Post by Rob Diamond on Oct 17, 2009 10:30:51 GMT -6
I sat all cool like in my bed, the sheets covering my lower half because this is a kids program, even though I'm sure all the lovely ladies on the the inter-web, Seth Evans included would love to see my trouser snake slither up and down on the bed spread. Back to the point of this sweet inner monologue. I'm all cool looking, you know, with that really bad ass kissing vampire face they use in Twilight and I'm looking at the camera, fresh eye liner applied of course and my hair sticking up a bit, though my flesh glistens with fresh sweet.
Rob: You know Seth, when I saw you posted a little promo, totally jacking my non intro/non outro style of promo production, to be honest I was a little upset. I mean, here's this guy that prides himself on "Taking the high road" and "walking his own path" totally stealing my style and running wild with it, like your the Don Mega of basic promo production. Honestly, you should be ashamed of yourself. Besides, I really liked the long, drawn out pauses in your promos so we could take notice of how cute the kids in the play ground your stalking this particular week are.
I'm taking a time out from talking so I can say something in this inner monologue that ties into what I was just saying but I'm going to say it differently because I'm the only one who can hear this, well me and all the people watching, but no one else. Ummm... You suck?
Rob: Now Seth, let me tell you something, I ALREADY KNOW what you stand for, you've made sure to mention it at least two times a week since you got here.
"RESPECT! RESPECT! RESPECT! BLAH RESPECT ME! BLEH BLAH! I LOVE THE CARE BEARS! RESPECT!"
Seriously dude, I know in public speaking classes they tell you to repeat your main point three times before your finished so people will remember it, but your promos are like a goddam infomercial.
( Scene change to Rob standing behind a table with a bowl of water and a jug of "Respect." )
Rob: Spend the night out bar hopping? Or pull an all nighter at the stripe club? Or did your mistress leave a little evidence on your favorite white shirt? Never fear, because Respect is here.
( Rob dips the shirt in the clear liquid, presumably "Respect." )
Rob: After just one wash in Respect your shirt will come back totally evidence free.
( Scene swipe and the shirt is clean. )
Rob: TA DA! Your shirt is clean and so is your conscience, all thanks to Respect. Thats Respect, you got it right, RESPECT! Order Respect now or I'm going to RESPECT all over your god RESPECT face, OK? 1-800-RESPECT!
( Scene change back to Rob in bed. )
Rob: See how annoying that is? Thats you in a nut shell Seth. Your like this walking, talking infomercial of boredom. And whats even worse is this. YOUR A TOTAL MORON!
Sad but True-Metallica.
WACK!
Rob: Seriously kid, what the hell is wrong with you. First you cut a promo talking about the same thing you've been talking about for two months now, completely ignoring my first promo offering you a spot among some of the top performers in the world today. Then I cut a promo basically flaunting how I just stole your girl friend and telling you to stick it up or ass and you cut a promo replying to my first promo from like four days ago?
Hello, Leonardo DiCaprio from Whats Eating Gilbert Grape, mind pulling your head out of your ass long enough to realize I JUST STOLE YOUR GIRL FRIEND!
What the hell is wrong with you? Dude, are you seriously that focused on pounding my ass, in a totally non gay way I hope, that you haven't even noticed your woman is too busy riding a Diamond to success to return your calls? And I know you've called. Kind of creepy really. Take a listen.
I whip out my I-phone because I'm loaded and your not.
"Hey, its me Seth. Look I respect the fact that you respect me and all but this Rob Diamond guy has no respect and I'm going to teach him respect when I get in that ring and fight him with the utmost respect for what that title means and when I win that title he will respect me like I respect him, anyways I gotta go pinch off this respect, drop the Cosby kids off at the respect if you know what I mean, anyway, respect ya, bye."
I shudder and place my phone down on the table.
Rob: Wicked creepy my friend. No wonder she jumped on my bone when I called her up the other day. Oh, and if your wondering, Chris hooked me up with her number, because he's my bro and all. Oh and also by the way, your mom is really nice. She baked me cup cakes while Whatsherface and I got it on all over your old bed room. It was really fun doing it on that picture of you and Tara and Spencer that you had next to your night stand from that lack luster garbage wrestling fed.
Xtreme Hardcore Homos or something, right?
Anyway, I'm sure your getting tired of all the insults and me rubbing the infidelity of your girl in your face, but the fact still remains, someone had to have the balls to drive up to Canada and be a man, and it sure isn't the guy that let me piss all over him for an entire month before snapping. Seriously, you need to grow a set. If your plan is to march around sucking dudes off for some respect your gonna find yourself "Future Endeavored" pretty damn quickly my friend.
Like that dread locked pygmy that wouldn't shut up about how awesome he was. He never even won the World title, ANYWHERE! What a joke. Anyway, I'm totally still doing the same thing I was doing before. I'm just killing time right now because I still live in fear of the day Kristoff Liam Bates comes back to nCw and gives us another speech about why his promos are so much better than ours... Damn Nazi.
Rob: I think the point I'm pretending I had at the beginning of this promo but really just made up now that I'm trying to make is, you need to get your priorities straight man. Right now you got this one track mind, win the X-Division Title and your completely ignoring the fact that your entire life is coming down around you.
Think about it like this. You didn't earn a title shot, I offered you one. You didn't beat Xavier Cross, I allowed you too and would have handed you a title shot anyways. You didn't snap because you couldn't take it anymore, you fell into my trap. Your playing my game, by my rules and its ruining your life.
You broke your code and attacked me, you forgot all about respect, and what happened Seth? For a one shining second you were better than me. And now what? Your girl, mine, your country, sucks, your home, gone. All because of me. And what exactly are you worried about little man?
MY X-DIVISION TITLE.
You got a serious problem there. I mean, to sit back and just let some asshole do what I did and not even care, that's just crazy. It's like your life doesn't even matter, like it's all just pretend and the only thing thats real is wrestling. Its like Seth Evans outside of the ring is a mask that the real Seth Evans wears. And whats really sad is the real Seth Evans isn't even all that good of a wrestler to begin with. And all of this talking, threatening, promising, it all comes down to Sunday when we get in the ring, when we each take our own road to victory. When you take the high road, putting all this personal garbage behind you all for the title and I... Well I'll do what I always do, worked pretty good so far.
Seth, we all know you will do anything you can as long as its within the rules of the match to beat me fairly and justly.
Where as I will do anything...
And that's why your going to lose Captain McBoring Pants. Oh and one last thing.
I wave my right hand and the finest piece of tail you will ever see struts into the picture. This would be Seth's girl... EX girlfriend, whats her name? Ahh who cares, she has a great rack, right fellas? Right.
Rob: Hey babe, why don't you tell Seth why you ditched his loser ass for me?
Seth's Super Hot Ex Girlfriend-WhatsherName: Hand downs, your dick is way bigger than his.
SICK BURN! This is where I grab her by the can and pull her into bed with me and the camera dude totally hangs around to film it so we can email it to Seth Evans later... Oh and Seth, the camera dude totally tagged up with me, and damn did your girl tap out... If you know what I mean.
Rob: You know Seth, when I saw you posted a little promo, totally jacking my non intro/non outro style of promo production, to be honest I was a little upset. I mean, here's this guy that prides himself on "Taking the high road" and "walking his own path" totally stealing my style and running wild with it, like your the Don Mega of basic promo production. Honestly, you should be ashamed of yourself. Besides, I really liked the long, drawn out pauses in your promos so we could take notice of how cute the kids in the play ground your stalking this particular week are.
I'm taking a time out from talking so I can say something in this inner monologue that ties into what I was just saying but I'm going to say it differently because I'm the only one who can hear this, well me and all the people watching, but no one else. Ummm... You suck?
Rob: Now Seth, let me tell you something, I ALREADY KNOW what you stand for, you've made sure to mention it at least two times a week since you got here.
"RESPECT! RESPECT! RESPECT! BLAH RESPECT ME! BLEH BLAH! I LOVE THE CARE BEARS! RESPECT!"
Seriously dude, I know in public speaking classes they tell you to repeat your main point three times before your finished so people will remember it, but your promos are like a goddam infomercial.
( Scene change to Rob standing behind a table with a bowl of water and a jug of "Respect." )
Rob: Spend the night out bar hopping? Or pull an all nighter at the stripe club? Or did your mistress leave a little evidence on your favorite white shirt? Never fear, because Respect is here.
( Rob dips the shirt in the clear liquid, presumably "Respect." )
Rob: After just one wash in Respect your shirt will come back totally evidence free.
( Scene swipe and the shirt is clean. )
Rob: TA DA! Your shirt is clean and so is your conscience, all thanks to Respect. Thats Respect, you got it right, RESPECT! Order Respect now or I'm going to RESPECT all over your god RESPECT face, OK? 1-800-RESPECT!
( Scene change back to Rob in bed. )
Rob: See how annoying that is? Thats you in a nut shell Seth. Your like this walking, talking infomercial of boredom. And whats even worse is this. YOUR A TOTAL MORON!
Sad but True-Metallica.
WACK!
Rob: Seriously kid, what the hell is wrong with you. First you cut a promo talking about the same thing you've been talking about for two months now, completely ignoring my first promo offering you a spot among some of the top performers in the world today. Then I cut a promo basically flaunting how I just stole your girl friend and telling you to stick it up or ass and you cut a promo replying to my first promo from like four days ago?
Hello, Leonardo DiCaprio from Whats Eating Gilbert Grape, mind pulling your head out of your ass long enough to realize I JUST STOLE YOUR GIRL FRIEND!
What the hell is wrong with you? Dude, are you seriously that focused on pounding my ass, in a totally non gay way I hope, that you haven't even noticed your woman is too busy riding a Diamond to success to return your calls? And I know you've called. Kind of creepy really. Take a listen.
I whip out my I-phone because I'm loaded and your not.
"Hey, its me Seth. Look I respect the fact that you respect me and all but this Rob Diamond guy has no respect and I'm going to teach him respect when I get in that ring and fight him with the utmost respect for what that title means and when I win that title he will respect me like I respect him, anyways I gotta go pinch off this respect, drop the Cosby kids off at the respect if you know what I mean, anyway, respect ya, bye."
I shudder and place my phone down on the table.
Rob: Wicked creepy my friend. No wonder she jumped on my bone when I called her up the other day. Oh, and if your wondering, Chris hooked me up with her number, because he's my bro and all. Oh and also by the way, your mom is really nice. She baked me cup cakes while Whatsherface and I got it on all over your old bed room. It was really fun doing it on that picture of you and Tara and Spencer that you had next to your night stand from that lack luster garbage wrestling fed.
Xtreme Hardcore Homos or something, right?
Anyway, I'm sure your getting tired of all the insults and me rubbing the infidelity of your girl in your face, but the fact still remains, someone had to have the balls to drive up to Canada and be a man, and it sure isn't the guy that let me piss all over him for an entire month before snapping. Seriously, you need to grow a set. If your plan is to march around sucking dudes off for some respect your gonna find yourself "Future Endeavored" pretty damn quickly my friend.
Like that dread locked pygmy that wouldn't shut up about how awesome he was. He never even won the World title, ANYWHERE! What a joke. Anyway, I'm totally still doing the same thing I was doing before. I'm just killing time right now because I still live in fear of the day Kristoff Liam Bates comes back to nCw and gives us another speech about why his promos are so much better than ours... Damn Nazi.
Rob: I think the point I'm pretending I had at the beginning of this promo but really just made up now that I'm trying to make is, you need to get your priorities straight man. Right now you got this one track mind, win the X-Division Title and your completely ignoring the fact that your entire life is coming down around you.
Think about it like this. You didn't earn a title shot, I offered you one. You didn't beat Xavier Cross, I allowed you too and would have handed you a title shot anyways. You didn't snap because you couldn't take it anymore, you fell into my trap. Your playing my game, by my rules and its ruining your life.
You broke your code and attacked me, you forgot all about respect, and what happened Seth? For a one shining second you were better than me. And now what? Your girl, mine, your country, sucks, your home, gone. All because of me. And what exactly are you worried about little man?
MY X-DIVISION TITLE.
You got a serious problem there. I mean, to sit back and just let some asshole do what I did and not even care, that's just crazy. It's like your life doesn't even matter, like it's all just pretend and the only thing thats real is wrestling. Its like Seth Evans outside of the ring is a mask that the real Seth Evans wears. And whats really sad is the real Seth Evans isn't even all that good of a wrestler to begin with. And all of this talking, threatening, promising, it all comes down to Sunday when we get in the ring, when we each take our own road to victory. When you take the high road, putting all this personal garbage behind you all for the title and I... Well I'll do what I always do, worked pretty good so far.
Seth, we all know you will do anything you can as long as its within the rules of the match to beat me fairly and justly.
Where as I will do anything...
And that's why your going to lose Captain McBoring Pants. Oh and one last thing.
I wave my right hand and the finest piece of tail you will ever see struts into the picture. This would be Seth's girl... EX girlfriend, whats her name? Ahh who cares, she has a great rack, right fellas? Right.
Rob: Hey babe, why don't you tell Seth why you ditched his loser ass for me?
Seth's Super Hot Ex Girlfriend-WhatsherName: Hand downs, your dick is way bigger than his.
SICK BURN! This is where I grab her by the can and pull her into bed with me and the camera dude totally hangs around to film it so we can email it to Seth Evans later... Oh and Seth, the camera dude totally tagged up with me, and damn did your girl tap out... If you know what I mean.