|
Post by Jabari Woodhead on Jun 1, 2009 14:42:20 GMT -6
First rp is up
|
|
|
Post by adm on Jun 1, 2009 14:56:30 GMT -6
*puts on Grammar Nazi Fatigues* You need to learn when to use Do and when to use Due sir... *Takes off the fatigues*
The rp was very good, much better than most of what you've done with Mark Evil. And...just be careful with the grammar and up the funny stuff next time and it'll be more golden than anything you've done before.
|
|
|
Post by msjsn3 on Jun 1, 2009 15:06:21 GMT -6
I liked the rp
I agree with Bates. Some grammar mistakes....but who am I to complain about grammar
Good rp keep it up
|
|
Falcon
Full Member
You haven't seen anything yet.
Posts: 636
|
Post by Falcon on Jun 1, 2009 16:00:17 GMT -6
GO SOX!!!
/end
|
|
|
Post by Chris Brock on Jun 2, 2009 12:44:04 GMT -6
Overall the story told by the Rp its self is one that almost anyone can relate to. You bring up the economy, you touch on addiction, these are all things that a lot of people go through on a regular basis these days. There were some instances where I think you may have needed to go a little further into detail about the past of the character, but other than that it was a short and sweet, to the point Rp which is always good. The one thing that I would call out though besides Grammer is that I find it almost completly unbeliveable that a talent woud only train for a month before getting a tryout match with a company as big as nCw. Other than that, this is a great introduction.
|
|
|
Post by adm on Jun 2, 2009 12:46:52 GMT -6
He's got a lot more rps to detail the past of the char...I haven't told the WHOLE story of my char Bates' past and I've been in nCw for a few months with this char...so...as long as he gives enough to start, like he did, he'll be fine.
Edit: Also...I do agree on the "month of training" maybe it was a month refresher course...Bates had been "Training" when not working at his computer job before he came to nCw so it was probably something like that...a dream he had...but never had the time to fully complete till now.
|
|
|
Post by Chris Brock on Jun 2, 2009 12:54:20 GMT -6
I'm not expecting him to tell us his life story from a-z in the first Rp, but it's just a personal preference of mine to get a little more on the first Rp and then small bits throughout the rest of the Rps
|
|
|
Post by Maniac on Jun 4, 2009 20:38:23 GMT -6
Dude, awsome rp. Thats all I gotta say.
|
|
|
Post by Jabari Woodhead on Jun 12, 2009 9:17:59 GMT -6
Olive Garden is now up
|
|
|
Post by adm on Jun 12, 2009 9:48:47 GMT -6
Needs more about Night Blade...but what you did have on him was funny as hell. I liked that they tried to blow the place up with the molotov cocktail...talk about IRA training or what...
But yeah, you need more on the match for the next one, but it's still some funny ****.
|
|
|
Post by Jabari Woodhead on Jun 13, 2009 22:17:56 GMT -6
I forgot to post this earlier but "Freaks" is up from last night
|
|
|
Post by adm on Jun 13, 2009 22:51:29 GMT -6
And I forgot to tell you it was better than the first rp Good job
|
|
|
Post by Jabari Woodhead on Jun 19, 2009 17:22:13 GMT -6
In the Town of Boston, one Fergus Callaghan... is now up for your reading pleasure
|
|
|
Post by adm on Jun 19, 2009 17:38:20 GMT -6
The Good: ****ING HILARIOUS! I am sorry to say but the comments about Hammer are both sadly true about him not helping Jason much, but also...the comment about him being as useful as a case of herpes is just GOLD. You had some other great lines in there, some good humor.
The Bad: GRAMMAR! You have a lot of areas where you could fix words, orders of words. Here's a sample: Just tone it down down and half a nice night.
Sorry but even a Boston Police Officer would know how to speak better than that...lol
But that's pretty much the only bad, is the grammar. I like that he won money...and it gives him an angle to do some really comedic things in the future.
|
|
|
Post by Jabari Woodhead on Jun 20, 2009 22:47:41 GMT -6
Bar Room Hero is now up
|
|
|
Post by adm on Jun 20, 2009 22:57:35 GMT -6
Great hilarious rp again...but AGAIN with the grammar errors...
There was also a little bit in there with the match vs A jackhammer where you could have been less redundant with saying "The jackhammer" due to not fighting anyone else.
Best line ever: Monty: Remember son. You are the champ. You have the heart of warrior. Remember. Never quit because winners never quit. Also watch out for the herpes. That could just ruin your life.
Fergus: Also like Steroids can.
Monty: Yeah and I think this jackhammer might be on steroids too.
|
|
|
Post by Maniac on Jun 20, 2009 23:10:24 GMT -6
ALL HAIL FERGUS!!!!!
Your second rp was absolutely brilliant. Forget the nit pick king Jeff, just keep doing what your doing.
|
|
|
Post by adm on Jun 20, 2009 23:14:09 GMT -6
ALL HAIL FERGUS!!!!! Your second rp was absolutely brilliant. Forget the nit pick king Jeff, just keep doing what your doing. As I recall my nitpicking helped improve some people's rps...but then again, I'm not on staff...and damn good cuz then the grammar nazi would be running RAMPANT! Even on my own ****
|
|
|
Post by Maniac on Jun 21, 2009 0:47:10 GMT -6
The grammer Nazi's lost WW2, get over it.
|
|
|
Post by Jabari Woodhead on Jun 26, 2009 16:59:44 GMT -6
The New American Dream is posted and ready for your hopeful enjoyment
|
|
|
Post by adm on Jun 26, 2009 17:05:01 GMT -6
Solid Rp, a little more serious than usual, but had some good funny parts like the bit with the vette being mentioned.
No grammar errors that I can see...I wonder why >.> <.< >.>
|
|
|
Post by Chris Brock on Jun 26, 2009 19:35:23 GMT -6
I enjoyed the read. You're really giving us a chance to see that Fergus is a normal guy trying to make a living, and that's really interesting to me.. I like it.
|
|
|
Post by Jabari Woodhead on Jun 27, 2009 12:25:56 GMT -6
Angels and Knites and Fox's OH MY!
is now up for your reading pleasure
|
|
|
Post by adm on Jun 27, 2009 12:30:14 GMT -6
I know you hate it when I do this but...this rp was A) your best of the week and B) the funniest thing I've read since the Hammer stuff last week...****ing hilarious. Keep doing what you're doing to keep the grammar errors down...and you'll go far
|
|
|
Post by Maniac on Jun 28, 2009 19:57:27 GMT -6
I have come to feed your back. Both rps last week were pretty good man. I like how you find ways to insult your opponents without really saying anything to them, it's pretty original. Now you have an Xtreme title to win.
|
|
|
Post by Jabari Woodhead on Jul 1, 2009 23:17:47 GMT -6
Oops is now up for your reading pleasure and enjoyment.
Better my rps that are clean and harmless than you going out catching the clap from Kelly Fox.
|
|
|
Post by adm on Jul 2, 2009 8:45:20 GMT -6
You did it just like you said you would...keep working on the 2nd and 3rd and it'll be hilarious by the time it's done...I mean..really. Good stuff to read when you wake up dead in the morning, it'll put some life into you...with laughter!
|
|
|
Post by Jabari Woodhead on Jul 4, 2009 15:15:20 GMT -6
"This Wont End Well" is now up
|
|
|
Post by Jabari Woodhead on Jul 5, 2009 3:17:26 GMT -6
It Has to End Somewhere
is now up
|
|
|
Post by Jabari Woodhead on Jul 10, 2009 19:12:57 GMT -6
Well there goes the plans is now up
|
|