nothing but your own assanine opinions about everything, thus resulting in a conflicting view of the facts, creating bias, which means, you're not a journalist, and you do not represent journalistic integrity, so.. cut it out. You're not important to anyone, and judging by the thousands of letters I get and the emptiness of your mailbag, the people know where to get their information. So, don't use my name to try and make people care, it only makes you look petty, like a Fox news reporter. Also, they erased your archives because they weren't worth the bandwidth. As the director of NCW media, I felt they weren't even worth the recycling bin. So, let me reset your score.
Deleted Garbage -10, Keybo 50
Now, as far as Sampson is concerned, I really just want to smack you one upside the head. I mean really, does my name concern you that much? Or did you just not have anything else to say? I mean, you complain about the turban, last time I checked, nobody forced you to watch this show.. you know while you were supposed to be doing your actual job, which I'm still not sure what it is, because you certainly don't seem to do anything. And just for a tidbit, I named the show the Pulse because it is the lifeline for all the news NCW. You know, like a Pulse, blood flowing through veins? Do you get it now? Or do I have to actually go with my instincts and cancel your show before all of your advertisers bail on you? I thought so.
(Keybo takes his glasses off, and places them back in his pocket.)
Keybo: Now that the unplesantness is over, we can begin!
The Pulse
Keybo: Now that I can get on to my show, time for the Rundown!
Keybo: The road to the X Division title began for one of two men on Trauma, and a legend returned to the ring for a one time only spot.
Nero vs Steve Ramone
Elite 8 Qualifier
Keybo: This would determine who would get their foot in the door for a chance at the Hamster and his X Division title. Steve Ramone fought hard, but I think he needs more time to adjust to this level of competition. Nevertheless, Nero is now one of the Elite 8.
Steve Ramone 0-1
Shaddix vs JackHammer
Keybo: It seems this kid is just full of surprises. Betting on the Hammer this week seemed like a sure thing, but I guess even I can get one wrong every once in a while. Nice going.
JackHammer 0-2
"Maniac" Chris Diamond vs Rob Diamond
Grudge Match
Keybo: Rob, you were just supposed to beat the man, not kill him. Well, there goes Chris's chances of putting out one more match at that other promotions reunion show. I just hope that Rob can still sleep at night knowing what he did.
Rob Diamond 1-2
Keybo: Trauma ended on a sad note, but all was almost forgotten for a few hours the next night when Collision began. We saw Awesomes announcement of his hall of fame induction, several high quality matches including two X Division tournament previews and an Xtreme rules match between The Ace and Mark Evil.
Kristoff Liam Bates vs Jack Hammond
Keybo: An Elite battle of epic proportions, and that's not just a bit of wordplay from the word master. This could easily have been a Reborn preview. And now Hammy, you know what you may have to prepare for.
Kristoff Bates 2-2
The Ace vs Mark Evil
Xtreme Rules
Keybo: Do you regret it Mark? You asked for this, and now, you felt the full wrath of The Ace. Sometimes wanting something just isn't enough, right?
The Ace 3-2
Amber Ashe with Dirty Deal vs Jade with the Lords of Destruction
Cat Fight
Keybo: Well, we weren't promised a Mat classic with this one, but I think the crowd loved every second of it. And that's all that matters I guess. Well, let's hand it to Jade for the win and proving she does indeed know her way around the inside of the ring as well as the outside.
Amber Ashe 3-3
Xavier Williams vs Joe Everyman
Elite 8 Preview
Keybo: A Preview for what could very well be round 1 of the Elite 8, and it certainly did not disapoint. But I'm hoping this is when the X Train gets back on board and he can roll right back into town.
Xavier Williams 4-3
AJ Phoenix, Angel and Philip Burns vs Adam Knite, Homeless Harold and Falcon
Keybo: This was a brawl fest right from the get go. Tempers were flared and the heat was so intense you needed sunscreen for your eye balls. But after a mysterious power outtage took Falcon out of the match, the Pale Horse showed his figurative face again, giving Angel enough time to nail the Revelations and pick up the win.
AJ Phoenix, Angel and Philip Burns 5-3[/b]
Week: 5-3
2009: 62-29
Keybo: Almost a hundred matches picked and I am well above the five hundred mark, let's see Sparks or Sampson figure that one out. Speaking of that, guess what time it is! That's right, future time!
(Keybo spins the chair again, stopping facing the other way. He reaches down and puts on weird turban, just to piss off Brent Sampson. The camera switching to #3.)
Keybo: May 9th, Oh May 9th, where doth thou carry Trauma?
NAZI vs Angel and Philip Burns*
nCw World Tag Team Championship Match
Keybo: Wow, NAZI has a tag team title shot. I never thought I'd see the day. But hey, they have been winning matches.. sort of, so maybe this is there reward? But, this is as close as they come.
Burning Angels
Mike Honcho vs Jackhammer
Keybo: Jackhammer comes off a loss to one of the newbies aroung here in Shaddix. And now, he's probably looking for the blood of the magic man to compensate. I just hope Mike is mentally ready after watching his father get beaten to retirement last week.
Mike Honcho
Kristoff Liam Bates vs Joe Everyman
Elite 8 First Round Singles Match
Keybo: Round one of the elite 8 begins with Bates and Everyman. I want to pick Everyman to win this match, because I really want him to. But, it's Kristoff Liam Bates for crying out loud.
Kristoff Liam Bates
Adam Knite vs Steve Awesome
Keybo: The World Champion takes of the newest Hall of Fame inductee. This match promises to be one of the best in recent memory. DVR this one, and you will never regret it on those lonely winter nights.
Steve Awesome
Keybo: Now that your filler breadsticks are all finished, it's time for the pizza named Collision.
Shaddix vs Xavier Williams
Elite 8 First Round Singles Match
Keybo: Second match in the first round of the elite 8 sees former three time X Division Champion taking on Shaddix. Can Shaddix win this match? Yes. Will he is an entirely different matter.
Xavier Williams
Sexy Jason vs Steve Ramone
Keybo: Well Ramond failed to gain entry into the X Division tournament, but he definately raised some flags with the potential spotters. So this week he takes on Sexy Jason to prove he belongs here.
Steve Ramone
Rob Diamond vs JFK
Elite 8 First Round Singles Match
Keybo: One week after pummeling his father, an NCW employee into the ground, Diamond is rewarded with an entry spot into the Elite 8. But in his way stands a former National Champion in JFK. Karma perhaps? But even Karma can be overcome.
Rob Diamond
The Ace and MGK vs Dirty Deal
Keybo: The Ace teams up with a former Resistance stablemate to take on the Co-Xtreme Champions in Dirty Deal. It's no big secret that neither of these men are enamoured with tag action as of late, but they'll need to set that aside to beat one of the dirtiest tag teams around.
Ace/MGK
Falcon vs Nero
Elite 8 First Round Singles Match
Keybo: The final match in the round 1 of the elite 8 is nothing to laugh at either. Nero earned this spot, and now he has to take on the longest reigning National Champion NCW has ever seen. But will Falcon be ready to fight, or will he get trampled by a Pale Horse?
Nero
Homeless Harold vs AJ Phoenix
Keybo: AJ wants a title shot, Harold stands in the way of that shot. Not many have been able to take down the beast, but if anyone stands more than half a chance, it's AJ. This is all on you now kiddo.
AJ Phoenix
(He spins around again, back to the center, and camera #1, losing the turban in the process.)
Keybo: Joining me in the studio this week is the nightmare savant, the Patron Saint of Bad Ass himself, Angel!
("Undead" by Hollywood Undead plays as Angel comes out from the back. He moves to the barricade, tapping hands with the people there, then he and Keybo share a brohug.)
Keybo: Welcome to the Pulse Angel.
Angel: Great to be here Keybo.
Keybo: A short time ago you and Burns surpassed the Smokin Aces for the second longest Tag Team title reign in NCW history. Ever plan on giving those up?
Angel: Giving them up? Never. But if another team comes along and ends up taking them, they'll get a pat on the back and a tip of the cap.
Keybo: That's everything short of a cookie.
Angel: A cookie and a medal. I like to keep those for special occasions.
(They laugh.)
Keybo: Awesome. Ready for some fan questions? There was a ton, but I could only get in so many.
Angel: Alright, let me have it.
Keybo: First is from good old Xavier Williams, from the ATL.. he asks..Hey Angel... how are you... not doing well... that's fine. My question is, when are you gonna stop being a little emo bitch and start cracking heads again?
Angel: Ha...ha...ha... Very funny Xavier, I guess this is your way at getting back at me huh? Well I'll tell you what X, why don't you give me a call when you keep a belt for more than four weeks... I won't hold my breath waiting though.
Keybo: Aww let's not start this aga.. well on second thought.. I digress. Ethan Hoyt from Orlando, FL asks My question to the Patron Saint of Bad Ass is this, with you and Burns soundly standing atop the Tag Division, would it be in either of your best interests to go after singles titles? I mean, it's not like there is a single tag team that can stop you right now. Wait.. didn't I just ask this?
(Angel shrugs and answers anyway.)
Angel: Singles titles are all well and good, but I'm honestly just getting the hang of this team with Burns. We sort of blundered our way through our first few matches together, but I really feel like we're hitting our stride as a team, so I don't see any singles titles in our immediate future right now.
Keybo: And believe me, it shows. N. Angel.. wait.. Oh, it's from Nelly. He's from San Fran?
Angel: Explains a bit about Randy.
Keybo: Quite. He asks Hey Angel, I've always been wondering, what the crap would we call it if we tag-teamed? Because Angel and Nelly Angel just doesn't sound right, too much angel going on. Would we be like Angel Squared? Or um, On the Wings of Angels? Hmmmm, I guess those are the only ones that really come to mind. Oh, and Randy wants to know if you plan on changing your name any time soon, he thinks I might be more marketable by capitalizing on my last name, but doing so might get in the way of your career and I'd hate to do that. Oh, he says hi by the way. Anyway, I'll be seeing you around or something.
Angel: Man I miss me some Nelly Angel. The guy was always good for a laugh, you know? But it seems like he wants a serious answer to his questions. So, how about Arch Angels? And no I don't plan on changing my name. Now stop bugging me and get back to doing whatever it is your doing thats keeping you out of an nCw ring.
Keybo: That's right, you just stay Angel. Cain Lovelock.. who names these people? Anyway, he asks the standard typical Angel, who where some of your idols that you had growing up as a kid and why? Sounds like a question for Dunns show.
Angel: Idols? Well in my early years I went to church alot, so my main idol, if you want to call him that, was Jesus. I think the why is fairly obvious there. But in my later years I came to look up to men like Ronal Reagan for his determination; and as far as other wrestlers go, I've gotta be honest and say Hulk Hogan was always my hero.
Keybo: The world needs more Hogan. Lastly, Chris McJenkins asks "Dude....Angel...seriously I think it's time you cut those dreadlocks man. Your starting to look like a white Booker T for crying out loud. A THIN AWESOME KONG! I mean, who told you dread locks were cool anyway? The lead singer of counting crows? Seriously though Angel, start seeing a barber that isn't stuck in the nineties. You might even get Shelly back......
Angel: Ouch man, just ouch, that really hurt, you had to go there, I mean... A nineties joke? I've actually been thinking about cutting off the old locks, but as it turns out Leonard Fox has trade marked my locks and plans on selling "Angel" wigs in the near future, so now I am legally obliged to not cut them off. True story.
Keybo: Pencil me down for an Angel wig. But that's all the time we have for this week. I'd like to thank my guest Angel, and most of all, you guys for watching this show and forgetting entirely about those two other depressed yokels. So, always remember..
Steel Chairs are fun...
Barbed Wire is a good time...
And always tip your waitress!
Good night.
(Everybody wants you by Damone plays again as the transmission fades out.)
"Hey, join me again next week when my guest in the studio will be the behemoth that makes Star Jones look like a super model, Homeless Harold! Questions? Comments? Wanna give him directions to the Good Will? Send them in to:
TheShabaz@ncwentertainment.com
Or Call the studio lines at 1-866-555-3737
And I'll see you here next week!"
(Reply with a question, or PM me if it's private. Just like the Fox Line you can ask ridiculous questions, just edit them for TV.)