Post by Keybo Shabaz on Aug 5, 2009 17:59:04 GMT -6
(No flashy opening, no cute graphics, just Keybo Shabaz, sitting behind a standard desk you can buy at Ikea, in a room that could be anywhere, there isn't even a couch to sit on. He's looking pretty annoyed and disheveled.)
Keybo: Hey, you guys happy yet? Finally realize that you're nowhere near the top dogs you think you are? You finally pissed off the boss enough to force him to let me and Sampson into the arena, and let me remind you that we are not going to stop now. We are going to be at your throats every week, count on it.
That being said, the shows this week were top notch as usual. Now that Dirty Deal wasn't putting their sticky fingers over every inch of the card. And thus, the set up to nCws Viewers Choice ppv began.
Nick Logan vs Joe Everyman
Keybo: A battle between douches ends with the the wah wah woe is me douche beating prima donna commercial douche.
Nick Logan 0-1
Mac Bane vs Gabriel Karras vs Jack Hammond vs Hexx
Keybo: Show of hands, who thought the priest would win this one? I didn't. But he did, and it looks like he's here to stay and deliver sermons every week. Yay.
Jack Hammond 0-2
Rob Diamond (c) vs Chris Brock
X Division Title Match
Keybo: You know what else is a good motivator? A kick to the balls. Or a punch, I forget which. All I can tell you is Rob Diamond retained the X Division title, and now has a place in the Forgotten.
Rob Diamond 1-2
Dark Prophet vs Spike Kane
Keybo: This was a great match, from start to finish. But, at the end of it all, the God of Xtreme stands tall. Now Spike moves onto face Steve for the National title, and Prophet faces Falcon for a shot at the World title.
Spike Kane 2-2
Keybo: The anniversary show was everything it promised to be and more. The fans chose who would face the Burning Angels and the World champ Adam Knite, and those matches did not disapoint.
Sexy Jason (c) vs Jackhammer
Xtreme Title Match - I Quit
Keybo: Well, Jackhammer is the Xtreme Champion. Or at least officially he is. But Jason has an immediate rematch at Fallout, and must be steaming over that BS finish. Or at least what he thinks is BS. I don't care either way.
Jackhammer 3-2
Dirty Deal vs Kendra Bates and Kelly Fox
Jell-o Sumo Match
Keybo: So, Dirty Deal technically won the match. But who was standing when it was all over? That's right, us. How does steel taste you redneck tards? I'll take my job back now, please. Spare yourselves the pain.
Kendra and Kelly 3-3
Shaddix vs Cameron Corvis vs Fergus Callghan vs Daredevil
Climb the ladder of success match
Keybo: Cameron Corvis now holds a briefcase that guarantees him a title shot at some point down the road. Except that it was stolen by Mike Honcho. Yes, I said it. The Magic man is back and once again taking crap that doesn't belong to him. Yay.
Cameron Corvis 4-3
Gib vs Kristoff Liam Bates
Keybo: Kristoff Bates is a tougher man than anyone gave him credit for. He took a harpoon, dusted himself off and said thank you sir, may I have another. Now he's greatly warmed up for the match with Adam.
Gib 4-4
Ricky Johnson vs Xavier Williams vs AJ Phoenix vs Jimmy Zane
Assault X Classix
Keybo: Four of the best of the X Divisions past step into the ring under the assault ropes, and one walks out the winner. Zane defied all the odds by showing that he is no fluke, and no one trick pony.
Jimmy Zane 5-4
Burning Angels vs Smokin Aces
Viewers Choice match
Keybo: Reunited and it feels so good. Burning Angels may still be the longest reigning tag champions ever, but they're not invincible, and the Aces proved they could hang with them if they could hang with each other for more than five minutes.
Smokin Aces 6-4
Adam Knite vs Falcon
Viewers Choice match
Keybo: The viewers picked the bird to go against the Knite, and as expected it was a phenomenal match. But Adam is the world champion for a reason, and he defeated the winged one. But now they're both more determined to win at Battlegrounds.
Adam Knite 7-4
Week: 7-4
2009: 127-79
Keybo: Yep, no week old jell-o for me. I come back with authority. And now, I get to predict another glorious nCw pay-per-view. Go me.
Wired
Cameron Corvis vs Mike Honcho
Briefcase on a Pole Match
Keybo: Cameron gets a shot to win back the briefcase he already won. Wait.. we're rewarding thieves now? Whoop his ass Cam.
Cameron Corvis
Gabriel Karras vs Daredevil
Xtreme Rules[/color]
Keybo: The man of God takes on the man of Death in this one. Daredevil has already said he doesn't like the way Gabriel lives his life, and Gabriel has expressed likewise displeasure. That makes this one personal.. and bloody.
Daredevil
Bryten Bourne vs Fergus Callaghan[/color]
Keybo: The hollywood guy takes on the drunk guy. I just hope that Bryten realizes that there is no fake stuff in the ring. Conquering Hollywood means very little in a place like this.
Fergus Callghan
Fallout
Joe Everyman and Jack Hammond vs Nick Logan and Mac Bane
Keybo: After weeks of beating each other up, Everyman realizes that he has no friends and turns to the Hamster to save his ass. Way to go Everyman, you've found another level of scum
Logan and Mac Bane
Rob Diamond (c) vs Chris Brock vs Xavier Williams
nCw X Division title match[/color]
Keybo: And Robs punches and kicks to the balls of over men have come back to haunt him as he now has to defend his X Division title against the owners of the wrongfully done sacks. Way to go danko.
Rob Diamond
The Ace vs Jimmy Zane
Natural Selection Match[/color]
Keybo: After getting a beatdown from The Syndicate for.. well they were never clear as to why, Ace will get a measure of revenge against the leader, Jimmy Zane. In a match where you have to keep your opponent down for twenty one seconds instead of ten.
Jimmy Zane
Jackhammer (c) vs Sexy Jason
nCw Xtreme title Junkyard match[/color]
Keybo: A week after a referee cost Sexy Jason the Xtreme title, he goes for the chance to be the first 3 time winner. The rub is he has to get by Hammer, again.
Jackhammer
Falcon vs Dark Prophet
No Limits Ladder match[/color]
Keybo: Falcon has a chance to get another shot at Adam. But Prophet stands in the way. This match promises to be a show stealer with epic effects on the title scene.
Falcon
Burning Angels (c) vs Dirty Deal
nCw Tag Team title Lynch Mob match[/color]
Keybo: This is what they're doing to our promotion. And they think they're helping? They're more retarded than I thought. I hope they hang you retards by your ankles until your heads explode. Make the world a little better.
Burning Angels
Steve Awesome (c) vs Spike Kane
nCw National title match[/color]
Keybo: An epic battle of legends. Old school hall of famer Spike Kane takes on the newest member of that epic club in Steve Awesome. With the National title up for grabs, this promises to be one of the best matches of the year.
Steve Awesome
Adam Knite (c) vs Kristoff Liam Bates
nCw World Heavyweight title match[/color]
Keybo: This is it. Will Kristoff dethrone nCws own King? Or will he be lost in the darkness of the Knite? Either way, this match alone is worth the low price of the pay-per-view buy. Come on, you know you want to see it instead of hear about it tomorrow at work.
Kristoff Liam Bates
Keybo: Now, I have to go meet Prophet in.. an alley. To conduct an interview. Man, the things I do for this company even when I don't work for it. Sheesh.
(Cut. Fade back in on an alley. Keybo is standing there. Prophet is hunched on his toes, his back against the wall, staring at the concrete.)
Keybo: Yeah, you're not one for formality, are you?
(Prophet shakes his head, his eyes never leaving the ground.)
Keybo: (breathe in, out.) oook.. we'll just get to the questions then, alright?
(Prophet nods.)
Keybo: Julietta Lee from.. you know where I live.. oh, your um.. ex.. she asks..When were you planning on seeing our children again? You already paid your child support and the alimony but WHERE ARE YOU? Seriously...you can't spend one damn day taking care of your two beautiful children? Angel Jr misses you...and you have to tell him to stop breaking all my nice things!
Prophet: Beautiful but insane is the way she was born, All of the flesh on my back is torn, From her cat of nine tails, woman's scorn, Definitely not going to reply to this whore.
Keybo: Ahh holy bondagemony. Moving on..Puff Daddy asks.. Yo, DP you ever consider a rap career? Jesus how desperate is he..
Prophet: Once many moons ago a plane crashed in the midwest. All the men died but one. Surviving the ultimate of tragedies he went on to join nCw, become crippled and return. Now for music his hate doth burn!
Keybo: ...Right. Wish I knew what that meant. Spike Kane from good old nCw, asks.. Hey douchebag how did it feel getting your ass kicked by the God of Xtreme AGAIN. You have got to be getting tired of this......I'm not, it's fun.
(Prophet looks up, his glare burning a hole in Keybos suit.)
Keybo: Hey, I just ask the questions. I don't write them
(Prophet looks back at the ground.)
Keybo: Forgetting that happened. Next is..
(Keybos phone rings, he opens it and hits the button for speaker phone.)
Keybo: You're on with Prophet.
Man: Jack Napier, Gotham City.... I'm only laughing on the outside, My smile is just skin deep, If you could see inside, I'd be crying, Perhaps you might join me for a weep?
(Hysterics, followed by a dial tone.)
Dark Prophet: I will come into the Jokerplane, crash through the cock-pit-door. Your tears mean nothing, tied to that chair. Push the plane into a nosedive. Crash into the city below. Isn't that how the movie ended?
Keybo: Why do I answer the phone anymore? God tell me why, moving along the next is from Ryan Dafoe from Wisconsin, and he asks.. Long time fan first time question asker. Dark Prophet, you have a storied career all over the world, but if you could choose when and where your last match takes place and against who, whats would you chose? Also, I know you and Falcon are facing for a shot at the World title at Fallout, but is the World title your true goal, or is there something darker?
Dark Prophet: Choose last match I never shall. Last bell tolled once before but was a false-alarm. Will one day happen. Not saying who, where, or when. These things not given to me yet. The title is no goal, for no belts could ever quench "His" thirst. This place is but a dream ready to turn into a nightmare. For this, I am prepared.
Keybo: Why couldn't I have been doing this show when you were sane? (sigh) Lastly we have Falcon.. from well, nCw.. he asks.. Hey Darkie, welcome back. You going to kill me this time like you promised? I'm getting tired of waiting.
Dark Prophet: Death is just another beginning of yet another life. I killed you before and you changed. This time shall be no different. Change is inevitable, we all die, many times in a lifetime. You shall be reborn again...as promised.
Keybo: Right.. now that all that is over.. I'm going to get out of here.. Before I catch Type 2 Bat**** crazy.. always remember..
Steel Chairs are fun..
Barbed wire is a good time..
And always tip your waitress..
I'm out..
(Keybo sneaks away from Prophet as the picture fades.)
"Hey, join me again next week when I'll have all the weekly recap of Fallout and my predictions for next months title races! As always, need to contact me? Try:
TheShabaz@newchampionshipwrestling.com
Or Call the studio lines at 1-866-555-3737
And I'll see you here next week!"
Keybo: Hey, you guys happy yet? Finally realize that you're nowhere near the top dogs you think you are? You finally pissed off the boss enough to force him to let me and Sampson into the arena, and let me remind you that we are not going to stop now. We are going to be at your throats every week, count on it.
That being said, the shows this week were top notch as usual. Now that Dirty Deal wasn't putting their sticky fingers over every inch of the card. And thus, the set up to nCws Viewers Choice ppv began.
Nick Logan vs Joe Everyman
Keybo: A battle between douches ends with the the wah wah woe is me douche beating prima donna commercial douche.
Nick Logan 0-1
Mac Bane vs Gabriel Karras vs Jack Hammond vs Hexx
Keybo: Show of hands, who thought the priest would win this one? I didn't. But he did, and it looks like he's here to stay and deliver sermons every week. Yay.
Jack Hammond 0-2
Rob Diamond (c) vs Chris Brock
X Division Title Match
Keybo: You know what else is a good motivator? A kick to the balls. Or a punch, I forget which. All I can tell you is Rob Diamond retained the X Division title, and now has a place in the Forgotten.
Rob Diamond 1-2
Dark Prophet vs Spike Kane
Keybo: This was a great match, from start to finish. But, at the end of it all, the God of Xtreme stands tall. Now Spike moves onto face Steve for the National title, and Prophet faces Falcon for a shot at the World title.
Spike Kane 2-2
Keybo: The anniversary show was everything it promised to be and more. The fans chose who would face the Burning Angels and the World champ Adam Knite, and those matches did not disapoint.
Sexy Jason (c) vs Jackhammer
Xtreme Title Match - I Quit
Keybo: Well, Jackhammer is the Xtreme Champion. Or at least officially he is. But Jason has an immediate rematch at Fallout, and must be steaming over that BS finish. Or at least what he thinks is BS. I don't care either way.
Jackhammer 3-2
Dirty Deal vs Kendra Bates and Kelly Fox
Jell-o Sumo Match
Keybo: So, Dirty Deal technically won the match. But who was standing when it was all over? That's right, us. How does steel taste you redneck tards? I'll take my job back now, please. Spare yourselves the pain.
Kendra and Kelly 3-3
Shaddix vs Cameron Corvis vs Fergus Callghan vs Daredevil
Climb the ladder of success match
Keybo: Cameron Corvis now holds a briefcase that guarantees him a title shot at some point down the road. Except that it was stolen by Mike Honcho. Yes, I said it. The Magic man is back and once again taking crap that doesn't belong to him. Yay.
Cameron Corvis 4-3
Gib vs Kristoff Liam Bates
Keybo: Kristoff Bates is a tougher man than anyone gave him credit for. He took a harpoon, dusted himself off and said thank you sir, may I have another. Now he's greatly warmed up for the match with Adam.
Gib 4-4
Ricky Johnson vs Xavier Williams vs AJ Phoenix vs Jimmy Zane
Assault X Classix
Keybo: Four of the best of the X Divisions past step into the ring under the assault ropes, and one walks out the winner. Zane defied all the odds by showing that he is no fluke, and no one trick pony.
Jimmy Zane 5-4
Burning Angels vs Smokin Aces
Viewers Choice match
Keybo: Reunited and it feels so good. Burning Angels may still be the longest reigning tag champions ever, but they're not invincible, and the Aces proved they could hang with them if they could hang with each other for more than five minutes.
Smokin Aces 6-4
Adam Knite vs Falcon
Viewers Choice match
Keybo: The viewers picked the bird to go against the Knite, and as expected it was a phenomenal match. But Adam is the world champion for a reason, and he defeated the winged one. But now they're both more determined to win at Battlegrounds.
Adam Knite 7-4
Week: 7-4
2009: 127-79
Keybo: Yep, no week old jell-o for me. I come back with authority. And now, I get to predict another glorious nCw pay-per-view. Go me.
Wired
Cameron Corvis vs Mike Honcho
Briefcase on a Pole Match
Keybo: Cameron gets a shot to win back the briefcase he already won. Wait.. we're rewarding thieves now? Whoop his ass Cam.
Cameron Corvis
Gabriel Karras vs Daredevil
Xtreme Rules[/color]
Keybo: The man of God takes on the man of Death in this one. Daredevil has already said he doesn't like the way Gabriel lives his life, and Gabriel has expressed likewise displeasure. That makes this one personal.. and bloody.
Daredevil
Bryten Bourne vs Fergus Callaghan[/color]
Keybo: The hollywood guy takes on the drunk guy. I just hope that Bryten realizes that there is no fake stuff in the ring. Conquering Hollywood means very little in a place like this.
Fergus Callghan
Fallout
Joe Everyman and Jack Hammond vs Nick Logan and Mac Bane
Keybo: After weeks of beating each other up, Everyman realizes that he has no friends and turns to the Hamster to save his ass. Way to go Everyman, you've found another level of scum
Logan and Mac Bane
Rob Diamond (c) vs Chris Brock vs Xavier Williams
nCw X Division title match[/color]
Keybo: And Robs punches and kicks to the balls of over men have come back to haunt him as he now has to defend his X Division title against the owners of the wrongfully done sacks. Way to go danko.
Rob Diamond
The Ace vs Jimmy Zane
Natural Selection Match[/color]
Keybo: After getting a beatdown from The Syndicate for.. well they were never clear as to why, Ace will get a measure of revenge against the leader, Jimmy Zane. In a match where you have to keep your opponent down for twenty one seconds instead of ten.
Jimmy Zane
Jackhammer (c) vs Sexy Jason
nCw Xtreme title Junkyard match[/color]
Keybo: A week after a referee cost Sexy Jason the Xtreme title, he goes for the chance to be the first 3 time winner. The rub is he has to get by Hammer, again.
Jackhammer
Falcon vs Dark Prophet
No Limits Ladder match[/color]
Keybo: Falcon has a chance to get another shot at Adam. But Prophet stands in the way. This match promises to be a show stealer with epic effects on the title scene.
Falcon
Burning Angels (c) vs Dirty Deal
nCw Tag Team title Lynch Mob match[/color]
Keybo: This is what they're doing to our promotion. And they think they're helping? They're more retarded than I thought. I hope they hang you retards by your ankles until your heads explode. Make the world a little better.
Burning Angels
Steve Awesome (c) vs Spike Kane
nCw National title match[/color]
Keybo: An epic battle of legends. Old school hall of famer Spike Kane takes on the newest member of that epic club in Steve Awesome. With the National title up for grabs, this promises to be one of the best matches of the year.
Steve Awesome
Adam Knite (c) vs Kristoff Liam Bates
nCw World Heavyweight title match[/color]
Keybo: This is it. Will Kristoff dethrone nCws own King? Or will he be lost in the darkness of the Knite? Either way, this match alone is worth the low price of the pay-per-view buy. Come on, you know you want to see it instead of hear about it tomorrow at work.
Kristoff Liam Bates
Keybo: Now, I have to go meet Prophet in.. an alley. To conduct an interview. Man, the things I do for this company even when I don't work for it. Sheesh.
(Cut. Fade back in on an alley. Keybo is standing there. Prophet is hunched on his toes, his back against the wall, staring at the concrete.)
Keybo: Yeah, you're not one for formality, are you?
(Prophet shakes his head, his eyes never leaving the ground.)
Keybo: (breathe in, out.) oook.. we'll just get to the questions then, alright?
(Prophet nods.)
Keybo: Julietta Lee from.. you know where I live.. oh, your um.. ex.. she asks..When were you planning on seeing our children again? You already paid your child support and the alimony but WHERE ARE YOU? Seriously...you can't spend one damn day taking care of your two beautiful children? Angel Jr misses you...and you have to tell him to stop breaking all my nice things!
Prophet: Beautiful but insane is the way she was born, All of the flesh on my back is torn, From her cat of nine tails, woman's scorn, Definitely not going to reply to this whore.
Keybo: Ahh holy bondagemony. Moving on..Puff Daddy asks.. Yo, DP you ever consider a rap career? Jesus how desperate is he..
Prophet: Once many moons ago a plane crashed in the midwest. All the men died but one. Surviving the ultimate of tragedies he went on to join nCw, become crippled and return. Now for music his hate doth burn!
Keybo: ...Right. Wish I knew what that meant. Spike Kane from good old nCw, asks.. Hey douchebag how did it feel getting your ass kicked by the God of Xtreme AGAIN. You have got to be getting tired of this......I'm not, it's fun.
(Prophet looks up, his glare burning a hole in Keybos suit.)
Keybo: Hey, I just ask the questions. I don't write them
(Prophet looks back at the ground.)
Keybo: Forgetting that happened. Next is..
(Keybos phone rings, he opens it and hits the button for speaker phone.)
Keybo: You're on with Prophet.
Man: Jack Napier, Gotham City.... I'm only laughing on the outside, My smile is just skin deep, If you could see inside, I'd be crying, Perhaps you might join me for a weep?
(Hysterics, followed by a dial tone.)
Dark Prophet: I will come into the Jokerplane, crash through the cock-pit-door. Your tears mean nothing, tied to that chair. Push the plane into a nosedive. Crash into the city below. Isn't that how the movie ended?
Keybo: Why do I answer the phone anymore? God tell me why, moving along the next is from Ryan Dafoe from Wisconsin, and he asks.. Long time fan first time question asker. Dark Prophet, you have a storied career all over the world, but if you could choose when and where your last match takes place and against who, whats would you chose? Also, I know you and Falcon are facing for a shot at the World title at Fallout, but is the World title your true goal, or is there something darker?
Dark Prophet: Choose last match I never shall. Last bell tolled once before but was a false-alarm. Will one day happen. Not saying who, where, or when. These things not given to me yet. The title is no goal, for no belts could ever quench "His" thirst. This place is but a dream ready to turn into a nightmare. For this, I am prepared.
Keybo: Why couldn't I have been doing this show when you were sane? (sigh) Lastly we have Falcon.. from well, nCw.. he asks.. Hey Darkie, welcome back. You going to kill me this time like you promised? I'm getting tired of waiting.
Dark Prophet: Death is just another beginning of yet another life. I killed you before and you changed. This time shall be no different. Change is inevitable, we all die, many times in a lifetime. You shall be reborn again...as promised.
Keybo: Right.. now that all that is over.. I'm going to get out of here.. Before I catch Type 2 Bat**** crazy.. always remember..
Steel Chairs are fun..
Barbed wire is a good time..
And always tip your waitress..
I'm out..
(Keybo sneaks away from Prophet as the picture fades.)
"Hey, join me again next week when I'll have all the weekly recap of Fallout and my predictions for next months title races! As always, need to contact me? Try:
TheShabaz@newchampionshipwrestling.com
Or Call the studio lines at 1-866-555-3737
And I'll see you here next week!"