Post by Jabari Woodhead on Jul 1, 2009 23:16:18 GMT -6
*The scene opens up in Fergus' Hotel room. The room is littered with empty bottles of beer and Jameson Irish Whiskey. A jade colored dress is shown on the floor as Fergus gets up from bed only wearing a pair of green boxer shorts with little white four leaf clovers on them. He goes into the bathroom. Fergus looks into the mirror. He has bags under his eyes and his eyes are bloodshot from lack of sleep*
Fergus: What the hell happened to me last night? **** I'm still drunk. How much did I have? God I don't feel good.
*The camera goes back outside the door and the sound of vomiting comes from the bathroom. A minute later Fergus comes wandering out of the bathroom and trips over a bottle and falls to the floor. He picks up the bottle of Jameson and realizes there is still a little bit booze in the bottle. He picks up the bottle and unscrews the top and takes a drink. He coughs a little bit. He looks at the bottle and shrugs. He finishes off the bottle and puts the cap back on and puts the bottle on the night bed*
Female Voice: I was wondering when you were coming back to bed. I missed you.
*Fergus blindly stares at the outline of something lying on his bed. She is wearing a jade colored night gown. His vision slowly starts to get clear and it reveals a blond blow up doll wearing a jade colored night gown. Fergus slaps himself trying to see if he is truly asleep. No such luck*
Fergus: Who are you?
Blow up Doll: My name is Emerald and let me tell you. You are a stud.
*Fergus shutters at her words*
Fergus: How did you get here?
Emerald: You brought me here silly. You couldn't keep your hands off me at the bar last night.
*Fergus looks her up and down one more time and realizes that when he drink he has really, really low standards*
Fergus: Okay. Well this whole thing was a misunderstanding. I have no desire to have a relationship with you. I was drunk and you took advantage of me.
Emerald: That’s not what it seemed to me. Yes you said the words "Don't" and "Stop but it was more like "Don't Stop."
Fergus: Okay but right now I got to get out of this hotel room it’s got to be close to noon and I don't feel like paying for another day. So please put some clothes and get yourself a nice breakfast.
*Fergus hands her 50 bucks*
Fergus: Now please go so I can put some real clothes on and get on with my day.
Emerald: Ok stud.
*Emerald takes a card with her number on it and sticks it in the waist band of Fergus' boxer shorts*
Emerald: Call me sometime hot stuff.
*Fergus shutters again. He points towards the door. Emerald puts the dress back on and blows Fergus a kiss and pats him on the butt on her way out the door. The sound of her plastic legs rubbing together sounds like nails on a chalk board to Fergus forcing him to cover his ears. The door shuts and then a quick knock on the door. Fergus is quickly putting on a pair of light blue denim jeans with a big hole in the left knee*
Fergus: Who is it?
Monty: It's me. Monty.
*Fergus opens the door up and lets Monty in. Monty looks at all the bottles and chuckles*
Monty: It looks like you were partying long after I left.
Fergus: You were here last night too?
Monty: Yeah. In fact I set you up with that hot little number last night.
Fergus: How could you set me up with her? She is just a blow up doll. She is a plastic **** doll.
Monty: Come on Fergus. That isn't nice. You don't want to be called a Mc. You want to be called an Irish American. The same goes for her. Her people have been looking for acceptance for a long time. So if you see people like her refer to her as a Blow up American.
Fergus: Whatever you say Monty. Let's go get some breakfast.
Monty: Okay. Are you at least going to put a shirt on?
Fergus: Yeah. Let me find one. What time is it?
Monty: It's about noon.
Fergus: ****. I'm going to have to pay for the room for another night.
*Fergus looks through a pile of shirts. he picks up a black Guinness shirt and sniffs it and makes a terrible face and throws the shirt back into the pile and picks up a green Dropkick Murphys shirt and sniffs it makes a face that is a little better than before. He puts on the green shirt*
Fergus: Alright. Let's go.
Monty: Alright.
*Fergus and Monty leave. The scene fades out and fades back inside the fanciest breakfast restaurant known to mankind. McDonalds.
Fergus: Now this is my kind of place.
Monty: Yes it is. This is a fine Irish restaurant.
Fergus: Yeah it is. What did you get?
Monty: Sausage biscuit. What about you?
Fergus: Bacon, Egg and Cheese Biscuit.
Monty: That is good. So what did you think of Emerald?
Fergus: I can't believe you set me up with a Blow up American. They seem to have really low morale. In fact I think she stole 50 bucks from me.
Monty: That can't be. She is a nice girl. I mean after all she is my wife's half sister.
Fergus: Great. I might as well of had sex with your sister.
Monty: I'm sure she would let you.
Fergus: Okay...let’s change the subject. Did you see what Jason said in his promo?
Monty: Which part?
Fergus: The part where he said that he could have any women that he wants, even Kelly Fox.
Monty: But that is Adam Knite's girl. He can't just take another man's woman. That just immoral.
Fergus: Not to mention really unhealthy.
Monty: But he could get unlimited title shots.
Fergus: That is true but being with Kelly also leads to improved chance of catching the AID's.
*Monty looks shocked*
Monty: NO! NOT THE AID's. ANYTHING BUT THE AID's.
*Monty laughs*
Monty: I'm just kidding. I've known she has had the AID's all along. Do you really think that Jason will win the bet that he made with the camera guy?
Fergus: Probably. I'm sure he will just hook up with some horny drunk skank. He will probably catch the clap and then will lose on Sunday because he will be too busy itching his crotch.
Monty: He probably has just as good of chance of having his steroids induced body shutting down on him. Like he goes to hit a power slam and his arms just fall weak and limp.
Fergus: Limp. Just like his dick. I now know why Jade left him. He either couldn't get it up or when he did get it up it was just a little bit...below average.
Monty: Yeah.
*Monty looks at his watch*
Monty: Hey man. I got to roll. I'll see you tomorrow. Maybe we can hit the gym or something.
Fergus: Sounds like a plan. Have a good day with your wife and kids.
Monty: Will do. I'll say hi to them for you.
Fergus: Thanks.
*Monty gets up and leaves the table. Fergus keeps sitting at the table and drinks his orange juice. Suddenly his cell phone rings. He answers it.
Fergus: Hello?
Emerald: Hey Fergus it's Emerald. I have something to tell you.
Fergus: How did you get this number?
Emerald: That isn't important. I'm pregnant and I know it yours.
*Fergus flips his phone shut*
Fergus: How the hell did this happen?
*The scene fades to black*
Fergus: What the hell happened to me last night? **** I'm still drunk. How much did I have? God I don't feel good.
*The camera goes back outside the door and the sound of vomiting comes from the bathroom. A minute later Fergus comes wandering out of the bathroom and trips over a bottle and falls to the floor. He picks up the bottle of Jameson and realizes there is still a little bit booze in the bottle. He picks up the bottle and unscrews the top and takes a drink. He coughs a little bit. He looks at the bottle and shrugs. He finishes off the bottle and puts the cap back on and puts the bottle on the night bed*
Female Voice: I was wondering when you were coming back to bed. I missed you.
*Fergus blindly stares at the outline of something lying on his bed. She is wearing a jade colored night gown. His vision slowly starts to get clear and it reveals a blond blow up doll wearing a jade colored night gown. Fergus slaps himself trying to see if he is truly asleep. No such luck*
Fergus: Who are you?
Blow up Doll: My name is Emerald and let me tell you. You are a stud.
*Fergus shutters at her words*
Fergus: How did you get here?
Emerald: You brought me here silly. You couldn't keep your hands off me at the bar last night.
*Fergus looks her up and down one more time and realizes that when he drink he has really, really low standards*
Fergus: Okay. Well this whole thing was a misunderstanding. I have no desire to have a relationship with you. I was drunk and you took advantage of me.
Emerald: That’s not what it seemed to me. Yes you said the words "Don't" and "Stop but it was more like "Don't Stop."
Fergus: Okay but right now I got to get out of this hotel room it’s got to be close to noon and I don't feel like paying for another day. So please put some clothes and get yourself a nice breakfast.
*Fergus hands her 50 bucks*
Fergus: Now please go so I can put some real clothes on and get on with my day.
Emerald: Ok stud.
*Emerald takes a card with her number on it and sticks it in the waist band of Fergus' boxer shorts*
Emerald: Call me sometime hot stuff.
*Fergus shutters again. He points towards the door. Emerald puts the dress back on and blows Fergus a kiss and pats him on the butt on her way out the door. The sound of her plastic legs rubbing together sounds like nails on a chalk board to Fergus forcing him to cover his ears. The door shuts and then a quick knock on the door. Fergus is quickly putting on a pair of light blue denim jeans with a big hole in the left knee*
Fergus: Who is it?
Monty: It's me. Monty.
*Fergus opens the door up and lets Monty in. Monty looks at all the bottles and chuckles*
Monty: It looks like you were partying long after I left.
Fergus: You were here last night too?
Monty: Yeah. In fact I set you up with that hot little number last night.
Fergus: How could you set me up with her? She is just a blow up doll. She is a plastic **** doll.
Monty: Come on Fergus. That isn't nice. You don't want to be called a Mc. You want to be called an Irish American. The same goes for her. Her people have been looking for acceptance for a long time. So if you see people like her refer to her as a Blow up American.
Fergus: Whatever you say Monty. Let's go get some breakfast.
Monty: Okay. Are you at least going to put a shirt on?
Fergus: Yeah. Let me find one. What time is it?
Monty: It's about noon.
Fergus: ****. I'm going to have to pay for the room for another night.
*Fergus looks through a pile of shirts. he picks up a black Guinness shirt and sniffs it and makes a terrible face and throws the shirt back into the pile and picks up a green Dropkick Murphys shirt and sniffs it makes a face that is a little better than before. He puts on the green shirt*
Fergus: Alright. Let's go.
Monty: Alright.
*Fergus and Monty leave. The scene fades out and fades back inside the fanciest breakfast restaurant known to mankind. McDonalds.
Fergus: Now this is my kind of place.
Monty: Yes it is. This is a fine Irish restaurant.
Fergus: Yeah it is. What did you get?
Monty: Sausage biscuit. What about you?
Fergus: Bacon, Egg and Cheese Biscuit.
Monty: That is good. So what did you think of Emerald?
Fergus: I can't believe you set me up with a Blow up American. They seem to have really low morale. In fact I think she stole 50 bucks from me.
Monty: That can't be. She is a nice girl. I mean after all she is my wife's half sister.
Fergus: Great. I might as well of had sex with your sister.
Monty: I'm sure she would let you.
Fergus: Okay...let’s change the subject. Did you see what Jason said in his promo?
Monty: Which part?
Fergus: The part where he said that he could have any women that he wants, even Kelly Fox.
Monty: But that is Adam Knite's girl. He can't just take another man's woman. That just immoral.
Fergus: Not to mention really unhealthy.
Monty: But he could get unlimited title shots.
Fergus: That is true but being with Kelly also leads to improved chance of catching the AID's.
*Monty looks shocked*
Monty: NO! NOT THE AID's. ANYTHING BUT THE AID's.
*Monty laughs*
Monty: I'm just kidding. I've known she has had the AID's all along. Do you really think that Jason will win the bet that he made with the camera guy?
Fergus: Probably. I'm sure he will just hook up with some horny drunk skank. He will probably catch the clap and then will lose on Sunday because he will be too busy itching his crotch.
Monty: He probably has just as good of chance of having his steroids induced body shutting down on him. Like he goes to hit a power slam and his arms just fall weak and limp.
Fergus: Limp. Just like his dick. I now know why Jade left him. He either couldn't get it up or when he did get it up it was just a little bit...below average.
Monty: Yeah.
*Monty looks at his watch*
Monty: Hey man. I got to roll. I'll see you tomorrow. Maybe we can hit the gym or something.
Fergus: Sounds like a plan. Have a good day with your wife and kids.
Monty: Will do. I'll say hi to them for you.
Fergus: Thanks.
*Monty gets up and leaves the table. Fergus keeps sitting at the table and drinks his orange juice. Suddenly his cell phone rings. He answers it.
Fergus: Hello?
Emerald: Hey Fergus it's Emerald. I have something to tell you.
Fergus: How did you get this number?
Emerald: That isn't important. I'm pregnant and I know it yours.
*Fergus flips his phone shut*
Fergus: How the hell did this happen?
*The scene fades to black*