Post by Keybo Shabaz on Aug 19, 2009 18:07:38 GMT -6
(No flashy opening, no cute graphics, just Keybo Shabaz, sitting behind a standard desk you can buy at Ikea, in a room that could be anywhere, there isn't even a couch to sit on. He's looking pretty annoyed and disheveled.)
Keybo: The fallout from.. well Fallout was pretty epic. Suspense made it's return and another wave of new talent flowed in. Bates extended an offer and it was surprisingly well received. And several superstars from nCw days gone by returned to the ring and wowed the crowd all over again.
Three shows, means three reviews, means three nights of action, drama and excitement. Well, let's get to it.
Bryton Bourne vs Mark Murder
Keybo: Tested the new kid, and he came up a bit short. But, he'd have to deal with failure at some point, why not now?
Bryton Bourne 0-1
Seth Evans vs Freakke the Clown
Keybo: For a clown, the kid can wrestle. But Seth Evans has staying power like very few other men. The future looks bright for both of them.
Seth Evans 1-1
Gabriel Karras vs Chris Brock
Keybo: Where's your god now? That's what I thought. Brock still wants a piece of Diamond, just gotta keep on moving and working kiddo.
Chris Brock 2-1
Keybo: Friday gives way to Saturday, Suspense to Trauma, so said the booking agent, so shall it be done.
Tommy Victor and Xavier Cross vs Nathan Doe and Kevin Hardaway
Keybo: Apparently there was more here than I had figured. Doe and Victor were friends on opposite sides, Cross returned, Hardaway brought a heavy bag of stigma with him. And through it all, they kept it professional. Nice work.
Victor and Cross 3-1
Mike Honcho vs Daredevil
Keybo: The stache came back with a vengeance. And the beast within Daredevil put him down. Or so they say, it really doesn't make much of a difference.
Daredevil 4-1
Xavier Williams vs Cameron Corvis
Keybo: Hallelujah, I bet against Xavier, and he comes back and makes me proud. Man, how annoying is that.
Cameron Corvis 4-2
Brad Kane vs Fergus Callaghan
Keybo: Fergus can put up a hell of a fight, but Brad Kane with a purpose is a pure destructive force unleashed. I guess the flaunting of the beer in his face gave him twice as much of a reason to break a face.
Brad Kane 5-2
Keybo: And thus Saturday finishes with a match of hardcore proportions. That allows Sunday to begin with those dreams still fresh in your mind.
Jackhammer vs Rob Diamond
Keybo: It's a weird situation. Diamond can win a match fairly, I guess sometimes he just chooses not to. But Hammer escaped with an in tact sack, so I guess that's a plus.
Rob Diamond 6-2
Dirty Deal and Sexy Jason vs The Syndicate and Dark Prophet
Keybo: Well, they did it. The Syndicate managed to pull one out, err well, they managed to not lose long enough for Prophet to win it. Thanks to us. You welcome guys. Oh and Mac, we can't book you.. CUZ WE DON'T HAVE JOBS. Not that I would anyway. I'd get in the ring with DD before I'd let you do it.
Dirty Deal and Sexy Jason 6-3
Jimmy Zane vs Joe Everyman
Keybo: He pulled it off. Everyman managed to actually win a match, and push himself closer to actually having earned everything he says he did.
Jimmy Zane 6-4
Lance Ryan vs Jack Hammond vs The Ace
Keybo: Lance Ryan made his return to an nCw ring for the first time in months. It wasn't as complete a success as he'd like, but the competition here is top notch. And you can't win em all.
Lance Ryan 6-5
Adam Knite and Steve Awesome vs Falcon and Spike Kane vs Angel and Kristoff Liam Bates
Keybo: Sometimes tag matches run smoothly, other times they break down. Adam left the ring, abandoning Steve, and Falcon ran after him, abandoning Spike in the process. With Angel and Bates the only cohesive team left, they won this one.
Angel and Bates 7-5
Week: 7-5
2009: 141-88
Keybo: A week gone by, and another one to come. Battlegrounds is fast approaching and we're getting ready for another earth shattering pay-per-view. So, hop to it.
Freakke the Clown vs Bryten Bourne
Keybo: Hollywood vs Vaudeville. But this is one hundred percent real.
Freakke
JFK vs Bad Luck Chuck[/color]
Keybo: Yeah, this is gonna go over well.
JFK
Brad Kane vs Kevin Hardaway
Keybo: The two have a long history that we've never seen. So I expect this to be awesome. But that's just me.
Brad Kane
Xavier Cross and Gabriel Karras vs Fergus Callaghan and Scotty Calloway[/color]
Keybo: Scotty Calloway redebuts after spending so much time on the injury list. He teams with the mad irishmen, and faces the priest and the hero. This should be good.
Cross and Karras
Keybo: And we say adieu to another episode of Suspense, and we bring Trauma up to the plate with a man on first.
Seth Evans vs Daredevil
Keybo: Evans moves on from a clown to a suicidal dude in a suit. Maybe it's a step up, then again, maybe not.
Seth Evans
Tommy Victor and Nathan Doe vs Dirty Deal[/color]
Keybo: nCw sorely lacks tag teams, functioning tag teams, so when we found out Doe and Victor used to be one, it was like joyous news. And their first test is the big one in Dirty Douches.
Victor and Doe
Angel vs Dark Prophet
Xtreme Rules[/color]
Keybo: It's amazing that this match has never happened before. Sure, they've crossed paths in those big brawls back then, but now it's uno y uno. It's going to be amazing.. and bloody.
Angel
Mike Honcho vs Adam Knite[/color]
Keybo: Last time Honcho was in the ring with a World Champion, he ended up with a title reign that never officially happened. But, Adam is far more devious than people think, and he won't let that happen.
Adam Knite
Keybo: And Trauma with a single up the middle, that brings up Collision with 2 on and nobody out.
Jimmy Zane vs Chris Brock
Keybo: An opener filled with athleticism and action. This is what the X Division is all about, no doubt.
Jimmy Zane
Jackhammer vs Joe Everyman vs Mark Murder vs Xavier Williams
Battle Royal
Keybo:[/color] 4 men beat the crap out of each other until only one remains standing. My moneys on the most dangerous man in the ring. Sorry Hammer, but no.
Xavier Williams
The Syndicate vs Falcon and Cameron Corvis
Keybo:[/color] Management seems to be quite willing to make the Syndicate jump through hoops to get toward what they want. But then again, if anyone knows about hoop jumping, its the other guys in the ring.
The Syndicate
Lance Ryan vs Rob Diamond
Keybo:[/color] Lance, the old time veteran and ring legend, facing off against the smarmy punk with a loud mouth. This is your chance Lance, shut this kid up.. please.
Lance Ryan
Kristoff Liam Bates vs Sexy Jason
Xtreme Rules
Special Commentator: Adam Knite
Keybo:[/color] Xtremely normal faces off against the Xtreme champion and the only three time winner. Bates has shown that losing big matches won't affect him, and Sexy Jason seems more into law than wrestling now.
Kristoff Liam Bates
Steve Awesome vs The Ace
Keybo:[/color] Just a couple weeks after reforming to take on the Angels and acting all buddy buddy, the Ace shows his true colors and acts like a pompous douche again. And you wonder why nobody respects you?
Steve Awesome
Keybo: And Collision with the home run, three runs are in and there's still nobody out. Well, I'm off to LA to meet with Chris Diamond. I'll be right back.
(Fade out on the studio. Back in on a lavish living room. Keybo sits on the couch, Diamond next to him, just chillaxing.)
Keybo: Thanks for agreeing to this Chris.
Chris: Anytime buddy. How's unemployment?
Keybo: Heh, I'm working on it. Go figure. Video time is almost up cuz of Suspense, so we're gonna get right to it, ok?
Chris: Alright. Lay it on me.
Keybo: John Rep from Pittsburgh asks..So Chris, you tried coming back to team with your bro and got hurt. You tried fighting your bro and got hurt. Every time you try to wrestle you get hurt. Does it hurt knowing your nCw's version of Batista?
Chris: Does it hurt knowing I could care less what you think? Does it hurt knowing I just made more money insulting you than your going to make for the rest of your natural life? Does it hurt knowing I totally banged your girl friend and the kid is mine? Thought so. Asshole.
Keybo: Man, you do get around. Derrick Whipple from Hollywood... Montana..? He asks.. So Chris, do you ever feel like just booking something on collision that would totally own anything you EVER do in a Pay Per View? And if so...what?
Chris: Sometimes I dream of booking a live sex session like right at the top of the ten o'clock hour, but Leo would totally **** bricks, so don't hold your breath.
Keybo: Pencil it in on Suspense and make it a pay for podcast.
Chris: That's not a bad idea. He'd still **** a brick though.
Keybo: And it would hurt. Billy Bob from Brownsville, Texas asks.. Hey man, you look vaguely familiar to me. You ever hung out with a long haired dude who drinks a lot?
Chris: Yeah. Your mother.
Keybo: And the winner of the Burn! award is.. a PWWFANATIC from Leonard, North..
Chris: Don't say it.
Keybo: Why not?
Chris: You'll will it into existance.
Keybo: Alright, anyway he asks.. Chris, a long time ago you defeated Adam Knite for a certain World title, now that he once again reigns supreme, any chance we could see a repeat?
Chris: As much as I'd love to whip Adam's bitch ass all over the ring and win another world title from him, it's just not in the cards. Every wrestler reaches a stage in their life when they just can't go anymore, and unfortunately I reached that stage. Sorry to disappoint. But I think my good friend Falcon is going to bring some honor back to the World title soon enough.
Keybo: And wrestling is worse off without you buddy. Dick Harry from Bangor, Maine asks..Chris, don't you think it's about time you leave nCw and let the real talent run things?
Chris: Don't you think it's about time you moved out of your parents basement and got a real job? And no, being a manager at Micky D's is not a real job.
Keybo: Someone's gotta run it. Anyway, Falcon from.. oh, Falcon he asks..Chris, buddy, what exactly is in the water where you live? Some of the stuff that comes out of Robs mouth is... unique, I'll say. Say hi to Shelly for me, and tell Mike to keep his hands to himself. Thanks.
Chris: That wasn't a question... but will do pal.
Keybo: I think he was serious about the water.
Chris: Then I have no idea. I drink only the finest in bottle water.
Keybo: Nice. Zachariah Mortenson from Reno, Nevada asks..Hey Chris, if they made a movie of your life what actor do you think would be good to play your part?
Chris: Sean Penn.
Keybo: Really?
Chris: Hell yeah.
Keybo: I was thinking Gary Sinise.
Chris: .....
Keybo: I was kidding.
Chris: Better have been.
Keybo: Well that's it.
Chris: Thanks for having me on Keybo, it was allot of fun. Hey do me a favor and get your job back. Honestly, the smell coming from their office is nauseating.
Keybo: We're working on it. Two weeks, maybe three.
Chris: Good deal. Wanna go grab a beer on me?
Keybo: Sure thing. For nCw, he's Chris Diamond, I'm Keybo Shabaz. Always remember..
Steel Chairs are fun..
Barbed Wire is a good time..
And always tip your waitress..
We're out.
(Fade.)
"Hey, join me again next week when my guest in the studio will be the 2 x 5 = 10 athelete, Jimmy Zane! Questions? Comments? Want to ask for a math tutor? Send them in to:
TheShabaz@ncwentertainment.com
Or Call the studio lines at 1-866-555-3737
And I'll see you here next week!"
(You know the deal.)
Keybo: The fallout from.. well Fallout was pretty epic. Suspense made it's return and another wave of new talent flowed in. Bates extended an offer and it was surprisingly well received. And several superstars from nCw days gone by returned to the ring and wowed the crowd all over again.
Three shows, means three reviews, means three nights of action, drama and excitement. Well, let's get to it.
Bryton Bourne vs Mark Murder
Keybo: Tested the new kid, and he came up a bit short. But, he'd have to deal with failure at some point, why not now?
Bryton Bourne 0-1
Seth Evans vs Freakke the Clown
Keybo: For a clown, the kid can wrestle. But Seth Evans has staying power like very few other men. The future looks bright for both of them.
Seth Evans 1-1
Gabriel Karras vs Chris Brock
Keybo: Where's your god now? That's what I thought. Brock still wants a piece of Diamond, just gotta keep on moving and working kiddo.
Chris Brock 2-1
Keybo: Friday gives way to Saturday, Suspense to Trauma, so said the booking agent, so shall it be done.
Tommy Victor and Xavier Cross vs Nathan Doe and Kevin Hardaway
Keybo: Apparently there was more here than I had figured. Doe and Victor were friends on opposite sides, Cross returned, Hardaway brought a heavy bag of stigma with him. And through it all, they kept it professional. Nice work.
Victor and Cross 3-1
Mike Honcho vs Daredevil
Keybo: The stache came back with a vengeance. And the beast within Daredevil put him down. Or so they say, it really doesn't make much of a difference.
Daredevil 4-1
Xavier Williams vs Cameron Corvis
Keybo: Hallelujah, I bet against Xavier, and he comes back and makes me proud. Man, how annoying is that.
Cameron Corvis 4-2
Brad Kane vs Fergus Callaghan
Keybo: Fergus can put up a hell of a fight, but Brad Kane with a purpose is a pure destructive force unleashed. I guess the flaunting of the beer in his face gave him twice as much of a reason to break a face.
Brad Kane 5-2
Keybo: And thus Saturday finishes with a match of hardcore proportions. That allows Sunday to begin with those dreams still fresh in your mind.
Jackhammer vs Rob Diamond
Keybo: It's a weird situation. Diamond can win a match fairly, I guess sometimes he just chooses not to. But Hammer escaped with an in tact sack, so I guess that's a plus.
Rob Diamond 6-2
Dirty Deal and Sexy Jason vs The Syndicate and Dark Prophet
Keybo: Well, they did it. The Syndicate managed to pull one out, err well, they managed to not lose long enough for Prophet to win it. Thanks to us. You welcome guys. Oh and Mac, we can't book you.. CUZ WE DON'T HAVE JOBS. Not that I would anyway. I'd get in the ring with DD before I'd let you do it.
Dirty Deal and Sexy Jason 6-3
Jimmy Zane vs Joe Everyman
Keybo: He pulled it off. Everyman managed to actually win a match, and push himself closer to actually having earned everything he says he did.
Jimmy Zane 6-4
Lance Ryan vs Jack Hammond vs The Ace
Keybo: Lance Ryan made his return to an nCw ring for the first time in months. It wasn't as complete a success as he'd like, but the competition here is top notch. And you can't win em all.
Lance Ryan 6-5
Adam Knite and Steve Awesome vs Falcon and Spike Kane vs Angel and Kristoff Liam Bates
Keybo: Sometimes tag matches run smoothly, other times they break down. Adam left the ring, abandoning Steve, and Falcon ran after him, abandoning Spike in the process. With Angel and Bates the only cohesive team left, they won this one.
Angel and Bates 7-5
Week: 7-5
2009: 141-88
Keybo: A week gone by, and another one to come. Battlegrounds is fast approaching and we're getting ready for another earth shattering pay-per-view. So, hop to it.
Freakke the Clown vs Bryten Bourne
Keybo: Hollywood vs Vaudeville. But this is one hundred percent real.
Freakke
JFK vs Bad Luck Chuck[/color]
Keybo: Yeah, this is gonna go over well.
JFK
Brad Kane vs Kevin Hardaway
Keybo: The two have a long history that we've never seen. So I expect this to be awesome. But that's just me.
Brad Kane
Xavier Cross and Gabriel Karras vs Fergus Callaghan and Scotty Calloway[/color]
Keybo: Scotty Calloway redebuts after spending so much time on the injury list. He teams with the mad irishmen, and faces the priest and the hero. This should be good.
Cross and Karras
Keybo: And we say adieu to another episode of Suspense, and we bring Trauma up to the plate with a man on first.
Seth Evans vs Daredevil
Keybo: Evans moves on from a clown to a suicidal dude in a suit. Maybe it's a step up, then again, maybe not.
Seth Evans
Tommy Victor and Nathan Doe vs Dirty Deal[/color]
Keybo: nCw sorely lacks tag teams, functioning tag teams, so when we found out Doe and Victor used to be one, it was like joyous news. And their first test is the big one in Dirty Douches.
Victor and Doe
Angel vs Dark Prophet
Xtreme Rules[/color]
Keybo: It's amazing that this match has never happened before. Sure, they've crossed paths in those big brawls back then, but now it's uno y uno. It's going to be amazing.. and bloody.
Angel
Mike Honcho vs Adam Knite[/color]
Keybo: Last time Honcho was in the ring with a World Champion, he ended up with a title reign that never officially happened. But, Adam is far more devious than people think, and he won't let that happen.
Adam Knite
Keybo: And Trauma with a single up the middle, that brings up Collision with 2 on and nobody out.
Jimmy Zane vs Chris Brock
Keybo: An opener filled with athleticism and action. This is what the X Division is all about, no doubt.
Jimmy Zane
Jackhammer vs Joe Everyman vs Mark Murder vs Xavier Williams
Battle Royal
Keybo:[/color] 4 men beat the crap out of each other until only one remains standing. My moneys on the most dangerous man in the ring. Sorry Hammer, but no.
Xavier Williams
The Syndicate vs Falcon and Cameron Corvis
Keybo:[/color] Management seems to be quite willing to make the Syndicate jump through hoops to get toward what they want. But then again, if anyone knows about hoop jumping, its the other guys in the ring.
The Syndicate
Lance Ryan vs Rob Diamond
Keybo:[/color] Lance, the old time veteran and ring legend, facing off against the smarmy punk with a loud mouth. This is your chance Lance, shut this kid up.. please.
Lance Ryan
Kristoff Liam Bates vs Sexy Jason
Xtreme Rules
Special Commentator: Adam Knite
Keybo:[/color] Xtremely normal faces off against the Xtreme champion and the only three time winner. Bates has shown that losing big matches won't affect him, and Sexy Jason seems more into law than wrestling now.
Kristoff Liam Bates
Steve Awesome vs The Ace
Keybo:[/color] Just a couple weeks after reforming to take on the Angels and acting all buddy buddy, the Ace shows his true colors and acts like a pompous douche again. And you wonder why nobody respects you?
Steve Awesome
Keybo: And Collision with the home run, three runs are in and there's still nobody out. Well, I'm off to LA to meet with Chris Diamond. I'll be right back.
(Fade out on the studio. Back in on a lavish living room. Keybo sits on the couch, Diamond next to him, just chillaxing.)
Keybo: Thanks for agreeing to this Chris.
Chris: Anytime buddy. How's unemployment?
Keybo: Heh, I'm working on it. Go figure. Video time is almost up cuz of Suspense, so we're gonna get right to it, ok?
Chris: Alright. Lay it on me.
Keybo: John Rep from Pittsburgh asks..So Chris, you tried coming back to team with your bro and got hurt. You tried fighting your bro and got hurt. Every time you try to wrestle you get hurt. Does it hurt knowing your nCw's version of Batista?
Chris: Does it hurt knowing I could care less what you think? Does it hurt knowing I just made more money insulting you than your going to make for the rest of your natural life? Does it hurt knowing I totally banged your girl friend and the kid is mine? Thought so. Asshole.
Keybo: Man, you do get around. Derrick Whipple from Hollywood... Montana..? He asks.. So Chris, do you ever feel like just booking something on collision that would totally own anything you EVER do in a Pay Per View? And if so...what?
Chris: Sometimes I dream of booking a live sex session like right at the top of the ten o'clock hour, but Leo would totally **** bricks, so don't hold your breath.
Keybo: Pencil it in on Suspense and make it a pay for podcast.
Chris: That's not a bad idea. He'd still **** a brick though.
Keybo: And it would hurt. Billy Bob from Brownsville, Texas asks.. Hey man, you look vaguely familiar to me. You ever hung out with a long haired dude who drinks a lot?
Chris: Yeah. Your mother.
Keybo: And the winner of the Burn! award is.. a PWWFANATIC from Leonard, North..
Chris: Don't say it.
Keybo: Why not?
Chris: You'll will it into existance.
Keybo: Alright, anyway he asks.. Chris, a long time ago you defeated Adam Knite for a certain World title, now that he once again reigns supreme, any chance we could see a repeat?
Chris: As much as I'd love to whip Adam's bitch ass all over the ring and win another world title from him, it's just not in the cards. Every wrestler reaches a stage in their life when they just can't go anymore, and unfortunately I reached that stage. Sorry to disappoint. But I think my good friend Falcon is going to bring some honor back to the World title soon enough.
Keybo: And wrestling is worse off without you buddy. Dick Harry from Bangor, Maine asks..Chris, don't you think it's about time you leave nCw and let the real talent run things?
Chris: Don't you think it's about time you moved out of your parents basement and got a real job? And no, being a manager at Micky D's is not a real job.
Keybo: Someone's gotta run it. Anyway, Falcon from.. oh, Falcon he asks..Chris, buddy, what exactly is in the water where you live? Some of the stuff that comes out of Robs mouth is... unique, I'll say. Say hi to Shelly for me, and tell Mike to keep his hands to himself. Thanks.
Chris: That wasn't a question... but will do pal.
Keybo: I think he was serious about the water.
Chris: Then I have no idea. I drink only the finest in bottle water.
Keybo: Nice. Zachariah Mortenson from Reno, Nevada asks..Hey Chris, if they made a movie of your life what actor do you think would be good to play your part?
Chris: Sean Penn.
Keybo: Really?
Chris: Hell yeah.
Keybo: I was thinking Gary Sinise.
Chris: .....
Keybo: I was kidding.
Chris: Better have been.
Keybo: Well that's it.
Chris: Thanks for having me on Keybo, it was allot of fun. Hey do me a favor and get your job back. Honestly, the smell coming from their office is nauseating.
Keybo: We're working on it. Two weeks, maybe three.
Chris: Good deal. Wanna go grab a beer on me?
Keybo: Sure thing. For nCw, he's Chris Diamond, I'm Keybo Shabaz. Always remember..
Steel Chairs are fun..
Barbed Wire is a good time..
And always tip your waitress..
We're out.
(Fade.)
"Hey, join me again next week when my guest in the studio will be the 2 x 5 = 10 athelete, Jimmy Zane! Questions? Comments? Want to ask for a math tutor? Send them in to:
TheShabaz@ncwentertainment.com
Or Call the studio lines at 1-866-555-3737
And I'll see you here next week!"
(You know the deal.)