Post by The Ace on Aug 7, 2009 7:52:59 GMT -6
*The scene opens with the following bible verse being narrated by The Ace on a black screen with white bold text...*
*The recitation is interrupted by a long audible sigh at this point as the scene opens in The Ace's hotel room where he is sat on the bed, head in hand and naked save a pair of plain white boxers. He looks up at the camera with a frown...*
I'm sorry Zane, I truly am. I must admit I share God's dilemma on this one, you have tried to suppress the truth of your existence because to you what is known about me is very plain, but plain only because I have made it so. To you and to half the roster who want to see me gone from this place, I am little more than a redundant parrot and a geek who gives lectures on rational thought for far too long, but I know I am so much more. I acknowledge my shortcomings as a Superstar Zane, I don't pretend to be something I'm not and that irks you doesn't it? That I can be true to who I am and not just have a shiny nonsensical nickname like "Voodoo Child". Tell me Zane, what exactly is there that is remotely voodoo or black magic about some spoilt rich kid trying to live off his dad's name and inheritant windfall now that he has finally popped his clogs, hmmm?
*The Ace raises an eyebrow*
A man so out of touch with reality that his best friends are a stereotypical Texan blowhard, a wannabe Hollywood Megastar and a man who up until last month claimed to be homeless and is now in psychiatric care for being two slices short of a sandwich. Nothing of your existence makes sense to me Zane, it is quite apparent that you yourself are entirely incapable of grasping the simple concept of your own evolution, despite my many attempts to make it absolutely crystal clear to you. Instead you choose to ignore the steps of natural selection as I laid out to you and now seem to be under the delusion that somehow I will lecture you on steps and on not being a stepping stone...
*The scene fades out to the biblical narration again...*
*The scene fades back to The Ace*
The simple fact is I won't because I don't need to, you see my dear boy I wasn't trying to lecture you at all, I was merely trying to impart upon you a life lesson, and believe me with your level of ignorance it hasn't been easy. What is your excuse here Zane? Why is it that you cannot understand the facts as I have presented them? Perhaps you are a Creationist and therefore you dismiss my arguments as a different kind of nonsensical prattle to the one you were taught to believe in. I am a man of reason Zane, and following this line of reasoning I have decided, against my better judgment, to go all Gabriel Karras on you for this final promo before Fallout and intersperse my words with those of your God. The passage I am quoting from is perhaps the best argument used by fanatical Creationists against the more rational Evolutionists of this world, and for the sake of balance it is only fair that I present this side of the story too, whether you believe in it or not Zane...
*The Ace pauses for a moment before continuing*
If indeed you do believe in creation Zane, then you must also believe that the eye, whether it be Gib's brown eye or otherwise, is not a product of evolution but rather proof of intelligent design, no?
*The Ace chuckles a little at the brown eye reference*
I'm sorry, I couldn't resist, and I know that any promo I ever cut for this company will not equal the ratings that that promo got purely because so many people tuned in just to say 'What The F*ck?' So congratulations Zane, you apparently have a valid argument for my lack of ratings amongst all your other ramblings. That was an award winning promo, seriously it was, and for those eager to see more nonsense I'm sure the last promo where you jabber on about steps and stairs and effectively deliver that lecture for me will be a strong contender for yet another 'Joe Everyman' award. I even heard that 'brown eye promo' is now an instant youtube hit, so well done you're right up there with Chris Crocker, Rick Astley and THIS...IS...SPARTA!
*The Ace bursts out laughing*
Your mother must be so proud, and I can well imagine that a day will come when people won't be on the internet getting 'Rick-Rolled' but rather 'Brown-Eyed'. But I digress, leave it up to the son of a 'living legend' and a circus clairvoyant to actually not only be the strongest argument for Eugenics and Abortion but also the strongest argument against any God of Intelligent Design. I suppose it's only natural then that you took inspiration from your fellow arguments for Abortion, JackHammer and Sexy Jason, the men formerly known as the Turds of Destruction and promised me my destruction is coming, that the clock ticks away, how unfortunate it is then that whilst your clock may tick irrevocably to 'my impending doom', it evidently has no tock, so as usual poor Jimmy only has half the story...
*The scene fades to narrated bible verse again*
*The scene fades back to The Ace*
Zane, I sit here on this bed because I don't have a fancy chair like you do to address you from, I have no throne to call my own because I was not birthed by the Great b*tch Queen of Doodoo-dada-wham-a-lama-ding-dong as you were. No, I sit here the simple son of a simple honest British working class man, I sit here as a symbol of your naked ambition to beat me at my own game, whilst preserving what little modesty I have. An ambition that must ultimately be put to bed this Sunday Zane, the day of rest as determined by your God. My father may not have been much by reputation but at least I know that he didn't end up going to some carvival and ended up getting some gypsy fortune teller to rub his cystal balls, the end result of which was apparently you, Jimmy Zane. I bet not even Punisher saw that coming...
*The Ace smirks confidently*
You see Zane, although people know me, they neither thank me or glorify me as I should be glorified. So apparently you wrote a letter to Fox requesting a match against me, a former World Champion, Tag Champion, and Xtreme Champion, the latter of which you neglected to mention perhaps because you know that gives me yet another irrefutable edge against you given the very Xtreme nature of our match at Fallout. Many people before you have tried to cement a legacy at the expense of my name, they haven't always been successful but they've tried and yet for having that opportunity they've never thanked me or recognised how bright my shining star actually is and in your ignorance Zane, you are no different. And why should you be? You're just another worthless hypocrite thinking way above his station, criticising me for having fallen from main event status when you yourself have never even been there. You chastise me for languishing in the mid card with Everyman and Hammond, men who ironically have proven to be your superior many times before, just as I have, with their multiple title reigns as opposed to the one X-Division reign that you're oh so proud of, why? Is it because I have yet to hold that belt? I am beyond that belt...
*The scene fades to narrated scripture once again*
*The scene returns to The Ace*
If you don't want to learn from basic evolutionary principles here Zane, if indeed it is nothing more than the idle ramblings of foolish men derived entirely from ignorance, then you my friend are yourself irrefutable proof of that very ignorance. Instead you choose sarcasm and nonsensical dribblings in an attempt to laugh off that which you fear most, the very real possibilility that I will be proven right after all. Childish humour and moronic wordplay have never been very formidable weapons against the wall of logic, reason and rationality that you now face. It is simple not enough anymore to go back to the rookie hand book and claim things to be as clear cut and as black and white as you will win and I will lose. If that truly is how you see this business, then quite clearly you do not understand the nature of it as well as you'd like to believe. It is not simply a matter of wins and losses, its about survival and whilst it may be true that I am no longer where I once was, I accept that once you've reached the top, the only choice you have once you fall, and everybody does, is to begin the climb again or simply fade into obscurity...
*The Ace sighs*
We know what your father chose to do once he fell from his one defining moment in this company, and like any good son you followed in his footsteps after your moment came and went. For the rest of us and for guys like me, we choose not to cling to the mediocrity, we don't let it define us, we are not a product of a single fleeting moment but rather a combination of many everlasting moments. We choose to ride the waves of oscillation in this business whilst the Zanes, Mac Banes, Logans and Gibs of this world are just happy to drift along until they drown, and believe me Jim, you have drifted for far too long now, its about time somebody put you out of your misery and your head under the water. Drown, child, drown. You who are so ignorant and so easily amused by candles, coins and incompent butlers. Oh yes, Bovril is a very incompetent butler indeed, but then I guess he would have to be if he spent his life serving you. You see Zane, I know my intellect intimidates you, it frightens you that I have not gone down the typical route as most guys do and just promised to kick your piddly ass this week. I am a product of a far superior education system than either you or Bovril, clerarly he knows nothing. I was not educated in Phoenix so his jibe has little consequential sense to it infact. I was educated at the University of Birmingham, which okay is not as prestigious as Oxford or Cambridge, but then if I had had daddy's inheritance to fall back on and exploit like you have Zane, maybe I could have been a posh incompetent twat too, rather than the well adjusted, charming, intelligent man that I am. Oh well, Bovril, I guess it really does suck to be me. It sucks that this Sunday I will be the one serving up a can of freshly prepared whoopass to Master Jimmy, who ironically enough will be the master of nothing come Sunday, least of all his own fate...
*The scene fades out to the continuation of the bible verse that has been woven throughout this promo...*
Romans 1:18-25[/center]
*The following statistics are narrated as they appear on the black screen in bold white text...*
*A final spoken message appears on screen alongside a picture of The Ace's daughter, Solitaire...*
*A final picture of Zane appears before the promo ends*
"The wrath of GOD is being revealed from Heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the TRUTH by their wickedness, since what may be known about GOD is plain to them, because GOD HAS MADE IT PLAIN TO THEM...."
*The recitation is interrupted by a long audible sigh at this point as the scene opens in The Ace's hotel room where he is sat on the bed, head in hand and naked save a pair of plain white boxers. He looks up at the camera with a frown...*
I'm sorry Zane, I truly am. I must admit I share God's dilemma on this one, you have tried to suppress the truth of your existence because to you what is known about me is very plain, but plain only because I have made it so. To you and to half the roster who want to see me gone from this place, I am little more than a redundant parrot and a geek who gives lectures on rational thought for far too long, but I know I am so much more. I acknowledge my shortcomings as a Superstar Zane, I don't pretend to be something I'm not and that irks you doesn't it? That I can be true to who I am and not just have a shiny nonsensical nickname like "Voodoo Child". Tell me Zane, what exactly is there that is remotely voodoo or black magic about some spoilt rich kid trying to live off his dad's name and inheritant windfall now that he has finally popped his clogs, hmmm?
*The Ace raises an eyebrow*
A man so out of touch with reality that his best friends are a stereotypical Texan blowhard, a wannabe Hollywood Megastar and a man who up until last month claimed to be homeless and is now in psychiatric care for being two slices short of a sandwich. Nothing of your existence makes sense to me Zane, it is quite apparent that you yourself are entirely incapable of grasping the simple concept of your own evolution, despite my many attempts to make it absolutely crystal clear to you. Instead you choose to ignore the steps of natural selection as I laid out to you and now seem to be under the delusion that somehow I will lecture you on steps and on not being a stepping stone...
*The scene fades out to the biblical narration again...*
"For since the creation of the world, GOD'S invisible qualities His enternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen being understood from what has been made, SO THAT MEN ARE WITHOUT EXCUSE..."
*The scene fades back to The Ace*
The simple fact is I won't because I don't need to, you see my dear boy I wasn't trying to lecture you at all, I was merely trying to impart upon you a life lesson, and believe me with your level of ignorance it hasn't been easy. What is your excuse here Zane? Why is it that you cannot understand the facts as I have presented them? Perhaps you are a Creationist and therefore you dismiss my arguments as a different kind of nonsensical prattle to the one you were taught to believe in. I am a man of reason Zane, and following this line of reasoning I have decided, against my better judgment, to go all Gabriel Karras on you for this final promo before Fallout and intersperse my words with those of your God. The passage I am quoting from is perhaps the best argument used by fanatical Creationists against the more rational Evolutionists of this world, and for the sake of balance it is only fair that I present this side of the story too, whether you believe in it or not Zane...
*The Ace pauses for a moment before continuing*
If indeed you do believe in creation Zane, then you must also believe that the eye, whether it be Gib's brown eye or otherwise, is not a product of evolution but rather proof of intelligent design, no?
*The Ace chuckles a little at the brown eye reference*
I'm sorry, I couldn't resist, and I know that any promo I ever cut for this company will not equal the ratings that that promo got purely because so many people tuned in just to say 'What The F*ck?' So congratulations Zane, you apparently have a valid argument for my lack of ratings amongst all your other ramblings. That was an award winning promo, seriously it was, and for those eager to see more nonsense I'm sure the last promo where you jabber on about steps and stairs and effectively deliver that lecture for me will be a strong contender for yet another 'Joe Everyman' award. I even heard that 'brown eye promo' is now an instant youtube hit, so well done you're right up there with Chris Crocker, Rick Astley and THIS...IS...SPARTA!
*The Ace bursts out laughing*
Your mother must be so proud, and I can well imagine that a day will come when people won't be on the internet getting 'Rick-Rolled' but rather 'Brown-Eyed'. But I digress, leave it up to the son of a 'living legend' and a circus clairvoyant to actually not only be the strongest argument for Eugenics and Abortion but also the strongest argument against any God of Intelligent Design. I suppose it's only natural then that you took inspiration from your fellow arguments for Abortion, JackHammer and Sexy Jason, the men formerly known as the Turds of Destruction and promised me my destruction is coming, that the clock ticks away, how unfortunate it is then that whilst your clock may tick irrevocably to 'my impending doom', it evidently has no tock, so as usual poor Jimmy only has half the story...
*The scene fades to narrated bible verse again*
"For although they knew GOD they neither glorified Him as GOD nor gave thanks to Him, but their thinking became futitle and their foolish hearts were darkened..."
*The scene fades back to The Ace*
Zane, I sit here on this bed because I don't have a fancy chair like you do to address you from, I have no throne to call my own because I was not birthed by the Great b*tch Queen of Doodoo-dada-wham-a-lama-ding-dong as you were. No, I sit here the simple son of a simple honest British working class man, I sit here as a symbol of your naked ambition to beat me at my own game, whilst preserving what little modesty I have. An ambition that must ultimately be put to bed this Sunday Zane, the day of rest as determined by your God. My father may not have been much by reputation but at least I know that he didn't end up going to some carvival and ended up getting some gypsy fortune teller to rub his cystal balls, the end result of which was apparently you, Jimmy Zane. I bet not even Punisher saw that coming...
*The Ace smirks confidently*
You see Zane, although people know me, they neither thank me or glorify me as I should be glorified. So apparently you wrote a letter to Fox requesting a match against me, a former World Champion, Tag Champion, and Xtreme Champion, the latter of which you neglected to mention perhaps because you know that gives me yet another irrefutable edge against you given the very Xtreme nature of our match at Fallout. Many people before you have tried to cement a legacy at the expense of my name, they haven't always been successful but they've tried and yet for having that opportunity they've never thanked me or recognised how bright my shining star actually is and in your ignorance Zane, you are no different. And why should you be? You're just another worthless hypocrite thinking way above his station, criticising me for having fallen from main event status when you yourself have never even been there. You chastise me for languishing in the mid card with Everyman and Hammond, men who ironically have proven to be your superior many times before, just as I have, with their multiple title reigns as opposed to the one X-Division reign that you're oh so proud of, why? Is it because I have yet to hold that belt? I am beyond that belt...
*The scene fades to narrated scripture once again*
"Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal GOD for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles..."
*The scene returns to The Ace*
If you don't want to learn from basic evolutionary principles here Zane, if indeed it is nothing more than the idle ramblings of foolish men derived entirely from ignorance, then you my friend are yourself irrefutable proof of that very ignorance. Instead you choose sarcasm and nonsensical dribblings in an attempt to laugh off that which you fear most, the very real possibilility that I will be proven right after all. Childish humour and moronic wordplay have never been very formidable weapons against the wall of logic, reason and rationality that you now face. It is simple not enough anymore to go back to the rookie hand book and claim things to be as clear cut and as black and white as you will win and I will lose. If that truly is how you see this business, then quite clearly you do not understand the nature of it as well as you'd like to believe. It is not simply a matter of wins and losses, its about survival and whilst it may be true that I am no longer where I once was, I accept that once you've reached the top, the only choice you have once you fall, and everybody does, is to begin the climb again or simply fade into obscurity...
*The Ace sighs*
We know what your father chose to do once he fell from his one defining moment in this company, and like any good son you followed in his footsteps after your moment came and went. For the rest of us and for guys like me, we choose not to cling to the mediocrity, we don't let it define us, we are not a product of a single fleeting moment but rather a combination of many everlasting moments. We choose to ride the waves of oscillation in this business whilst the Zanes, Mac Banes, Logans and Gibs of this world are just happy to drift along until they drown, and believe me Jim, you have drifted for far too long now, its about time somebody put you out of your misery and your head under the water. Drown, child, drown. You who are so ignorant and so easily amused by candles, coins and incompent butlers. Oh yes, Bovril is a very incompetent butler indeed, but then I guess he would have to be if he spent his life serving you. You see Zane, I know my intellect intimidates you, it frightens you that I have not gone down the typical route as most guys do and just promised to kick your piddly ass this week. I am a product of a far superior education system than either you or Bovril, clerarly he knows nothing. I was not educated in Phoenix so his jibe has little consequential sense to it infact. I was educated at the University of Birmingham, which okay is not as prestigious as Oxford or Cambridge, but then if I had had daddy's inheritance to fall back on and exploit like you have Zane, maybe I could have been a posh incompetent twat too, rather than the well adjusted, charming, intelligent man that I am. Oh well, Bovril, I guess it really does suck to be me. It sucks that this Sunday I will be the one serving up a can of freshly prepared whoopass to Master Jimmy, who ironically enough will be the master of nothing come Sunday, least of all his own fate...
*The scene fades out to the continuation of the bible verse that has been woven throughout this promo...*
"Therefore GOD gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts. They exchanged the TRUTH of GOD for a lie, and worshipped and served created things rather than the Creator - Who is forever praised."
Romans 1:18-25[/center]
*The following statistics are narrated as they appear on the black screen in bold white text...*
Only 28% of Americans believe in Evolution
62% want 'Creation Science' taught along with Evolution in schools
44% want 'Creation Science' taught exclusively
62% want 'Creation Science' taught along with Evolution in schools
44% want 'Creation Science' taught exclusively
*A final spoken message appears on screen alongside a picture of The Ace's daughter, Solitaire...*
Our Children Are Our Future
*A final picture of Zane appears before the promo ends*
Let's try not to turn them into dangerous idiots