Post by Jabari Woodhead on Jul 4, 2009 15:12:00 GMT -6
*The scene opens up where we last saw Fergus*
Emerald: Hey Fergus it's Emerald. I have something to tell you.
Fergus: How did you get this number?
Emerald: That isn't important. I'm pregnant and I know it yours.
*Fergus flips his phone shut*
Fergus: How the hell did this happen?
*The scene fades to black*
*The scene then reopens up on Fergus sitting in his hotel room in Memphis, Tennessee.*
Fergus: How the hell could this happen. She is a plastic **** doll. There is no way she could get pregnant. Unless she has also been sleeping around with Sensuous Jim.
*Fergus pulls out his phones and holds down the number two button*
Fergus: Hey Monty. Meet me at the gym.
Monty: What’s up?
Fergus: Well Emerald is pregnant and she thinks that it's mine but I have this over whelming suspicion that is might be Sensuous Jim.
Monty: What give you that idea?
Fergus: Well I always see the two around each other and I don't want it to be my kid because I know that she will make me pay for child support too. I'm already paying an arm and a leg in child support as it is.
Monty: When did she say she was pregnant?
Fergus: A few days ago.
Monty: You know their pregnancies work faster than humans do. She could give birth tomorrow for all we know. It is possible that you got her pregnant but it's also possible that you didn't because you are right. She is a slut.
Fergus: Not as big of one as Kelly Fox.
Monty: True that. I'll see you in a few minutes.
Fergus: Right on.
*The scene fades out and fades into Fergus and Monty in a gym. There are free weights and machines and treadmills everywhere. The most important thing in here is the guys with more muscles then sense and egos bigger than their muscles. People that fit the description are Sensuous Jim and Sexy Jason.*
Fergus: Have you seen him yet?
Monty: No. In fact I don't even know who I'm looking for.
Fergus: You will know when you see him. He is a tan Blow-up American with muscles bigger then that sandwich your mom made last night.
Monty: Is that even humanly possible?
Fergus: No but it is Blow-uply possible.
Monty: Wow.
Fergus: Yeah and he will also be sporting a really retarded grin and wearing a top hat made out of baby seals.
Monty: That is cruel.
Fergus: Yeah. They never show them on TV but there are a lot of pro PETA signs in the crowd during Sexy Jason matches and in the Indies when Sensuous Jim wrestles.
Monty: They should create the "World Gayest Tag Team."
Fergus: I thought that tag team already happened with Adam Knite and Angel.
Monty: Or Angel and Philip Burns
Fergus: Or Joe Everyman and Scotty Callaway.
Monty: Or Sexy Jason and Jackasser.
Fergus: That explains how Jackasser got herpes. Amber Ashe gave it to him. He gave it to Jackhammer. Jackhammer gave to everyone at the YMCA. Jason then in turn gave it to Jade who is giving it to the rest of the nCw roster with the exception of me and you. Amber Ashe is now giving the herpes to Dirty Deal.
Monty: I thought they got the herpes from "The Other Fed"
Fergus: Yeah. That DVD that came out last year on them did say that Mongo the Douchebag did give them herpes too.
Monty: Let's hope that DD and Amber aren't having sex. Who knows what would happen to the world if those two different forms of herpes combined into one case of super herpes
Fergus: That would be bad for the whole world.
Monty: Yeah.
Fergus: Hey look its Sensuous Jim.
Monty: Holy ****. He is even more muscular then I thought.
Fergus: Yeah.
Monty: I got a question for you.
Fergus: Shoot.
Monty: Did you use a condom?
Fergus: Of course I did. I used Snitsky Brand Condoms so even if something happened. It still wouldn't be my fault.
Monty: I wonder if Jason used one with that blond chick.
Fergus: Probably not. They don't make condoms that fit his small dick. He probably has to use a balloon or something of the nature.
Monty: Yeah. I'm sure she was asking if it was in yet.
Fergus: Then he told her after she said that "That I've been done for 15 minutes."
Monty: So not only does he have a small dick but he also has a quick trigger.
Fergus: Precisely.
*Monty points over to where Sensuous Jim is*
Monty: Isn't that Emerald?
Fergus: Yeah it is.
Monty: She looks pretty good for being "Pregnant."
Fergus: Yeah. I'm guessing she is just faking it to get me to stay around.
*The camera shows Emerald talking to Jim. He stomach is flat and then it suddenly bulges*
Monty: Did you just see that?
Fergus: Yeah. It's like she dropped a watermelon into her abdomen.
Monty: Look at her stomach. She is pudgy from the pregnancy but she has a six pack?
Fergus: That can't be natural.
Monty: Well that proves it. You can't be the father. The father has to be someone who uses steroids.
Fergus: Like Sensuous Jim.
Monty: Precisely. I would stay away from her. She just seems to bad news. She probably just made you want to think it was yours so that she could get your money since real father probably spends all of his money on steroids.
Fergus: Did he just get bigger?
*The camera looks over at Sensuous Jim whose muscles are getting bigger as he stands there*
Fergus: If those things get any bigger there going to pop. Actually I kinda want to see that. It would be funny to watch him pop like a balloon.
Monty: Yeah.
Fergus: Well I'm done here. Let's go back to my hotel room.
*The scene fades out and then back in on Fergus and Monty sitting in the hotel room. Fergus looks at the camera guy*
Fergus: You are Joe right?
Camera guy: Yeah I am.
Fergus: You are the one that Jason screwed out of the hundred bucks right?
Joe: Yeah. Now my family won’t be able to eat.
Fergus: What if I told you that you actually should have won that bet.
Joe: How is that?
Fergus: Turns out that blond was a guy in drag.
Joe: So it wasn't a woman?
Fergus: Nope. You see Joe. Men only like Jason. All sorts of men. Soccer players, prisoners, male cheerleader, the Dallas Cowboys. These are just a few examples of the men that want to be with Sexy Jason.
Joe: So Jason owes me money?
Fergus: Yes and you know how I hate to see people suffer so here.
*Fergus hands Joe a thousand dollars*
Joe: Really Fergus?
Fergus: Yes. I know that you needed that 100 bucks to make ends meet. I gave you the money so that your family can eat and so that you might be able to take them on a mini vacation some weekend.
Joe: God Bless you Fergus.
Fergus: Don't mention it. You are a good guy unlike Sexy Jason. I don't know what happened to him recently but he became a real dick. I don't get it Jason. Do you need to be a complete asshole to people to make you feel good about yourself? Do you do it to get back at Amber Ashe and Jade for leaving your loser ass? The way I look at it Jason is that you can never truly love anyone. You just fake it and to try and keep the hot chicks around but instead you just end up pushing them away. You let Dirty Deal take Amber because you were done with her. You needed something new. So you got Jade and then you freaked out on her because you had a ****ing Roid Rage retard moment. These people that you surround yourself with don't deserve that way you treat them. They don't deserve to have to hear you talk about "how sexy you are" or how "perfect your body is."
*Fergus takes a drink from a bottle of beer*
Fergus: Jason, I'm going to give it to you straight. The reason that people can't stand to be around you and the reason you can't love other people is due to the fact that you love yourself too much. You love yourself so much that you get to self-absorbed with yourself. Simply put Jason. You are an egotistical and arrogant punk who needs to be brought down a few pegs. I'll go out there on Sunday and whoop your ass. I'll whoop your ass for Amber Ashe. I'll whoop your ass for Jade and I'll whoop your ass for every single person in Boston and for every single person that is sick of you as Xtreme Champion. The people who are sick of you rubbing your body and telling them that you are better than they are. We live in America Jason, a place where all men are created equal. A place where one man is no better than the man next to him.
*Fergus takes another drink of beer*
Fergus: Jason, you look down on me because I have only been wrestling for real for a few months now. You look down on me because I have only been wrestling in any capacity for a few years. You look down on me because I am new. When I go into battle with you on Sunday, I will consider you my equal until one of us proves to the other that he is the superior man. Hopefully I will stand triumphant on Sunday over the tyranny that is the second era of the Sexy Jason Xtreme Title reign. Your first reign ended at the hands of Dark Prophet. The man who is now a cripple and an afterthought in nCw. A man that you considered an underling to yourself but then you underestimated him and lost to him. Now you underestimate me and my talent. Remember Jason. It's not like I got this opportunity handed to me. I earn this title shot by beating 5 other men including your former life partner Jackhammer. I'll see you tomorrow in the ring.
*Fergus' cell phone rings*
Fergus: Hello?
Emerald: Um....Fergus. My water just broke. Please meet at the hospital.
Fergus: Okay. I'll see you soon.
*Fergus flips the phone closed*
Monty: Who was that?
Fergus: Emerald. She's going into labor.
Monty: I take it we are going.
Fergus: Yeah. So I can prove that it’s not mine.
Monty: Okay
*Fergus and Monty leave the hotel room. The door shuts and the seen fades to Green with a white four leaf clover. The words "The End?" appear on the screen*
Emerald: Hey Fergus it's Emerald. I have something to tell you.
Fergus: How did you get this number?
Emerald: That isn't important. I'm pregnant and I know it yours.
*Fergus flips his phone shut*
Fergus: How the hell did this happen?
*The scene fades to black*
*The scene then reopens up on Fergus sitting in his hotel room in Memphis, Tennessee.*
Fergus: How the hell could this happen. She is a plastic **** doll. There is no way she could get pregnant. Unless she has also been sleeping around with Sensuous Jim.
*Fergus pulls out his phones and holds down the number two button*
Fergus: Hey Monty. Meet me at the gym.
Monty: What’s up?
Fergus: Well Emerald is pregnant and she thinks that it's mine but I have this over whelming suspicion that is might be Sensuous Jim.
Monty: What give you that idea?
Fergus: Well I always see the two around each other and I don't want it to be my kid because I know that she will make me pay for child support too. I'm already paying an arm and a leg in child support as it is.
Monty: When did she say she was pregnant?
Fergus: A few days ago.
Monty: You know their pregnancies work faster than humans do. She could give birth tomorrow for all we know. It is possible that you got her pregnant but it's also possible that you didn't because you are right. She is a slut.
Fergus: Not as big of one as Kelly Fox.
Monty: True that. I'll see you in a few minutes.
Fergus: Right on.
*The scene fades out and fades into Fergus and Monty in a gym. There are free weights and machines and treadmills everywhere. The most important thing in here is the guys with more muscles then sense and egos bigger than their muscles. People that fit the description are Sensuous Jim and Sexy Jason.*
Fergus: Have you seen him yet?
Monty: No. In fact I don't even know who I'm looking for.
Fergus: You will know when you see him. He is a tan Blow-up American with muscles bigger then that sandwich your mom made last night.
Monty: Is that even humanly possible?
Fergus: No but it is Blow-uply possible.
Monty: Wow.
Fergus: Yeah and he will also be sporting a really retarded grin and wearing a top hat made out of baby seals.
Monty: That is cruel.
Fergus: Yeah. They never show them on TV but there are a lot of pro PETA signs in the crowd during Sexy Jason matches and in the Indies when Sensuous Jim wrestles.
Monty: They should create the "World Gayest Tag Team."
Fergus: I thought that tag team already happened with Adam Knite and Angel.
Monty: Or Angel and Philip Burns
Fergus: Or Joe Everyman and Scotty Callaway.
Monty: Or Sexy Jason and Jackasser.
Fergus: That explains how Jackasser got herpes. Amber Ashe gave it to him. He gave it to Jackhammer. Jackhammer gave to everyone at the YMCA. Jason then in turn gave it to Jade who is giving it to the rest of the nCw roster with the exception of me and you. Amber Ashe is now giving the herpes to Dirty Deal.
Monty: I thought they got the herpes from "The Other Fed"
Fergus: Yeah. That DVD that came out last year on them did say that Mongo the Douchebag did give them herpes too.
Monty: Let's hope that DD and Amber aren't having sex. Who knows what would happen to the world if those two different forms of herpes combined into one case of super herpes
Fergus: That would be bad for the whole world.
Monty: Yeah.
Fergus: Hey look its Sensuous Jim.
Monty: Holy ****. He is even more muscular then I thought.
Fergus: Yeah.
Monty: I got a question for you.
Fergus: Shoot.
Monty: Did you use a condom?
Fergus: Of course I did. I used Snitsky Brand Condoms so even if something happened. It still wouldn't be my fault.
Monty: I wonder if Jason used one with that blond chick.
Fergus: Probably not. They don't make condoms that fit his small dick. He probably has to use a balloon or something of the nature.
Monty: Yeah. I'm sure she was asking if it was in yet.
Fergus: Then he told her after she said that "That I've been done for 15 minutes."
Monty: So not only does he have a small dick but he also has a quick trigger.
Fergus: Precisely.
*Monty points over to where Sensuous Jim is*
Monty: Isn't that Emerald?
Fergus: Yeah it is.
Monty: She looks pretty good for being "Pregnant."
Fergus: Yeah. I'm guessing she is just faking it to get me to stay around.
*The camera shows Emerald talking to Jim. He stomach is flat and then it suddenly bulges*
Monty: Did you just see that?
Fergus: Yeah. It's like she dropped a watermelon into her abdomen.
Monty: Look at her stomach. She is pudgy from the pregnancy but she has a six pack?
Fergus: That can't be natural.
Monty: Well that proves it. You can't be the father. The father has to be someone who uses steroids.
Fergus: Like Sensuous Jim.
Monty: Precisely. I would stay away from her. She just seems to bad news. She probably just made you want to think it was yours so that she could get your money since real father probably spends all of his money on steroids.
Fergus: Did he just get bigger?
*The camera looks over at Sensuous Jim whose muscles are getting bigger as he stands there*
Fergus: If those things get any bigger there going to pop. Actually I kinda want to see that. It would be funny to watch him pop like a balloon.
Monty: Yeah.
Fergus: Well I'm done here. Let's go back to my hotel room.
*The scene fades out and then back in on Fergus and Monty sitting in the hotel room. Fergus looks at the camera guy*
Fergus: You are Joe right?
Camera guy: Yeah I am.
Fergus: You are the one that Jason screwed out of the hundred bucks right?
Joe: Yeah. Now my family won’t be able to eat.
Fergus: What if I told you that you actually should have won that bet.
Joe: How is that?
Fergus: Turns out that blond was a guy in drag.
Joe: So it wasn't a woman?
Fergus: Nope. You see Joe. Men only like Jason. All sorts of men. Soccer players, prisoners, male cheerleader, the Dallas Cowboys. These are just a few examples of the men that want to be with Sexy Jason.
Joe: So Jason owes me money?
Fergus: Yes and you know how I hate to see people suffer so here.
*Fergus hands Joe a thousand dollars*
Joe: Really Fergus?
Fergus: Yes. I know that you needed that 100 bucks to make ends meet. I gave you the money so that your family can eat and so that you might be able to take them on a mini vacation some weekend.
Joe: God Bless you Fergus.
Fergus: Don't mention it. You are a good guy unlike Sexy Jason. I don't know what happened to him recently but he became a real dick. I don't get it Jason. Do you need to be a complete asshole to people to make you feel good about yourself? Do you do it to get back at Amber Ashe and Jade for leaving your loser ass? The way I look at it Jason is that you can never truly love anyone. You just fake it and to try and keep the hot chicks around but instead you just end up pushing them away. You let Dirty Deal take Amber because you were done with her. You needed something new. So you got Jade and then you freaked out on her because you had a ****ing Roid Rage retard moment. These people that you surround yourself with don't deserve that way you treat them. They don't deserve to have to hear you talk about "how sexy you are" or how "perfect your body is."
*Fergus takes a drink from a bottle of beer*
Fergus: Jason, I'm going to give it to you straight. The reason that people can't stand to be around you and the reason you can't love other people is due to the fact that you love yourself too much. You love yourself so much that you get to self-absorbed with yourself. Simply put Jason. You are an egotistical and arrogant punk who needs to be brought down a few pegs. I'll go out there on Sunday and whoop your ass. I'll whoop your ass for Amber Ashe. I'll whoop your ass for Jade and I'll whoop your ass for every single person in Boston and for every single person that is sick of you as Xtreme Champion. The people who are sick of you rubbing your body and telling them that you are better than they are. We live in America Jason, a place where all men are created equal. A place where one man is no better than the man next to him.
*Fergus takes another drink of beer*
Fergus: Jason, you look down on me because I have only been wrestling for real for a few months now. You look down on me because I have only been wrestling in any capacity for a few years. You look down on me because I am new. When I go into battle with you on Sunday, I will consider you my equal until one of us proves to the other that he is the superior man. Hopefully I will stand triumphant on Sunday over the tyranny that is the second era of the Sexy Jason Xtreme Title reign. Your first reign ended at the hands of Dark Prophet. The man who is now a cripple and an afterthought in nCw. A man that you considered an underling to yourself but then you underestimated him and lost to him. Now you underestimate me and my talent. Remember Jason. It's not like I got this opportunity handed to me. I earn this title shot by beating 5 other men including your former life partner Jackhammer. I'll see you tomorrow in the ring.
*Fergus' cell phone rings*
Fergus: Hello?
Emerald: Um....Fergus. My water just broke. Please meet at the hospital.
Fergus: Okay. I'll see you soon.
*Fergus flips the phone closed*
Monty: Who was that?
Fergus: Emerald. She's going into labor.
Monty: I take it we are going.
Fergus: Yeah. So I can prove that it’s not mine.
Monty: Okay
*Fergus and Monty leave the hotel room. The door shuts and the seen fades to Green with a white four leaf clover. The words "The End?" appear on the screen*