Post by Keybo Shabaz on Sept 9, 2009 23:05:05 GMT -6
(Everybody wants you by Damone plays in the background, signaling the start of nCws favorite TV show, the Pulse! A highlight clip of nCws finest is shown for an opening montage. Fade in a sound stage, with a large desk and a neon "The Pulse" sign behind it. A man sits at the desk, black suit, gray tie, he shuffles the papers in front of him as the music fades and the camera shifts into position. The expression on his face is priceless.)
Keybo: Yeah, guess what..? I'M BACK IN BUSINESS BABY!
(Loud pop from the studio audience.)
Keybo: Did you hear them? Did you hear those two redneck idiots try to justify losing to us? Nobody can keep the Shabaz down.. NOBODY!
(Another crowd pop.)
Keybo: But, you're not here for that. You're here for
The PULSE!
That's right, I have my job, I have my studio, I have my office, I have my show and most of all I still have all of you! So let's get to the Rundown!
(Keybo spins in the chair, stopping when he's facing the left side of the desk, looking into camera #2.)
Keybo: Suspense is like breakfast, it's filling, but not so much, since lunch is a mere few hours away depending on when you get up. But it's still delicious when it goes in your mouth.
Corey Shane vs Will Washington
Keybo: The former Army killing machine defeated the Human Suplex Machine. No word on the lawsuit from Tazz.
Will Washington 1-0
Freakke vs Glen Nodoveit
Keybo: Who thought the clown wouldn't be able to make the depressed guy laugh? Either way, it was a great match from two great competitors that have a future here. No doubt.
Freakke 1-1
Joe Everyman vs Sexy Jason
Keybo: I knew better than to count on Everyman to do something right. Maybe he tried, maybe he didn't. But either way, Sexy Jason is off to embarass himself in court. By the way, I'm going to enjoy not being a janitor.
Sexy Jason 2-1
Keybo: Trauma, is like a picnic lunch. Sure it's great, open atmosphere, cool people, but it's not really filling. At least, not filling enough, but you enjoy every bite regardless.
Chris Brock vs Mike Honcho
Keybo: Nobody can stop the mustache. Cept maybe himself.
Mike Honcho 3-1
Mark Murder vs Jackhammer
Keybo: Mark Murder started off promising, but it seems that his future with this company is in jeopardy. He lost his spot at Battlegrounds, and nobody has seem him since.
Mark Murder 3-2
Ricky Johnson vs Jack Hammond
Keybo: Ricky Johnson has hit the stride he found before his troubles. His life is in order, his girl is smokin, and he has a win over Hammond. No easy feat.
Ricky Johnson 4-2
Rob Diamond vs Brad Kane
Keybo: Brad Kane made good on his promise to beat Diamond for his part in the incident with Spike. Next up, oh Brother where art thou?
Brad Kane 5-2
Keybo: And then, as the day winds down, and your weekend is almost over, Dinner time approaches. A dinner entree named Collision.
New Disease vs The Syndicate
Keybo: To be honest, I really don't care for either of these teams. I just hope they beat Dirty Deal.
The Syndicate 6-2
Cameron Corvis vs Xavier Cross
Keybo: Can't keep a good Xavier down. Nice job.
Xavier Cross 7-2
Seth Evans vs Jimmy Zane vs Fergus Callghan vs Garbiel Karras
Keybo: Time is measured in seconds, and Seth Evans was half a second late. Come on Jimmy, beating Diamond means you beat Dirty Deal.
Seth Evans 7-3
JFK vs Xavier Williams
Xtreme rules
Keybo: One X wins, the other one doesn't. I try so hard to motivate him.
Xavier Williams 7-4
Dirty Douches vs Sampson and Yours truly.
Keybo: Didn't think we would, did you? Hahaha, suckers.
US 8-4
Kristoff Liam Bates vs Lance Ryan
Keybo: Kristoff Liam Bates can hang with the best, from Adam to Lance to anyone you put him in the ring with. But Lance is a legend for a reason.
Lance Ryan 9-4
Week: 9-4
2009: 167-98
Keybo: If you're not with me by now, you might as well stop watching. Now, I'm going to make you all more money as we look forward to the future!
Keybo: Guess what time it is? If you said Hammer time, you're living in the 90s. If you said Party time, you're an idiot. If you said PPV time, you'd be right. nCw Presents Battlegrounds live from Houston, Texas!
Wired
Corey Shane vs Freakke the Clown
Keybo: Wired starts off with some good humor, and I don't mean ice cream. Pie to the face anyone?
Freakke the Clown
Tommy Victor vs Spike Kane vs Jack Hammond vs Gabriel Karras
Keybo: Time for someone to make a statement, Spike needs to show that he's still the legend he was. Hammond needs to find where he fits in. Victor needs to show he can perform at high levels. And Karras needs to.. umm.. not lose?
Spike Kane
Glen Nodoveit vs Will Washington
Keybo: I'm scared for these two. Both are dangerous and quite angry. Someone could walk or hobble out missing a limb.
Will Washington
JackHammer vs Xavier Williams vs Seth Evans vs Nathan Doe
Keybo: Another showcase of top talent before the show begins. Evans wants to get back on track after the title. Doe wants to show he's more than just a good tag wrestler. Hammer and X Dub, just wanna hurt somebody.
Seth Evans
Battlegrounds
Ricky Johnson vs Brad Kane
Keybo: These two are gonna start the show off right. Both are on a roll and either could use that to take the Xtreme title and shine it proudly. Even after they escape this, they get to wait it out and see who wins Xtreme Warfare.
Brad Kane
Angel vs Philip Burns
Keybo: These two have a lot to settle. Angel is out to hurt Phil for costing him the tag titles. Phil is out to prove that he's not the second string everyone says he is.
Philip Burns
Steve Awesome (c) vs Mike Honcho vs Cameron Corvis
nCw National Title Match
Keybo: Cam has been clawing for this chance, and after he earned Honcho stole it. Cam took it back, and then Honcho got the match anyway, so Cam took his briefcase and got back in. So, where does Awesome sit with all of this? On top.
Steve Awesome
Sexy Jason (c) vs Dark Prophet vs JFK vs The Ace vs Xavier Cross
Xtreme Warfare
Keybo: 5 Men battle in the Xtreme Warfare match. No rules, no regulations, just pain. And on the nCw roster, you might not find five more suitable men. The question is, who's time has come?
The Ace
Lance Ryan vs Joe Everyman
Keybo: Lance Ryan once believed in Joe Everyman, like I did. Lance Ryan once thought Everyman was a beacon of hope, like I did. But he is neither of those things, and now Lance will put him in his place.
Lance Ryan
Rob Diamond (c) and Dirty Deal (c) vs The Syndicate and Jimmy Zane
Champions vs Challengers Warfare Match
Keybo: This is it, one fall for it all. Diamond, Kaynon or Gibson score a pin, all three retain their titles. Any of them get pinned, and all three lose their respective titles. Who takes the pinfall, or who scores it doesn't matter. Logan pins Diamond, Zane becomes the X Division Champion. Complex I know, but it makes for interesting teamwork.
Syndicate and Zane
Adam Knite (c) vs Falcon
nCw World Title Match
Keybo: Can they both lose? Seriously? Damn. Well, it comes down to this. Adams reign as King against Falcons determined resolve to be remembered. AJ needs to come back and slap them both down.
Adam Knite
Keybo: And that will do it for the awesomeness that is Battlegrounds. Now, everyone welcome to the studio, that loveable drunkard, Fergus Callaghan!
(Flannigans Ball by the Dropkick Murphys begins as Fergus comes out, taking a last slug of.. something from a flask before tucking it away out of sight. The crowd has a mixed reactions, partcularly the woman holding a MADD sign in the front row. Fergus walks unsteadily, before taking a seat.)
Keybo: You ok there buddy?
Fergus: (hic) Yea, I'm good.
Keybo: You look a bit tipsy.. over there.
Fergus: All in a days work.
(The woman in the front row shouts something.)
Fergus: That is a lie Madame.. I do not drive.
Keybo: Wow, first show back and I get a protestor.
(The woman stands up and starts screaming, in a Drinking is Evil rant. Keybo motions and security comes over and escorts her outside.)
Keybo: Now that unpleasantness is dealt with, care to answer some fan mail?
Fergus: Sure thing buddy.
Keybo: The first one is anonymous, but I thought it was too humorous to let go. The question is.. Are you still alive?
Fergus: I'm here aren't I?
Keybo: You sure are. Patty O'Furniture from Bosto... wasn't this chick from Ireland last time.. bah.. anyway, she asks..I have a two part question for Fergus. One, how exactly are you relevant to today's youth? And second...when are you going to bring back my beer pong table? You broke it last winter and you said you would fix it for me.
Fergus: Well I guess I am still relevant to today's youth because I am youthful and I try to put on a good show for the kids and I try to show the kids the right things to do and you will get your beer pong table whenever FedEx decides to deliver it to you.
(Fergus then takes a drink from a flask that he pulls out of his jeans pocket)
Keybo: Nice diplomatic answer, not entirely truthful, but diplomatic. Next, Spike asks.. Where do you get off using an irish stereotype to make money for yourself? I should kick your damn face in you piece of.. we cut him off there.
Fergus: Well Spike this isn't an irish stereotype. This is who I am. If you think you can kick my ass then I will welcome that challenge when I come back from my vacation and until then why don't you just sit your little ass down and blow Brad Kane and when you get done with that why not retire half a dozen more times. No run outside and play Hide and Go *bleep* yourself.
Keybo: Settle down there Sparky. Lastly, Smurfcakes McPhee from I refuse to acknowledge this town or look it up, Minnesota asks.. Hey, Fergus, I was just wondering when we're going to go out drinking together. I saw you on the tv a few weeks ago and thought we were very similar...except I'm like shorter and fatter than you. What's up with that...two rowdy drunks that like to poke fun at their opponents...it's like so totally weird. Anyway, hit me up for a beer. Or whiskey...or whatever you drink.
Fergus: Well Smurfcakes I'm taking some time to vacation so I guess we could drink then and maybe discuss a tag team or something....a tag team on Joe Everyman's mom.
Keybo: Man, everyone and their personal grudges against Everyman. Anyway, that's all the time we have. I'm Keybo Shabaz, he's Fergus Callaghan and always remember..
Steel Chairs are fun..
Barbed Wire is a good time..
And always tip your waitress..
Good Night.
(Everybody wants you by Damone plays again as the transmission fades out.)
"Hey, join me again next week when my guest in the studio will be the that pride and joy of Toronto, Seth Evans! Questions? Comments? Wanna ask out Tara Fenix? Send them in to:
TheShabaz@ncwentertainment.com
Or Call the studio lines at 1-866-555-3737
And I'll see you here next week!"
(You know the deal.)