Post by Mike Honcho on Sept 10, 2009 19:07:45 GMT -6
The scene opens in a $25 motel room in Dallas, Texas. The camera pans from the open window that has sunlight pouring in from it to Mike Honcho sitting on the couch shirtless with a warm beer in his left hand and his right hand down his shorts, watching TV. He hears a knock at the door.
MH: No house keeping! We no have lemon Pledge! Superman no es here!
The door starts to riddle like somebody kicking it. It rattles three more times before the hinges bust off the doorframe and the door itself hits the ground. Though the dust and debris flying in the air, you can't see the person's face but you make out the impeccable hairstyle of the one they call the News.
Walking into the room, News has a look of all business from his brow to his stance. He looks at the couch but there is no Stache. He looks to the left, then to the right. No sign of the Honcho-man to be found. Suddenly, he hears something
CA-CAH!
He turns to look at the area the sound came from when he is pegged in the face with a half full can of warm beer. The blow stagers News and suddenly, he feels the prickly tickle of a perfect mustache rub the back of his neck and a hairy arm wrap around his throat.
Mike: I TOLD YOU NO HOUSE KEEPING!!! I SAID NO HOUSE KEEPING!!!
Flailing his arms around, News is able to grab a lamp and bash Mike over the head with it. The death grip from the News' nape is loosened and he escapes.
News: What the s**t bro-ham!?!? Are you freaking high?!?! It's me... News!
Staggering back and shaking loose the cobwebs, Mike calms down and looks at the News confused.
Honcho: I thought you were my butler maid named Rue Paul. I should have known it was you, you always stink like cabbage and tears. How can I help you, turd sandwich?
News: Did you just call me a turd sandwich? Anyway, you have a chance to bring home some gold this week! You've never held gold before and wouldn't it be nice to get some?
Magic Man: I have too held gold! I beat Steve Awesome once! If it wasn't for that Ace-hole not taking the ref class I would still be the champion. I could beat them all! Even Tommy the Cat would fall in my championship rein!
News: Are you still hanging onto that event that happened a year ago? I mean... for real. And why do you blame Ace? It was Kelly who stripped your title.
Honcho-Man: No, I don't blame Ace. He's ok. I've gotten over that a while ago, but it's really the only thing I have against Steve. I kicked his dog stupid and it didn't even bother him a bit because he boned my ex-girlfriend.
News: That's a good point. He is a pretty cool guy.
MH: Have you ever seen how beautiful his eyes are? First time I looked into them was like the first time I heard the Beatles! And those abs! I bet he does seven-minute abs.
News: Seven-minute abs? I thought it was eight minute abs...
Diamond Dallas Honcho: Yeah, but they came out with a new one. You get the same effects but in sixty less seconds. Think about how much time that adds up in a year. It's basic math homes.
News: Yeah, that's a good point. I think it should be illegal for you to have abs like that. But that's just me. So are you focused on both of your opponents for the PPV?
The Stache: Yeah, I've been studying Cameron too. I know his ways. I know his steps. I know how he scratches his balls in the morning and how he shakes it 4 times every time!
I can tell he's not doing his homework. I heard he said I've not won since I've been back. Guess what homes? I won last week! I think he forgets that I'm Opera rich and I can do what I want!
News: Speaking of that, why are you in this crappy motel?
Honcho: You can take the hillbilly out of NASCAR, but you can't take the NASCAR out the hillbilly. I can't stand to be in those fancy-smancy hotels. That's not how I roll! Get me a room that has a bed that has seen more action then Steve Awesome's junk and four walls with the paint fading from all the meth smoked in the room.
News: Corvis brings a point to the table, it does seem like you don't care... at all...
Mike: I do care though! I care a lot!... about his mom! Oh sick burn!!!
News: I don't think that's a sick burn.
Magic man: You're right but still... If he was here now, I'd sock him right in the face and before the stars disappear from his eyes; he will hear me say: "Abracadabra homes..."
End Scene
MH: No house keeping! We no have lemon Pledge! Superman no es here!
The door starts to riddle like somebody kicking it. It rattles three more times before the hinges bust off the doorframe and the door itself hits the ground. Though the dust and debris flying in the air, you can't see the person's face but you make out the impeccable hairstyle of the one they call the News.
Walking into the room, News has a look of all business from his brow to his stance. He looks at the couch but there is no Stache. He looks to the left, then to the right. No sign of the Honcho-man to be found. Suddenly, he hears something
CA-CAH!
He turns to look at the area the sound came from when he is pegged in the face with a half full can of warm beer. The blow stagers News and suddenly, he feels the prickly tickle of a perfect mustache rub the back of his neck and a hairy arm wrap around his throat.
Mike: I TOLD YOU NO HOUSE KEEPING!!! I SAID NO HOUSE KEEPING!!!
Flailing his arms around, News is able to grab a lamp and bash Mike over the head with it. The death grip from the News' nape is loosened and he escapes.
News: What the s**t bro-ham!?!? Are you freaking high?!?! It's me... News!
Staggering back and shaking loose the cobwebs, Mike calms down and looks at the News confused.
Honcho: I thought you were my butler maid named Rue Paul. I should have known it was you, you always stink like cabbage and tears. How can I help you, turd sandwich?
News: Did you just call me a turd sandwich? Anyway, you have a chance to bring home some gold this week! You've never held gold before and wouldn't it be nice to get some?
Magic Man: I have too held gold! I beat Steve Awesome once! If it wasn't for that Ace-hole not taking the ref class I would still be the champion. I could beat them all! Even Tommy the Cat would fall in my championship rein!
News: Are you still hanging onto that event that happened a year ago? I mean... for real. And why do you blame Ace? It was Kelly who stripped your title.
Honcho-Man: No, I don't blame Ace. He's ok. I've gotten over that a while ago, but it's really the only thing I have against Steve. I kicked his dog stupid and it didn't even bother him a bit because he boned my ex-girlfriend.
News: That's a good point. He is a pretty cool guy.
MH: Have you ever seen how beautiful his eyes are? First time I looked into them was like the first time I heard the Beatles! And those abs! I bet he does seven-minute abs.
News: Seven-minute abs? I thought it was eight minute abs...
Diamond Dallas Honcho: Yeah, but they came out with a new one. You get the same effects but in sixty less seconds. Think about how much time that adds up in a year. It's basic math homes.
News: Yeah, that's a good point. I think it should be illegal for you to have abs like that. But that's just me. So are you focused on both of your opponents for the PPV?
The Stache: Yeah, I've been studying Cameron too. I know his ways. I know his steps. I know how he scratches his balls in the morning and how he shakes it 4 times every time!
I can tell he's not doing his homework. I heard he said I've not won since I've been back. Guess what homes? I won last week! I think he forgets that I'm Opera rich and I can do what I want!
News: Speaking of that, why are you in this crappy motel?
Honcho: You can take the hillbilly out of NASCAR, but you can't take the NASCAR out the hillbilly. I can't stand to be in those fancy-smancy hotels. That's not how I roll! Get me a room that has a bed that has seen more action then Steve Awesome's junk and four walls with the paint fading from all the meth smoked in the room.
News: Corvis brings a point to the table, it does seem like you don't care... at all...
Mike: I do care though! I care a lot!... about his mom! Oh sick burn!!!
News: I don't think that's a sick burn.
Magic man: You're right but still... If he was here now, I'd sock him right in the face and before the stars disappear from his eyes; he will hear me say: "Abracadabra homes..."
End Scene
