Post by Cliff Clinton on May 13, 2009 18:12:29 GMT -6
“I WANNA TALK TO SAMPSON!”
The prime metal wail blasts and the thunderous guitar riff explodes as the scene opens with the Head of Talent Relations Brent Sampson, standing in his office with his cranky old man sneer.
“It’s okay everybody, I’m back now. Been hard at work here in my office.”
Cut to Sampson hard at work in his office. Sucking down a coke.
“Are you kidding me?”
He leans forward to get a better look into his computer.
“They only want ten bucks for this obi-wan mug?”
I Wanna Talk to Sampson is back for round two. So if your like me and you hate watching routine pansy talk show hosts and something about…..”smarmy British journalists”…..makes you consider hitting a small toddler with sweet chin music…..then you can finally sit back knowing that I haven’t gone away. As much as Damien Sparks tries to find comfort creating that lie in his head….I’m never going away. I mean…just look at the controversy I caused with one show.”
Brent just laughs.
“You have Keybo putting his big boy pants on and I could hear Sparks all the way in my office as he typed out his column between the sobs of depression. All because the guy that according to both Keybo and Damien, nobody cared about, grabbed some old camera and filmed himself in his office for ten five minutes. You kidding me? Mr. intellectual smart ass himself Damien Sparks……rebellious free thinker…doesn’t give a damn what anybody says right? Sure did get his thong in a twist when old Sampson started poking a little fun at him. But you know what Sparky, you sure do talk a big game from behind your pen mr journalistic integrity…..why don’t you charge up your nine volts and give my office door a knock? Huh? Come talk to Sampson…you know you wanna….”
“And then there’s Mr. big shot TV producer, Keyblow Shabaz. First of all….why in the hell did you need reading glasses to talk to the camera? I’ve been pondering that all dang week. That’s why my show was so late. The only reasonable answer was that you needed them to read off of the cards your little promo was written on…because Lord knows they were written by somebody with way more backbone than you’ll ever have. Second of all…if I’m so horrible Keybo…if nobody wants to watch my show then why the hell would you take precious airtime from your ALWAYS ORIGINAL PROGRAMMING to mention the staff member that doesn’t do crap…as if Damien Sparks is employee of the year or something……
He rolls his eyes.
“The point is Keyblow….don’t suddenly start acting like your something that this company can’t live without now that you got your precious spot as head of media. We both know that your not going to cancel anything Keyblow…because without me giving you a real reason to pay attention, you’d just continue to be the same tool who holds a microphone for everybody else. It’s sad….but true.”
Sampson just shrugs his shoulders, as if to say….”What can you do?”
“Now…before I continue on with the real part of my show….I made some changes to the way I do business.
Cut to “Keybo”.
“Keybo” CHANGES!?!?
He looks into the camera, slaps his cheeks and screams.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
“I could stand here and tell you all about the things that I hate or the things that piss me off, but I’m going to put that on hold and focus on one thing that has come to my attention. Rumor has it that Keybo Shabaz used some underhanded tactics to get that job he’s holding right now. It seems it was stolen right out from under one of our own’s noses. I don’t have all the details yet, but I have my reporters looking into it as we speak. So until next time…..talk to Sampson….you know you wanna.”
Fade.
The prime metal wail blasts and the thunderous guitar riff explodes as the scene opens with the Head of Talent Relations Brent Sampson, standing in his office with his cranky old man sneer.
“It’s okay everybody, I’m back now. Been hard at work here in my office.”
Cut to Sampson hard at work in his office. Sucking down a coke.
“Are you kidding me?”
He leans forward to get a better look into his computer.
“They only want ten bucks for this obi-wan mug?”
I Wanna Talk to Sampson is back for round two. So if your like me and you hate watching routine pansy talk show hosts and something about…..”smarmy British journalists”…..makes you consider hitting a small toddler with sweet chin music…..then you can finally sit back knowing that I haven’t gone away. As much as Damien Sparks tries to find comfort creating that lie in his head….I’m never going away. I mean…just look at the controversy I caused with one show.”
Brent just laughs.
“You have Keybo putting his big boy pants on and I could hear Sparks all the way in my office as he typed out his column between the sobs of depression. All because the guy that according to both Keybo and Damien, nobody cared about, grabbed some old camera and filmed himself in his office for ten five minutes. You kidding me? Mr. intellectual smart ass himself Damien Sparks……rebellious free thinker…doesn’t give a damn what anybody says right? Sure did get his thong in a twist when old Sampson started poking a little fun at him. But you know what Sparky, you sure do talk a big game from behind your pen mr journalistic integrity…..why don’t you charge up your nine volts and give my office door a knock? Huh? Come talk to Sampson…you know you wanna….”
“And then there’s Mr. big shot TV producer, Keyblow Shabaz. First of all….why in the hell did you need reading glasses to talk to the camera? I’ve been pondering that all dang week. That’s why my show was so late. The only reasonable answer was that you needed them to read off of the cards your little promo was written on…because Lord knows they were written by somebody with way more backbone than you’ll ever have. Second of all…if I’m so horrible Keybo…if nobody wants to watch my show then why the hell would you take precious airtime from your ALWAYS ORIGINAL PROGRAMMING to mention the staff member that doesn’t do crap…as if Damien Sparks is employee of the year or something……
He rolls his eyes.
“The point is Keyblow….don’t suddenly start acting like your something that this company can’t live without now that you got your precious spot as head of media. We both know that your not going to cancel anything Keyblow…because without me giving you a real reason to pay attention, you’d just continue to be the same tool who holds a microphone for everybody else. It’s sad….but true.”
Sampson just shrugs his shoulders, as if to say….”What can you do?”
“Now…before I continue on with the real part of my show….I made some changes to the way I do business.
Cut to “Keybo”.
“Keybo” CHANGES!?!?
He looks into the camera, slaps his cheeks and screams.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
“I could stand here and tell you all about the things that I hate or the things that piss me off, but I’m going to put that on hold and focus on one thing that has come to my attention. Rumor has it that Keybo Shabaz used some underhanded tactics to get that job he’s holding right now. It seems it was stolen right out from under one of our own’s noses. I don’t have all the details yet, but I have my reporters looking into it as we speak. So until next time…..talk to Sampson….you know you wanna.”
Fade.