Post by Keybo Shabaz on Jul 29, 2009 18:13:15 GMT -6
(No flashy opening, no cute graphics, just Keybo Shabaz, sitting behind a standard desk you can buy at Ikea, in a room that could be anywhere, there isn't even a couch to sit on.)
Keybo: And once again, I'm forced to sit here and buy my own airtime. Once again, I was not allowed on premises for Collision because Leo was too busy to answer his damn phone to tell Security to let me in anyway.
But I digress, another week and Dirty Deal manages to bore our audience to sleep. But, not all is lost, for you know what yesterday was? That's right, the second anniversary of Collision. And this week, we'll celebrate on live television. Don't miss it, that's an order.
Cameron Corvis vs U.S.A. vs Gabriel Karras
Keybo: And so the loner beat the priest and the politician. And we say goodbye to the bureaucrat, future endeavored and all that.
Cameron Corvis 1-0
Mac Bane vs The Ace
Keybo: And the bore fest began, and was thankfully ended with Mac Bane, or Mac Nugget as he's also known, picking up the win.
The Ace 1-1
Xavier Williams vs Sexy Jason
Keybo: And the bad ass show was interrupted by Rob Diamond. Le sigh. Way to go Mcdouchington, you've found a new low and dug down further.
Xavier Williams 1-2
Dark Prophet vs Jackhammer
Xtreme Rules
Keybo: Round 2 was just as awesome as round 1. And it appears respect is not dead between these two former comrades. Hallelujah, someone has a lick of sense here.
Dark Prophet 2-2
Keybo: And so, Trauma ends. Oddly with less BS than I imagined. Let's see what's on tap for Collision then..
Gib vs Daredevil
Dirty Deal Presents: Street Fight
Keybo: Well, he had a lot of confidence going in, but confidence is never just enough as Daredevil found out first hand the power of Gib. As did poor Mitch Kennedy. Way to be a role model for the kids... dick.
Gib 3-2
Kendra Bates vs Kelly Fox
Keybo: She wanted a match, and it ended up costing her a few bumps and a nice bruise to the ego. It also may have cost Kristoff his life. But, apparently he's ok.. or he's booked hurt. One or the other.
Kelly Fox 4-2
Falcon vs Jimmy Zane
Keybo: Two gifted atheletes, one five star match, and one winner. Unfortunately, it wasn't the winner I predicted.
Jimmy Zane 4-3
Burning Angels and NAZI vs Fergus Callaghan / Shaddix / Chris Brock / Rob Diamond
Keybo: One giant cluster, table six. Looks like Angel and Burns weren't able to overcome the handicap of having NAZI at their side after all. Then again, Diamond Cutters strike out of nowhere.
Angels and NAZI 4-4
Spike Kane vs Joe Everyman vs Jack Hammond
Keybo: Spike Kane has a chance now to become the third man ever to hold the National title. The rub is he's gotta get by Steve Awesome. But if anyone can, it's Spike.
Spike Kane 5-4
Dirty Deal vs Steve Awesome and AJ Phoenix
Dirty Deal Presents: 1st Annual Ass Kicking
Keybo: And so, Dirty Deal cheats it out again and steals a win from two of the best wrestlers this business has ever seen. So, I'm taking liberty and not counting this one at all. Deal with it.
Steve Awesome and AJ Phoenix Negative
Week: 5-4
2009: 120-75
Keybo: And so, I have a mediocre week again. At this point I'm out of reasons as to why, so you're just going to have to deal with it. But, this week I promise will be better, or I'll eat week old jell-o.
Nick Logan vs Joe Everyman
Keybo: I no longer care for Everyman. And Nick Logan just seems like another run of the mill douche. I'm almost tempted to care, really.
Nick Logan
Mac Bane vs Gabriel Karras vs Jack Hammond vs Hexx[/color]
Keybo: A chicken nugget, a priest, a hamster and a voodoo shaman walk into a bar.. ok, I won't do that again. Seriously, this is how far the Hamster has fallen? Someone give that poor man a break.
Jack Hammond
Rob Diamond (c) vs Chris Brock
X Division Title Match[/color]
Keybo: Diamond moves up Brock's title shot for no reason other than to join The Forgotten. Ok, he hasn't officially said it like that, but I have the inside scoop as always. But two things are uniquely motivating. Gold and manipulators like Falcon.
Rob Diamond
Dark Prophet vs Spike Kane[/color]
Keybo: The first of the xtreme dream rematches. Spike and Prophet fought last year to retain the title God of Xtreme. Spike won out, and kept the nickname, but we all thought Prophet was disabled too. This could very well come down to the wire.
Spike Kane
Keybo: And with that, the actual anniversary begins. Collision celebrates two years, now out of infancy with a rich history that only promises to get bigger.
Sexy Jason (c) vs Jackhammer
Xtreme Title Match - I Quit
Keybo:[/color] The show kicks off awesomely, with Jason defending the xtreme title against the Hammer. And this time, the brass knuckles are legal. But also, Hammer will be ready for them.
Jackhammer
Dirty Deal vs Kendra Bates and Kelly Fox
Jell-o Sumo Match
Keybo:[/color] Yes, that's where I will be getting said jell-o from. (see above threat.) Dirty Deal may think they'll have it easy here, but all they have for back-up is Amber. The other side has Knite, Gib and Bates. Remember rednecks, actions always have consequences.
Kendra and Kelly
Shaddix vs Cameron Corvis vs Fergus Callghan vs Daredevil
Climb the ladder of success match
Keybo:[/color] Four men who have so far remained titleless have the chance to earn a future title shot. Expect this one to go into the record books of heart and courage.
Cameron Corvis
Gib vs Kristoff Liam Bates
Keybo:[/color] The second of the xtreme dream rematches. Bates and Gib had some epic battles while Gib was masked, and I expect this one to be no different. That is if Bates can even stand up after being Harpooned last week.
Gib
Ricky Johnson vs Xavier Williams vs AJ Phoenix vs Jimmy Zane
Assault X Classix
Keybo:[/color] Four of the best X Division champions this company has seen square off in an assault X just to prove that they still got it. Smart money goes on the longest title reign, or the man with 3 of them to his credit. But Ricky and Jimmy are no slouches, so this one is tough to call.
Jimmy Zane
Burning Angels vs Smokin Aces
Viewers Choice match
Keybo:[/color] nCw asked the viewers in a poll who should face the most dominant tag team to ever grace the stage. And the answer ended up being one of the most charasmatic tag teams to ever wrestle together. Reunited for one night only, The Smokin Aces.
Smokin Aces
Adam Knite vs Falcon
Viewers Choice match
Keybo:[/color] They also asked who Adam Knite should face. And the answer came back clearly. The man who has made his statement for Battlegrounds. Falcon. But personally? I've been waiting for this match for years.
Adam Knite
Keybo: That ends my predictions this week. I'll join you later after I arrive at the home of Spike Kane for my glorious interview this week.
(Cut.)
(Fade back in in Spikes manse in Boston. Spike sits on the couch, in his workout gear. His wife, River and their son, Xander are spending time together in the background.)
Keybo: Thanks for your time Spike.
Spike: Yeah, it’s cool to be here, about time you had someone with actual talent on this damn show. Maybe your judge of character has improved? I mean....the Sportsfans? Seriously...man you and Sampson really dropped the ball there. I would have beaten Dirty Deal for you providing the right payment was made. You know...I’ve beaten them both before, in a handicap match. That’s just how awesome I am.
Keybo: Don't... start with that.. please.
Spike: Alright, alright.
Keybo: Once again, I'm nearly out of time, so we'll get straight to it, alright?
Spike: Sure.
Keybo: Frank Jackson from Green Bay, Wisconsin asks.. I may be fat....but I can go on a diet. Rob Diamond will be a douche forever. Anyway...Spike...long time fan. Followed your career from the federation of Xtreme Hardcore, all the way to nCw. But when you left earlier this year...I wasn't able to watch you. What were you up too during your time off?
Spike: Sweet, glad you like my work Frank, it’s been a long ride since the Xtreme Hardcore place eh? Ah well I left nCw earlier this year because I felt like I had lost the flair that made me the man that I am, the Spike Kane that everybody wanted to get in the ring with. So I was recruited to another federation a much smaller one where I entered into a World Heavyweight Title tournament and came out victorious at their one and only pay per view show. In fact I only suffered one loss whilst I was there, that is what made me feel like I still had what it takes to make it here in nCw, so I came back.
Keybo: Well, we're glad to have you back. I guess. Bob Scott from Point Pleasant, West Virginia asks.. Spike Kane is arguably the most xtreme man in the business, today, yesterday and tomorrow, so this is a two parter. One, Why have you never won the Xtreme title? Two, why have you never faced Angel in an anything goes match? The man has made a career out of trying to kill himself, DeathCages 1 and 3 can be sited as examples. Good luck at the Anniversary show.
Spike: Well it’s nice to know there are actual fans out there, and I appreciate the acknowledgement of my accomplishment too. As for the Xtreme Title? Well, Leonard Fox has it in for me you see, and he won’t allow me anywhere near it. The reason being that I’m just so damn xtreme that nobody will ever be able to defeat me for it once I get it. I mean Sexy Jason? C’mon I could wipe the floor with him! The Angel thing? Well....you see, Angel’s a giant douchebag and he kind of got upset when he didn’t beat me this one time and he just hasn’t approached me with any ideas or angles since then so....I dunno, maybe somewhere down the road? Oh, and luck? Seriously? I’m going to destroy Dark Prophet once and for all!
Keybo: Come on, the man just got uncrippled. Anyway, Sue McPhee from somewhere in the midwest.. jeez people at least give me a state.. asks.. I'm just wondering, for my brother, Bitchcakes, whether or not Spike is going to be coming back to the midwest. He's a HUGE fan and would really like you to sign something like a barbed-wire-wrapped gerbil or something. He says you rule, and that you totally should have won vs Falcon.
Spike: Ah I remember Bitchcakes....I guess since his great friend Dark Prophet became a complete failure he needs somebody else to leech off right? Ah well, I’m not that guy. As for the Midwest, chick...I go where nCw goes. There’s logic there wait....you see, I’m employed. I know that word might sound foreign to you trailer park trash types don’t know what that means but trust me it’s going to be needed in the future. Oh, and I’m not signing anything for you so you can sell it on ebay! Not a chance. And yeah, maybe I should have beat Falcon, but I didn’t. The better man on the day won, and that’s done and done. We’ve become brothers, formed with a bond forged in blood.....a win or a loss means nothing.
Keybo: We're currently.. in the midwest. Anyway, Phil Brooks from Chicago, Illinois asks.. Hey Spike, long time fan... my friends all tell me that we look alike. I dont see the resemblance, do you?
Spike: Yeah....somebody told me this not too long ago. I kicked him in the balls. Listen Phil, STOP STEALING MY IMAGE! Stop trying to look like me, stop trying to act like me, and stop trying to steal my life. damn psycho stalker! Man Keybo you actually let this trash get through your filters? I should probably slap you for this.....but that requires effort and well....you’re really not worth it.
Keybo: These are your fans Spike. I just ask the questions. And that's all I got.
Spike: Great. Doors over there. I need to get back to work.
Keybo: (sigh) Always remember..
Steel chairs are fun..
Barbed Wire is a good time..
And always tip your waitress..
I'm out.
(Fade.)
"Hey, join me again next week when my guest in the studio will be the former God of Xtreme, Dark Prophet! Questions? Comments? Want a take him to a poetry reading party? Send them in to:
TheShabaz@ncwentertainment.com
Or Call the studio lines at 1-866-555-3737
And I'll see you here next week!"
(You know the deal.)
Keybo: And once again, I'm forced to sit here and buy my own airtime. Once again, I was not allowed on premises for Collision because Leo was too busy to answer his damn phone to tell Security to let me in anyway.
But I digress, another week and Dirty Deal manages to bore our audience to sleep. But, not all is lost, for you know what yesterday was? That's right, the second anniversary of Collision. And this week, we'll celebrate on live television. Don't miss it, that's an order.
Cameron Corvis vs U.S.A. vs Gabriel Karras
Keybo: And so the loner beat the priest and the politician. And we say goodbye to the bureaucrat, future endeavored and all that.
Cameron Corvis 1-0
Mac Bane vs The Ace
Keybo: And the bore fest began, and was thankfully ended with Mac Bane, or Mac Nugget as he's also known, picking up the win.
The Ace 1-1
Xavier Williams vs Sexy Jason
Keybo: And the bad ass show was interrupted by Rob Diamond. Le sigh. Way to go Mcdouchington, you've found a new low and dug down further.
Xavier Williams 1-2
Dark Prophet vs Jackhammer
Xtreme Rules
Keybo: Round 2 was just as awesome as round 1. And it appears respect is not dead between these two former comrades. Hallelujah, someone has a lick of sense here.
Dark Prophet 2-2
Keybo: And so, Trauma ends. Oddly with less BS than I imagined. Let's see what's on tap for Collision then..
Gib vs Daredevil
Dirty Deal Presents: Street Fight
Keybo: Well, he had a lot of confidence going in, but confidence is never just enough as Daredevil found out first hand the power of Gib. As did poor Mitch Kennedy. Way to be a role model for the kids... dick.
Gib 3-2
Kendra Bates vs Kelly Fox
Keybo: She wanted a match, and it ended up costing her a few bumps and a nice bruise to the ego. It also may have cost Kristoff his life. But, apparently he's ok.. or he's booked hurt. One or the other.
Kelly Fox 4-2
Falcon vs Jimmy Zane
Keybo: Two gifted atheletes, one five star match, and one winner. Unfortunately, it wasn't the winner I predicted.
Jimmy Zane 4-3
Burning Angels and NAZI vs Fergus Callaghan / Shaddix / Chris Brock / Rob Diamond
Keybo: One giant cluster, table six. Looks like Angel and Burns weren't able to overcome the handicap of having NAZI at their side after all. Then again, Diamond Cutters strike out of nowhere.
Angels and NAZI 4-4
Spike Kane vs Joe Everyman vs Jack Hammond
Keybo: Spike Kane has a chance now to become the third man ever to hold the National title. The rub is he's gotta get by Steve Awesome. But if anyone can, it's Spike.
Spike Kane 5-4
Dirty Deal vs Steve Awesome and AJ Phoenix
Dirty Deal Presents: 1st Annual Ass Kicking
Keybo: And so, Dirty Deal cheats it out again and steals a win from two of the best wrestlers this business has ever seen. So, I'm taking liberty and not counting this one at all. Deal with it.
Steve Awesome and AJ Phoenix Negative
Week: 5-4
2009: 120-75
Keybo: And so, I have a mediocre week again. At this point I'm out of reasons as to why, so you're just going to have to deal with it. But, this week I promise will be better, or I'll eat week old jell-o.
Nick Logan vs Joe Everyman
Keybo: I no longer care for Everyman. And Nick Logan just seems like another run of the mill douche. I'm almost tempted to care, really.
Nick Logan
Mac Bane vs Gabriel Karras vs Jack Hammond vs Hexx[/color]
Keybo: A chicken nugget, a priest, a hamster and a voodoo shaman walk into a bar.. ok, I won't do that again. Seriously, this is how far the Hamster has fallen? Someone give that poor man a break.
Jack Hammond
Rob Diamond (c) vs Chris Brock
X Division Title Match[/color]
Keybo: Diamond moves up Brock's title shot for no reason other than to join The Forgotten. Ok, he hasn't officially said it like that, but I have the inside scoop as always. But two things are uniquely motivating. Gold and manipulators like Falcon.
Rob Diamond
Dark Prophet vs Spike Kane[/color]
Keybo: The first of the xtreme dream rematches. Spike and Prophet fought last year to retain the title God of Xtreme. Spike won out, and kept the nickname, but we all thought Prophet was disabled too. This could very well come down to the wire.
Spike Kane
Keybo: And with that, the actual anniversary begins. Collision celebrates two years, now out of infancy with a rich history that only promises to get bigger.
Sexy Jason (c) vs Jackhammer
Xtreme Title Match - I Quit
Keybo:[/color] The show kicks off awesomely, with Jason defending the xtreme title against the Hammer. And this time, the brass knuckles are legal. But also, Hammer will be ready for them.
Jackhammer
Dirty Deal vs Kendra Bates and Kelly Fox
Jell-o Sumo Match
Keybo:[/color] Yes, that's where I will be getting said jell-o from. (see above threat.) Dirty Deal may think they'll have it easy here, but all they have for back-up is Amber. The other side has Knite, Gib and Bates. Remember rednecks, actions always have consequences.
Kendra and Kelly
Shaddix vs Cameron Corvis vs Fergus Callghan vs Daredevil
Climb the ladder of success match
Keybo:[/color] Four men who have so far remained titleless have the chance to earn a future title shot. Expect this one to go into the record books of heart and courage.
Cameron Corvis
Gib vs Kristoff Liam Bates
Keybo:[/color] The second of the xtreme dream rematches. Bates and Gib had some epic battles while Gib was masked, and I expect this one to be no different. That is if Bates can even stand up after being Harpooned last week.
Gib
Ricky Johnson vs Xavier Williams vs AJ Phoenix vs Jimmy Zane
Assault X Classix
Keybo:[/color] Four of the best X Division champions this company has seen square off in an assault X just to prove that they still got it. Smart money goes on the longest title reign, or the man with 3 of them to his credit. But Ricky and Jimmy are no slouches, so this one is tough to call.
Jimmy Zane
Burning Angels vs Smokin Aces
Viewers Choice match
Keybo:[/color] nCw asked the viewers in a poll who should face the most dominant tag team to ever grace the stage. And the answer ended up being one of the most charasmatic tag teams to ever wrestle together. Reunited for one night only, The Smokin Aces.
Smokin Aces
Adam Knite vs Falcon
Viewers Choice match
Keybo:[/color] They also asked who Adam Knite should face. And the answer came back clearly. The man who has made his statement for Battlegrounds. Falcon. But personally? I've been waiting for this match for years.
Adam Knite
Keybo: That ends my predictions this week. I'll join you later after I arrive at the home of Spike Kane for my glorious interview this week.
(Cut.)
(Fade back in in Spikes manse in Boston. Spike sits on the couch, in his workout gear. His wife, River and their son, Xander are spending time together in the background.)
Keybo: Thanks for your time Spike.
Spike: Yeah, it’s cool to be here, about time you had someone with actual talent on this damn show. Maybe your judge of character has improved? I mean....the Sportsfans? Seriously...man you and Sampson really dropped the ball there. I would have beaten Dirty Deal for you providing the right payment was made. You know...I’ve beaten them both before, in a handicap match. That’s just how awesome I am.
Keybo: Don't... start with that.. please.
Spike: Alright, alright.
Keybo: Once again, I'm nearly out of time, so we'll get straight to it, alright?
Spike: Sure.
Keybo: Frank Jackson from Green Bay, Wisconsin asks.. I may be fat....but I can go on a diet. Rob Diamond will be a douche forever. Anyway...Spike...long time fan. Followed your career from the federation of Xtreme Hardcore, all the way to nCw. But when you left earlier this year...I wasn't able to watch you. What were you up too during your time off?
Spike: Sweet, glad you like my work Frank, it’s been a long ride since the Xtreme Hardcore place eh? Ah well I left nCw earlier this year because I felt like I had lost the flair that made me the man that I am, the Spike Kane that everybody wanted to get in the ring with. So I was recruited to another federation a much smaller one where I entered into a World Heavyweight Title tournament and came out victorious at their one and only pay per view show. In fact I only suffered one loss whilst I was there, that is what made me feel like I still had what it takes to make it here in nCw, so I came back.
Keybo: Well, we're glad to have you back. I guess. Bob Scott from Point Pleasant, West Virginia asks.. Spike Kane is arguably the most xtreme man in the business, today, yesterday and tomorrow, so this is a two parter. One, Why have you never won the Xtreme title? Two, why have you never faced Angel in an anything goes match? The man has made a career out of trying to kill himself, DeathCages 1 and 3 can be sited as examples. Good luck at the Anniversary show.
Spike: Well it’s nice to know there are actual fans out there, and I appreciate the acknowledgement of my accomplishment too. As for the Xtreme Title? Well, Leonard Fox has it in for me you see, and he won’t allow me anywhere near it. The reason being that I’m just so damn xtreme that nobody will ever be able to defeat me for it once I get it. I mean Sexy Jason? C’mon I could wipe the floor with him! The Angel thing? Well....you see, Angel’s a giant douchebag and he kind of got upset when he didn’t beat me this one time and he just hasn’t approached me with any ideas or angles since then so....I dunno, maybe somewhere down the road? Oh, and luck? Seriously? I’m going to destroy Dark Prophet once and for all!
Keybo: Come on, the man just got uncrippled. Anyway, Sue McPhee from somewhere in the midwest.. jeez people at least give me a state.. asks.. I'm just wondering, for my brother, Bitchcakes, whether or not Spike is going to be coming back to the midwest. He's a HUGE fan and would really like you to sign something like a barbed-wire-wrapped gerbil or something. He says you rule, and that you totally should have won vs Falcon.
Spike: Ah I remember Bitchcakes....I guess since his great friend Dark Prophet became a complete failure he needs somebody else to leech off right? Ah well, I’m not that guy. As for the Midwest, chick...I go where nCw goes. There’s logic there wait....you see, I’m employed. I know that word might sound foreign to you trailer park trash types don’t know what that means but trust me it’s going to be needed in the future. Oh, and I’m not signing anything for you so you can sell it on ebay! Not a chance. And yeah, maybe I should have beat Falcon, but I didn’t. The better man on the day won, and that’s done and done. We’ve become brothers, formed with a bond forged in blood.....a win or a loss means nothing.
Keybo: We're currently.. in the midwest. Anyway, Phil Brooks from Chicago, Illinois asks.. Hey Spike, long time fan... my friends all tell me that we look alike. I dont see the resemblance, do you?
Spike: Yeah....somebody told me this not too long ago. I kicked him in the balls. Listen Phil, STOP STEALING MY IMAGE! Stop trying to look like me, stop trying to act like me, and stop trying to steal my life. damn psycho stalker! Man Keybo you actually let this trash get through your filters? I should probably slap you for this.....but that requires effort and well....you’re really not worth it.
Keybo: These are your fans Spike. I just ask the questions. And that's all I got.
Spike: Great. Doors over there. I need to get back to work.
Keybo: (sigh) Always remember..
Steel chairs are fun..
Barbed Wire is a good time..
And always tip your waitress..
I'm out.
(Fade.)
"Hey, join me again next week when my guest in the studio will be the former God of Xtreme, Dark Prophet! Questions? Comments? Want a take him to a poetry reading party? Send them in to:
TheShabaz@ncwentertainment.com
Or Call the studio lines at 1-866-555-3737
And I'll see you here next week!"
(You know the deal.)