Post by Keybo Shabaz on Jul 8, 2009 17:35:13 GMT -6
(No flashy opening, no cute graphics, just Keybo Shabaz, sitting behind a standard desk you can buy at Ikea, in a room that could be anywhere, there isn't even a couch to sit on.)
Keybo: Oh? What's that? You thought I wasn't going to be here? See, I may not have a job with New Championship Wrestling, but as a stockholder I still own a part of it. Then it was a simple matter of going over those two cretins heads and getting Leonards permission to buy bandwith to do my show. Sure, I don't have my set but that's not going to stop me from giving you actual entertainment, you know, the very opposite of a Dirty Deal promo.. or match for that matter. I don't have any fancy segment graphics or wigs, nor do I have a whole lot of time, so forgive me if this is brief. This is the Rundown..
Keybo: Picture Perfect was everything it was promised and more. 5 Star matches up and down the card and everyone on the roster gave you a hundred and fifty percent, and if you missed it, watch the replay. If you miss that, shoot yourself.
The Ace vs Chris Brock vs Steve Ramone vs Jackhammer
Russian Roulette Match
Keybo: Ace did what he said he was gonna do, and now we have to put up with him again. Damnit.
The Ace 1-0
Joe Everyman vs Night Blade
Xtreme Rules Grudge Match
Keybo: Joe Everyman made his presence felt, first destroying Night Blade, something I admired, and then attacking Hammy, something I hated. Consider yourself cut off from the Pulse Joseph.
Joe Everyman 2-0
Sexy Jason (c) vs Fergus Callaghan
nCw Xtreme Title Match
Keybo: Sexy Jason is just full of surprises, right? But Fergus isn't going to just give up that easily.
Fergus Callaghan 2-1
Dirty Deal vs The Superfans
Keybo: Like bringing a screwdriver to a log cutting, sometimes you just pick the wrong tool to suit your own needs. Don't worry guys, Sampson and I will correct this mistake, if you can manage to not get your lame asses fired.
The Superfans 2-2
Jack Hammond (c) vs Shaddix vs Xavier Williams vs Rob Diamond
Assault X for the nCw X Division Title Match
Keybo: Low and behold the Diamond has hit a new low, using a ladder in an assault X match and stealing the X Division title from X. God, wasn't taking an entire country from the Native Americans enough for you?
Xavier Williams 2-3
Falcon vs Spike Kane
The Bird's Cage Match
Keybo: Blood? Check. Drama? Check. Excitement? Check. These two put on the match of the night, and thats the nCw weekly awards talking. After winning, Falcon showed a measure of respect and humanity to the hall of famer by helping him out of the arena.
Spike Kane 2-4
Burning Angels (c) vs Perfect Freaks
Death Cage Match for the nCw Tag Team Titles
Keybo: Yep, a death cage is exactly that. These four about killed one another and when the dust settled it was Philip Burns standing tall, retaining the belts for the longest reigning champions in nCw history.
Perfect Freaks 2-5
Homeless Harold (c) vs Steve Awesome
nCw National Title Match
Keybo: Steve Awesome is a man of his word. He not only took back his title, but he unmasked the monster, revealing that all along it has been the Millenium Icon, Gib, under the mask. Anyone tells you they saw that coming, slap them.
Steve Awesome 3-5
Adam Knite (c) vs Davey Ortega
nCw World Title Match
Keybo: AJ has the noblest intentions. He came down, intending to exact revenge against Adam for Reborn, but instead distracted Davey long enough for Adam to steal a win. But, you know.. the path to hell and all that.
Adam Knite 4-5
Week: 4-5
2009: 104-64
Keybo: Now don't get all haughty, I will have an off week from time to time, but I'm still up forty for the year, so can it. And let me make another round of make the nCw fans money. Trauma...
Daredevil vs Hexx
Keybo: Someone else rolls in, gets a match against Hexx, wins it.. simple math.
Daredevil
Dark Prophet vs Shaddix
Keybo: To be honest, Dark Prophet seems like a man who never knows what he wants. First he's crippled and never coming back, then one taunt and back he is. Bah, anyway.. he can rhyme all he likes, he's still going to destroy Shaddix.
Dark Prophet
Davey Ortega vs Spike Kane
Keybo: A week after these two fought the hardest battle they've ever fought, now they stand opposite each other. Who wins the battle of legends? The one who's actually gotten there.
Spike Kane
Keybo: Then we're treated to the end of Trauma, and the opening of Collision, and the hall of fame induction of Steve Awesome. Way to go buddy.
Joe Everyman/Jack Hammond/Chris Brock vs Rob Diamond/ Xavier Williams/Cameron Corvis
Keybo:[/color] I think this is going to come down to Brock and Corvis, as each of their partners will be too busy beating the hell out of each other to care. And in that heads up, I'm going with Cam.
Cameron Corvis
Falcon vs Fergus Callaghan
Keybo:[/color] Two boys from Boston fight for no better reason than to just fight. Fergus has a lot of determination, but he might have found one bar brawl that's just a little too tough.
Falcon
"LOVER'S QUARREL" MATCH
Adam Knite vs Gib
*By order of Dirty Deal
Keybo:[/color] Yeah, nother bull**** match from those retarded inbreds. Guys, don't fight each other, go find them and harm them bodily.
Adam Knite
DIRTY DEAL PRESENTS: "PINFALL OR FIRED!"
Steve Awesome vs Jackhammer vs Sexy Jason vs The Ace vs Mark vs Marc
*15 minute time limit, whoever doesn't score a pinfall in 15 minutes is fired, whoever scores the most, wins.
Keybo:[/color] You guys have no idea how to run a business do you? My guess is Leonard gives you three weeks before his patience runs out.
Steve Awesome
DIRTY DEEDS NON TITLE TAG TEAM MATCH
Dirty Deal vs Burning Angels
*Dirty Deal make up the rules as they go.
Keybo:[/color] Yeah, cuz that's fair. I hope they kill you.
Dirty Deal will cheat the win
Keybo: And lastly before I go, since I couldn't have a guest in this ****box studio, here's my take on next months title races.
World Championship
Champion: Adam Knite
#1 Contender: AJ Phoenix
Dark Horse: Davey Ortega
Keybo: AJ takes the top spot again, with no other viable set contenders the rotation is back on his side, but Davey was cheated to, and he won't stand for it.
National Championship
Champion: Steve Awesome
#1 Contender: Gib
Dark Horse: Kristoff Bates
Keybo: Awesome has reclaimed his place, and Gib takes the spot of contender. But Bates hasn't had so much as a whiff of a singles title for some months, and it's about time he did.
X Division Championship
Champion: Rob Diamond
#1 Contender: Xavier Williams
Dark Horse: Jack Hammond
Keybo: Normally, Hammy and X would have switched spots, but Williams is after the death of the Diamond and Hammond is busy watching his back for that jerk ass Everyman. Go for the record book X!
Xtreme Championship
Champion: Sexy Jason
#1 Contender: Fergus Callaghan
Dark Horse: Spike Kane/ Chris Brock/ Cameron Corvis
Keybo: Jason dispatched Fergus at Picture Perfect, but he is by no means finished and remains #1 until someone claims it from him. Spike has made it clear he wants this, but Brock and Corvis are reaching that time when they should be getting chances.
Tag Team Championship
Champion: Burning Angels
#1 Contender: Dirty Deal
Dark Horse: Nobody
Keybo: Ok, the Burning Angels have officially destroyed everyone. Only reason Dirty Deal is up there is because they'll use their executive power to claim it, the bastards they are. If they get by that, I have no idea.
Well, that's all my time.. I'll be back here next week whether Dirty Deal likes it or not. I promised Phil an interview, so next week I'll have one.. if I have to go to his house and get it. My email and phone are still open. Good night.
(End Transmission.)
"Hey, join me again next week when my guest in the studio will be the flame of hope, Philip Burns! Questions? Comments? Want to roast a marshmallow on him? Send them in to:
TheShabaz@ncwentertainment.com
Or Call the studio lines at 1-866-555-3737
And I'll see you here next week!"
(You know the deal.)
Keybo: Oh? What's that? You thought I wasn't going to be here? See, I may not have a job with New Championship Wrestling, but as a stockholder I still own a part of it. Then it was a simple matter of going over those two cretins heads and getting Leonards permission to buy bandwith to do my show. Sure, I don't have my set but that's not going to stop me from giving you actual entertainment, you know, the very opposite of a Dirty Deal promo.. or match for that matter. I don't have any fancy segment graphics or wigs, nor do I have a whole lot of time, so forgive me if this is brief. This is the Rundown..
Keybo: Picture Perfect was everything it was promised and more. 5 Star matches up and down the card and everyone on the roster gave you a hundred and fifty percent, and if you missed it, watch the replay. If you miss that, shoot yourself.
The Ace vs Chris Brock vs Steve Ramone vs Jackhammer
Russian Roulette Match
Keybo: Ace did what he said he was gonna do, and now we have to put up with him again. Damnit.
The Ace 1-0
Joe Everyman vs Night Blade
Xtreme Rules Grudge Match
Keybo: Joe Everyman made his presence felt, first destroying Night Blade, something I admired, and then attacking Hammy, something I hated. Consider yourself cut off from the Pulse Joseph.
Joe Everyman 2-0
Sexy Jason (c) vs Fergus Callaghan
nCw Xtreme Title Match
Keybo: Sexy Jason is just full of surprises, right? But Fergus isn't going to just give up that easily.
Fergus Callaghan 2-1
Dirty Deal vs The Superfans
Keybo: Like bringing a screwdriver to a log cutting, sometimes you just pick the wrong tool to suit your own needs. Don't worry guys, Sampson and I will correct this mistake, if you can manage to not get your lame asses fired.
The Superfans 2-2
Jack Hammond (c) vs Shaddix vs Xavier Williams vs Rob Diamond
Assault X for the nCw X Division Title Match
Keybo: Low and behold the Diamond has hit a new low, using a ladder in an assault X match and stealing the X Division title from X. God, wasn't taking an entire country from the Native Americans enough for you?
Xavier Williams 2-3
Falcon vs Spike Kane
The Bird's Cage Match
Keybo: Blood? Check. Drama? Check. Excitement? Check. These two put on the match of the night, and thats the nCw weekly awards talking. After winning, Falcon showed a measure of respect and humanity to the hall of famer by helping him out of the arena.
Spike Kane 2-4
Burning Angels (c) vs Perfect Freaks
Death Cage Match for the nCw Tag Team Titles
Keybo: Yep, a death cage is exactly that. These four about killed one another and when the dust settled it was Philip Burns standing tall, retaining the belts for the longest reigning champions in nCw history.
Perfect Freaks 2-5
Homeless Harold (c) vs Steve Awesome
nCw National Title Match
Keybo: Steve Awesome is a man of his word. He not only took back his title, but he unmasked the monster, revealing that all along it has been the Millenium Icon, Gib, under the mask. Anyone tells you they saw that coming, slap them.
Steve Awesome 3-5
Adam Knite (c) vs Davey Ortega
nCw World Title Match
Keybo: AJ has the noblest intentions. He came down, intending to exact revenge against Adam for Reborn, but instead distracted Davey long enough for Adam to steal a win. But, you know.. the path to hell and all that.
Adam Knite 4-5
Week: 4-5
2009: 104-64
Keybo: Now don't get all haughty, I will have an off week from time to time, but I'm still up forty for the year, so can it. And let me make another round of make the nCw fans money. Trauma...
Daredevil vs Hexx
Keybo: Someone else rolls in, gets a match against Hexx, wins it.. simple math.
Daredevil
Dark Prophet vs Shaddix
Keybo: To be honest, Dark Prophet seems like a man who never knows what he wants. First he's crippled and never coming back, then one taunt and back he is. Bah, anyway.. he can rhyme all he likes, he's still going to destroy Shaddix.
Dark Prophet
Davey Ortega vs Spike Kane
Keybo: A week after these two fought the hardest battle they've ever fought, now they stand opposite each other. Who wins the battle of legends? The one who's actually gotten there.
Spike Kane
Keybo: Then we're treated to the end of Trauma, and the opening of Collision, and the hall of fame induction of Steve Awesome. Way to go buddy.
Joe Everyman/Jack Hammond/Chris Brock vs Rob Diamond/ Xavier Williams/Cameron Corvis
Keybo:[/color] I think this is going to come down to Brock and Corvis, as each of their partners will be too busy beating the hell out of each other to care. And in that heads up, I'm going with Cam.
Cameron Corvis
Falcon vs Fergus Callaghan
Keybo:[/color] Two boys from Boston fight for no better reason than to just fight. Fergus has a lot of determination, but he might have found one bar brawl that's just a little too tough.
Falcon
"LOVER'S QUARREL" MATCH
Adam Knite vs Gib
*By order of Dirty Deal
Keybo:[/color] Yeah, nother bull**** match from those retarded inbreds. Guys, don't fight each other, go find them and harm them bodily.
Adam Knite
DIRTY DEAL PRESENTS: "PINFALL OR FIRED!"
Steve Awesome vs Jackhammer vs Sexy Jason vs The Ace vs Mark vs Marc
*15 minute time limit, whoever doesn't score a pinfall in 15 minutes is fired, whoever scores the most, wins.
Keybo:[/color] You guys have no idea how to run a business do you? My guess is Leonard gives you three weeks before his patience runs out.
Steve Awesome
DIRTY DEEDS NON TITLE TAG TEAM MATCH
Dirty Deal vs Burning Angels
*Dirty Deal make up the rules as they go.
Keybo:[/color] Yeah, cuz that's fair. I hope they kill you.
Dirty Deal will cheat the win
Keybo: And lastly before I go, since I couldn't have a guest in this ****box studio, here's my take on next months title races.
World Championship
Champion: Adam Knite
#1 Contender: AJ Phoenix
Dark Horse: Davey Ortega
Keybo: AJ takes the top spot again, with no other viable set contenders the rotation is back on his side, but Davey was cheated to, and he won't stand for it.
National Championship
Champion: Steve Awesome
#1 Contender: Gib
Dark Horse: Kristoff Bates
Keybo: Awesome has reclaimed his place, and Gib takes the spot of contender. But Bates hasn't had so much as a whiff of a singles title for some months, and it's about time he did.
X Division Championship
Champion: Rob Diamond
#1 Contender: Xavier Williams
Dark Horse: Jack Hammond
Keybo: Normally, Hammy and X would have switched spots, but Williams is after the death of the Diamond and Hammond is busy watching his back for that jerk ass Everyman. Go for the record book X!
Xtreme Championship
Champion: Sexy Jason
#1 Contender: Fergus Callaghan
Dark Horse: Spike Kane/ Chris Brock/ Cameron Corvis
Keybo: Jason dispatched Fergus at Picture Perfect, but he is by no means finished and remains #1 until someone claims it from him. Spike has made it clear he wants this, but Brock and Corvis are reaching that time when they should be getting chances.
Tag Team Championship
Champion: Burning Angels
#1 Contender: Dirty Deal
Dark Horse: Nobody
Keybo: Ok, the Burning Angels have officially destroyed everyone. Only reason Dirty Deal is up there is because they'll use their executive power to claim it, the bastards they are. If they get by that, I have no idea.
Well, that's all my time.. I'll be back here next week whether Dirty Deal likes it or not. I promised Phil an interview, so next week I'll have one.. if I have to go to his house and get it. My email and phone are still open. Good night.
(End Transmission.)
"Hey, join me again next week when my guest in the studio will be the flame of hope, Philip Burns! Questions? Comments? Want to roast a marshmallow on him? Send them in to:
TheShabaz@ncwentertainment.com
Or Call the studio lines at 1-866-555-3737
And I'll see you here next week!"
(You know the deal.)