Post by Jabari Woodhead on Aug 4, 2009 14:23:26 GMT -6
Fergus Callaghan: Four Score and Seven Years I started watching Bryten Bourne's Promo. The following is what happened after watching the promo.
*The scene enters with Fergus and Monty sitting in black leather recliners watching a high definition TV. Monty is asleep and is now sporting a 2 foot long beard. Fergus is sitting in his recliner also sporting a 2 foot long beard and holding a half empty bottle of whiskey. Four more empty bottles sit on the table to the right of him. Fergus looks over at the sleeping Monty and tosses a cat on him. Monty snaps awake*
Monty: What the hell was that for?
Fergus: You fell asleep.
Monty: So....you are drinking heavily during it?
Fergus: Yeah I know. The promo was so long that I was hoping to drink myself to death so I didn't have to watch the rest of it.
Monty: I know. The guy is so ****ing long winded.
Fergus: Of course he is. He has to make for his lack of having a useful dick.
*Monty starts to laugh and then itches his chin.* He then realizes a beard has grown during the length of the promo*
Monty: Wow I grew a beard.
*Monty then looks over to Fergus*
Monty: Hey you grew one too.
*Fergus then feels his face*
Fergus: Wow you are right, Jesus that was a long promo. I think I would have rather of watched Transformers 2, 10 times in a row then watch that promo again.
Monty: Me too and now that I think of it. I bet that watching Transformers 2, 10 times in a row would still be considerably shorter than that promo.
Fergus: And it would also have Meghan Fox. She makes everything better.
Monty: I don't know about that.
Fergus: You're right Monty. No amount of Meghan Fox could have made Bryten's promo better.
*Fergus continues to drink from the whiskey bottle. With every drink he leaves a little more whiskey in his beard*
Monty: Have you ever heard of any movies that he has been in?
Fergus: Yeah I have. I saw the porno he did once. "Kelly Fox Presents: Adventures in a Fox Hole 1650" and "Brokeback Mountain 2: Gay Pirates." The sad thing about Brokeback Mountain 2 was that even though it was a promising movie it did go straight to DVD which really hurt earnings on the movie.
Monty: I already hate this guy. He thinks that just because he is a good actor...
*Monty does air quotes around good*
Monty: ...he thinks that he will automatically be good at wrestling.
Fergus: I know. He is a complete idiot. He thinks that being in tip top shape will make him good at wrestling but you really actually have to of wrestled to be any good.
Monty: You know you are a complete idiot too right?
Fergus: Why do you say that?
Monty: Because you drank to bottles of whiskey before your match last week. You were completely hammered during your match. You could have gotten yourself killed out there.
Fergus: I know but I am at least a drunk idiot.
Monty: ...Touché.
Fergus: Damn right. I'm kind of drunk and I'm having a remembering problem. Did he say something about trying to win a NASCAR race and maybe playing quarterback for the 49ers?
Monty: Yeah I think so. He gets done playing other people in movies and now he is going to come here and impersonate a Professional Wrestler, then he wants to go and impersonate a NASCAR Driver and a football player.
Fergus: He can't do that! He will cost three people there jobs. He will end up costing Hexx his job because we all know that Hexx is nothing more than a comedian anyways. If he goes to race in NASCAR he will cost Kyle Busch his job because let’s face it. Kyle Busch is such a ****ing joke that he doesn't even take himself seriously, and if he goes into football....well he would end up take the title of the "NFL's Biggest Joke" away from the Detroit Lions and I WILL NOT STAND FOR THAT!
*Monty looks into Fergus' eyes. A new drunken rage has come across his face. Fergus downs the remaining contents of the whiskey bottle and holds the neck of the bottle like a knife. He hits the bottle on corner of a table and stands up with his new found shank. Monty quickly gets up to his feet. Fergus looks at Monty as if Monty is somehow Bryten Bourne*
Fergus: Hey there pretty boy. How about you come over here and I show you what wrestling is all about there. It's not all roses and women like you think it is. Sometimes you have to get a little xtreme and a little blood.
*Fergus inches closer to Monty and tries to stab him with the broken end of the bottle but Monty dodges the drunken move*
Fergus: Quit dancing around Hollywood boy. Just stand there and it will be over in a minute.
*Fergus stabs at Monty again who barely gets out of the way of the bottle*
Monty: Fergus take it easy. It's me Monty.
Fergus: Sure you are Bryten. You are just trying to trick me because you know I wouldn't hurt Monty.
Monty: No really it's me. Don't try and stab me again.
Fergus: Okay I won’t Monty.
*Fergus puts the air quotes around Monty. This time Monty slicing motion and this time he connects with Monty's left arm. Monty then wrestles the bottle away from Fergus and tosses the bottle along the ground and then sits on Fergus' chest until he passes out. The scene fades to black and back in a few hours later after Fergus has woken up*
Fergus: Sorry about that Monty.
Monty: Don't worry about it. It's only a small scratch anyways.
Fergus: I know what I hate most about not only Bryten Bourne but about all actors.
Monty: What is that?
Fergus: They always portray Irish people as violent and drunk. That is a negative stereotype about us. We may always be drunk but we aren't always violent.
Monty: That is true.
Fergus: Well I guess he looks at me as an easy opponent because I am a drunk but what he forgets is that I am very, very violent. I wonder if he realizes yet that he won’t have any stunt doubles?
Monty: I doubt he does. He seems too worried about getting paid.
Fergus: Yeah. I can't believe he is going to be making that much money in that short of a time. I mean he is going to be close to making more in 2 months then our World Champion makes in an entire year.
Monty: I know. It's bull****. I'm glad the weak economy doesn't affect him.
Fergus: Yeah I know. ****ing prick is probably the reason for the recession anyways. He promises to make a movie that will make money like Transformers but promises to be as good as Watchmen but it turns out to be as good as Cat woman.
Monty: That is harsh.
Fergus: I know. Hey Bryten I know that you are getting one hell of a six figure deal from Leonard Fox but here is what I will offer you. I will offer you six figures for our match. Just for showing up you will get two GI Joes....
*Fergus stands up two G.I Joe action figures on the table*
Fergus: ...Two Malibu Barbie Doll figures...
*Fergus then stands up two Malibu Barbie on the table*
Fergus: ...two X-Men action figures...
*Fergus puts up a Wolverine and Juggernaut action figures on the table*
Fergus: ....and if you are lucky and are able to beat me I will give you a 7th figure, my rare and collectable Boba Fett.
*Fergus stands up the box that still holds the Boba Fett on the table*
Monty: You are really risking the Boba Fett?
Fergus: Yes...wait....NO! No matter how confident I am I could never risk the Fett man.
*Fergus takes the Boba Fett box off the table and replaces it with "Hollywood Barbie complete with Heroin needle and handcuffs*
Fergus: This is quite the offer Bryten. I hope you don't blow it like you blew your last movie role.
*The scene fades to black*
OOC: Edited Grammar
*The scene enters with Fergus and Monty sitting in black leather recliners watching a high definition TV. Monty is asleep and is now sporting a 2 foot long beard. Fergus is sitting in his recliner also sporting a 2 foot long beard and holding a half empty bottle of whiskey. Four more empty bottles sit on the table to the right of him. Fergus looks over at the sleeping Monty and tosses a cat on him. Monty snaps awake*
Monty: What the hell was that for?
Fergus: You fell asleep.
Monty: So....you are drinking heavily during it?
Fergus: Yeah I know. The promo was so long that I was hoping to drink myself to death so I didn't have to watch the rest of it.
Monty: I know. The guy is so ****ing long winded.
Fergus: Of course he is. He has to make for his lack of having a useful dick.
*Monty starts to laugh and then itches his chin.* He then realizes a beard has grown during the length of the promo*
Monty: Wow I grew a beard.
*Monty then looks over to Fergus*
Monty: Hey you grew one too.
*Fergus then feels his face*
Fergus: Wow you are right, Jesus that was a long promo. I think I would have rather of watched Transformers 2, 10 times in a row then watch that promo again.
Monty: Me too and now that I think of it. I bet that watching Transformers 2, 10 times in a row would still be considerably shorter than that promo.
Fergus: And it would also have Meghan Fox. She makes everything better.
Monty: I don't know about that.
Fergus: You're right Monty. No amount of Meghan Fox could have made Bryten's promo better.
*Fergus continues to drink from the whiskey bottle. With every drink he leaves a little more whiskey in his beard*
Monty: Have you ever heard of any movies that he has been in?
Fergus: Yeah I have. I saw the porno he did once. "Kelly Fox Presents: Adventures in a Fox Hole 1650" and "Brokeback Mountain 2: Gay Pirates." The sad thing about Brokeback Mountain 2 was that even though it was a promising movie it did go straight to DVD which really hurt earnings on the movie.
Monty: I already hate this guy. He thinks that just because he is a good actor...
*Monty does air quotes around good*
Monty: ...he thinks that he will automatically be good at wrestling.
Fergus: I know. He is a complete idiot. He thinks that being in tip top shape will make him good at wrestling but you really actually have to of wrestled to be any good.
Monty: You know you are a complete idiot too right?
Fergus: Why do you say that?
Monty: Because you drank to bottles of whiskey before your match last week. You were completely hammered during your match. You could have gotten yourself killed out there.
Fergus: I know but I am at least a drunk idiot.
Monty: ...Touché.
Fergus: Damn right. I'm kind of drunk and I'm having a remembering problem. Did he say something about trying to win a NASCAR race and maybe playing quarterback for the 49ers?
Monty: Yeah I think so. He gets done playing other people in movies and now he is going to come here and impersonate a Professional Wrestler, then he wants to go and impersonate a NASCAR Driver and a football player.
Fergus: He can't do that! He will cost three people there jobs. He will end up costing Hexx his job because we all know that Hexx is nothing more than a comedian anyways. If he goes to race in NASCAR he will cost Kyle Busch his job because let’s face it. Kyle Busch is such a ****ing joke that he doesn't even take himself seriously, and if he goes into football....well he would end up take the title of the "NFL's Biggest Joke" away from the Detroit Lions and I WILL NOT STAND FOR THAT!
*Monty looks into Fergus' eyes. A new drunken rage has come across his face. Fergus downs the remaining contents of the whiskey bottle and holds the neck of the bottle like a knife. He hits the bottle on corner of a table and stands up with his new found shank. Monty quickly gets up to his feet. Fergus looks at Monty as if Monty is somehow Bryten Bourne*
Fergus: Hey there pretty boy. How about you come over here and I show you what wrestling is all about there. It's not all roses and women like you think it is. Sometimes you have to get a little xtreme and a little blood.
*Fergus inches closer to Monty and tries to stab him with the broken end of the bottle but Monty dodges the drunken move*
Fergus: Quit dancing around Hollywood boy. Just stand there and it will be over in a minute.
*Fergus stabs at Monty again who barely gets out of the way of the bottle*
Monty: Fergus take it easy. It's me Monty.
Fergus: Sure you are Bryten. You are just trying to trick me because you know I wouldn't hurt Monty.
Monty: No really it's me. Don't try and stab me again.
Fergus: Okay I won’t Monty.
*Fergus puts the air quotes around Monty. This time Monty slicing motion and this time he connects with Monty's left arm. Monty then wrestles the bottle away from Fergus and tosses the bottle along the ground and then sits on Fergus' chest until he passes out. The scene fades to black and back in a few hours later after Fergus has woken up*
Fergus: Sorry about that Monty.
Monty: Don't worry about it. It's only a small scratch anyways.
Fergus: I know what I hate most about not only Bryten Bourne but about all actors.
Monty: What is that?
Fergus: They always portray Irish people as violent and drunk. That is a negative stereotype about us. We may always be drunk but we aren't always violent.
Monty: That is true.
Fergus: Well I guess he looks at me as an easy opponent because I am a drunk but what he forgets is that I am very, very violent. I wonder if he realizes yet that he won’t have any stunt doubles?
Monty: I doubt he does. He seems too worried about getting paid.
Fergus: Yeah. I can't believe he is going to be making that much money in that short of a time. I mean he is going to be close to making more in 2 months then our World Champion makes in an entire year.
Monty: I know. It's bull****. I'm glad the weak economy doesn't affect him.
Fergus: Yeah I know. ****ing prick is probably the reason for the recession anyways. He promises to make a movie that will make money like Transformers but promises to be as good as Watchmen but it turns out to be as good as Cat woman.
Monty: That is harsh.
Fergus: I know. Hey Bryten I know that you are getting one hell of a six figure deal from Leonard Fox but here is what I will offer you. I will offer you six figures for our match. Just for showing up you will get two GI Joes....
*Fergus stands up two G.I Joe action figures on the table*
Fergus: ...Two Malibu Barbie Doll figures...
*Fergus then stands up two Malibu Barbie on the table*
Fergus: ...two X-Men action figures...
*Fergus puts up a Wolverine and Juggernaut action figures on the table*
Fergus: ....and if you are lucky and are able to beat me I will give you a 7th figure, my rare and collectable Boba Fett.
*Fergus stands up the box that still holds the Boba Fett on the table*
Monty: You are really risking the Boba Fett?
Fergus: Yes...wait....NO! No matter how confident I am I could never risk the Fett man.
*Fergus takes the Boba Fett box off the table and replaces it with "Hollywood Barbie complete with Heroin needle and handcuffs*
Fergus: This is quite the offer Bryten. I hope you don't blow it like you blew your last movie role.
*The scene fades to black*
OOC: Edited Grammar