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Post by defunctlies on Sept 12, 2008 8:42:23 GMT -6
Suddenly, a Porche 911 powerslides in, taking out both Christian and Angel, coming to a screeching halt on the remains of Angel. Jack Hammond pokes his head out the window.
"I just go this thing waxed!"
Suddenly, there's a three count and Jack watches as a ref places the belt on the bonnet of the car.
"Your new Harcore champ; A CAR!"
Jack shrugs and drives off.
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Post by Markus E. Reeves on Sept 13, 2008 16:38:02 GMT -6
*Mark Evil chases down the car and punches Jack Hammond out of it and stops the car. Mark sets up a bunch of tables and chairs and picks up the car and Hell Spikes the car off of a ladder through the tables*
1...2...3!
Mark Evil is your new Hardcore Champion.
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Post by Xavier Williams on Sept 13, 2008 18:11:14 GMT -6
*car jacks an old woman*
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Post by Angel on Sept 27, 2008 22:15:01 GMT -6
Mark Evil goes to walk away when Angel grabs him with a roll up.
1..2..3!
Angel: HA! Falcon, it worked, IT REALLY WORKED! Nice.
Eric Hardy: A page right out of Falcon's text book.
Again Angel tries to fly away.
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Post by tommythecat on Sept 28, 2008 0:56:58 GMT -6
As angel tries to fly he suddenly pounced on by a guy using the swiftness and cunning of a cat and dragged back down.
Tommy hits the Cat Scratch Fever and pins Angel 1.....2......3!!!
Tommy wins the title and everybody, even little girls laugh while pointing at Angel's lifeless body.
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Post by Markus E. Reeves on Sept 28, 2008 8:42:28 GMT -6
*Mark Evil re-enters and hits Tommy in the face with a scratching post and then hits "The Barbed-Wire Massacre on Tommy causing him to bleed and then Mark pulls out his guitar and starts playing the solo from Raining Blood and then hits Tommy in the face with the guitar for the "Raining Blood" Mark covers*
1...2...3! Here is your winner of the nCw Hardcore Championship and Tommy the Cat's Soul. "The Dark Lord of Hardcore" Mark Evil!
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Post by defunctlies on Sept 28, 2008 9:06:14 GMT -6
We follow Mark Evil home and wait until he's asleep and pulls a duvet over his chest as he settles down. Suddenly, a ref runs in and starts a count;
1-2-3!
Your new champion, Mark Evil's bedsheet!
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Falcon
Full Member
You haven't seen anything yet.
Posts: 636
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Post by Falcon on Sept 29, 2008 13:17:27 GMT -6
*Steals Mark Evils bedsheet and runs outside.*
Falcon: Thine divine artifact has been corrupted by the dahhhkkknneeessss..
*Pours Holy Gasoline on the sheet, and sets it on fire. and waits..
and waits...
and waits...
still burning...
Yep.. burning..
I wonder if the Sox won today?
still burning..
do I have adequate health insurance?
burning...
ok.. done..
pins the ashes of the sheet*
1...2...3..!!
Falcon: Hmm.. that's what.. four.. five? Angel has like.. thirty something.. uphill battle for the win..
*digs a hole, builds a bomb shelter, then hides in it.*
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Post by Markus E. Reeves on Sept 29, 2008 14:42:47 GMT -6
*Mark Evil pisses on Falcon's bunker and desolves it. He then hits the Raining Blood on Falcon and steals his soul and then pins him*
1...2...3! Your Winner and New Hardcore Champion MARK EVIL!
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Post by Dante Cross on Sept 29, 2008 15:35:30 GMT -6
Dante Cross kicks Mark Evil in the Nuts and Deliviers The BATISTA BAN!
He then orders Craven Moorehead to sit on Mark Evil Lap...As a referee counts.
One...Two....Three
Craven Moorehead wins the Hardcore Title.
Suddenly...A Mysterious White Liquid flies towards Moorehead, and nails him in the face, followed by Bukkake Man running in and hitting him with a Small Package
One...Two...Three
Bukkake Man takes the Hardcore Title from Craven Moorehead and proceeds to run around naked only wearing the Belt.
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Post by Philip Burns on Sept 29, 2008 16:04:47 GMT -6
The Burning runs in, and surveys the situation. He doesnt want to touch the guy so he pulls a taser out of his pocket. Bukkake man falls to the ground upon being hit an Burns pins him with the foot.
1...2...3
He then realises that he doesnt want the belt because its on a naked guy. He yells
"I hereby vacate this belt! If anyone wants it, just come pin this naked guy!"
Mike Honcho had been stalking Burns and runs over and has no problem pinning the ever-sticky Bukkake man.
1...2...3
Mike Honcho takes the gold
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Post by Angel on Sept 29, 2008 18:41:28 GMT -6
Mike Honcho is quickly caught in a roll up by Falcon, crafty little bird man.
1..2..3
Falcon is the new Hard Core Champion!
Falcon turns around and see's Angel.
Angel: A Roll up?
Falcon: I didn't type this thread, you did.
Angel: A roll up?
Falcon: IT'S HIS JOB TO KICK OUT!
Whines the bird man.
Angel: You know what your job is?
Falcon: What?
Angel: SPLAH!
Angel nails Falcon with some brass knuckles then quickly pins him.
1..2..3
Angel is once again the REAL Hard Core Champion.
Angel: Huh... I guess I'll just stand here and...
Looks at the naked man.
Angel: Over here.
Moves away from the naked man.
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Post by Mike Honcho on Oct 4, 2008 11:22:59 GMT -6
Honcho pops up quickly and runs down Angel. He gives him a bulldog and goes for the pin
1....2... kick out!
"Huh? That's not suppose to happen. What the hell kind of thread is this?" Angel gets up and runs gets in a random car. Thinking he had escaped, honcho punches in the window. Honcho instantly begins cussing and yelling. "How do they do it in the movies without getting hurt!" A stunned Angel tries to escape but Mike grabs him and belly-to-belly suplex him and pins him.
1...2...3!
The Honcho-man is the new champ!
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Post by Angel on Oct 4, 2008 12:18:15 GMT -6
Honcho again forgets to run away as Angel snatches him in a school boy pin.
1..2..3
Angel: Damn, at first when Falcon started doing it, I thought it was cheap, and it is,but **** it.
Angel flies away.
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Post by defunctlies on Oct 4, 2008 21:19:05 GMT -6
Angel begins to re-enact the 'Weapon Of Choice' music video, eventually launching himself off a balcony to take flight.
Unfortunately, he's forgotten that the laws of physics have other plans as he plummets a couple of stories and lands rather hard through a table.
Hammond blinks as he's nearly struck by a flying Social Enemy. Someone who wasn't so lucky was a young schoolboy who was trying to get an autograph. As the dust settles, the mangled bodies show the schoolboy pinning Angel, a ref sliding in.
1-2-3!
Your new champ, a dead schoolboy!
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Post by Angel on Oct 4, 2008 23:46:19 GMT -6
Angel gets up, his body healing like the T1000 from T2. Angel looks at the still shocked Jack. He gently places his boot on the dead kid.
1..2..3
Angel: Easier then beating Mark Evil...
Angel goes to fly away again, then decides to just hail a cab.
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Chris Kahne
Junior Member
Branigan's Law is like Branigan's Love, hard and fast!
Posts: 419
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Post by Chris Kahne on Oct 6, 2008 12:39:28 GMT -6
Before the taxi can reach Angel, Pagnus comes running out of nowhere and broad sides Angel. He pins Angel, 1, 2, 3! Pagnus drops something out of his mouth and picks up the belt. As the panda is walking away, the camera zooms in next to Angel, and it sees the scarred body of Tex the puppet.
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Post by Dante Cross on Oct 6, 2008 14:44:45 GMT -6
"Dante Cross nails Pagnus with the BAN DAMINATOR! but doesn't even bother to pin and just walks off*
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Post by Angel on Oct 6, 2008 20:24:20 GMT -6
Because he can't stand people stealing his thunder, Angel pins the panda then sulks off like an emo douche.
1..2..3!
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Post by Angel on Oct 25, 2008 22:12:49 GMT -6
Patiently Angel sits and waits... It's been nearly a month now, and so far no one has made an attempt on his title. Hopefully he can make it... Hopefully the Crypt Keeper won't find him...
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Post by Spike Kane on Oct 26, 2008 8:10:20 GMT -6
Spike sneaks up and garrots Angel from behind, accidentally beheadeding him in the process.
Spike quickly covers Angels body to become the Hardcore Champion before running away from the scene of the murder.
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Post by Angel on Oct 26, 2008 15:20:45 GMT -6
Angel's head roles into a near by stream and floats away as the body continues to grab for it blindly. The head screams as it floats away.
Angel: NO ONE STEALS MY THUNDER!!!
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Post by defunctlies on Oct 31, 2008 13:52:58 GMT -6
So saying, a bolt of lightning comes out of nowhere, vaporizing all of Spike except the belt. A huge hand comes down from the skies.
"How about that thunder?"
He places a finger on the pile of ashes.
1-2-3!
Your new Hardcore Champ; Him.
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Lord Dominicus
Junior Member
Resident Loser
More Evil than Rob Diamond Could Ever Hope to Be
Posts: 373
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Post by Lord Dominicus on Nov 5, 2008 6:59:22 GMT -6
*We see Randy Angel looking at the pile of ash, the belt, and the giant hand from behind a conveniently placed dumpster* FIVE MINUTES LATER *We come back to see Randy with the belt sneaking around a building, continually looking up nevously. He looks at the camera.* Randy: I swear to god I won. *Quickly he ducks into the building to avoid any potential wrath.*
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Post by Miller on Nov 5, 2008 10:55:48 GMT -6
*Z.K. Miller follows Randy into the building and punches him in the back of the head. Miller then puts him into a full guard and starts to pound away at his face until a referee comes up and calls a stop to the match*
Referee: Your winner by knockout at the 15 second mark of the very first round. "The American Warrior" Z.K. Miller
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Frostbyte
Junior Member
Retired VIP
Posts: 430
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Post by Frostbyte on Nov 24, 2008 9:32:34 GMT -6
**Frostbyte walks past, ZK trembles with fear after his recent beating on trauma and just GIVES the title to frostbyte. ZKs chosen ref raises Frostbyte's arm in victory**
Referee: "..Never Mind! Scratch what I just said"
*Frostbyte scrambles to the top of a nearby construction site where a metal beam is hanging precariously from a crane in the wind, he climbs out onto the beam, it starts to sway, rock and spin in the breeze, conveniently setting him up for absolutely nothing to happen*
Referee: I'm pretty sure that being up there is probably a good idea and that nothing could possibly happen to him while he's in that incredibly dangerous disadvantagous position where no one will ever be able to find him except...
*the ref turns around and sees...*
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Post by Joe Everyman on Nov 24, 2008 19:05:09 GMT -6
Frostbyte turns around and looks like he gets hit by a spiritual uppercut. He falls down, and his leg raises into the air. The ref counts, 1, 2, 3!
Winner and new Hardcore Champion, Joe Everyman's Imaginary Push!
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Post by defunctlies on Nov 24, 2008 19:19:41 GMT -6
The imaginary push feels an imaginary tap on his imaginary shoulder, and turns around to see the imaginary sight of Jack Hammond's imaginary friend.
A short, but violent imaginary fight later, an imaginary referee counts the imaginary pin.
1-2-3!
Jack's imaginary friend raises the belt over his imaginary head.
And I'm sick of the word 'imaginary'.
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Post by Mark Evil Jr. on Nov 24, 2008 21:14:29 GMT -6
*The Masked Man comes up and hits Jack's Imaginary friend in the head with an imaginary steel chair and pins him.*
1...2...3!
Your Winner. The Masked Man
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Post by Joe Everyman on Nov 25, 2008 0:10:35 GMT -6
A second masked man comes out and nails the original Masked Man in the head with a kendo stick. He pins, 1, 2, 3! He stands up and takes off the mask, reveling himself as Santino Marella! He then runs off speaking gibberish.
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