Post by Keybo Shabaz on Jul 22, 2009 18:39:39 GMT -6
(No flashy opening, no cute graphics, just Keybo Shabaz, sitting behind a standard desk you can buy at Ikea, in a room that could be anywhere, there isn't even a couch to sit on.)
Keybo: And, I'm still here. Still paying for my own airtime, using my large impressive bank account numbers to annoy Dirty Deal with my presence. How does it feel boys? You took away my job and I still have more money than you'll ever dream of making. Hell, the rest of the roster makes me more money than I spend here. So, stop with the 'You're poor' jokes. Truth is, I don't live in a trailer.
The second week of the Dirty Deal era has far better wrestlers put into horrid matches because Dirty Deal's pride is hurt since they finally realized what everyone else already knew, they suck as people. That being said, Trauma began.
Daredevil vs U.S.A.
Keybo: So, Daredevil reveals his true colors. And they're not red, white and blue, despite the crappy costume he wears. But, he hates Americans.. or America.. or it doesn't really matter. Being a tool doesn't prevent winning, however.
U.S.A. 0-1
XTREME RULES
Fergus Callaghan vs Kristoff Liam Bates
Keybo: Two men, broken, bleeding, practically dying for their art. And, precisely as I predicted, Kristoff showed off his skill in the arts of xtreme, and defeated the scrappy Irishman. Course, then he flipped out on Kelly, usually something I approve of, but maybe he picked the wrong dog to fight with.
Kristoff Liam Bates 1-1
Kole Kaos vs Jimmy Zane
Keybo: After Hammond temporarily returned to the UK to deal with family issues, that left just Zane and Kole. And Jimmy proved that being insane doesn't mean you're going to win, and sent Kole back to the asylum. Ok, not literally.
Kole Kaos 1-2
MAIN EVENT: DIRTY DEAL PRESENTS: HANDI CUFFED HELL!
Angel vs Lords of Destruction (In ther final appearance as a tag team)
*Angel will be hand cuffed to the ropes
Keybo: Wow. Sexy Jason is a dick. I mean.. really. Who betrays their partner to put a loss for themselves in a handicap match, then disrespects the handicapped guy like he did something to deserve it? News flash Jason, Angel not handcuffed equals one beaten Sexy Jason.
Lords of Destruction 1-3
Keybo: And now, Collision.
DIRTY DEAL PRESENTS: WHATS IN THE CASE LADDER MATCH?
Shaddix vs Steve Awesome vs Cameron Corvis
*A mystery brief case hangs above the ring, containing a surprise for the winner
Keybo: Wow, a free ass kicking by Dirty Deal. That's so not clever and original, I mean I gotta hand it to you, once again you disapoint. Nobody disapoints like Dirty Deal people. Wreck em, Steve.
Steve Awesome 2-3
DIRTY DEAL PRESENTS: HANDI CUFFED HELL 2!
Philip Burns vs Rob Diamond and Xavier Williams
Keybo: Well, they were more interested in beating each other than Phil. But it didn't stop Rob from cheating like a fiend and winning anyway. hurrrrayyyyy...
Diamond and Williams 3-3
Joe Everyman vs Chris Brock
Keybo: And the first real wrestling match of the night ends with the experienced vet taking out the newcomer. But Brock has bigger plans to take care of. Namely a little squirt named Rob Diamond.
Chris Brock 3-4
Spike Kane/Falcon vs Gib/Mac Bane
Keybo: The Forgotten takes one away from the Syndicate. I guess this proves that you can be friends forever, but you're never really brothers until you beat the **** out of each other.
Spike/Falcon 4-4
XTREME RULES
The Ace vs Dark Prophet
Keybo: Ace provoked the lion, and this is one of those times where taunting a man enough will throw him off his game. Allowing Ace to score the win.
Dark Prophet 4-5
MAIN EVENT: DIRTY DEAL PRESENTS: NCW WORLD HEAVY WEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Dirty Deal vs Adam Knite*
Keybo: And Karma shows her lovely face in the form of Angel and Burns. How does it feel Curt? Ron? Knowing that you can plan and consort all you want and you'll never get what you really want because dickbags always get their comupance.
Adam Knite 5-5
Week: 5-5
2009: 115-71
Keybo: So, I had a half and half week. They'll happen, get over it. Especially with those two clowns calling the shots and abusing their power. Well, let's get to next week then, let's see what BS they have planned now.
Cameron Corvis vs U.S.A. vs Gabriel Karras
Keybo: A loner, a politician and a priest walk into a bar. Yeah, sounds like a bad joke. But it's a wrestling match, and that means someone has to win it.
Cameron Corvis
Mac Bane vs The Ace
Keybo: Two ring veterans turn the excitement up a notch, well ok, not really. Show of hands, who finds either of these guys exciting? Anyone? I thought so. But still, someone has to win.
The Ace
Xavier Williams vs Sexy Jason
Keybo: It seems everywhere Xavier turns, he finds a tool staring him in the face. This time, it's Sexy Jason, who somehow thinks that betraying Jackhammer with brass knuckles means he's super bad ass. Come on X, show him what bad ass really is.
Xavier Williams
Dark Prophet vs Jackhammer
Xtreme Rules
Keybo: A rematch of 08's Xtreme title match at Reborn. And it promises to be just as awesome as it was the first time. At least, I hope so. I can hope, can't I?
Dark Prophet
Keybo: And so, Trauma ends. Oddly with less BS than I imagined. Let's see what's on tap for Collision then..
Gib vs Daredevil
Dirty Deal Presents: Street Fight
Keybo:[/color] Well, this doesn't look too bad. Unless of course those redneck idiots have something else planned. Daredevil preaches that he's all about suicide, but right now he needs to worry about being a homicide.
Gib
Kendra Bates vs Kelly Fox
Keybo:[/color] Ok, this woman is bat **** insane. I may not be the #1 Kelly Fox fan, but even I know better than to put my hands on her. She's not going to play nice, and all the determination in the world isn't going to overcome the fact that Kelly can wrestle, and she will hurt you.
Kelly Fox
Falcon vs Jimmy Zane
Keybo:[/color] Jimmy gets his wish, or at least what I think his wish is, hard to tell with him lately. A little measure of revenge against the man who put him on the shelf and derailed his National title hopes all those months ago.
Jimmy Zane
Burning Angels and NAZI vs Fergus Callaghan / Shaddix / Chris Brock / Rob Diamond
Keybo:[/color] I wish I knew what this was about. This looks to me like a standard 4 on 4, but 2 of them are Hexx and Mimic.. so it might as well be 4 on 2. Or 2 and a half, Hexx isn't as worthless as previously imagined. Still, the tag champs are the tag champs, and if anyone has the stamina to drag this out, it's them.
Angels and NAZI
Spike Kane vs Joe Everyman vs Jack Hammond
Keybo:[/color] Three men, one goal. A chance for Steve Awesomes National title in a couple weeks. Spike is a hall of famer, Everyman is determined, and you can never count out the Hamster. Man, talk about tough call.
Spike Kane
Dirty Deal vs Steve Awesome and AJ Phoenix
Dirty Deal Presents: 1st Annual Ass Kicking
Keybo:[/color] And here comes the second scoop of Karma. You thought you were all clever with your little coupon and prize nonsense, and now you're going to find out what a real roundhouse to the jaw feels like when Awesome and AJ whoop you to next year.
Steve Awesome and AJ Phoenix
Keybo: And so ends another week in New Championship wrestling. I hope you're still watching, despite all the Bull Dirty Deal puts out on a weekly basis.
(Keybo reaches down next to him, picking up a laptop computer and setting it on the desk. He fiddles with the keys for a minute, then turns the screen around to face the camera. Rob Diamond is sitting on the couch in his home, webchat open.)
Keybo: Joining me via webcam from good old LA is Rob Diamond. Welcome to the Pulse, Robert.
Rob: Meh, nothing better to do today.
Keybo: (eye roll) right. I'm running out of time, so I'll just skip to the fan stuff, since you obviously don't want small talk and I don't want to care.
Rob: Whatever.
Keybo: First is from your brother, Chris Diamond. He asks..To put it simply, Rob has shocked the living hell out of me, and I just want to know if now that your a champion your going stop being a douche bag now? And a second question is, are you seriously considering facing both Xavier Williams and Chris Brock come Fallout?
Rob: Ha ha ha... Very funny Chris... How's that neck feel by the way? Like it got snapped? How bout you shut up now. And as far as your puppets go, I'll kick both their asses if thats what you want, personally I don't care. I'm walking into Fallout the X-Division Champion and with challengers like that I'm sure as hell walking out X-Division Champion.
Keybo: Not surprising you'd deny your own douchebaggery. Ebeneezer Scrooge from some place.. man I hate these anonymous questions.. He asks.. How does it feel to have almost ended The Ace's career, in fact I'd say there's been a lot of almost great moments in your career right up until you won that X-Division title earlier this month, are you happy that you've finally been able to actually achieve something and not just brag about it? And seeing as you are both huge douchebags at the moment, would you consider being The King of Diamonds again and teaming up with The Ace? After all, the tag team division needs some new competition, and even though you two have no chance, I'd personally be very amused to see two guys who think they're better than they actually are, try and fail...
Rob: You know what it feels like? Disappointing that the sack of crap didn't stay gone. Maybe if Chris had done his job properly, Ace would of never had a chance to resign. But here we are. And tag team with the Ace? Yeah, I'd consider it... If everyone else on the Roster turned me down first, Ace would be at the top of my list.
Keybo: Same could be said for you when you went away.
Rob: What was that?
Keybo: I didn't say anything.
(Keybos phone rings.)
Keybo: Oh.. looks like a live on air question. (Answer) Hello? (Silence) Hello.
Everyman: Hey, it's Joe Everyman. What do yo..(Dial tone.)
Keybo: Well, that was shortlived.
Rob: Do people always waste this kind of time on your show?
Keybo: Only douchebags.
Rob: God, Jason Dunn hosts a better show than this crap fest.
Keybo: Too bad he's got the wrong skin color for you. Harlene Quinzel.. oh.. Comic reference.. (eye roll) clever.. from of course, Arkham, New York asks..So you think you can be a racist? Picking on poor Xavier like that. I have a feeling you have a mental condition known as jealousy sir...Racist bastard.
Rob: The only person with a case of jealousy is Xavier Williams. He's jealous that this proud white man is better than him in the ring and there ain't a damn thing he can do about it. And no, I'm not racist, so why don't you take your foot and shove it up your ass and save me the time and effort of driving out there and doing it myself. God, the nerve of some people.
Keybo: Yeah, the nerve.. that was almost as bad as using a ladder in an Assault X. I mean, what kind of ass would cheat and then claim it makes him a better man? Ludicrous.
Rob: I'm going to ignore that stupidty.
Keybo: Truth hurts buddy. Last question, Frank Jackson from Green Bay, asks.. Hey there Bobert. I just wanted to say there that uh, I liked you better when you was the super villain there. When you wore those gosh darn silly shoulder pads and banged fat chicks. Yeah me and the wife agree, you was a lot less pathetic in them times then now. Thanks for giving me a reason to watch friggen Ace matches.......ya jackass.
Rob: Seriously... Is it just me or are all of your viewers fat Liberal scum bags with nothing better to do than worry about my life? How bout you get your fat lazy asses up off the damn couch and get a life before your friggin brain rots into goo. I'm seriously tired of these so called "fans" wasting my time, and I'm sorry I ever agreed to come on this show. Keybo, you know where you can stick it.
Keybo: It is you. If you weren't such a dick, you might have fans to ask you real questions, and for the public record, you volunteered to be on this show.
Rob: I certainly did not.
Keybo: Yeah, now that the camera's are on it's a different story. You know, I'm tired of this ****.. DO NOT agree to come on my show then bitch to me about it. I don't care, and neither does anybody else.
Rob: I didn't know it was such a ****ty show, or else I wouldn't have.
Keybo: (facepalm) I reitterate my earlier point. Go rot in obscurity, you stupid asshole.
Rob: Yeah, **** you buddy.
(The webchat ends.)
Keybo: I bet he thinks he won with that one. That's all my time for this week. Always remember..
Steel Chairs are fun..
Barbed Wire is a good time..
Rob Diamond is a douchebag...
And always tip your waitress..
I'm out of here..
(Everybody wants you by Damone plays us off. End Transmission.)
"Hey, join me again next week when my guest in the studio will be the God of Xtreme, Spike Kane! Questions? Comments? Want a blood sample for posterity? Send them in to:
TheShabaz@ncwentertainment.com
Or Call the studio lines at 1-866-555-3737
And I'll see you here next week!"
(You know the deal.)
Keybo: And, I'm still here. Still paying for my own airtime, using my large impressive bank account numbers to annoy Dirty Deal with my presence. How does it feel boys? You took away my job and I still have more money than you'll ever dream of making. Hell, the rest of the roster makes me more money than I spend here. So, stop with the 'You're poor' jokes. Truth is, I don't live in a trailer.
The second week of the Dirty Deal era has far better wrestlers put into horrid matches because Dirty Deal's pride is hurt since they finally realized what everyone else already knew, they suck as people. That being said, Trauma began.
Daredevil vs U.S.A.
Keybo: So, Daredevil reveals his true colors. And they're not red, white and blue, despite the crappy costume he wears. But, he hates Americans.. or America.. or it doesn't really matter. Being a tool doesn't prevent winning, however.
U.S.A. 0-1
XTREME RULES
Fergus Callaghan vs Kristoff Liam Bates
Keybo: Two men, broken, bleeding, practically dying for their art. And, precisely as I predicted, Kristoff showed off his skill in the arts of xtreme, and defeated the scrappy Irishman. Course, then he flipped out on Kelly, usually something I approve of, but maybe he picked the wrong dog to fight with.
Kristoff Liam Bates 1-1
Kole Kaos vs Jimmy Zane
Keybo: After Hammond temporarily returned to the UK to deal with family issues, that left just Zane and Kole. And Jimmy proved that being insane doesn't mean you're going to win, and sent Kole back to the asylum. Ok, not literally.
Kole Kaos 1-2
MAIN EVENT: DIRTY DEAL PRESENTS: HANDI CUFFED HELL!
Angel vs Lords of Destruction (In ther final appearance as a tag team)
*Angel will be hand cuffed to the ropes
Keybo: Wow. Sexy Jason is a dick. I mean.. really. Who betrays their partner to put a loss for themselves in a handicap match, then disrespects the handicapped guy like he did something to deserve it? News flash Jason, Angel not handcuffed equals one beaten Sexy Jason.
Lords of Destruction 1-3
Keybo: And now, Collision.
DIRTY DEAL PRESENTS: WHATS IN THE CASE LADDER MATCH?
Shaddix vs Steve Awesome vs Cameron Corvis
*A mystery brief case hangs above the ring, containing a surprise for the winner
Keybo: Wow, a free ass kicking by Dirty Deal. That's so not clever and original, I mean I gotta hand it to you, once again you disapoint. Nobody disapoints like Dirty Deal people. Wreck em, Steve.
Steve Awesome 2-3
DIRTY DEAL PRESENTS: HANDI CUFFED HELL 2!
Philip Burns vs Rob Diamond and Xavier Williams
Keybo: Well, they were more interested in beating each other than Phil. But it didn't stop Rob from cheating like a fiend and winning anyway. hurrrrayyyyy...
Diamond and Williams 3-3
Joe Everyman vs Chris Brock
Keybo: And the first real wrestling match of the night ends with the experienced vet taking out the newcomer. But Brock has bigger plans to take care of. Namely a little squirt named Rob Diamond.
Chris Brock 3-4
Spike Kane/Falcon vs Gib/Mac Bane
Keybo: The Forgotten takes one away from the Syndicate. I guess this proves that you can be friends forever, but you're never really brothers until you beat the **** out of each other.
Spike/Falcon 4-4
XTREME RULES
The Ace vs Dark Prophet
Keybo: Ace provoked the lion, and this is one of those times where taunting a man enough will throw him off his game. Allowing Ace to score the win.
Dark Prophet 4-5
MAIN EVENT: DIRTY DEAL PRESENTS: NCW WORLD HEAVY WEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Dirty Deal vs Adam Knite*
Keybo: And Karma shows her lovely face in the form of Angel and Burns. How does it feel Curt? Ron? Knowing that you can plan and consort all you want and you'll never get what you really want because dickbags always get their comupance.
Adam Knite 5-5
Week: 5-5
2009: 115-71
Keybo: So, I had a half and half week. They'll happen, get over it. Especially with those two clowns calling the shots and abusing their power. Well, let's get to next week then, let's see what BS they have planned now.
Cameron Corvis vs U.S.A. vs Gabriel Karras
Keybo: A loner, a politician and a priest walk into a bar. Yeah, sounds like a bad joke. But it's a wrestling match, and that means someone has to win it.
Cameron Corvis
Mac Bane vs The Ace
Keybo: Two ring veterans turn the excitement up a notch, well ok, not really. Show of hands, who finds either of these guys exciting? Anyone? I thought so. But still, someone has to win.
The Ace
Xavier Williams vs Sexy Jason
Keybo: It seems everywhere Xavier turns, he finds a tool staring him in the face. This time, it's Sexy Jason, who somehow thinks that betraying Jackhammer with brass knuckles means he's super bad ass. Come on X, show him what bad ass really is.
Xavier Williams
Dark Prophet vs Jackhammer
Xtreme Rules
Keybo: A rematch of 08's Xtreme title match at Reborn. And it promises to be just as awesome as it was the first time. At least, I hope so. I can hope, can't I?
Dark Prophet
Keybo: And so, Trauma ends. Oddly with less BS than I imagined. Let's see what's on tap for Collision then..
Gib vs Daredevil
Dirty Deal Presents: Street Fight
Keybo:[/color] Well, this doesn't look too bad. Unless of course those redneck idiots have something else planned. Daredevil preaches that he's all about suicide, but right now he needs to worry about being a homicide.
Gib
Kendra Bates vs Kelly Fox
Keybo:[/color] Ok, this woman is bat **** insane. I may not be the #1 Kelly Fox fan, but even I know better than to put my hands on her. She's not going to play nice, and all the determination in the world isn't going to overcome the fact that Kelly can wrestle, and she will hurt you.
Kelly Fox
Falcon vs Jimmy Zane
Keybo:[/color] Jimmy gets his wish, or at least what I think his wish is, hard to tell with him lately. A little measure of revenge against the man who put him on the shelf and derailed his National title hopes all those months ago.
Jimmy Zane
Burning Angels and NAZI vs Fergus Callaghan / Shaddix / Chris Brock / Rob Diamond
Keybo:[/color] I wish I knew what this was about. This looks to me like a standard 4 on 4, but 2 of them are Hexx and Mimic.. so it might as well be 4 on 2. Or 2 and a half, Hexx isn't as worthless as previously imagined. Still, the tag champs are the tag champs, and if anyone has the stamina to drag this out, it's them.
Angels and NAZI
Spike Kane vs Joe Everyman vs Jack Hammond
Keybo:[/color] Three men, one goal. A chance for Steve Awesomes National title in a couple weeks. Spike is a hall of famer, Everyman is determined, and you can never count out the Hamster. Man, talk about tough call.
Spike Kane
Dirty Deal vs Steve Awesome and AJ Phoenix
Dirty Deal Presents: 1st Annual Ass Kicking
Keybo:[/color] And here comes the second scoop of Karma. You thought you were all clever with your little coupon and prize nonsense, and now you're going to find out what a real roundhouse to the jaw feels like when Awesome and AJ whoop you to next year.
Steve Awesome and AJ Phoenix
Keybo: And so ends another week in New Championship wrestling. I hope you're still watching, despite all the Bull Dirty Deal puts out on a weekly basis.
(Keybo reaches down next to him, picking up a laptop computer and setting it on the desk. He fiddles with the keys for a minute, then turns the screen around to face the camera. Rob Diamond is sitting on the couch in his home, webchat open.)
Keybo: Joining me via webcam from good old LA is Rob Diamond. Welcome to the Pulse, Robert.
Rob: Meh, nothing better to do today.
Keybo: (eye roll) right. I'm running out of time, so I'll just skip to the fan stuff, since you obviously don't want small talk and I don't want to care.
Rob: Whatever.
Keybo: First is from your brother, Chris Diamond. He asks..To put it simply, Rob has shocked the living hell out of me, and I just want to know if now that your a champion your going stop being a douche bag now? And a second question is, are you seriously considering facing both Xavier Williams and Chris Brock come Fallout?
Rob: Ha ha ha... Very funny Chris... How's that neck feel by the way? Like it got snapped? How bout you shut up now. And as far as your puppets go, I'll kick both their asses if thats what you want, personally I don't care. I'm walking into Fallout the X-Division Champion and with challengers like that I'm sure as hell walking out X-Division Champion.
Keybo: Not surprising you'd deny your own douchebaggery. Ebeneezer Scrooge from some place.. man I hate these anonymous questions.. He asks.. How does it feel to have almost ended The Ace's career, in fact I'd say there's been a lot of almost great moments in your career right up until you won that X-Division title earlier this month, are you happy that you've finally been able to actually achieve something and not just brag about it? And seeing as you are both huge douchebags at the moment, would you consider being The King of Diamonds again and teaming up with The Ace? After all, the tag team division needs some new competition, and even though you two have no chance, I'd personally be very amused to see two guys who think they're better than they actually are, try and fail...
Rob: You know what it feels like? Disappointing that the sack of crap didn't stay gone. Maybe if Chris had done his job properly, Ace would of never had a chance to resign. But here we are. And tag team with the Ace? Yeah, I'd consider it... If everyone else on the Roster turned me down first, Ace would be at the top of my list.
Keybo: Same could be said for you when you went away.
Rob: What was that?
Keybo: I didn't say anything.
(Keybos phone rings.)
Keybo: Oh.. looks like a live on air question. (Answer) Hello? (Silence) Hello.
Everyman: Hey, it's Joe Everyman. What do yo..(Dial tone.)
Keybo: Well, that was shortlived.
Rob: Do people always waste this kind of time on your show?
Keybo: Only douchebags.
Rob: God, Jason Dunn hosts a better show than this crap fest.
Keybo: Too bad he's got the wrong skin color for you. Harlene Quinzel.. oh.. Comic reference.. (eye roll) clever.. from of course, Arkham, New York asks..So you think you can be a racist? Picking on poor Xavier like that. I have a feeling you have a mental condition known as jealousy sir...Racist bastard.
Rob: The only person with a case of jealousy is Xavier Williams. He's jealous that this proud white man is better than him in the ring and there ain't a damn thing he can do about it. And no, I'm not racist, so why don't you take your foot and shove it up your ass and save me the time and effort of driving out there and doing it myself. God, the nerve of some people.
Keybo: Yeah, the nerve.. that was almost as bad as using a ladder in an Assault X. I mean, what kind of ass would cheat and then claim it makes him a better man? Ludicrous.
Rob: I'm going to ignore that stupidty.
Keybo: Truth hurts buddy. Last question, Frank Jackson from Green Bay, asks.. Hey there Bobert. I just wanted to say there that uh, I liked you better when you was the super villain there. When you wore those gosh darn silly shoulder pads and banged fat chicks. Yeah me and the wife agree, you was a lot less pathetic in them times then now. Thanks for giving me a reason to watch friggen Ace matches.......ya jackass.
Rob: Seriously... Is it just me or are all of your viewers fat Liberal scum bags with nothing better to do than worry about my life? How bout you get your fat lazy asses up off the damn couch and get a life before your friggin brain rots into goo. I'm seriously tired of these so called "fans" wasting my time, and I'm sorry I ever agreed to come on this show. Keybo, you know where you can stick it.
Keybo: It is you. If you weren't such a dick, you might have fans to ask you real questions, and for the public record, you volunteered to be on this show.
Rob: I certainly did not.
Keybo: Yeah, now that the camera's are on it's a different story. You know, I'm tired of this ****.. DO NOT agree to come on my show then bitch to me about it. I don't care, and neither does anybody else.
Rob: I didn't know it was such a ****ty show, or else I wouldn't have.
Keybo: (facepalm) I reitterate my earlier point. Go rot in obscurity, you stupid asshole.
Rob: Yeah, **** you buddy.
(The webchat ends.)
Keybo: I bet he thinks he won with that one. That's all my time for this week. Always remember..
Steel Chairs are fun..
Barbed Wire is a good time..
Rob Diamond is a douchebag...
And always tip your waitress..
I'm out of here..
(Everybody wants you by Damone plays us off. End Transmission.)
"Hey, join me again next week when my guest in the studio will be the God of Xtreme, Spike Kane! Questions? Comments? Want a blood sample for posterity? Send them in to:
TheShabaz@ncwentertainment.com
Or Call the studio lines at 1-866-555-3737
And I'll see you here next week!"
(You know the deal.)