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Post by msjsn3 on May 28, 2009 10:15:50 GMT -6
Exploit..... working excessively hard is posted. This is the 2nd rp for Reborn. Comments are welcome
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Post by adm on May 28, 2009 10:54:13 GMT -6
seems some of the CD stuff that was stellar last couple weeks is missing from these first two rps...you may really need to get some more of that in there if you aim to get the title again.
The rest was really good, it's just lacking some of the CD stuff you had before.
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Post by Ron Gibson on May 30, 2009 23:04:46 GMT -6
I don't know about anyone else but....
Sexy Jason: In fact Ron when you are looking at my back. You will see that you were wrong. You will see no yellow streak. In fact all you will see is my magnificent body smashing yours.
THAT'S ****ING HOT!!!!
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Post by msjsn3 on Jun 12, 2009 16:45:18 GMT -6
For Old Times Sake is posted. Feedback is welcome
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Post by adm on Jun 12, 2009 18:49:33 GMT -6
you don't play vidoes on CD's, you use DVD. And with Kathy...it's not Expiry...it's Expired...and if you tell me is right that Pav wrote that, then he can't spell either. There's some other grammar/spelling issues like Beating where Beaten should have been and some punctuation issues...but...I know you really wanted to get it up in a hurry so you probably didn't spot them. Good parts: You are steve...another steve...so I'm still calling you Sexy Jason And picking on the "Quitting/Loser" for Ace is...so in style right now...and having him write that part is...actually kinda sad that he picks on himself but...it works. Interesting CD with the name, and the spouting a random girl's name, reminds you that Sexy Jason is still...too sexy for his gf. The stuff about Superfans was good, the mail room..haha. Yeah, if you work on fixing the grammar and keep some good cd they'll keep getting better.
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Post by Cyrus Daniels on Jun 13, 2009 11:17:09 GMT -6
Yeah. I can't spell so what? Besides I'm not so self absorbed that I wouldn't pick on my own character to help a guy out...
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Post by adm on Jun 17, 2009 10:02:40 GMT -6
First...the bad news: This is the worst your grammar has been in weeks...And all in all, it's not quite as good as the stuff from the previous weeks...just...longer.
It just seemed to be lacking a little from the more recent stuff you did...but who am I to give a critique right now, I can't even figure out what the **** to write for my own rp...*chokes like Joe Everyman*
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Post by msjsn3 on Jun 17, 2009 10:14:47 GMT -6
I take it there is no good news....
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Post by msjsn3 on Jun 19, 2009 12:39:58 GMT -6
Defensive is posted. Comments please
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Post by adm on Jun 19, 2009 12:53:17 GMT -6
well Ace and I already pointed out the coding error...so let's get to the good stuff here.
The rp was a lot better than the first...you took my advice on amping up the CD and you did just that. I loved that she wanted him to get a "to go" box when it was all over him...classic.
The stuff vs Harold was good as well, lots of trash talk.
On the bad side, there's still some grammar things, words that are missing and the like, but I realize you were in a hurry to put it up due to the excitement about the CD. If you need, have someone proofread your rp so you don't miss as many grammar errors.
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Post by adm on Jun 26, 2009 21:11:42 GMT -6
I hate to say this, but this thing is full of errors, grammarically and otherwise. Perfect Picture? It's Picture Perfect. Also it was really short and...didn't seem to have the usual vibrance of an SJ rp. The fact that Jade was missing wasn't it, it just...didn't feel right.
The one good thing I could say about it is that you used the cameraman which is something not many people do, and it seemed to piss off SJ that he laughed, like we did, at his syrup incident.
Hopefully you can get up a 2nd rp and get back into the SJ we know and love.
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Post by adm on Jun 29, 2009 14:07:50 GMT -6
Your age shows...in your grammar lol. You need an English class. "I bet you are exciting." plus you are missing a lot of punctuation in the section where you argue with the cameraman.
The rest of it is pretty good, much better than last week and I'm glad to see you are feeling better. And don't worry, I won't say anything bout your poke at me...I gotta stay focused and so should you.
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Post by msjsn3 on Jul 14, 2009 19:36:41 GMT -6
"Good Guys" finishes last is up. Let me know what you think
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Post by scab on Jul 27, 2009 20:21:37 GMT -6
You have improved on your grammar, but there are still some issues. No need for short sentences. You should learn to have them join. No need for short sentences, so you should learn to have them join.I haven't read your rps, but from talking to you I'm guessing Jade was your main girl and you dumped her and Danielle is an old girlfriend trying to come back? Either way, you are making Sexy Jason a prick. lol But I know that's the direction you are looking to go in. I liked the brass knuckles reference, makes it easier on me to write your match since now I've got something to work with. lol Looking forward to reading Jackhammer's reply and seeing what you have to say next. Work on the grammar by continuing to write! That's the only way you will get better is by writing more and more. Ask anybody that rps, my writing completely sucked when I started out. I got better and better, and I know I can continue to get better the more I write. Keep working hard SJ and good things will start to happen for ya. Good rp.
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Post by msjsn3 on Aug 6, 2009 20:28:56 GMT -6
F*cked up: The Lawyer...Part 2 is posted and I would like feedback on this one. Please
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Post by adm on Aug 6, 2009 20:30:31 GMT -6
yeah, there's a few grammar errors here and there, but better than usual. I like the Lawyer thing...this could go somewhere. Also, the stuff you said to hammer was pretty solid. Good job. Just double-check your rp and edit before you post to find some errors and it'll be all gravy
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Daredevil
Rookie
The Death Defying Daredevil!!!
Posts: 71
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Post by Daredevil on Aug 7, 2009 14:12:28 GMT -6
Good work man just a few grammar mistakes but oh well....I'm just as bad lol any way awesome work.
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Post by msjsn3 on Aug 7, 2009 20:40:21 GMT -6
F*cked over: PROS and cons...Part 3....again asking for feedback
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Post by msjsn3 on Sept 10, 2009 15:40:29 GMT -6
"the TRUE King of Xtreme is HERE!" Is posted. Comments please.
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Post by msjsn3 on Sept 14, 2009 14:15:14 GMT -6
Demanding respect is posted
Trying something new please give me some feed back on it
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Post by Maniac on Sept 19, 2009 23:13:51 GMT -6
You followed my advice to a T and I think it worked out real well for you. We're starting to see a side of Sexy Jason we haven't seen before, a side that doesn't just think he's the sexiest man in wrestling, he knows he is and demands to be treated like it. I loved both rps my friend.
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Post by msjsn3 on Sept 29, 2009 15:48:07 GMT -6
Ordinarily is posted.
This is totaly is a different rp for me. It is something that I had to do. comment will be welcome.
I will say this....I did not proof read it at all. I wanted to say...the way I felt. So yes there is probably a lot of grammar misstake....but that is the way I wanted it to come out.
September 28, 2009 did happen.....sadly to say.
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Post by msjsn3 on Oct 22, 2009 18:48:01 GMT -6
Like to have comments on Are you scared? I used part of a song in this rp...and would like to know how I did....
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Post by adm on Nov 2, 2009 20:32:27 GMT -6
I was told by a birdie last night you were working on your best rp ever...you didn't disappoint.
Truly, this is your best rp, seriously. I found only one grammar mistake that actually caught my eye, and most wouldn't catch it due to their inability to catch a grammar error if they had nazi glasses on.
Keep this up, you kinda make me wish I could come back...just to prove I can beat super-awesome Sexy Jason...but till then *smokebomb*
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Post by msjsn3 on Nov 2, 2009 21:35:45 GMT -6
Thanks for the feedback. I wish you were back.
Come back when you can stay a while
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Post by Maniac on Nov 3, 2009 18:43:14 GMT -6
I HATE CLIFFHANGERS!!!!
That aside, rp number one was fanatstic and I can't wait to see what you come up with for part two.
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Post by Spike Kane on Nov 4, 2009 11:25:21 GMT -6
I love how Jeff can still insult the entire roster without even actually being on the roster.
Anywho, major probs Mr Jason sir, you've come a long way from when you started out and it's been incredible watching you devlop and claw your way up. Rather than coming in and demanding things left right and center, you take your time and earn them. This is going to be a fun month for you, I can tell....enjoy sir.
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Post by msjsn3 on Nov 4, 2009 14:24:34 GMT -6
thanks for the feedback Mike.
I will say I did have fun with those rps this week. Now if I can keep it up. It has taken a good 2 years and I am sure I have been a pain in the ass....but it has been well worth it......well depends on who you ask
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Post by Maniac on Nov 4, 2009 20:51:16 GMT -6
Just read part 2 and i'm a tell you the truth... I feel like I just had some great sex.
Honestly, they were both awesome role plays Jason, easily two of the best I have ever seen you do since the day I joined nCw.
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Post by msjsn3 on Nov 16, 2009 21:19:54 GMT -6
Stupid Internet keeps on kicking me off....any how...Christmas in November...Part 1 is posted...comments are welcome
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