Post by Keybo Shabaz on Jun 17, 2009 19:57:27 GMT -6
(Everybody wants you by Damone plays in the background, signaling the start of nCws favorite TV show, the Pulse! A highlight clip of nCws finest is shown for an opening montage. Fade in a sound stage, with a large desk and a neon "The Pulse" sign behind it. A man sits at the desk, black suit, gray tie, he shuffles the papers in front of him as the music fades and the camera shifts into position.)
Keybo: Welcome to the hottest show in New Championship Wrestling! That's right, forget O-TV, forget the Fox Line, forget Over the Top, this is where it is at my friends.
The Pulse!
Yes, don't be worried my dear friends, I am still here. I got some letters from some of you concerned people about the whole Sampson incident, but I assure you everything is cool now. And what makes things better? Picture Perfect is even closer!
(Keybo spins in the chair, stopping when he's facing the left side of the desk, looking into camera #2.)
Keybo: This week was a continuation of the last. If last week you picked a fight, this week you continued it. Standard in wrestling really.
Christian Kane vs Hexx
Keybo: I try, as a broadcaster, to see the best in people. But sometimes, you just know that some things aren't meant to be. Chris Kane likes to think he can hack in nCw, but as of right now, I don't think he can anymore. Sorry kid, but you just got future endeavored.
Christian Kane 0-1
Chris Brock vs Shane Hunter vs Cameron Corvis vs Steve Ramone
Keybo: Sampsons new talent initiative got off to a great start. About damn time he did something right. So memorize these names. Except Shane Hunter, who also got future endeavored. And especially Cam Corvis. I see big things for this kid.
Chris Brock 0-2
Night Blade vs Fergus Callaghan
Keybo: After some heated words exchanged during the week, the creepy masked guy and the raging drunk really got into it. But apparently, the refs decided it was too much and DQed Night Blade. I swear they fix matches just to annoy me.
Night Blade 0-3
Keybo: Trauma ended with the newcomers showcase giving light to the future of New Championship Wrestling. Come Collision, it was time for the veterans to step up their game.
Lords of Destruction vs The Superfans
Keybo: Well, to my knowledge there was no new paper filed in my box with a giant LAWSUIT labeled at the top, so the Superfans managed to keep it clean. And low and behold, it results in a win.
The Superfans 1-3
Angel w/ Burns vs Kristoff Liam Bates w/ Nero
Keybo: Dream match number 2 ends exactly the same way as the first. And, as most of us expected, it ended with a giant brawl that needed security. This is going to get worse before it gets better.
Angel 2-3
Dirty Deal vs Homeless Harold
Handicap Match
Keybo: Two opponents for Harold, and both fell down. Is there anyone who can stand up to this giant without suffering severely? I don't know anymore.
Dirty Deal 2-4
Spike Kane and Xavier Williams vs Falcon and Rob Diamond
Keybo: For the most part, these four men played nice. They fought a hard match, and when it was over, most people expected that to be that. And well, it definately was not the end of that as it resulted in Spike and X getting assaulted from behind. Come on boys, don't stand for that.
Spike Kane and Xavier Williams 3-4
Jack Hammond (c) vs Joe Everyman
NCW X Division Title Match
Keybo: This was a giant pile of crap. My man Everyman deserved better than some selfish weirdo telling him what he thinks Everyman deserves. Come on Joe, don't take this crap from him. Hammond will give you another shot when you're finished.
Jack Hammond 4-4
Week: 4-4
2009: 88-52
Keybo: Another week down, and more fuel thrown into the flames. But we're not done yet. The more we look into the future, the closer we get to Picture Perfect.
(Keybo spins the chair again, stopping facing the other way. He reaches down and puts on a Kristoff Bates wig. The camera switching to #3.)
Keybo: I never thought I'd live to see the day Hexx got a World title match. I never thought the World title would be defended on Trauma after the Steve Awesome incident. And, my mind is just blown.
Hexx vs Adam Knite
nCw World Championship Match
Keybo: Oooookk.. Here we go. I'd like to think Hexx has a chance. But, does he really? I don't think so.
Adam Knite
Shaddix and Jack Hammond vs The Superfans
Keybo: If it wasn't for the fact that Shaddix wanted a piece of Hammond, these two might make an excellent team. But the Superfans aren't going to just sit there and let them have therapy time in the ring.
The Superfans
Rob Diamond and Spike Kane
Keybo: Spike Kane gets a chance to dish a little out for his buddy X by taking on Rob Diamond. Question is.. will his desire to get rid of Falcon prevent him from seeing who's right in front of him?
Rob Diamond
Sexy Jason vs Homeless Harold
Xtreme Rules
Keybo: Harold can be beaten, but not by many. And as much as I want to give this one to Sexy Jason, after defeating Dirty Deal single handed last week, it doesn't look like it's possible.
Homeless Harold
And that's the end of Trauma, as great as it will be. But never fear, Collision is near! Promising tons more action.
The Ace vs Chris Brock
Unsanctioned Match
Keybo:[/color] Unsanctioned means no rules. One of these guys just may be retired or worse after this.. I just hope they know what they're getting into.
The Ace
Xavier Williams vs Falcon
Keybo:[/color] Same situation, different night. Xavier is out for Robs blood, but he has to roll through Falcon first. But if I know my man X, it don't make a damn bit of difference.
Xavier Williams
Night Blade and Perfect Freaks vs Joe Everyman and Burning Angels[/color]
Keybo: Six men, one purpose. Sure, they have different targets, but thats what makes this sport so much fun, right?
Everyman and Burning Angels
Jackhammer vs Curtis Kanyon vs Fergus Callaghan vs Cameron Corvis vs Ron Gibson vs Steve Ramone[/color]
Keybo: Six men, one Xtreme title shot on the line. Dirty Deal already knows what that Xtreme title feels like. Jackhammer knows what titles are about. But there's a couple good guys who just might walk away with this one.
Jackhammer
AJ Phoenix vs Davey Ortega
Special Guest Referee: Adam Knite[/color]
Keybo: Davey Ortega is back! And he steps right in front of the title scene, and faces AJ for that priveledge. But Knite as referee? That just adds a little kick to the nuts to the whole thing, doesn't it?
AJ Phoenix
(He spins around again, back to the center, and camera #1, losing the Bates wig in the process.)
Keybo: Now, I'd like to welcome to the studio.. Ron Gibson!
("Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap" plays as Gibson emerges to a chorus of boos and a You Suck chant or two. He ignores everyone, just plopping himself comfortably down on the couch.)
Keybo: Welcome to the show, Mr. Gibson.
Ron: Yeah I'm not thanking you for having me on sheballz. It's pretty ****ty.... can I say that? Ah.... who cares. It's ****ty and your ****ty, your mom's basement is ****ty but I guess that it works out well for you.
Keybo: This is how we're going to start out? You're going to insult me from the very beginning.
Ron: Yes. You know why though? It took you this long to run an interview with dirty deal. When you finally get around to it, you run your mouth with an excuse. "We ran out of superstars to interview." Honestly their is none better.... no pun intended - if you want to have great shows every few weeks. Look no further than team controversial.
Keybo: We have great shows without you.
Ron: Right. I very well doubt anyone even watches this show. Infact I think.... wait.... why do those camera's look like plastic? Are you even taping this ****? Are you real?
(Gibson pokes Keybo.)
Keybo: No, in fact, it's not. So, maybe you should be somewhere else?
Gibson: No, I think I'll stay.
Keybo: Suit yourself, well.. shall we just skip to the fan mail then?
Ron: Fan mail? Why are you only holding a few cards? Their should be a whole bag full of goodies.
Keybo: Usually there are, and I have to cut down, not so with you.. anyway, Jim Kirk from Hollywood asks, I was just wondering, Ron; whether or not you were thinking about going after the Xtreme title again as a singles wrestler?
Ron: That's a good but stupid questions james kirk. First off star trek sucks, so if your trying to look cool by using that name.... GAY! Incase you're serious and that is your name, let me just say this. You're trash and I wish PaymetoBlow Sheballz would just toss the question out already but since he's giving me the look. I guess I have to answer.... Yes. Why just aspire to xtreme title? I want to be world champion. I can beat the current champion.
Keybo: You think you can beat Adam Knite?
Ron: Who's that?
Keybo: That's the current world champion.
Ron: Oh.... well yeah I can beat said guy without mentioning his name. You know once I say it, he's going to **** in my locker or something. I would rather not have **** all over my ring gear. Despite it already smelling like ****.
Keybo: Why does it smell like that?
Ron: I wrestled a homeless guy.... WHY ELSE DO YOU THINK IT SMELLS LIKE THAT?!?!?!
Keybo: Because you have bad hygeine. Anyway, Canyon Kurtis.. the note says not Curtis Kanyon from Asbury Park, New Jersey asks.. Firstly, thanks for taking my question Ron! You kick more ass than anyone in NCW, and I want to thank you for making me smile every time you break someone's bones. I have a huge favor. It was awesome and satisfying when Curtis slapped Keybo's right side, can you slap the left side of his face to make it even? Thanks man!
Ron: Now this is a question, Paymetoblow Sheballz.
Keybo: Why do you keep calling me that?
Ron: I'm not sure.... Curtis called you she-man last week. So I figured you had sheballz. The first name I tossed in there for the hell of it. Just so it sounds cool. Back to the question though. Canyon, let me just say this. That this week on collision, I hope to break many more bones. Not just for the hell of it.... I will break a bone and make a wish. That you get killed for trying to impersonate my partner and best friend. Will I slap Paymetoblow Sheballz? No.
Keybo: Thanks. I'd hate to ruin this suit kicking your.. nevermind.
Ron: I mean look at him.... isn't he put through enough abuse already?
Keybo: Yeah.. (eye roll). Mike O'Reilly from Birmingham, England. asks.. Ron, you and Curtis are arguably one of the best tag teams to ever grace this industry. Do you ever think of solidifying this fact by taking on the nCw Hall of Famers, the Brothers Holland? I think that is a match of the year candidate right there.
Ron: You see mike, I like money. Curtis likes money aswell. How could we say no to this? It would certainly shut them up for good, even though they try to stay out of the spotlight by being "retired". I'm not dumb.... I know they're still out there running some jesus love hour on the radio and probably speaking trash about the good name of dirty deal. How could they? We have done our share of good deeds. Like the other day.... when I stole from the rich church and gave to the SWA.
Keybo: SWA?
Ron: ....The Superior Whites of america. Never heard of them? I mean you're white. You obviously know that our color is superior to the rest. Right?
Keybo: ......
Ron: Ah.... one of those people. I see.... i see.... I kow you're out their hollands. Have fun with the walkers and denture glue. Also, how dare you mike. We don't need to face the brothers holland for a match of the year candidate. Infact, if they came out right now and challenged us. We would decline just to spite you British ****wipe.
Keybo: Yeah, they'd kick your ass anyway, but I digress. Canyon Kris.. but certainly not Chris Kanyon from Asbury Park.. again.. he asks.. Hey Ron. Where's my ****ing brother...?
Ron: Why do you ask me an obvious troll email? Plus people from new jersey are assholes, so if you ever dare ask me a question from a jersey shore asshole. I will think otherwise about slapping you.... hell I might lynch you by your ballsack.
Keybo: Hey, I was going to throw it out until I realized there wasn't much to go on. Plus.. isn't Curtis from New Jersey? Why you have to be that cruel to me anyway?
Ron: Yes. I really have to be cruel, as most guests aren't cruel enough. Then again I bet most guests are just pretape promo's that you splice together. You're lucky you didn't do that with curtis... very lucky.
Keybo: You're lucky you're still sitting there. John Washington from the dry cleaners down the street asks.. Hi, I have your order ready for pick up and its been a few days... lets see... I have two full length White robes with matching hoods and also what appears to be some arm bands with swatsikas on them... If you could please pick these up in a hurry, they are starting to offend my customers.
Ron: I hope your watching. Hope meaning... I hope this show is actually live and really taping and not just being used for some sick collection that you get off on, Paymetoblow Sheballz. Last time I had my **** cleaned there, it smelled like black man or maybe even chink? Anyways it didn't help that you dyed it pink. Which very much ruined it, as it was a walt disney collectible. Now it's pink.... like sheballz vagina. Just hope when Russell Jenkins comes by to pick it up later that it's fine.... wait... you better not be wearing my stuff after you pick it up. You're lucky I'm even letting you touch white man's clothing.
Keybo: I just hope that God strikes you down soon. But we'll just wait and see. Mitch Bade, from Kansas City asks.. This is sort of a personal question, but out of you and Curtis, which one is the catcher and which one is the receiver. And don't play around cause you guys couldn't be more gay. BURNING ANGELS 4-LIFE!
Ron: Sheballz, why did you ask me that? Do you get off on making us look bad?
Keybo: I just ask the questions on these pieces of paper. It's your supposed fans that are making you look bad.
Ron: Really? You know you keep asking me stupid questions like this and I won't ever appear on this show again.
Keybo: Is that a promise?
Ron: No, you do need me. As for you mitch blade, burning angels will get what's coming to them soon enough. Cheer for them... buy into what they say.... because when we finally get another shot at the burning angels. We will burn in hell for what we have to do, to get what we deserve. That would be the world tag team titles.
Keybo: Ok, that's it. That's all the time we have..
Ron: Last question? So now what? I sit here and watch you talk for awhile. This is why I should have been on the show from the very beginning. I could have added much more to the show intelligently. Instead.... I have to do this.....
(Ron raises his hand, and Keybo points at him.)
Keybo: You wait till I sign off. Then I'll kick your ass. So, just remember..
Steel chairs are fun...
Barbed wire is a good time...
And always tip your waitress...
Good night!
("Everybody wants you" by Damone plays again as Ron and Keybo start scuffling on the stage. Security rushes in to stop the fight as we fade out.)
"Hey, join me again next week when my guest in the studio will be the inovative aviator of emo, Falcon! Questions? Comments? Want to bring him to an MCR concert? Send them in to:
TheShabaz@newchampionshipwrestling.com
Or Call the studio lines at 1-866-555-3737
And I'll see you here next week!"
(Reply with a question, or PM me if it's private. Just like the Fox Line you can ask ridiculous questions, just edit them for TV.)