Road To Glory - Bullsh*t!

[Joe Everyman]

Bullsh*t.

bullsh*t (uncountable)

1. (vulgar, slang) False or exaggerated statements made to impress the listener rather than deceive.
2. (vulgar, slang) A card game in which the object is to bluff about cards laid down and to determine when one's opponents are bluffing.
3. (vulgar, slang) An object of frustration and/or disgust, often caused by a perceived deception.
4. (literally) The feces of a bull.

Pretty much like swiss cheese.

The scene opens up inside of Joe Everyman's hotel room. Joe is sitting on the edge of his bed. The sheets are through across the bed very randomly. The sounds of a shower can be heard in the background. As the camera pans around, the nCw National Championship can be seen draped over Joe's suitcase.

Joe Everyman: It seems like everything is in place now. Everyone has arrived in Minneapolis. All of the champions are shining up their belts for the big show tomorrow night. All of the challengers are preparing themselves for a huge challenge. All of the men and women are here for what should easily be the biggest pay per view of this year, hands down. And it seems everyone is just thrilled now. I mean, come on, Reckless Jack and Lance Ryan just became buddies again! Holy f*ck, this is huge! Let's pop the bubbly!

Reckless Jack is a cockbag

Joe Everyman: Hey! Come on man, this is my time to talk.

Sorry...

Joe Everyman: Like I was saying...this is set to be huge. And it seems the buzz around the back is completely centered on one match. Not the huge World Heavyweight Championship match...but the one right before it. The match everyone is talking about is the nCw National Championship match. My match! And it's not really surprising. I said it was going to happen earlier in the week, and it came true. And normally I would be happy about something like this. A normal would be overjoyed at a chance like this. A huge chance to show everyone what they have to give. But something is still bothering me. See, I'm not worried about Lance one bit...but something is still really bothering me about him this week. He just isn't himself this week. Normally, he is the huge Icon, Lance Ryan! Banners, fireworks, women throwing babies, the whole nine yards. But this week is different. This week, the only thing Lance Ryan is spouting...is absolute bullsh*t.

Joe walks over to where his luggage is sitting. He picks up a bright pink blanket and looks at the stitching on it - "Maria". Joe smiles for a moment, and then picks up his National Championship belt.

Joe Everyman: Everyone is going to take a little trip with me. Forget about the present, we're going to view the past for all it's worth. Once upon a time, Lance Ryan was nothing but a worthless rookie, just like all of us started out as. No one in nCw or professional wrestling can say they were automatically as good when they started as to what they are now. Lance Ryan, just like me, started out as a rookie. We both had to go over obstacles, some tougher and tougher than the last. We both had to go through tough opponents, and we both struggled from time to time. But even now, Lance is blind to this. He wants to be one of those guy who never acknowledges his past. And to be honest, I really hate people like that. Our pasts are what shape us. Regardless of if it's something good, something bad or something neutral, we are all shaped by our pasts. But Lance is doing something wrong with this...he is picking a very selective past.

Lance Ryan, everybody's hero, decides to only pick the good events. He goes around toting about how he is the only two time nCw World Heavyweight Champion, and how he was the first nCw Hall of Famer. And while all of this is well and good, he needs to look at the bad parts as well. You may be undefeated when challenging for a championship, but what about all of the times you had to defend your championships? I can clearly see that you aren't standing with the World Heavyweight and Tag Team Championships, which of course means you had to lose those championships as some point. How come you don't acknowledge those, Lance? I can honestly look back at my past and pick out all of the times I won a championship, and put them in the same list as all of the times I lost a championship. Davey Ortega, JFK and Jackhammer defeated me for the gold I once worshiped. Jack Manson, JFK, Dr. Pepper, Spike Kane, Cameron Corvis, Sexy Jason, Glen Nodoviet...all of these men were defeated by me when gold was on the line. It doesn't matter about who I beat for it, it just matters that I did it.

But then Lance...I have to ask you this. Would you even care about going for the National Championship if I wasn't the man holding it? I mean, the way you are talking this week, is not exactly that you just want the title belt...but more that you just want to avenge something that has been burning at you for the past month. It took you almost four whole weeks to finally admit to the world that you got defeated by Joe Everyman. Don't you think that is a tad egotistical of yourself? After I lose, I will admit that I lost. I do it because I don't want something like this to hold me down. If I want revenge for a match, I will go for it quickly. Instead of waiting a month, firing fire and sh*t everywhere I walk, I would put my money where my mouth is and challenge them again. I have done this in the past, and it has worked out for the best every time. Remember Jack Hammond? I creamed him when he least expected it. Remember JFK? I broke his damn leg in my rematch. Remember Spike Kane? His career won't be in the place it used to be in a very long time.

Lance, you really need to take a long look in the mirror before we head out there this week. You need to take a long look into your heart and soul and see if it's in the right place. You need to see if what you are saying really is bullsh*t, or if deep down inside you think you are saying the absolute truth. I would really like to know what you think Lance, because it's been bothering me all week. How one of the most respectable, well-rounded, helpful, truthful men in the entire world can turn into someone like this. I've caught you in so many lies and pitfalls this week, and yet you come out like the jackass you've become and say it was something else, instead of being the Icon we all used to love, and say you were just mistaken. Your ego finally took the best of you, right when you least needed it to. So much is on the line in this match, and if your head isn't screwed on well enough, all of those little memories, loves, hatreds, will all come pouring out in that ring. Everyone will look down upon the broken body of Lance Ryan, and finally realize for themselves the ego driven, power hungry traitor they used to adore. And they will see me, the greatest nCw National Champion in history, standing proudly at the top of the ramp, holding his championship up high. The fans won't only turn back to me Lance...but they will hate you for the fraud you lead them onto. They will hate you for this dream you sent them on. And finally realize it was all a nightmare, all orchestrated by you.

Just then, the bathroom door opens slightly. Maria pokes her head out, as steam from the shower fills the room. She is still looking as beautiful as ever.

Maria Williams: Are you almost done babe? We're going to miss our reservations.

Joe Everyman: Of course dear, just get dressed and I'll be done in a sec.

Maria then blows a kiss to Joe. Joe smiles again and then turns back to the camera as soon as the bathroom door shuts. Joe looks down at the National Championship again and keeps smiling...a sight not shown by Joe in nearly four months.

Joe Everyman: Perfect, ain't it? I am living the life so many spend years upon years attempting to obtain. And to be honest...I couldn't ask for anything more. I have the perfect girl, the perfect daughter, perfect friends, and a perfect life. And now, this Sunday at Road to the Gold three, I will continue another perfect aspect of my life. I will keep my perfect undefeated streak against Lance Ryan intact. You are proubly wondering why I am so confident about this, and it's something simple actually. I have never been more sure of anything in my life. I know that I will defeat Lance Ryan, just as I did at Battlegrounds, and just as I did at Last Stand. And do you want to know why I am so confident about this Lance?

It's because if I lose, I will just lose. I will go home, be with my beautiful girl, my amazing daughter, my perfect friends. I will come here again and fight the good fight, showing everyone that I truly do still have what it takes. And I will continue on my path to becoming the nCw World Heavyweight Champion. Something I am very accustomed to. And if you, Lance, lose...it will be it. Everything you said, everything you built up, your entire egotistical empire will come crashing down around you. No walls will stand for you, no soldiers will fight for you. They will see that you are nothing but a ghost stranded in a living world. You will see me as the reigning National Champion, and you will just have to sit by and watch me gain more and more of your fans. You will see me climb to the top again, holding the National Champion the whole way, and winning the World title. After I win it, everyone will forget the name Lance Ryan. Nobody will remember his World title reigns. Nobody will remember his accomplishments. The only thing the people will remember is that Joe Everyman defeated him. And that, Lance, is why you will not be the champion.

Prepare for a new Revolution...prepare for a new reign of glory...prepare for a new Icon...

Joe's words fade as the scene slowly fades to darkness around Joe.

Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the place I was before
"Relax", said the night man,
We are programmed to receive.
You can checkout any time you like,
But you can never leave...